Secret Bay High Secrets (Secret Bay High #2)

by Blair Young

  I had been through a lot in my life, and it was only getting stranger with each new discovery I made. I couldn’t live out the rest of my life wondering who my parents were and why they gave me up, or why the people who took me in were killed.

  It wasn’t something I was going to share with Damon, or really anyone but Abby, just yet. If Susan said something, that was up to her, but I wasn’t going to be the one to tell him the facts.

  Right now, I wasn’t sure who I trusted, and the more people I met, the fewer that number became. Shoot, the better I got to know the people in my life, the fewer I trusted.

  For a brief moment I thought about the note Molly had left in my locker. Was she referring to this secret somehow? It was unlikely. How would she know I was adopted when I myself had no idea? Then again, it was Molly, and she always knew things that she shouldn’t.

  Or, maybe she was talking about something else entirely, and, like Abby said, I was going to have to start completely from scratch until I tracked down the right people and got the truth out of them. All I knew was that none of this was going to be easy, and I was going to have to do most of it myself.

  I didn’t know if I could trust anyone around me, and I wasn’t going to trust them with the information to find out. No, if I was going to find my real mother and father, I was going to have to do this on my own.

  And when I did, I was going to ask them for the truth. Even if they didn’t want me, I had to know the truth. Why? Just why did they send me away? Why didn’t they want me? Why Susan?

  All I wanted to know was why.

  Chapter 20

  Sutton

  Life at home became incredibly awkward after the therapy appointment. I didn’t want a thing to do with Susan, and I wasn’t afraid to show it. I just wanted her to leave me alone, and it became worse than it had been when I moved into the house in the first place.

  Susan, for her own part, seemed to agree that giving me the space I needed was the right thing to do. She didn’t press to hang out with me, and she left dinner warming on the stove for when I was hungry. She even stopped coming to the door to make sure I was all right in the evenings.

  At first, I wasn’t sure how to take it. There was a level of rejection I felt from her. She had tried so hard to bring me into the family, then she stepped back so quickly. But, there was another part of me that was glad for the space.

  I wanted it. I didn’t want to talk about anything, and I didn’t want her to share any of my secrets with Damon. There was a lot about him that I didn’t know, and I felt it was only fair of her to give me the same consideration. After all, he might be her son, but that didn’t mean he had to know everything about me.

  Shoot, he wasn’t even really her son. He was just a foster, not even adopted. I was adopted by my parents, making them feel more like family than I felt here. I didn’t want Susan to adopt me, and, if she tried, I was going to do all I could to fight it.

  I didn’t want to be part of her family. I didn’t want to be part of the house. I just wanted my life to go back to the way it had been all over again.

  When I was younger. I was sure that I was miserable. I hated that my mother was always drunk on the couch in the living room. And I hated that my father was so rarely around he was more of a roommate than anything. I hated that there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

  And now, it didn’t help to know that the person I spent most of my growing up years with had been lying to me all along as well. I wanted to believe that she had been there for me, that she had been the one person who was there for me growing up, but she had been lying to me along with the rest of them.

  I didn’t know who knew what lies or what lies got crossed. All I knew was that I wasn’t ever told the truth, and I wasn’t sure how to take it. Part of me wondered how much of my beliefs in life were wrapped up in the lie, and what I could do about it to find out the truth.

  I didn’t want to talk to Susan about any information she might have. It seemed to me that she didn’t want to talk about it, either, and she always deflected when I tried to get information out of her. She always told me that she was just a friend, or she wasn’t sure why my mother did what she did.

  She was a master at changing the subject and getting me to talk about something else, and even if I knew that’s what she was doing, it would still work. So, I gave up. And, the little fishing I did with Damon led me to believe he had next to no idea about my adoption or anything else that had been going on in my life.

  Then again, he had enough of his own problems, I wasn’t even sure if he knew who his real parents were.

  I had been taken when I was really young – something Susan herself had once said she thought was better. It was things like that that made me think that she knew more about my situation than she was letting on, but I couldn’t drag it out of her.

  If she was going to tell me the truth, she was going to have to come out and tell me because she thought it was time for me to know it. And with the way she would shy away from the conversation every time I tried to have it with her, there was no way for me to get it out of her.

  Depression was starting to sink into my life once more, and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about it. The last thing I wanted was for Susan to start setting up more appointments for me. I liked Leslie well enough, but after I found out the truth from her, I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk to her about much of anything again.

  I agreed to go back to one more session with her, but it proved to be as helpful as talking to Susan herself.

  “I’m sure your parents loved you very much. I’m sure they had their reasons for why they weren’t able to keep you, and they did their best to put you in the best home you could have possibly asked for. For as difficult as it is for us to understand why other people do what they do, there are times in your life when you have to accept that what they do is for the best, and they are going to do it for your own good,” Leslie said.

  “Yeah, but to not tell me anything about the person they wanted me to be with if they were to pass? Not tell me that I was adopted. Not give me anything about my true self. I feel lied to, not only by the people who are in my life right now, but by my parents for not telling me anything about myself when they could have left a letter or a notebook or something,” I argued.

  “I know it can be hard to accept, but maybe it was for your own protection that they kept that information from you. You don’t know what was going on in either of their lives when you were born, but you do know that they gave you to a couple who loved you very much and took great care of you. You would still be with them if it wasn’t for the tragedy,” Leslie told me.

  I winced. I didn’t want to talk about what happened to my parents, though that was part of the reason I was so angry with my real parents.

  “They knew that I was going to a home with a drunk and a P.I. What could be a worse combination for your daughter than those two?” I shot back.

  “There are no perfect parents out there, but what was important was that they did their best for you. You never went hungry, you always had a bed to sleep in and a roof over your head, and you were loved. Again, when we don’t know the circumstances, then we don’t know what or how fast they had to give you up. It might have been an emergency,” Leslie said gently.

  “So what are you saying? You have a kid then you have to give them up because of some emergency? What happened to families sticking together?” I shot back.

  “I know this is going to take time for you to process, and I want to work with you to figure out how you feel about this and how you are able to move on, but you’re going to have to trust me. There are some things in life that are hard to accept, and I am going to do my best to help you accept this,” Leslie said.

  I wanted to throw my hands up in the air, but I knew it was pointless. I didn’t want to just accept this and move on. I didn’t want to write it off as one of those things that just happened to people. I wanted to have the answers over what happened to me
in my life.

  I had been through so much, I wanted to know why. I wanted to know who was behind all this, and what could have been going on that would have made my parents put me up for adoption like that.

  For all I knew, they didn’t even choose the parents who did adopt me. I could have been dumped off at some orphanage for just anyone to come get. And from the looks of the parents who I did end up with, it seemed the latter was the more likely.

  But then, I felt guilty. I knew that my parents did love me, and they did do their best to take care of me even though they did have struggles of their own. But, I still wasn’t sure how to take the news.

  I didn’t say much to Susan when she picked me up. When she asked me how the session went, I was vague as always. I didn’t want to go into it with her. I didn’t want her to know that I spent most of the session trying to get answers about my parents.

  It was a subject I didn’t want to touch on, and I wasn’t going to if I didn’t have to. Thankfully, she seemed to get the hint and didn’t ask anything beyond the generic questions, including if I was going to go back the following week.

  “I’m sure you’re going to set an appointment for me whether I want to go back or not,” I said with a shake of my head.

  “They seem to be helping,” Susan said gently. “And that’s all I want for you.”

  “If you want to help me then you can help me get the answers I’m looking for,” I shot back. “You know what I want to know in life, and you keep deflecting when I ask about it.”

  “I know that there are some things that are hard to understand, and I don’t want to add to your confusion,” she said.

  “Now you sound like Leslie,” I replied.

  She said nothing the whole rest of the ride home, and I headed for the garage when we got there. I wanted to lock myself in my room as usual, but I saw Damon was working on his bike, and it seemed better than being alone in the house with Susan.

  “How’s it going?” I asked as I stepped through the door. He dragged his hand across his forehead, leaving a trail of grime and grease that only made him hotter.

  “Just doing some light maintenance,” he said with a shrug. “I was bored and looking for something to do, so this seemed like the best answer.”

  “Sounds like a lot more fun than the therapy session I just endured,” I said with a sigh.

  He smiled. “Glad that’s done for another week.”

  “Unless Susan decides I need extra,” I rolled my eyes.

  “So what’re you doing now?” he asked.

  “I was wondering if you could give me a lesson on the bike?” I asked. “I’m feeling adventurous.”

  “I mean, if you want to. It’s not like driving a car and you’ve got to wear this helmet,” he said with a shrug. “But I don’t see why not.”

  I grinned, taking the helmet and putting it over my head. I’d never driven a bike before, and the anticipation built in my body. Damon showed me the basics, then he climbed on the back and helped me with the handle bars.

  “You’re going to go slow,” he warned. “The last thing we need is to be smeared on the sidewalk.”

  “We’ll go slow,” I promised. He helped me with the gas, and soon enough we were on the road. Immediately, I could see why he was in love with the bike and taking rides just for the sake of it. The feeling was so freeing, it was unlike anything I’d done before.

  It was even better than riding on the back of his bike when he was driving, and I wanted to go faster. But, Damon wasn’t going to let me.

  “You might be a natural, but you’re going to take it slow until you’re sure of what you’re doing,” he said.

  “Fine,” I rolled my eyes, even if he couldn’t see it felt good.

  “Anywhere you want to go?” he asked.

  I thought for a second. There were a lot of places I wanted to go in the world, but not many we could take off to right that second. Then, I had an idea. I knew it was strange with all I was going through, but there was one place on earth I wanted to see.

  “I want to visit my parent’s grave,” I said softly.

  “Are you sure?” he asked. “Do you think you’re ready for that?”

  I nodded fiercely. “If I’ve ever been ready to do something like that, it’s now.”

  Chapter 21

  Sutton

  I didn’t know what to expect going to the cemetery. It was strange going back to my hometown with Damon. Though we had relocated when I was in middle school, but my parents were from my home town right next to Secret Bay. They both wanted to be buried there when they passed, and we honored their wishes.

  But, as we pulled up to the cemetery, there were a lot of things that were going through my mind. I wasn’t sure how I would feel being next to the plot of land they were buried under, and I didn’t know how I would feel with Damon being there with me when we arrived.

  I knew they didn’t care for him after what happened in middle school, and I wished that I could tell them the truth about him now. They thought that he was the one who had done those things to me – he was the one who had sent that text message, and he was the one who had written those things on my locker. He was the one who took the blame for everything.

  And I hated it now. Now that I knew Molly was the one behind everything, I really hated that he was the one who got blamed for it all, and she got off the hook like nothing had happened.

  In fact, she had bragged to her friends about it, and she still got away with it. It wasn’t just annoying, it was hard for me to be around anyone in that school besides my closest friends and feel safe. I didn’t know what any of them were thinking, and I didn’t trust any of them.

  I also was afraid I would be angry when I reached my parents’ grave. I was afraid I would be angry with them for not telling me the truth sooner, and I would be angry with them for the way my life had been growing up.

  I knew they had done their best. My father was home almost every night in spite of a demanding job, and while my mom was an alcoholic, she wasn’t a mean alcoholic, and I never went without anything because of her habit. Sure, there were some things that I felt frustrated with her over, but every kid felt that against their mother.

  The grass was growing around the plot nicely, and it was clear there was a gardener taking care of the grounds. I was happy to see that. There was a fear in the back of my mind that when I arrived at the plot no one would have been taking care of it, and the whole thing would be covered with thorns and weeds.

  Even if I didn’t live in the same town as the two of them were buried, I wanted to know that there was someone out there who cared about their final resting place.

  Strangely enough, however, when I walked up to the grass and read the grave stones, I wasn’t overcome with sadness like I thought I would be. More than anything, I missed them. I wanted them to be back with me, and I wanted our lives to go back to normal.

  It was hard not to think about the way I wanted things to be different. Ways that I had thought about expressing when I was younger, but things I never bothered to tell them. I wanted to, that was for sure, but I didn’t have the guts. I didn’t want to get into an argument with my mom, and I knew it was hard for my dad to work when he had to deal with the stress coming from home.

  So, I often didn’t say anything. I just spent most of my time hanging out with Molly at her house or at the local park – or chatting on and on about how much I liked Damon. I didn’t know at the time how much it bothered her that I did that, but now, I knew that it did.

  I sat down carefully, not wanting to upset the grave or anything. I knew how to be respectful around a grave, but I never thought I would have to deal with being next to my parent’s gravesite, that was for sure.

  I took a deep breath, trying to find the perfect words to say before I finally launched into what I really wanted them to know. It wasn’t much, just the life I was living with Susan and Damon, and asking them if they knew that I was with Damon now.

  He was fa
r enough back waiting at the bike, he didn’t know I was talking to them about him, and I tried to be okay with that. But, it still felt strange. I didn’t want them to dislike him more than I felt they already did, but at the same time, I wanted them to know what was going on in my life.

  Every now and then, I felt the tears starting to build in my eyes, and I had to take a deep breath. I didn’t want to break down in tears, especially with Damon sitting right there. But, this was a lot harder for me than I ever thought it would be, and there was something about him sitting near me that made me feel better.

  But, after a few minutes of me sitting alone and fighting the tears that were in my eyes, I felt his arm around me. He sat down next to me, respectfully, gently putting his arm around me and looking at the grave of my parents alongside me.

  “They would be so proud if they knew all the stuff you’ve been through since you moved in, and how well you handled it all,” he said.

  “If it was anything like I handled the last time I was bullied, I hardly think them being proud would be the right word,” I said rather bitterly. “I’m sure they remember that more than anything.”

  “I’m sure they hated me because of it,” he said with a shake of his head. “And I don’t blame them. If I had a daughter who went through what you went through because of some stupid boy at school, I would hate him too.”

  “If only they knew the truth about Molly and what really went on. I mean, I can’t say that my mom really had any friends, or that my dad really wanted to make any friends, but they thought that Molly was a nice girl and her parents were nice, too. They had no idea what was really going on when we weren’t looking,” I admitted with a sigh.

  “None of us did. I thought Molly was your best friend just like anyone else in school. I mean, there were some times when she would say or do something that I would find a little strange for her being your best friend, but I just thought it was something preteen girls did, you know?” Damon said with another shrug.