The Fallen Prince That Never Was

by A. G. Higgins

PARTMENT PLEASE PRESS ONE...

  Captain Silver and Droc shook their heads with disinterest.

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  Droc raised an intriguing eyebrow?

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  Captain Silver’s pistol clicked with an air of enthusiasm, the kind that says, ‘I’ll make every dollar count?’ He would even get to walk the plank for free.

  The Kraken laid ruin to all. About Queen Lioness Somichi masts crumbled amid a web of tentacles. And many men were lost overboard, snared high above or taken to the depths of its watery prison – both orc and lion alike. If her kin could not stop this beast now, all would be lost.

  ‘We must flee,’ cried one of her kin, ‘our efforts die in vain should we stand our ground any longer!’

  A tentacle whipped before Queen Lioness Somichi, searching to grasp its next victim. Bravely, she stood her ground, slicing her spear through the mere flesh and blood of the beast, ‘if it bleeds with the flow of rivers,’ she said, ‘we can kill it!’

  To her side Captain Frances hurried to load as many cannons as he could. Pointing them with a stern aim upon the beast, Professor Clayton gave the order to the Men of Lion to light the flame of arrow. Swiftly they soared though the air together with the angered barrel of cannon. Within a dark cloud of gunpowder the Kraken screeched with ill. Professor Clayton now gazed upon a thick wall of smoke. To his hope the beast was withdrawing at last. And Queen Lioness Somichi and her kin cheered with pride. But soon their cheering would turn to silence. Much to the dismay of all, the eerie shadow of the Kraken returned. Professor Clayton looked weakly upon Captain Frances. All hope was lost for nothing, it seemed, could truly stop this beast!

  Embarrassingly, King Evil’s ceremonial plans were the subject of the usual red tape bureaucracy.

  ‘Something blue?’ asked his faithful butler.

  King Evil noted Suzan’s crystal, ‘check!’

  ‘Something old, new and borrowed?’

  ‘One good old trusty dagger – A new bride – And we seem to be running on borrowed time,’ he suggested, pressing his blade against Suzan’s side rather impatiently, ‘now do you mind getting on with it, otherwise, your new appointment will be short lived – get it?’

  ‘Of course, your Majesty... but I must ask about the rings?’ he hinted.

  ‘Blast,’ fumed King Evil, ‘there’s always something, isn’t there?’

  Estarù’s blade struck through the Lord of Earth, holding firm within the rock formed abdomen of the earthly being. And he did push with all his might, dragging the Lord beneath the water’s surface before removing his blade. Within its murky depths he began to weaken. Soon his form of rock turned frail and loose. Swiftly, Kimchiku seized his chance; rise high into the sunlight air with spear in hand, before driving down upon the Lord of Earth with all his might. Roaring with the vengeance of a thousand lions, he twisted his spear through the heart of its being. But now, in the stillness of the water, all seemed finally at an end.

  However, the Lord of Erath world not lay to rest for he did rise once more. Equal in anger, he snapped Kimchiku’s spear in two, before flinging it to one side with fiery eyes wild and fearsome. But the Lord of Earth’s being wept of mud, as though bleeding from its wound. And try and try would he to reform to rock, but he could not – save partly throughout. Nor could he vanish in air of dust for the water ran deep within him now, binding his being in a stickiness of mud that would not set him free.

  Looking upon Estaru whom now stood before him, he did see a hint of smile. And he knew now that this elf of wild feared no God – especially one who bleeds!

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  Hullo? – Hullo? – I would just like to... Hullo?’

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  Droc pressed the digit.

  ...PLEASE HOLD WHILE WE ARE PLACING YOUR CALL...

  Somewhere across the known world – Chinatown – Cane Chung was the proprietor of a small but modest laundry store. Currently, he was busy dealing with a rather strange telephone call?

  ‘Hi, Wing Chung’s – wha’ you wan’?’ The phones receiver squeaked with an astonishing pace. Clearly, urgency was of the utmost importance. ‘I no Mr Droc?’ replied Mr Chung, ‘you Droc? – Why you call me...I no Lee Evans agent?!’ He called out to his store assistant, ‘Lee, Lee, you tell – I no your agent...no agent!’

  ‘Hello?’ The line went dead, ‘he hung up… the cheek?!’

  ‘No, the names Droc – D–R–O–C--Droc,’ said Droc son of Oric, his call finally being put through, ‘Lee who?’ A haste of squeaking filtered through a small mic placed most conveniently by Captain Silver’s side, ‘Hullo?’ he tried once more, ‘Do you e speak any e Americano?!’

  The line went dead. Apparently, he was going to have to do this the hard way.

  ‘Alright, that’s it,’ he yelled, struggling to push the Captain off of him, ‘I have had just about enough of this “me hearty!”’

  ‘Aerr, now you’d be talking my kind of language,’ approved Captain Silver, ‘shall we…?’

  Summoning strength deep within, Droc somehow managed to lift Captain Silver high into the air, ‘I’m sorry,’ he dared, ‘but I’m afraid that I’m going to have to let you go–ooow?!’

  Naturally, Captain Silver couldn’t help but notice that there seemed to be a slight emphasis on the word “go”?

  The deck was like rock with stubble, Captain Silver’s pistol firing aimlessly as they fell.

  Retreating to the Raging Buttercup, Queen Lioness Somichi and the Men of Lion could do no more. The Kraken was too strong and they could not find a way to defeat it. However, below the deck of the orcs ship, Cara unwillingly ventured down another flight of steps. Among the shadows of a dimly light passageway, the cannon crashed through a door, abruptly entering a small room full to its edge with barrels. The force flung her from its end, out through a narrow window within the far wall, landing not so pleasantly somewhere within the dunes a far below.

  She felt slightly dizzy.

  Squeaking to a sluggish halt, the cannon now nudged gently against one of the barrels. In turn it pressed against a slim broom handle. The handle rubs up the side of a wall, rocking a miniature barrel placed upon a neat shelf above. With a lazy thud, it toppled over, rolling in its lay to reveal the word GUNPOWDER printed clearly on its side?

  A thin wave of grain poured down from the shelf, merely seconds from igniting with the cannon’s fuse. Fortunately, however, it fell short of its mark. The Gunpowder Room was safe – Boom! – A stray pellet burst through the ship’s wall? Promptly, the barrel shattered.

  Cue explosion... and one innocent Captain Silver!

  Out from the side of the orcs ship grew a hot cloud of fire. Its force burned upward. Unstoppable in its rage, it engulfed the Kraken and all who stood near it. Professor Clayton and Captain Frances jumped for joy. The airy beast was truly no more and the battle was now theirs for the taking. It would not be long before the Men of lion would defeat the remaining orcs.

  ‘Do you, your Majesty, take this lady to be your lawfully wedded wife; to have and to hold...’

  ‘Yes, yes, yes...’ rushed King Evil, ‘do we really have to listen to this rubbish? I mean seriously... whatever happened to a bit of 2x1, a swift thud across the head, and legging it to the nearest cave with a wad of cash and your neighbour’s wife?’ His butler gave him an odd glance, ‘oh just get on with it,’ he waved, ‘we haven’t got all day.’

  ‘Quite right, your Majesty,’ he replied before continuing, ‘do you, mill Lady, take this man – frog? – to be your lawfully wedded husband?’

  ‘You can skip that part too,’ he inte
rrupted once more, ‘in fact, may I suggest skipping the entire lot?’

  ‘oooooowww!’ Suzan struggled in her chair, vigorously swaying her head from side to side.

  King Evil’s butler raised a brow of concern, ‘she’s French,’ suggested his Majesty, ‘as you can imagine they’re a bit backwards, if you pardon my wee wee?’

  ‘And so it is with the power invested in me by the Father and the Son, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera – I now pronounce you now as man and wife,’ concluded his faithful butler delightedly, ‘you may kiss the bride, your Majesty.’

  ‘About bloody time you insufferable bore,’ he moaned, ‘right, this is it my dear; the moment of truth. Pucker up and prepare to be gruesomely horrified.’ He pulled away her gag piece, ‘I’ve waited a long time for this moment. All I need is a princess, some honourable vows and a slightly twisted fairytale ending to finally break my spell!’

  ‘But I’m not – Kiss! – a princess...?’ tried Suzan.

  King Evil opened his eyes, lips still posed, ‘I’m sorry, what was that last part you just said?’

  ‘She said that she is not a princess,’ said a voice, ‘now let her go!’

  King Evil turned with displease, noting a pair of feet above sliding down through a sea of sail before hitting the deck. Zack picked himself up as the dragon kept flight, hoping to lose the aircrafts that still followed. He would have to thank Earru for pushing him later.

  ‘You’re too late Prince Charming,’ said King Evil, ‘dramatic as your entrance was, this newlywed love affair has already been sealed with a kiss.’

  Angrily, Suzan stood up, her binds unravelling to the feet, ‘wedding? – Prince Charming? – For the last time “your Majesty” I am not, and never will be, a princess!’

  It may have taken a moment or two, but somehow King Evil felt duped, ‘I’m sorry, you mean to tell that you’re not...?’ he surmised, ‘Which means he is not really your...? – And I’m still a...?’ His eyes twitched from side to side before glancing down the length of his body. His hands and feet still lay webbed and his skin green and freckled too? There was no magical sensation to overwhelm him? No twinkle of toe nor dazzle of stardust about his head? He was, without doubt, still a frog; a small green toad with a shiny gold crown and a silly red cape.

  ‘You... git!’ he said, facing Zack, ‘you utter little git! You did this to me; you’ve taken my dreams of true love, and left me scared with this hideous form forever!’ He raised his hand, his majesty’s archers appearing overhead with tightened bows at the ready, ‘I can’t believe that all this time I have been chasing a princess and her fallen prince that never was? Well darling, you can forget about the honeymoon and the lavishly cheep gifts. The weddings off and it’s happy days for this old bachelor from now on – just as soon as I get your head on the chopping block!’

  Legally, it would save him a fortune.

  The orcs readied themselves, needing only their King to lower his hand, ‘divorce, it’s never really a pleasant business but there’s always the exception,’ he said at last, ‘destroy them... destroy them all!’

  The Lord of Earth never allowed his sight to stray from the elf of wild. But Estarù would not be moved, simply eyeing him in retune as though taunting, willing him to lay the final blow if he so dared. But upon the far side Kimchiku lay helpless, unable to lend hand of aid for his spear was broken.

  Estarù knew that he alone would have to act... for act he must.

  The Lord of Earth came forth. Estarù let loose his blade, hoping to find its mark. Through the air it sliced, narrowly avoiding the Lord of Earth for he did fail to see the elf’s true intent.Kimchiku grasped its hilt, slicing head from shoulder in one swift movement!

  Beneath his blade the headless Lord dropped stiffly to his knees. And the water’s of the dune submerged about his lifeless waist, willing to drag him under. Within its depth a great light began to glow. Blindingly it pierced through his wounds, cracking his stone surface with a destructive force. And throughout the Ribbon Dunes his Creed shared in his fate, as though somehow the spirit of these beings were as one – the Lord of Earth the source of origin whom now lay slain before all.

  In a shatter of rock the earthly Lord was destroyed – as too were his Creed. No more would they rein over Kimchiku’s people. A new Kingship had finally risen.

  King Evil’s archers prepared to take aim. Zack and Suzan stood together, unwilling to show fear. But in the blinding light of sun a great shadow grew. Its silhouette wings tucked inward, before a three headed beast dived toward King Evil’s ship under a rain of pellets from an aircraft that followed.

  The dragon came swift and Earru did tug its reins sharp. With breathing precision it swooped across the top of sail, engulfing them in a ball of fire as it did so. But the aircraft which followed was too close, and blinded by the flames it crashed. Quickly, Zack and Suzan dashed for cover as the propellers tore across the deck, shredding all that would dare stand in its way. And the sails above burned heavily, the fire now rapidly spreading throughout the ship as its bow began to tilt. There was nothing that anyone could do. With its stern fuming in a dark trail of smoke, the ship was set upon a downward venture. And as with the fate of many lost to the battle of the sky, the Dunes of Earthly Time eagerly awaited below.

  Swiftly the dragon trailed its line of descent, hoping to snatch Zack and Suzan before it was too late – Snatch! – Upon the first attempt it fell short of its mark. But again it would try, over and over, constantly hindered by debris as the ship now stripped its self apart in its descent. And below the earth grew near for time was of short, Zack and Suzan desperately trying to climb to the stern for a clearer reach – Snatch! – But again the dragon had missed. However, upon the next it did not, swooping low before rising high to an air of safety as the ship crashed to the earth!

  King Evil braced himself. Like every good husband, it appeared that he had seriously underestimated his wife.

  Somewhere within the aftermath a golden crown spun upon its edge. With a smoky thud it hit the earth, ‘AND... CUT!’ Promptly, a clapper board marked the scene, ‘OKAY PEOPLE; THAT’S A WRAP!’

  Apparently, due to unforeseen circumstances, Season Two: The Trouble with Kingship had just been cancelled.

  Long live the King...