Yunyun's Turn

by Natsume Akatsuki

  “That’s fine, sir! I can wash dishes or do anything! Please hire me!”

  To think that I, a known genius, would be reduced to working part-time at a restaurant… I was desperate to work in something related to magic, but I was what I was.

  Well, it wasn’t as if I had any clues as to where the robed woman might be, so I wasn’t exactly in a hurry. I could do nice, simple waitressing work, let the money pile up, and still have plenty of time to go find her. Because I spent so much of my day taking care of Komekko, my parents frequently being out of the house as they were, I could cook just about anything with ease.

  It certainly sounded easier than doing fetch quests for potion ingredients…

  “After you’ve peeled those potatoes, clear the tables outside and wash the dishes; then bring me the Duxion meat from the refrigerator!”

  “Right away, sir!”

  How very naive I was.

  It was around noon, the busiest part of the day. There were so few restaurants in Crimson Magic Village that you could count them on one hand. This restaurant, with its crowd of regulars, was something like waitressing on a battlefield.

  I peeled the potatoes as fast as I could, then went around to collect the customers’ dishes. Yunyun—who was there with me for some reason, even though she didn’t need work—was rapidly chopping cabbage, as the owner had instructed her.

  “Megumin, we’ve got customers! Leave the dishes for a moment and go take their orders!”

  “Yes, sir!”

  I was so busy, it was making my head spin. I would have to take those orders and get right back to washing dishes…

  “And two combo plates just came up; bring ’em with you! Hey, there’s some more customers! Go take their orders!”

  “R-right away!”

  I rushed the combo plates to the diners and hurried to take the newcomers’ orders.

  “Welcome to our restaurant…” I turned with a smile to greet the newest customers…

  “Hmmmm. What to have, what to have? …Hey, it’s Megumin!”

  “Huh? No kidding. It really is. What, do you work here?”

  …The new customers were none other than Funifura and Dodonko. They looked up from their menus and grinned at me in my apron. I didn’t know what was so amusing, but we were extremely busy, and I wished they would hurry up and order already!

  I didn’t know if Funifura sensed how I was feeling. She looked me up and down. “Well, aren’t you just the cutest little waitress. Hee, hee-hee-hee…! Megumin! The top student, the class genius, the invulnerable Megumin—reduced to wearing an apron and a smile…! Ahhh-ha-ha-ha!”

  “Yeah, she greeted us with a smile! ‘Welcome to our restaurant,’ she says! Ahhh-ha-ha-ha-ha! The lone-wolf genius who wouldn’t group with anyone in gym class. Just look at her now! Hey, Megumin, give us another smile!”

  ………

  “Ahem, if you would kindly tell me your orders…” I could feel my temple twitching as the girls guffawed and pounded the table.

  Patience. Just have patience, Megumin.

  A member of the Crimson Magic Clan never backed down from a fight. That was an ironclad law of our people; but this was a restaurant. And Funifura and Dodonko were customers. My revenge could wait until after my shift. I’d worked so hard to get this job. I wasn’t going to let these two ruin everything by getting a rise out of me.

  Tired of teasing someone who wouldn’t react, Funifura and Dodonko finally ordered.

  “Say, Megumin, what’s the special today?”

  “Ooh, yeah! I wanna know, too! But I don’t want the same special as Funifura!”

  So they wanted something special, did they? I called to mind what the owner had said to tell people who asked…

  “Today’s specials are the seasonal vegetable stir-fry plate and the broth with extra Duxion onions…”

  “Oh. Well, I’ll have the river fish combo plate, if you don’t mind.”

  “I’ll have the daily lunch set.”

  I very nearly attacked them both.

  Patience, patience, patience.

  I would absolutely, without question, have my revenge once the day was over. Perhaps I would make up a few lies about Funifura’s brother (whom she was rumored to be completely obsessed with) and whisper them to her. And maybe I could find some way to terrorize the surprisingly cowardly Dodonko while she was alone.

  Or so I kept telling myself.

  “It’s no fun teasing you. Oh well, just hurry up and bring us our food.”

  “Yeah, we’re hungry, and we’re not getting anything out of teasing you.”

  They sounded downright bored. Perfect—I had endured the worst of it. I was getting a little more mature, if I did say so myself.

  Oops, I had forgotten to collect their payment. Meals were paid for in advance at this restaurant.

  “All right, the river fish combo plate is seven hundred eris, and the daily lunch set will be six hundred eris,” I said.

  They looked at each other and smirked. “After all we did for you and Yunyun back in our school days? You’ve made it in the world; I think you could stand to treat us once.”

  “Great idea! Hey, Mister, just take our meal out of Megumin’s salary— Hey, eeeeeek!”

  “Yikes! Okay, okay, our bad! We apologize—just stop chanting your spell!”

  7

  “It’s that temper of yours! I know Funifura and Dodonko were wrong, but you hadn’t even been working there for an hour! Chanting magic in the middle of a restaurant—what were you thinking?! You’re lucky nobody noticed the words. Just hearing what you were intoning, they would know you were about to use Explosion! And as for all those explosions you’ve been trying to pin on the Demon King and his army, they’d know you were the one behind them!”

  “Yes, yes, I understand all that, and I’m full of regret…”

  The rest of the customers had jumped on me when I started chanting, but I managed to get my revenge on my tormentors in a different way. One of the nearby diners was having a hot-pot dish called oden; I simply happened to stuff both of their mouths with the burning-hot dish. The two of them went home in tears, and as for me, the outcome was only too obvious…

  “That shopkeeper is very quick to fire an employee after the first offense. O, is there no work for which I’m suited…?”

  Summarily dismissed even from a job that had nothing to do with magic, I had to admit that I was a little discouraged.

  “H-hey, I’ve got an idea!” Yunyun said. “I can think of one job you might be able to do.”

  And then she filled me in on her proposed place of employment.

  8

  The sky was full of heavy clouds; it looked like it might rain at any moment. Three grim-looking Crimson Magic Clan members stood, staves in hand, out under the sky.

  “Here I go!” a young woman called. In response, the other two people raised their hands, signaling her. The young woman thrust her staff into the earth and cried: “Let my magic nurture the abundance of this land! Earth Shaker!” In her loudest voice, she intoned a spell. She must have put all the magic she had into it.

  Extending her spell to all the land she could see spreading out before her, the young woman activated this powerful earth magic! The ground heaved, and shook, and pounded like a beating heart. The soil shifted in accordance with the caster’s will, and all the ground before my eyes was tilled…!

  That’s right. Tilled.

  All that shouting, that huge expenditure of magical energy, just to plow a field. The other person present, a man, came forward holding a big box. He set it on the ground, held up his staff, and screwed up his face before exclaiming: “O air, O wind, gust and blow! Rise up as I order you! Dance and fly! Tornado!”

  The wind spell he used, loaded with enough magical energy to make the air itself tremble, caused the contents of the box to fly up and scatter across the plowed field.

  Yep. Call it dynamic planting.

  He looked out over a field planted in a m
ost absurd manner, gave a nod of satisfaction, and signaled to the final person.

  “With all the power at my disposal, I bend the very fabric of this world; even the weather is in my hand! Control of Weather!”

  This shout brought rain falling from the cloudy sky. I’d wondered what he had been building up to. Apparently, it was a spell to make rain fall.

  …I.e., the planting was over, and it was time to water the crops.

  They were just doing basic agriculture, but they had to do it with the flashiest spells they had and the most dramatic magic they could muster.

  Food for the entire Crimson Magic Village was provided by just ten farming families. The village had a population of several hundred people, and I was watching the food supply for all of them being prepared in the vast farming zone in the most over-the-top way possible. Even I thought this was something of a waste of magic. If the rulers of our nation knew that high-level wizards were using such a superfluous amount of magic just to plant a field, they would gnash their teeth and gripe over the waste. Take all that MP and go fight the Demon King, they would say.

  “That just about does it for today! We’ve used up most of our magic, but we can still help with the harvest! Okay, part-timers, you’re up!” The girl who had cast the first spell looked over at us.

  Yunyun’s bright idea for a job had been harvesting vegetables. Magic could plow and irrigate a field, but harvesting still had to be done by hand. Along with the three casters, Yunyun and I would be helping with the labor.

  I could see Yunyun in the next field over, struggling with a group of especially lively potatoes. One of the smaller ones would feint to the side, whereupon others would slam into her knees from behind, sending her tumbling. I guess she wasn’t happy to be shown up by a bunch of plants, because she had pulled out her silver dagger and was threatening the potatoes with it.

  I kept half an eye on her as I went about collecting the green onions in my own field. Sickle in hand, I crouched down by the first one and prepared to cut it loose, but it dodged to the side, fwip!

  Looked like a quality crop this year.

  I collected myself and got a good hold on the onion’s root with my left hand before I brought the sickle down…

  Bap! The onion hit me in the face.

  ………

  “Listen, both of you, those are valuable crops. Try not to damage them, okay?”

  The young woman’s warning was fair enough: Yunyun and I had both lost our tempers and were involved in all-out brawls with our respective vegetables.

  After several hours of grueling battle, we had finally finished collecting the vegetables in the fields.

  …Geez, farming is hard work.

  You had to get up early, fight off all the bugs and animals that wanted to eat your crops, and then harvest time was a war unto itself. I understood now why the Crimson Magic Clan’s farmers were among the highest-level mages in the village.

  “Great work! You looked really good out there for a couple of first-timers. Here’s your pay for the day! Hope to see you again tomorrow!”

  Yunyun and I took our money from the young woman, then started dragging our filthy, mud-stained selves home.

  With all that had happened, it was already almost evening. I had made breakfast and lunch for Komekko before I left this morning, but she was probably getting hungry again.

  Yunyun, bruised and muddy from being knocked down so many times, wiped some dirt from her cheek with her sleeve. She was in tears. “Urgh… I never want to see another potato… Why do they have to go for the knees…? I hate vegetables that are smarter than monsters…!”

  “Well, our levels went up, so perhaps it’s for the best… But I never imagined that farming was such demanding work…”

  Yunyun’s and my levels had both gone up. I admit I felt a little funny gaining levels just by harvesting crops, but it only went to show how good the food was this year—and what a formidable foe it was.

  Our payment for the day was four thousand eris. Relatively good compensation for a few hours’ work… But still a far cry from the three hundred thousand eris I needed. What’s more, this harvesting job wouldn’t be around forever. I let out an unintentional sigh and mumbled, “…I suppose I’ll have to resort to selling my body after all…”

  “Hey!!” Yunyun exclaimed.

  As for me, I thought back on the events of the day. First, I got into a fight with Funifura and Dodonko; then I got into a fight with a green onion…

  This was exactly the sort of moment when I wanted to blow off some steam by blowing up part of the local terrain. But Yunyun would never let me live it down if I caused another commotion tonight…

  That’s what was on my mind as I accompanied Yunyun to her house, but then something occurred to me. I always had Komekko drag my immobilized, magic-less body away from the scenes of my explosions. And the reason I did all my exploding in town was because I couldn’t risk taking Komekko into the dangerous wilderness just beyond the village.

  But now…

  “Yunyun, may I ask the smallest favor of you, my steadfast and stalwart friend?”

  “S-steadfast? Stalwart? What’s gotten into you, Megumin? You’re always so sure you’re the best person around. I didn’t know you could give a person a genuine compliment.”

  Is that how everyone sees me?

  “…I have been known to give a compliment from time to time. I can even show gratitude. Thanks for working with me today or whatever!”

  “Um, s-sure, but… What do you want, exactly?” Yunyun had started to blush with my praise.

  “I’d like to ask you to accompany me somewhere. It’s not far. How about a little date?” I said and smiled.

  9

  “Ahhhhhhhhh! Stupid, stupid, stupid me! I knew you were an idiot, Megumin, but right now my idiocy practically eclipses yours!”

  We were in the woods just outside the village, and Yunyun was shouting with tears in her eyes.

  “I think it may be good for you,” I offered. “It seems to me that slightly stupid girls are taken to have more charm than those who are needlessly intelligent.”

  “Oh, will you knock it off?! Argh, Megumin, hold on tighter! You’re gonna fall off!”

  Yunyun was running through the forest. And I was riding on her back.

  “You have such a nice, wide back, Yunyun. It really feels like a strong back I can rely on.”

  “Huh? I don’t think that’s a compliment for a girl! If you insult me, I swear I’ll drop you!”

  Behind us, a lizard-type monster with scales the color of flames was chasing us down in a blind rage. I guess it didn’t appreciate being disturbed by the shock wave from my explosion.

  “I can’t believe I thought this would be better than setting off explosions in the village! I wish I could give the me from twenty minutes ago a piece of my mind!”

  “You need not be so hard on yourself, Yunyun. The way you never, ever turn down anyone for any reason is part of your appeal.”

  “I’ll drop you right here, I swear! Ahhh, Mommyyyyy!”

  My idea was this: With Yunyun around, I could hitch a piggyback ride back to the village. So I got her to accompany me, but I guess I chose the wrong place for my explosion—specifically, a spot where a Fire Drake happened to be taking a nap. This explained our current situation…

  Yunyun, teary-eyed and dashing through the forest, proved remarkably sure-footed despite having my immobilized self on her back. She truly was a star student, master of both arts and athletics.

  “There are times when I think, Ah, if only Yunyun were a boy. You always come through when I need you, and despite your complaining, you always indulge my requests.”

  “I’ve had just about enough of you! You’re way more boyish than I am, for one thing! You even have short hair, and your body— Eeeyow-ow-ow! Are you really pulling my hair now of all times?!”

  I had reflexively grabbed a fistful of Yunyun’s hair and yanked when she mentioned my body. It cost her
crucial equilibrium. Her foot got caught on a tree root, and she stumbled. Which, of course, sent me tumbling to the ground.

  Chomusuke, riding with her claws buried in my shoulder, demonstrated that she did in fact possess no small athletic capacity by leaping nimbly away before we hit the ground.

  “Owww… What a stupid thing to do, Megumin! This is an emergency!”

  “How dare you. You’re the one who brought up the subject of my physical development in the first place…! Oh, it’s caught up to us. Please pick me back up.”

  “…I really could just leave you here, you know?”

  As Yunyun debated whether or not to carry me on her back, the lizard, seething with rage, caught up to us.

  “Well, this is no good. Steel yourself, Yunyun, for this is where we make our stand! Our opponent is a Fire Drake, said to be the weakest of the various powerful monsters that roam the outskirts of our village, and it’s alone! So long as you mind its fire breath, I think you should be able to defeat it!”

  “Maybe I can! But, Megumin, you paint a pretty ridiculous picture, saying that while lying facedown on the ground!”

  Drawing her dagger, Yunyun confronted the lizard (or, rather, Fire Drake). I somehow managed to roll myself onto my back so that I could watch the fight. The root by which Yunyun had dropped me made a perfect pillow, propping up my head so I had an excellent view.

  The Fire Drake, a massive reptile, moved on four legs. It looked up at Yunyun from its low position, its red tongue flicking in and out.

  No…that wasn’t a tongue. It was tiny gouts of the Drake’s famous fire breath, an attempt to intimidate Yunyun.

  “It chased us but refuses to attack first… Heh! Yunyun, it’s more scared of us than we are of it.”

  “More scared of me, you mean! But you’re the one it’s after! You’re the one who dropped an Explosion on it, and you’re lying there completely vulnerable!” Yunyun shrieked, never taking her eyes off the lizard.

  I felt a weight on my tummy and glanced down: Chomusuke had curled up nonchalantly on top of me. “…Well, look who hasn’t a care in the world.”