by Lynn Lorenz
Then he took her chilled hand in his, opened the barrier between them and searched for the darkness that lurked in her body.
* * * *
Brian leaned against the counter of the ER nurses’ station and finished his paperwork. He’d followed the ambulance from the car accident he’d been working to get the rest of the information from the kid who’d run his truck into a ditch.
He suspected the teenager was drunk, but without the official alcohol level from the blood test, Brian couldn’t arrest him, only write a ticket for losing control of his vehicle. Thank God no one else had been involved and the kid had only broken an arm.
Brian glanced up as the automatic doors to the ER swung open and two EMS guys wheeled a gurney in.
Edward trotted alongside the trolley, holding Olivia Rawlings’ hand.
“Edward! What happened?” Brian pushed off and met them halfway down the hall.
“She collapsed. I found her at home in the bathroom,” Edward said as they wheeled her into a room. The nurse stopped him from coming in and he stood in the hall next to Brian looking stricken, pale and lost.
“Shit.” Brian took Edward by the arm. “Let’s go over here and get out of their way. You can’t help her now.”
“I can. I did.” Edward stared through the glass wall to the room as a doctor joined the nurse. They hovered, fussed, adjusted and inserted needles and tubes, doing whatever it was they were supposed to do to the small figure under the white sheet.
“You called nine-one-one and got her here.” Brian nodded as he pulled Edward to the closest waiting room.
“She was on the floor. I sat with her until they arrived. I took—” Edward faded out as he allowed himself to be led down the hall. He was pale, shaking and looked only an inch away from death himself.
Brian sat him in a chair. “Wait right here. I have to make a call.”
Edward grimaced, wrapped his arms around his belly and doubled over.
“You okay?” Brian hesitated.
“Fine.” It was more a groan than speech.
Brian stepped out of the room, pulled out his cell phone, searched his contact list, then hit Send.
“It’s Brian. You need to get down to the hospital.”
* * * *
Edward had had no choice and he’d do it again if given the chance, but hell and damnation it hurt so badly. He just had to remember to breathe.
He tucked his head between his legs as wave after wave of nausea swept over him, his jaw clamped shut to keep from vomiting. After a while, the pain and queasiness dissipated, but it had taken its time, leaving him weak. He prayed the cancer had left with it.
He checked his watch. It had been almost thirty minutes since he’d brought Olivia here and no one had reported her condition to him yet. Forcing himself to sit upright, he took a few deep gulps of air and searched the room for Brian. He’d been in and out, had brought Edward some water, sat with him, given him a few comforting words.
No Brian.
He needed to call his mother. He pulled out his cell phone and, too tired to care, hit her number.
“Mother, it’s Edward. You better come. Meemaw is in the hospital and it doesn’t look good.”
There was silence, then his mother’s strained voice, “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” She hung up. Edward snapped the phone closed and leaned his head back against the wall. Took a few breaths until he felt better.
He stood, shook off the last of the dizziness and went to the door. Leaning against the frame, he looked up and down the wide hall. Doctors and nurses bustled in and out of rooms all along the white corridor.
At the far end, Brian stood near the nurses’ station talking to someone. Edward headed that way, hoping Brian knew Olivia’s condition.
* * * *
“Where is he?” Jack asked. He would never admit how hard his heart was pounding or how fast he’d driven, lights and siren on, just to get there. He didn’t need to admit it because Brian had called knowing Jack had feelings for Edward and that he’d drop everything to be there.
Brian knew and Jack didn’t care.
“In the waiting room. He looks bad, Jack.” Brian scratched his chin.
“Is he in shock?”
“No, I don’t think so. It’s like he’s in pain.”
“Shit,” Jack hissed, guessing what had happened. “That little fool.” He stepped around Brian, determined to have a word or two or three with Edward. Maybe grab him by the neck and shake him, if he didn’t just grab Edward, hold on tight and never let go.
He couldn’t do that. He’d blown his chance with Edward.
Edward came down the hall, dragging his feet as if he were bone tired. Jack knew the moment Edward recognized him from the rapid flashes of emotion that played across Edward’s face. Not all of them were good, but he deserved that.
“What are you doing here?” Edward asked as he darted his gaze from Jack to Brian.
“I called him.” Brian gave no excuses.
Edward glanced up into Jack’s face. “Chief Whittaker.” He turned away. “Brian, have you heard anything about Olivia?” Edward had dismissed Jack, but Jack wasn’t going anywhere. One look at Edward had made that impossible.
“I was just coming to get you when Jack caught me. You can go in to see her now.”
“Thanks.” Edward went past them to her room.
Unable to leave, Jack followed Edward. Brian trailed him, but Jack was glad the younger cop had decided to stay.
At the door to Olivia’s room, Edward paused then went in. Jack hung in the doorway, uncertain if Edward would need him or not. Unsure what the hell he was doing there, but positive he wasn’t leaving until Edward told him to go.
Brian stood on the other side of the glass, watching.
“Meemaw?” Edward sat in the chair by the side of her bed and took her hand. She seemed so frail and old and, if Jack read the signs right, she was dying.
“Edward.” She smiled at her grandson, love lighting her eyes. “I’m so glad you’re here. I have so much to tell you.”
“Shhh. You don’t have to say anything.” Edward kissed her hand.
“But I do. I know what you tried to do for me, back at the house.” She frowned. “Don’t do it again.” Her voice was soft but adamant.
“But I have to, Meemaw. It’s why I came. I have to heal you.” Edward petted her hand.
“I know. And I want you to stop.” Her eyes flicked to Jack’s and she gave him a nod. “Come in here, son. Don’t linger in the door.”
Jack felt Brian push him forward. He stepped in as Edward looked up and frowned.
“Jack. Tell him. He mustn’t try to save me. I won’t live knowing I passed this cancer on to him.”
Edward shook his head as Jack came closer. “Baby, you listen to your grandmother. She’s telling you what she wants.”
“No.” Tears welled in Edward’s eyes. “Meemaw, I can save you.”
“Edward. I don’t need saving. Jesus and Frank are waiting for me and I’m ready to join them.”
Jack came up behind Edward and placed a hand on his shoulder, expecting Edward to shrug it off. Edward accepted his touch and Jack gave Edward a reassuring squeeze.
“Now you listen to me, Edward. I forbid you to try to heal me.” Olivia’s tone said she’d stand for nothing less than total obedience. Jack almost asked her if she knew who she was dealing with, but he kept quiet.
“But if you go, I won’t have anyone.” Edward sounded like a child, lost and alone, and Jack’s heart broke at it. Edward’s tears spilled and ran down his cheeks. Jack kept his hand on Edward’s shoulder, offering support.
Olivia glanced up at Jack. “Jack, you take care of my grandson.” Recognition passed between them and somehow, it didn’t frighten Jack. He’d been asked to tend something precious and fragile and in that moment he realized it was a priceless treasure.
“No, Meemaw. Jack can’t promise that.” Edward shook his head. “Don’t ask him what he can’t pro
mise.”
Olivia glanced up at Jack and he gave her a nod but said nothing. Edward didn’t see Jack’s promise. Edward didn’t have to know, not now. Maybe not ever.
Edward pressed his cheek against her hand. “But I just found you. You can’t go now.”
“I have to. It’s my time.” She winced. “And it’s your time to live, child. Promise me you won’t try to do anything to stop this.”
Jack could feel Edward shaking under Olivia’s demanding stare. “I promise,” Edward whispered and his breath dragged in, the sob caught in his throat. “But you’re in so much pain.”
“I refused the drugs. Don’t want to be all drugged up, in some kind of coma. That’s no way to live, and I want to live until I take my last breath.” She shook her head. “Besides, I have things I need to tell you. Secrets that should have been told fifteen years ago when your father died.”
“Father?” Edward’s back stiffened.
Olivia nodded. “I want you to know the truth. About why I never spoke to your father. Why he and Lillian took you away. Why your father treated you the way he did.”
“I know that—he hated that I was gay.”
Olivia shook her head. “No, that wasn’t it. He was afraid of what he was, that he’d passed it on to you. That you were a punishment for what he’d done to Lillian by living a lie.”
Edward sniffed again. “What are you talking about?”
“Edward, I was in San Antonio. You know how I love the Riverwalk. I saw him there with his lover. A young Hispanic man. They were going into a hotel.”
“I don’t understand.”
The light dawned for Jack. Holy shit.
“Eddie was gay. I found out and told him if he didn’t tell Lillian, that I would. We had a terrible argument over it and he admitted that he’d had lovers. That’s when he left, cut off all communications and took the family back to his home in Atlanta.”
Edward didn’t say another word. Jack figured the light had hit him too.
“Gay?” Edward whispered. “I don’t understand. How could he be gay and treat me the way he did?” He slumped back against Jack. Jack put a hand on each of Edward’s shoulders to support him.
“I never understood it either. I told you that Eddie put his own problems on you.”
“Did Mother know?” Edward looked at Olivia.
“I think she did, but I’m not certain.”
“And she let him…” His voice caught and he shook his head. New tears welled and spilled.
Jack wanted to pummel someone, but Edward’s father was dead and his mother was a woman. Up until that moment, he’d believed a man should never hit a woman. Her treatment of Edward made him reconsider his beliefs.
Christ, Jack didn’t know how much more of this truth Edward could take and he wasn’t sure Olivia was doing Edward any favors.
“Is that all?” Edward sighed. He seemed to accept what she’d said.
“No, there’s one more thing.” She gasped and clenched her hands, and a small moan escaped her. “Maybe I should rethink those meds.” She chuckled gamely but pain and fear showed in her eyes.
“Let me help you.” Edward leaned forward.
“No. I won’t let you risk it.”
“Let me just take some of the pain away. So you can bear it,” he pleaded.
Olivia looked up at Jack again. “What do you think?”
Edward turned and stared up at him, as if seeing him for the first time.
Jack cupped Edward’s face in the palm of his hand. “Baby, can you just take the pain? Can you stop it if it goes too far?” Jack had promised Olivia he would take care of Edward and he meant to, whether Edward wanted him to or not.
“I can. I can control it.” Edward sniffed, his gaze begging Jack to believe him. Jack knew Edward needed to do this, needed to help his grandmother and ease her passing, for her sake and for his own.
“If I think you’re getting in too deep, I’m going to break it off,” Jack warned, as if he had any right to care for Edward, as if what he said mattered.
Edward nodded, accepting Jack’s help. Jack didn’t fool himself that it meant anything more than what it was.
“I believe he can control it. Let him try, Olivia.” Jack dropped his hand from Edward’s face.
Olivia sighed, closed her eyes and lay back against the pillow. “Before you do, I have to tell you something else.” She took a breath, opened her eyes and stared straight at Edward. “Everything is yours, child.”
“What?” Edward flicked his gaze to Jack then back at Olivia.
“Everything I own. The ranch, the house, all the leases. All yours. You’re my sole beneficiary and have been since your father took you away.”
Edward sat back. Jack gave a soundless whistle.
“If I said you can have it all back, would you let me heal you and stay with me?” Edward choked out through his tears, but Jack knew Edward already knew her answer.
“No. I’ve got my heart set on seeing Frank.” She gave his hand a pat.
Edward leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “I love you, Meemaw.”
“I love you, Edward. Unconditionally.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Jack, you better take your hand off my shoulder. I’m not sure if you could be hurt if you’re touching me.” Edward knew what he needed to do and knew that he could do it. If anyone was going to be hurt, it would be him.
Jack nodded and dropped his hand, but didn’t move away. Edward felt the warmth of Jack’s body behind him, he inhaled Jack’s scent, and it reassured him. Jack would be there for Olivia and that was enough.
Olivia shut her eyes and Edward brought her hand to his lips, then lowered it to rest on the bed. He took a deep breath and let it out in a long, slow exhale. Closing his eyes, he placed his hand on top of hers and bridged the distance between them.
Nothing rushed at him, but from the two times before, he knew he’d have to seek it out, go back to the place he’d found it before and confront it and his fears.
Edward’s way seemed clearer, the path not so strange, and in an instant he was there.
Dark, pulsing, ominous, it lurked near the center of her being. It had grown bigger, even from this morning. Edward’s fear kicked in and he hesitated. Earlier, he’d rushed to pull it away from Olivia, only to take more than he’d planned, and his rashness had left him ill and struggling to throw off its effect on him. If he were going to survive this and help Olivia, he’d have to take a lesson from Jack.
Edward reached down deep inside himself, found control and mastered his fears. He approached it and drew on his power. As he wicked it away, nipping at small bits, his mind eased, his breathing was a slow rise and fall and his heartbeat was perfectly timed to Olivia’s.
I can do this.
The pain flowed through him in a continuous stream, not stopping to inflict harm, and dissipated into the cosmos, the ether, or wherever it went, but he knew it hadn’t nested in him.
More confident than he’d ever been, he knew if things got out of control, Jack would be there. Jack might not love him, but Jack believed in him and his abilities.
The mass grew smaller, more concentrated, and wisps of the smoky tendrils disappeared. As Olivia’s pain lessened, Edward felt her body relax, her breathing grow less ragged, her heartbeat stronger.
Was it enough? He could do more, but that would mean attacking the thing itself, drawing the cancer into his own body, and he’d promised her he wouldn’t do that.
He paused. This might be his only chance to save her. What had she said? Playing God is a slippery slope. He stood on the edge of the slope, staring down into what could be destruction or salvation.
Edward pulled away, putting distance between them, backing out until he could barely feel her, then with a final step back, they separated.
He opened his eyes.
Olivia slept, her face a study in peace and contentment.
“You did it, baby.”
Jack had to stop c
alling him that, really. That one word from that one man, more than any other word he’d ever heard from anyone else, stabbed his heart. He would never belong to Jack and they both knew it.
“Thank you for watching over me.” Edward gave Olivia’s hand a final pat and stood. “She’ll be okay for a while.”
“Do you think you’ll have to do it again?” Brian asked. Edward had been so absorbed in his work, he’d forgotten about Brian being in the room.
“Maybe. It depends.” He left out the rest of the sentence—on how long she lives. He didn’t want to think about that. Not right now, when the knowledge that he’d helped ease her pain was fresh.
“I need some coffee,” Edward mumbled. He was tired but not exhausted.
They left Olivia’s room and went to where the others were waiting.
Rush, Mitchell and Sammi sat in a row on the chairs against the wall. Edward had no idea they’d come to the hospital. Brian must have called them. Sammi spotted Edward, stood and rushed over to him. Smiling, he pulled Edward into his arms.
“You did good, Edward,” he whispered into Edward’s ear and gave it a quick kiss. This time it wasn’t sexual, just a kiss of congratulation.
Edward pulled away. “I know.” He sighed. “I just wish…”
“That you could save her. I know.” Sammi nodded. There goes that reading people’s thoughts thing that Sammi does.
“Thanks for coming, y’all. Olivia would appreciate it. So do I.” Edward slumped into a chair. Rush handed him a cup of coffee with cream and sugar. Edward cradled it in his hands, letting its warmth transfer to himself.
Now he wondered—what next? How long?
Jack stared at Sammi, eating the hard taste of jealousy. The same bitter taste had sat in his mouth when he’d discovered Sammi and Edward kissing. He glanced at Mitchell, but he seemed to take it in stride. Maybe he was used to his lover kissing other men, but Jack would never stand for that crap. Maybe they did threesomes. He didn’t care what they did, as long as Edward wasn’t involved.
Sammi glanced over and gave Jack an unsettling, knowing smile.
