by Katie Ashley
The first thing I did was knock was Moose out. As soon as he was pain-free in LaLa Land, I started working on cleaning his wounds. With the beam from the operating room light, I could see where he had a slight nick in one of his arteries. Most likely, it accounted for a large part of the blood he had lost.
I sutured it up and then repaired the wound area as best I could. Moose would need a skin graft to properly close the area, but it would have to stay open until a tissue bed could form, which would take a few days.
With the surgery complete, I slid a blanket under Moose to help transferred him from the operating table to a gurney. After easing him into the recovery bay, I turned my attention to cleaning up. But then it hit me that Declan was probably about to have a nervous breakdown.
For once, I allowed myself to forgo proper procedures for the sake of a patient’s family. When I opened the exam room door, I didn’t see Declan in the hallway at first. My gaze dropped, and I found him slumped in the floor, his head in his hands. “Declan?”
At the sound of my voice, he shot to his feet. His wild eyes met mine. “Moose?”
“He came through just fine.”
Pinching his eyes shut, Declan wheezed out a breath before falling back against the wall. “Thank God.”
“Now he’s not totally out of the woods yet. Since he lost a lot of blood, I’m going to need to get some of his type from the emergency clinic so I can do a transfusion. Because he needs a skin graft, there is the risk of infection, which could lead to sepsis. However, at the moment, I don’t think there’s any reason why he won’t pull through.”
When tears sparkled in Declan’s eyes, I felt a tug in my chest. I couldn’t remember the last time I had seen him cry. He’d sadly always subscribed to the toxic masculinity idea that men who cried were weak. I had to admit how much fatherhood had changed him if he was willing to weep over a dog.
After grinding the tears out of his eyes with his fists, Declan gave me a sheepish grin. “If I give you a hug, will you promise not to deck me?”
Oh wow. Declan wanted to put his arms around me. I wasn’t quite sure if I was really ready for that. “Um, I’ll try.”
He chuckled. “Well, it’s the best I could do considering I’d offer to buy you a drink, but this is Hayesville, not Atlanta, so everything is closed.”
Holding up my hands, I replied, “It’s okay. There’s no need for any of that. I was just doing my job.”
He quirked his brows at me. “We could grab breakfast at the Waffle House.”
The one staple of twenty-four-hour dining in the South was the chain of Waffle Houses, and Hayesville actually had one. Although there were a million reasons why I should have told him no, I found myself nodding. Maybe it was because I always devoured a massive meal after surgery. I think the adrenaline had something to do with it. Tonight, or I guess I should say, this morning was no different. Just the mention of food sent my stomach growling. “Um, sure. That sounds good. Moose should be pretty comfortable from the anesthesia for another hour or two.”
Declan beamed at my agreement. I couldn’t imagine why the simple act of buying me breakfast would make him so happy, but I was I too tired and too hangry to question it. “Great. Can I see Moose before we go?” he asked.
“Sure.”
Declan followed me through the door of one of the examining rooms and then into the kennel where I’d set up Moose in the recovery bay. While I cleaned up, Declan pressed his hands against the cage and spoke softly to Moose in a sweet sing-song voice. Although he was woozy as hell, Moose did thump his tail.
Glancing over at me, Declan shook his head. “When I first saw him collapsed in the yard, covered in blood, I thought he was a goner.”
“I’m sure at first glance it did look that way. Thankfully for Moose, his injuries were primarily external in nature. Had he experienced a tear in his diaphragm or a broken back…” I sighed. “We might not have had the same outcome.”
“Thank God for small mercies, huh?” Declan mused.
“Yes. Very much so.”
He smiled. “And for talented vets.”
Warmth flooded my chest at his compliment. I could read the true sincerity in both his tone and his eyes. “Thanks,” I murmured.
Then it seemed the moment was broken. “Come on. Let’s go get some artery clogging Waffle House food.”
I laughed. “Okay.”
Chapter Eleven
After turning on the alarm and locking up, I followed Declan to his truck. When I opened the door, I was surprised when the metallic smell of blood didn’t hit my nose. Instead, it was the cloying scent of one of the cleaning products we used in the clinic.
Declan met my gaze across the front seat. “I hope you don’t mind that I borrowed some cleaning stuff. I was about to lose my mind pacing around, so I decided I needed something to do.”
“Of course, I don’t mind.”
I climbed up into the truck as Declan cranked up. Hayesville’s Waffle House was just outside of town near the interstate ramp. We drove along the empty streets in silence. In my mind, I went back to the countless times I’d ridden shotgun in Declan’s truck. My thoughts went straight for the gutter when I thought the many times we’d had sex in the bed of truck. Ducking my head, I stared out the window.
When we pulled into the parking lot of the Waffle House, it was pretty abandoned, which made since it was just after three in the morning. Just a few commercial trucks were scattered in the spaces. As we started inside, Declan rushed ahead of me to open the door. It was a nice and somewhat surprising gesture. Sure, he’d done the same thing when we were dating, but that was ages ago. Not to mention the fact we weren’t still a couple.
After we slid into a booth, a waitress appeared with her notepad in hand to get our drink orders. “I’ll take a large coffee, two creams, please,” I said.
At Declan’s grin, I furrowed my brows at him. “What?”
“Ten years have passed and you still order your coffee just the same.”
“Some things never change when it comes to my coffee.”
Tilting his head at me, he said, “What are the odds you’re going to order a waffle, an order of extra crispy bacon, and hash browns with cheese?”
Damn him. How did he possibly remember my Waffle House order? Part of me wanted to get something differently just to spite him, but my growling stomach won out over me being petty. After I plopped my menu behind the napkin container, I said, “I like the same food. What’s it to you?”
He shrugged. “Nothing. You always were a creature of habit.”
The waitress glanced between us. “Y’all wanna go ahead and order your food?”
Somehow I’d forgotten she was standing there witnessing our exchange. “Yes, please,” I said before repeating the foods Declan had rattled off earlier.
“Be right back with your drinks,” the waitress said.
Declan grinned at me. “Remember how we used to always come here after the football games?”
I nodded. “I think the wait staff ordered extra for Friday nights since they knew half of the school was going to be here.”
“My favorite times were when we’d go back to my house after we ate for a midnight trail ride with the horses.”
“Try an eleven o’clock ride. My weekend curfew was midnight, remember? And that was only senior year.”
With a laugh, Declan replied, “How could I forget? Your daddy put the fear of God in me to always have you back on time.”
“What did you expect from a minister?”
“That’s true.” A wicked look flashed in Declan’s eyes. “Of course, he never would have dreamed what we managed to do before midnight. Especially that summer after junior year.”
Warmth flooded me at his words and the memory of our nocturnal activities. But I didn’t want Declan to know that. “I’m pretty sure he would have lost his religion if he’d known I lost my virginity that summer.”
“It was more my fault since I finally wore you
down.”
Rolling my eyes, I replied, “You didn’t wear me down. It was my decision, and I made it in my own time.”
“Yeah, well, considering what a horndog I was, I’m sure I was an ass about it sometimes.”
“Actually, you weren’t.”
Declan furrowed his brows at me. “I wasn’t?”
“I always remember you being very patient with me and respecting that I wanted to wait until it felt right.”
“And it did feel right that first time, didn’t it?”
His words sent a rush of warmth over the top of my head and down to my feet. It seemed to pool between my legs. In spite of my physical reaction, I couldn’t help feeling surprised he was bringing this up now, and it wasn’t just because we were at the Waffle House. It was because of the emotional shit-show that had transpired between us. Regardless of what all gone down, it didn’t erase how special that first time was. I’d loved him and he loved me, and we’d sealed the deal by making love. I hated that he might doubt what my feelings had been like then.
Before I could respond, the waitress returned with our food. As I was pouring syrup onto my waffles, I felt Declan’s stare on me. When I looked up at him, I smiled. “Yes. It did. Regardless of how everything else turned out, the first time was special.”
Surprisingly Declan’s expression was very tempered. I’d imagined he might go on a typical male ego trip with my comments. “I remember being nervous as hell.”
“Why? You’d already had sex.” At the remembrance of how he lost his virginity at fifteen to Shay O’Briant—who was a senior when we were freshman, I wrinkled my nose.
“Still hating on Shay, huh?”
“No. I wasn’t.”
Declan chuckled. “Yeah, you were.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“Why was I nervous? Because I wanted to make your first time amazing. All I ever heard was how important losing their virginity was for girls. That’s why I didn’t want it be skeezy like in the back of a car or at a motel or something.”
“Sneaking off to Papa’s hunting cabin wasn’t skeezy?” I countered with a grin.
“If he had been there, yeah, it would have been.”
“Thankfully, it was the off season, and we didn’t have to worry about him or any of his buddies showing up to bag a deer.”
In that moment, I was swept back in time to the summer I’d turned seventeen. When I’d packed my overnight bag, I still wasn’t a hundred percent sure I was going to have sex with Declan. With our one year anniversary coming up, it made sense. Besides, I was merely a technical virgin since we had partaken in everything but the full enchilada.
But when I’d stepped into the one room cabin that was basically one rung below glamping, I knew I wanted to be with Declan more than anything in the world. Yeah, it sounds totally romantic, doesn’t it? Seriously, in that moment, it could’ve been a five-star hotel suite, and I would have felt the same way. And it was by candlelight in a way—the lanterns made it cozy and romantic.
But what had mattered most was what had transpired after we finished. As we lay there tangled in each other’s arms, Declan had stared intently into my eyes. “I’m going to marry you someday.”
My adolescent heart had almost exploded right out of my chest. “And I’m going to marry you,” I’d breathlessly replied.
The sound of plate breaking jolted me out of the past. I stared past Declan to where our waitress was picking up the pieces. Shaking my head, I replied, “It was nice.”
He stared intently at me. “Yeah, it was.”
Under the heat of his gaze, I focused on the food on my plate. After a few moments of silence and chewing, Declan asked, “What made you save Moose?”
The scrambled eggs I swallowed lodged in my throat. I reached forward for my water and took a large gulp before replying. “I’m a veterinarian—it’s my job.”
Shaking his head, Declan countered, “Not in the middle of the night when you’re off the clock and certainly not for a man who you’ve experienced past and present bad blood with. You could have told me to go on the emergency clinic, and I would’ve deserved it.”
I’d never imagined having to answer that question, least of all that Declan would’ve asked it. I narrowed my eyes at him. “Jesus, I know a lot of shit went down between us, but do you really think so badly of me that I would turn an injured animal away?”
“Fuck, Peyton, that’s not what I meant. The last thing in the world I would want is to insult you.” We were both tired, and I knew what he meant when I stopped to think about it. He looked so apologetic that I felt I needed to let him off the hook for that one.
“Moose didn’t choose his owner,” I replied diplomatically.
The corners of Declan’s lips quirked up. “Touche.”
“You’re the one who asked.”
“I know.”
I slid my fork through the river of maple syrup. “In spite of my resolve to always care for injured and sick animals, I had other reasons to help you.”
“What were those?”
Oh boy. I was really going to go there with him. “I know it was you who sent me all of those care packages in college.”
Declan’s smile faded. “How did you find out about that?”
“When your mom brought me a casserole the other day, I thanked her for sending the packages, and she had no idea what I was talking about. Then she told me it had to have been you.”
“Yeah, I sent them.”
“Why?”
He furrowed his brows at me. “Why? Because I felt like doing something nice for you.”
An exasperated laugh bubbled from my lips. “After jilting me at the altar?”
“Can you think of a better time?” he countered.
“I suppose not. But why sign your parents’ names? Why not just it was from you?”
“Once again, I knew you too well. I wanted you to enjoy the stuff, but I knew there was no way in hell you’d ever accept the package if you thought it was from me.
He had a point. If I’d known the goodies were from him, I would have probably lit them on fire before sending the ashes back to him. “You’re right.”
“I think you forget I know you almost as well as you do.”
Pinching my eyes shut in frustration, I shook my head. “I just don’t understand how—”
“How I could be nice and thoughtful when you’ve always painted me as the worst villain ever?”
“Oh you are the worst, but that’s not what I meant.”
“Then what?”
“Why didn’t you just try to talk to me?”
“For starters, you changed your number.”
Well, he had me there. “Yeah, well, that wasn’t my doing.”
“Wait, what?”
“My parents changed my number. And no, it wasn’t to keep you from calling me. It was about everyone else.” I shook my head at the memory of the incessant ringing, and the overflow of voicemails. “Although their hearts were in the right places, there was no way in hell I was going to heal if I had to relive what happened over and over every day.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m also sorry I didn’t try harder to get in touch.”
Instead of letting him off the hook, I replied, “I suppose you could have written a letter or sent an email.”
Declan exhaled a ragged sigh. “The truth is I really wasn’t ready for all that.”
“But you were ready to spend fifty or a hundred dollars a month shipping my favorite snacks to Georgia?” I countered.
“Like I’ve told you before, I was a stupid, immature kid. Somehow in my frame of mind, I saw the care packages as some sort of penance. Like it was worth more than just a few words.”
In the end, it hadn’t been worth it. Sure, I’d felt cared for believing they were from Pauline, but to know he’d sent the packages as a form of penance did nothing but make me angry. There was nothing he could have done to make things better. Nothing.
“No, Declan. You might think it was a form of penance for you, but it wasn’t. You ran. You never attempted to face me and apologize. You could have at least tried to talk to me.”
Declan quirked a brow at me. “Says the girl who spent ten years refusing to come home so she didn’t have to see me.”
With a scowl, I replied, “Touche.”
“You’re right, Pey. I should’ve moved heaven and hell to track you down to apologize. There’s no excuse, and I can offer nothing more than my apology.”
“And I accept it.” At Declan’s look of surprise, I replied, “I really do.”
“I’m so glad.” Tilting his chin at me, he asked, “What was the other reason you helped Moose?”
“Cam.”
Declan swallowed hard. “You were thinking of him too?”
“I know how much pets mean to kids growing up. Then I also thought of what you said about how he had been through enough and you didn’t want to let him down again.”
Declan’s expression saddened. “No. I couldn’t bear the thought.”
“How have you let him down?” I questioned softly.
“Because I couldn’t keep Mommy at home with him—with us.”
Oh God. My chest constricted in agony at both Declan’s words and anguished expression. Shifting my plate out of the way, I leaned forward on the table. “From what I’ve heard, you aren’t the one to fault for his mom leaving.”
With a mirthless laugh, Declan replied, “I would’ve thought you of all people wouldn’t be so naïve.”
“I’m not.”
“Come on, Peyton. I couldn’t keep her happy or satisfied, so she left. How is that not my fault?”
“Was it my fault you jilted me at the altar?”
Declan winced. “Jesus, did you have to bring that up? I promise you I can’t crucify myself for that anymore.”
I shook my head. “That’s not why I’m bringing it up. It wasn’t my fault you didn’t show up and marry me, Declan. It was yours. Just like your wife leaving for another man is all on her, not you.”
“I wish I could see it that way.”
“Give it a few years and countless hours of therapy and maybe you’ll see things differently.”
