by Katie Ashley
“Is that what happened with you?” he questioned
“Yeah, it is. I should probably be pissed at the amount of money I spent to have someone get me to see the obvious.”
Declan nodded. “It is the truth. There wasn’t a damn thing you did that chased me away. It was all me.”
“If you can see that, then maybe you’ll see it’s not your fault with Bailey.”
“I wish it was that easy. Hell, when we started getting serious everyone told me she wasn’t the marrying kind.”
“Then why on earth did you marry her?”
“She got pregnant with Cam.”
“Oh, I see,” I murmured. Inwardly, my mind was screaming HOLY SHIT! For some reason, it was oddly comforting hearing Declan hadn’t married Bailey because he was madly in love with her. It had been out of obligation. It was also incredibly frustrating since I’d wasted years wondering what it was about her that made him want to commit when he hadn’t wanted to commit with me.
As if he could read my mind, Declan said, “Regardless of Cam, I did love her. In a weird way, I think I looked at her with some savior complex.”
Oh. “You wanted to save her?”
He exhaled a ragged breath. “She doesn’t come from families like we do, Peyton. She’d known nothing but upheaval and abuse. She was partying and drinking heavily when we started dating. I thought somehow I could be the one to get her to stop drinking and go back to college.”
“That’s an admirable way of thinking.”
“It wasn’t just about Bailey—it was about me. Somehow I thought by helping her I could atone for what happened with you.”
Utterly stunned, I could merely blink at Declan. “You were thinking of me?”
“Yeah.” A sad smile quirked his lips up. “Regardless of who I was with, I always thought of you.”
This was the moment in an old movie the movie heroine might have dramatically rested her hand against her forehead while calling for some smelling salts. His admission had actually left me feeling faint. It still felt uncomfortable having him mention who he was with. But, I would have been surprised had he stayed celibate. Declan must’ve read my shock because he said, “Don’t act so surprised.”
“Trust me. I’m not acting.”
“Come on, besides growing up together, you were my first love—the woman I planned to marry. How could I not compare other women to you?”
I shrugged. “I guess I just thought when you jilted me, you were done with me.”
“No one who has ever met you could ever truly be done with you, Peyton. You’re far too special for that.”
Holy. Shit. He really was pulling out all the surprises. There was something to be said for middle of the night confessions. “Thank you.”
Leaning forward in his seat, Declan tilted his head. “What about me? Did you think of me?”
Silly man, of course, I thought of you. I feared every single man I remotely cared about was just going to leave me in the end. I erected steel walls around myself that no man could possibly get through, which resulted in me being thirty and single. I’ve allowed myself to believe I would never find true love, and it’s all because of you.
Those were all the things I wanted to say to him, but I didn’t. Vocalizing that to him would have revealed my vulnerability, and I couldn’t let him have that. Not again. “Yeah, sure.”
My clipped response sent Declan’s brows rising. “Why do I think that’s your diplomatic response since we’re in public?” he joked.
“Please. I would give you the same response regardless of where we are.”
“Hmm, I call bullshit.”
“Seriously? You do remember I kneed you in the balls at the funeral home.”
Declan chuckled. “That’s true.” He wadded up his paper napkin and tossed it onto the table. “I think I’ll refrain from asking just what you thought of me.”
I grinned. “That’s probably a good idea.”
“I’m not sure you want to know where my imagination could go.”
At the waggle of his brows, I rolled my eyes. “Rest assured there were none of those thoughts.” Yes, I was totally lying through my teeth on that one, but he sure as hell didn’t need to know that. He would never let me live it down.
“Fine. I won’t tell you whether I had those thoughts about you.”
An annoying part of me couldn’t help being curious by his last remark. Considering I hadn’t thought Declan capable of any kind thoughts about me post jilting, I certainly wasn’t imagining him fantasizing about me. “I think I’ll be okay with the mystery.”
Shaking his head, Declan reached for his wallet. “Come on. I better get you home.”
I threw a glance at my phone to check the time and groaned. “I’m going to be feeling this in the morning.”
“You and me both.” Grimacing, he replied, “We’re getting old.”
“Speak for yourself,” I countered as I slid out of the booth.
“We’re the same age, and we’re both getting old.”
“Thirty is hardly old.”
“It feels like it somedays.”
As I breezed through the Waffle House door, I threw him a teasing grin. “Some of us age faster than others.”
“Are you trying to say I look old?”
“No. Not at all.”
“You don’t sound too convincing,” he grumbled.
“Fine. Is this better? Declan, you don’t look a day over twenty-nine,” I mused.
“Always a smartass.”
“Somethings never change, huh?”
His scowl softened into a smile. “No. I don’t suppose they do.”
We made the drive back to my house in silence. Thankfully, it was more of an exhausted silence, than an awkward one. So much had transpired since he had shown up on my doorstep hours earlier. It felt like a lifetime instead of a few hours.
After pulling to the driveway, he put the truck into park. “So, you think Moose is going to pull through, right?”
I nodded. “It’ll be touch and go, but like I said before, I think he has a good chance.”
Declan ran a hand over his face. “What should I tell Cam?”
“The truth.”
Shaking his head, Declan countered, “He’s four for fuck’s sake. How do I tell him there’s a possibility Moose might die?”
“It’s better than the alternative of lying to spare his feeling and then things going wrong.” I gave him a pointed look. “How could he ever trust you after that?”
With a ragged sigh, Declan said, “You’re right.” He shifted in his seat. “You know when you decide to have kids, you only focus on the all good things you’re going to do. Like how you’ll teach them how to play football and swing a bat. Reading to them at night and taking them to Disney and to see Santa. You don’t ever stop and think about the tough spots. Like how do you possibly begin to explain that dogs die and Mommy’s leave, but none of it is their fault?”
At the anguish burning in Declan’s eyes, I averted my gaze to my lap. “I wish I knew.”
A mirthless laugh bubbled from his lips. “I’m starting to get why Mom and Dad used to always say kids should come with instruction manuals. I sure as hell could use a parenting one.”
“I think you’re being too hard on yourself. At the end of the day, you’re doing the best you know how to do.” Turning in my seat, I once again faced Declan. “I know I only spent like two minutes with him at the funeral home, but he seems like a great kid.”
Pride radiated in Declan’s eyes. Probably not from my comment of his parenting abilities, but my compliment of Cam. “I appreciate that. Even if he is mine, he’s pretty damn amazing. Smart as hell. Mom’s been working with him on his sight words.” At what must’ve been my blank look, Declan added, “The words that will get him ready to read.”
“That’s wonderful. He probably got a lot of his dad’s intelligence.”
Declan snorted. “Since when was I ever that intelligent?”
; “You graduated with honors from high school remember?”
“I seem to remember someone else was valedictorian.”
“We’re not talking about my accolades right now, thank you very much.”
“Fine. I guess I wasn’t a total dumbass. Especially for a jock.”
“Once again, you’re not giving yourself the credit you deserve. You’re a successful businessman in town with a gorgeous, smart kid.” I nodded at him. “I know it might be hard, but you have a lot to be grateful for.”
The intensity of his stare made me shiver slightly. I wished it was simply the air conditioning being on full blast, but it was much more than something so simplistic. It had been a long, long time since Declan had looked at me the way he was looking at me now. Although the years had changed me from the girl I was then, I still experienced similar feelings as I had a decade ago.
“Thanks, Peyton. That means a lot,” Declan murmured.
“You’re welcome.” Motion caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. At the inquisitive glance of my neighbor in his running gear and headphones, I knew it was past time I got out of the car.
Peering through the windshield, Delcan asked, “Is that Bruce Daughtry?”
“Yeah, even though he’s retired, he still gets up at five am to run.”
After throwing up his hand, Bruce jogged past us. I had the sneaking suspicion that by breakfast, most of Main Street would’ve heard that Peyton Beasley was sitting in the car with Declan St. James at five in the morning. The town gossips would have a field day imagining that we were coming home from some sexual tryst.
“Anyway, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” When I realized what I had said, I quickly added, “You know, to update you about Moose.”
Declan smile. “I’ll be waiting.”
I momentarily fumbled with the doorknob before hopping down from the truck. As I started up the walkway into Papa’s house, I felt Declan’s eyes on me. Even though I was tempted to turn around, I kept my gaze firmly ahead. It was only after I slipped inside the house, that the truck began backing out of the driveway.
We hadn’t fought.
That was the most prominent thought running through my head. We hadn’t fought. In fact, we’d been civil. It reminded me of the many conversations Declan and I had before. Yes, we made out a lot. And yes, once we finally did the deed, we were at each other any moment we could get. But we were also best friends. He’d been the one I confided in about everything. And that was causing a riot in my head. I’d lost so much when our relationship had ended. I’d felt empty for so long without his friendship. Bereft.
With my emotions jangled and my mind spinning with Declan-centric thoughts, I pitched face forward onto the mattress before falling into a deep sleep.
Chapter Twelve
When my alarm went off the next morning, I groaned before burrowing deeper under the covers. After arriving home, I’d debated just staying awake since I’d need to be up at six. But exhaustion won out and I’d collapsed in the bed around four. Now two hours later, I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed all morning.
After dozing through one snooze alarm, I finally dragged myself to the bed. One quick shower and a quick cup of coffee later and I was out the door. Since I wanted to check on Moose, I skipped my breakfast stop at the Main Street Café and grabbed a totally unappealing protein bar out of my console.
When I got into the recovery bay, my heart leaped at the sight of Moose wagging his tail. “Hey buddy, I figured you might be whining to let me know it was time for more pain medicine.”
He responded by licking my hand through the cage. “Why don’t we try to get a little water into you as well as some drugs to keep you comfortable?”
I fed Moose some water with a syringe and then administer an injection of BLANK. Once he was resting, I fired off a quick text with a picture to let Declan know how he was doing. With Moose sorted, I went to my office to see what was on the morning’s schedule. “Two feline ball snips and some well checks,” I murmured as I read the computer screen.
By seven thirty, the office started coming alive with the arrival of Sylvia, the front office manager, Carly and Ansley the two vet techs, and last but not least, Hank Kisick. After briefing them on what had happened the night before with Moose, it was time to go to work with my patients.
The morning stayed slammed. When I finally had my first free moment of the morning, I plopped down in my office chair to update charts and reports. I’m not sure how long I was engrossed in my work before the phone beeped at my desk. “Dr. Beasley, you have an owner waiting for you in the lobby with a question,” Sylvia said.
I furrowed my brows at the phone. Most owners addressed their questions at appointments, so I wasn’t sure what it could be about. Fearing the worst, I braced myself for a potential dressing-down by an unhappy client.
When I opened the door to the lobby, I was shocked to see Declan standing there. It wasn’t so much his presence as it was his son Cam’s. Instead of staring shyly at me like he had at the funeral home, he wore a desperate, pleading expression.
Declan shot me a sheepish look as he stuffed his hands in the pockets of his khaki pants. “Hey Peyton, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but Cam has been insisting I bring him to see Moose.” Tilting his head at his son, he added, “I told him it might not be possible for him to go back.”
As I chewed on my bottom lip, I glanced from Declan to Cam. My heart ached at the sight of his tear-stained faced. “You’re missing your friend, aren’t you?”
Cam nodded. “I need to tell him hi.”
At Blue Pearl, we didn’t allow children under ten in the recovery area. But this was my clinic now, and I could bend the rules where I saw fit. “Okay, you can go back for just a few minutes if you promise to very quiet. Moose needs his rest. The more rest he gets, the faster he can come home to you.”
Cam’s face lit up. “Really?”
I smiled at him. “Yes, you can.”
Tugging on Declan’s pants leg, Cam exclaimed, “Come on, Daddy! Let’s go see Moose!”
“Easy now, Buddy. We need to listen to what Dr. Beasley says.”
Rushing over from his father, Cam enthusiastically took my hand in his. “I’m listening, Doc.”
The touch of his hand sent a jolt through me. Both the feeling and Cam’s reaction took me by such surprise I momentarily froze. Cam tugged on my arm. “Come on, Doc.”
Shaking myself out of my stupor, I replied, “Right. Yes. Let’s go see Moose.”
I led Cam through the waiting room door with Declan on our heels. As I started down the familiar hallway, Cam turned his head left and right, taking everything in. When I opened the door to the kennel, hearty yips and barks, along with a few meows, filled the air. “Why isn’t Moose in one of those?” Cam asked as we passed by the boarding kennels.
“Well, Moose is a very special patient here, so we have him in a very special place.”
“Oh. Okay.”
When we entered the recovery bay, Moose’s ears immediately perked up. He turned his head and pressed his nose against the front of the cage. Cam dropped my hand like a hot potato to race over to him. “Hi Moose, it’s me, Cam,” he said. Moose’s tail immediately began thumping at the sight of his human. “How ya feeling?”
Declan joined me at my side. “He’s looking a lot better.”
“He really is. I think the blood transfusion is really helping as well.”
Peering at me over his shoulder, Cam asked, “When does he do his crafts?”
I cut my eyes over to Declan. “Crafts?”
“I think he means the skin grafts.”
“Right. Yes, that would make sense.” Giving my attention to Cam, I replied, “Probably on Thursday.”
Cam nodded. He then turned back to Moose. “You gotta get better, boy. Okay?”
Moose’s response came in the form of licking Cam’s fingers. “That tickles,” Cam giggled.
“All right. You’ve see how he’s doing. Now I
need to get back to work, and you need to get back to preschool.”
Cam’s face fell. “But I want to stay with Moose.”
“We’ve talked about this, Cameron.”
“No! I wanna stay!” Cam demanded.
“But you can’t,” Declan bit out through gritted teeth.
Trying to diffuse the impasse between father and son, I quickly said, “Moose has to get his beauty rest so he can feel good to come home to you. Why don’t I send your dad several photo updates today of Moose? Maybe you guys can even Facetime this afternoon.”
Excitement danced in Cam’s eyes while Declan’s brows shot up at my suggestion. “You’d really do that?” he questioned.
“Of course.”
“That’s really above and beyond,” he replied, his voice choking off a little.
Wanting to lighten the tense emotions of the moment, I waved a dismissive hand at him. “Don’t worry. I’ll add a photography package to your bill.”
Declan snorted. “I’ll be sure to look for it.” He held out his hand to hand. “Come on, son. Let’s let Moose get his rest and Dr. Beasley back to work.”
“Okay.” After taking his father’s hand, Cam grinned up at me. “Thanks, Doc.”
At his cheeky grin, I couldn’t help smiling back. “You’re welcome.”
“Seriously, Peyton, I can’t thank you enough for today, last night.” Declan once again appeared to choke up. “For everything.”
Although I could have argued I was just doing my job, I realized it was pointless. Even though he had hurt me badly, Declan knew my character. I would have reacted the same to attending to any pet if the same thing happened to someone else.
But, the feeling of rightness wouldn’t have been present. The feeling that I wanted to make sure that Declan’s little boy didn’t have to face another heartbreak. Because I knew Declan’s character. He hated other people hurting because of his actions.
Hence the care packages.
Hence the breakfast.
Hence his unrestrained appreciation.
It wasn’t hard to look into that little boy’s eyes and not feel something. No words could adequately express what it had been like when he’d held my hand, looking up at me with such trust even though I was essentially a stranger. And right now, as Declan looked at me—again—as if I was someone remarkable, it was hard not to feel my heart softening toward him. He was a good man. He was a good man. And as long as it was only my head that thought that, my heart would remain completely safe.
