Christmas with a Cowboy

by Brown, Carolyn

  “Yeah!” Jake ran over to her and pulled on her hands as though trying to force her into saying yes. “Come on, Mom. He gave us his tree. We have to let him help!”

  To say she hesitated would’ve been putting it mildly. Kenna’s lips parted, but nothing came out, so Tucker decided to rescue her.

  “Actually, thanks for the invite, guys, but I should get home. I have a lot to do.”

  “But what’re you gonna have for dinner?” Jake asked. “You gotta eat dinner anyway. When we get our tree, we always order pizza. There’ll be plenty, won’t there, Mom?”

  Wow, that kid had really nailed the pleading puppy-dog face.

  Much as he hated to disappointment them, he really shouldn’t accept the invitation. Mainly for all of those reasons he’d outlined in his head just a few minutes ago. “Thanks for the invite, but—”

  “It’s fine.” Kenna gave him a very soft, very tempting smile. “Of course there’ll be plenty of pizza. You’re more than welcome. We’d love it if you’d come.”

  He should turn her down. But it did something to him that she seemed to want him to come. He would’ve hated to disappoint the boys, for sure, but for reasons he was pretty sure he didn’t want to understand, he simply wasn’t capable of disappointing Kenna. “If you’re sure I’m not intruding.”

  “Not at all.” She opened the car doors and helped the boys climb in, checking their seat belts while they chanted, “Tucker’s coming to dinner!”

  When she backed out of the Jeep and shut the door, he inched closer to her. “Are you sure about this? Because I can make up an excuse and go on home.” He stood almost as close as he had when he’d kissed her, but Kenna didn’t withdraw. “I’m sure.” Her gaze rested firmly on his. “We would all love to have you. Me included.”

  “Then I’ll come.” He couldn’t seem to look away from her. Not until she broke their stare and climbed into the driver’s seat. “You can follow me.”

  Unease gurgled in his stomach as he climbed into the truck and pulled out of the parking spot to follow her. Nerves like he hadn’t felt since Reckoning II—one of the Cortez’s bulls—had charged straight at him. It was a feeling he’d never gotten because of a woman.

  He followed Kenna through town and out to the eastern edge—small-town suburbia, he liked to call it. Cookie-cutter houses lined the symmetrical streets, positioned in the centers of squared lots that likely had perfectly manicured landscaping underneath all that snow. Just one more reminder that he didn’t belong here with her or the boys. These were family people—husbands and wives and partners who worked nine-to-five jobs and wore clothes from high-end malls in Denver and drank fancy wines and took summer vacations to places like Hawaii. He wouldn’t fit in with those people. He’d never even wanted to try. So what the hell was he doing following Kenna home?

  He didn’t have time to dwell on the question before Kenna made a quick left into the driveway of her house. He parked his truck on the street. The boys came running and sliding down the icy driveway to greet him.

  “This is gonna be so fun!” Jake danced around him.

  “Mom called to order pizza from the car,” Benny added. “And she even got the cinnamon breadsticks for dessert!”

  “Sounds delicious.” Tucker joined Kenna at the Jeep, where they worked together to untie the tree. She insisted on helping him haul it in, and the boys called out instructions as they held open the front door.

  “A little to the left,” Jake said.

  Benny followed closely behind them. “Watch out for the ceiling!”

  “We can just set it right in here.” Kenna led the way into a living room with a vaulted ceiling. “I’ll go find the stand and the ornaments.”

  After they leaned the tree against the wall, she disappeared.

  Tucker looked around. The room still depicted a happy family life. A nice but well-used couch sat along one wall and there were family pictures hanging in patterns throughout the room.

  “That’s our dad,” Jake informed him, pointing out Mike Hart in one of the posed family shots. “He made some bad choices, so he can’t live here anymore.” He said it so matter-of-factly that Tucker didn’t know how to respond.

  He finally settled on, “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “Yeah.” Jake seemed to shrug it off. “But Mom said everyone makes mistakes and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love us.”

  “And learning to forgive people for their mistakes is one of the most important things you will ever do in your whole life,” Benny recited wisely.

  Wasn’t that the truth? It also happened to be the hardest thing to do, in his estimation.

  “Did your dad make any mistakes?” Jake asked.

  Tucker envied their openness. They’d shared everything with him without even blinking, yet he had a hard lump at the base of his throat just thinking about his dad. “Uh. Yeah. My dad made mistakes too.”

  Benny gazed up at him with a look of pure innocence. “Did you forgive him?”

  “I think I’m still working on it.” That wasn’t exactly true. He hadn’t worked on it at all. In fact, he’d completely written his father off, never taking the man’s phone calls, tossing letters or cards in the trash before he opened them. Eventually the calls and letters had stopped coming.

  “Maybe we could work on it together,” Jake suggested.

  “Work on what?” Kenna came staggering into the room under the weight of three large boxes. Instead of answering the question, Tucker lurched to help her, relieving her of the top two.

  “What’re you talking about?” she asked after she’d set down the box.

  Tucker braced himself while he carefully set the boxes near the tree. Hopefully she’d know he wasn’t the one who brought up the subject of disappointing dads.

  Jake hemmed and hawed for a minute. “We were talking about Dad,” the boy finally admitted warily, as if he knew that wasn’t what his mom would want to hear.

  “Oh, honey.” She rubbed her hand up and down his back. “I’m sure Tucker doesn’t want to hear about all that.”

  He didn’t have to hear about it. He’d lived it. That disappointment, that struggle to understand how someone who was supposed to be a protector could betray him. “Actually, we were talking about my dad too. About the mistakes he made.”

  “Tucker said he’s still working on forgiving his dad,” Jake offered. Leave it to kids to tell the whole truth.

  “I think that takes a while.” Her gaze held Tucker’s. “But let’s not worry about it tonight.” She suddenly beamed a bright smile. “Let’s just have fun decorating the tree.”

  Jake and Benny took that suggestion to heart. After he and Kenna had figured out how to put the tree stand to use and then untangled the damn Christmas lights enough to wind them around the tree, the boys attacked the boxes. Every time they unwrapped an ornament, Jake and Benny oohed and aahed and told Tucker the story of when they’d gotten it or made it, and then they’d place it on the tree—all in one spot in the middle about halfway up.

  Kenna didn’t seem to mind the concentration of ornaments all in the same place. She let them put each one wherever they wanted and gave no instruction or correction. Instead, she smiled and chatted and teased the boys, making them giggle.

  When the pizza came, they ate it on the floor—right out of the box, the boys using their shirts as napkins, taking bites in between hanging the ornaments.

  Tucker found himself wrapped up in all of it—the laughter and the warmth of the room with those two boys’ faces shining as bright as a Christmas star. If he’d gone on home, he would’ve spent a quiet evening catching up on stuff he needed to do around the house with a hockey game on in the background. He’d never thought of his life as lonely until now. Until hearing the boys laugh and tell stories. He’d been content until he’d shared these few hours with a woman who brought so much life and energy into the room. For the first time, he felt like his life was missing something. Every time Kenna looked at him and smiled, his hea
rt stopped. His lips burned to kiss her again, but it was more than just the physical urge. She stirred something deeper.

  But he couldn’t shake the feeling that he didn’t fit here. That no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t be what Kenna needed. He couldn’t be what these boys needed. It warred inside of him—the contentment that seemed so close he could almost grasp it against the desire to get up and leave. Walk out before things got too complicated. But that would only prove he was just like his father. So even though he felt himself withdrawing, he stayed right where he was and watched the boys hang their ornaments.

  Slowly, the number of ornaments in the box dwindled until they placed the last two.

  How they’d managed to fit over fifty ornaments all in one spot on the tree was beyond him. The fact that Kenna let it go made him like her even more. Not that he needed any help in that department. What he really had to start doing was keeping a list of reasons he didn’t want this. Want her. He thought on it for a few minutes, but nothing came to him.

  “Well I guess that’s that.” Kenna stood and brushed some pine needles off her jeans.

  “Wait!” Benny rushed over to one of the boxes. “The star, Mama. We almost forgot the star.” He lifted it out reverently, carefully holding on to it with both hands.

  “It’s Benny’s turn to put it on the tree this year.” Jake’s expression turned pained. “I did it last time.” He obviously wanted to do it again, but he seemed to know the drill. They must take turns every year.

  “Will you help me?” Holding the star out, Benny walked over to Tucker. “Can you lift me up?”

  He hesitated. There was a weight in the air, and he didn’t have to ask to know that this was something their father used to do. He glanced at Kenna, took in the sadness in her eyes.

  “That’s a great idea, Benny.” She cleared her throat. “If Tucker doesn’t mind.”

  He shouldn’t mind, but the request rattled him. It wasn’t only Kenna he worried about hurting. These boys. Especially Benny. The kid had already opened his heart to him. He could see it. I’m not the guy you think I am, he felt like telling them. But Benny was looking at him with those huge eyes and he couldn’t refuse. “It would be an honor.” He stood and lifted Benny onto his shoulders, then moved close enough to the tree that he could reach the very top. The boy stretched and reached. “I got it!” he exclaimed with triumph.

  Next to Tucker, Kenna looked up at the twinkling tree. “It’s perfect. This is the perfect tree.”

  Tucker slowly lifted Benny off his shoulders and set the boy’s feet back on the ground.

  “Thank you.” The kid wrapped his arms around Tucker’s waist.

  “You’re welcome, buddy.” He patted the kid’s back lightly, unsure of what else to do, but Benny held on even tighter.

  “All right, boys. It’s way past your bedtime.” Kenna pried her youngest away from Tucker. “Why don’t you say goodnight and run upstairs? I’ll be up to tuck you in in a minute.”

  “Bye, Tucker. I’m real glad you came.” A hug from Jake hit him straight in the gut. “Next year it’ll be my turn to put the star on the tree. Do you think you could lift me up?”

  “Oh.” He raised his eyes to Kenna.

  “Next year’s a long time away,” she said quickly. “And who knows…the way you’re growing, you might be able to reach the top all by yourself.”

  “I bet I will!” Jake agreed. “I mean, I will be eight, so I probably won’t need help.”

  “Probably not.” Tucker forced a smile to cover the sudden rise of panic. He shouldn’t have come. He couldn’t keep spending time with them, couldn’t let them get their hopes up only to be disappointed.

  Benny looked once more at the tree. “I think this is the bestest Christmas tree we’ve ever had.”

  “It’s definitely the most amazing tree I’ve ever seen.” Kenna glanced at Tucker with a soft smile that tempted him to forget all of the reasons he shouldn’t be standing here with her.

  “Now march, you two.” She pointed toward the stairs, and both boys reluctantly headed that direction.

  “Goodnight!” they called as they disappeared.

  “Goodnight.” Tucker was already in the entryway where he’d left his coat. “I should go too.” Before he got any ideas about kissing Kenna again. He hastily pulled on his coat. “Thanks for the invite.” He barely let his gaze cross hers. That chemistry between them was too intense. He could already feel it pulling at him. “It’s been a long time since I’ve decorated a tree,” he said to steer his attention away from her lips.

  “Well technically, we didn’t get to decorate anything.” Kenna laughed and opened the front door. He followed her out onto the porch where the crisp scent of wood smoke hung in the air.

  Walk away. Damn it, he could not kiss her again. Things between them were already tangled enough.

  “Guess I’ll see you around.” He turned to leave but Kenna’s hand caught his shoulder.

  “What’s wrong, Tucker?”

  He turned back to her. “What’d you mean?”

  “You’ve hardly said anything for the last hour. And you have this grim look on your face. I thought we all had a good time tonight. I know I did.”

  Instead of the sadness he expected to see in her eyes, he saw compassion, like she really wanted to know what was bothering him. “I just don’t want to complicate things too much. For you and the boys.”

  “For me and the boys or for yourself?” Her head tilted and she continued to gaze at him like she could see right through him.

  Damn it. This was why he avoided relationships. He wasn’t good at this. At talking about the things he didn’t want to face. “After everything you’ve been through—”

  “Don’t.” She raised her hand between them. “Don’t tell me how I should or shouldn’t feel because of everything I’ve been through. No one knows better than me what I’ve been through.” Her posture grew rigid. “Why did you kiss me?”

  “Because I’m attracted to you.” It’s not like he could keep that a secret. “But I don’t do relationships and you need—”

  “Fun,” she interrupted, stepping into his space. “I need fun. Escapism. I need people to stop treating me like I’m breakable. I’m not. I went through hell last year, but I’m not broken.” She rested her hands on his shoulders, moving in so close he could see every fleck of gold in her emerald eyes. “And I’m not some needy woman who’s going to get all attached if a man kisses her. Maybe all I want is a fling. Did you ever think of that?”

  No. That definitely hadn’t occurred to him. A yawning hunger for her opened up again, sending currents of electricity zipping around his lower body. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

  “I’m sure. So what do you say?” Her eyebrows rose in a devious proposition. “Are you interested in having a little fun with me?”

  She really had to ask? “Hell yes.”

  Kenna moved in, fitting her curves tightly against his body. “Then kiss me again, Tucker McGrath. And this time don’t be shy.”

  Chapter Seven

  “Why are you staring at Ms. Hart?” Little Violet marched up to Tucker and stood toe-to-toe with him. “You’re supposed to be teaching us the songs, but you’ve been staring at Ms. Hart for like ten minutes.”

  More like an hour. He’d done his best to periodically pull his gaze away from where Kenna stood on the stage directing the actors, but it seemed his willpower was no match for her. Not after that smokin’ hot kiss on her porch last night. It had lasted all of thirty seconds before she’d backed away saying she needed to go tend to the boys, but thirty seconds had been enough to fuel plenty of fantasies. Now he was counting the milliseconds until he could get her alone again.

  “You like her, don’t you?” Violet accused. “You have a crush on her! Tucker has a cru-ush,” she started singing.

  “It’s not a crush.” It was a fling. But he couldn’t tell Violet that. Instead, he opened up the songbook and held it out to her. �
�Since you’re such a great singer, why don’t you lead us in ‘Hark the Herald Angels Sing’?”

  “Really?” the girl squealed. “Me?”

  Distraction accomplished. “Yes, you. Everyone, why don’t you open up your books and follow along? Take it away, Violet.”

  The girl belted out a flat version of the song that would’ve made his mom cover her ears, but Tucker gave her a double thumbs-up. That ought to keep her busy for a while. Too busy to notice his obvious appreciation for a certain schoolteacher. Where’d Kenna go, anyway?

  “So Violet has officially taken over the show, huh?” Kenna asked from behind him.

  “Uh, yeah.” He turned and kept a healthy distance between them in case her boys were watching. While she might be up for a fling, he didn’t want Benny and Jake getting ideas about the two of them being together. “Violet’s always talking about how good she is at singing. I thought I’d give her the chance to prove it.”

  Kenna slanted her head, calling him out with a sexy little smirk. “Did you make her sing so you don’t have to?”

  He did his best to look appalled by the suggestion, but in the end he could only stare at her lips with what was probably a greedy expression. “Of course not.”

  “Levi Cortez told me you used to sing.” Kenna swayed her hips a step closer, obviously doing her best to torment him. “In fact, he said you were a pretty good singer back in high school. And you played the guitar too?”

  Oh no she didn’t. He could read the brilliant idea on her face. “Levi doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” It had been years since he’d played. Another thing he’d given up when his father had walked out. And he definitely wasn’t going to break out the guitar for the Christmas pageant.

  Kenna inched even closer, her gaze lowering to his chest. “I think it would really help if the kids heard you sing.” She brought her fingers to the collar of his shirt, straightening it. When her skin grazed his neck, his knees threatened to buckle. Aw hell. This wasn’t fair.