Christmas with a Cowboy

by Brown, Carolyn

  “If it makes you feel better, Hank Green said Kenna already broke the news to your mom,” Levi said. “So at least you don’t have to worry about that.”

  “It doesn’t help.” In fact, it made him feel worse.

  Tucker refocused on the band and nursed his beer while they finished their song. Seconds after the guitarist strummed the last notes, Gil Wilson, the bar’s owner, lumbered onto the stage.

  “Sorry to interrupt but we have a quick announcement.” Groans and booing came from the audience, but Gil waved them off. “All right now, that’s enough. It’ll only take a minute and I’ll extend happy hour another half hour.” He stepped aside to the sound of cheers, and Kenna walked onto the stage.

  Kenna? Tucker nearly dropped his beer bottle. What the hell was she doing up there? Wait. It didn’t matter. She was here and his heart was racing and his hands were all sweaty with nerves and he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. How could he have avoided her when she made him feel this way? Like she was the most important thing in the room?

  She seemed nervous, too, as she looked out at the crowd. It couldn’t be easy for her to stand up there, to put herself back out there like this when she’d hidden herself away from so long…

  “Hi, everyone.” Her voice was quiet but determined. “I’m sure you’ve all heard about what happened at the town hall and how we had to cancel the pageant.” She cleared her throat. “Well, we thought we had to cancel it, but now I’m not so sure.”

  “What’s she up to?” Lucas asked.

  “I have no idea.” Desperation pumped through him. Maybe he wasn’t good enough for her—maybe she didn’t see a future for them—but he did. He would find a way to show her he could be more. For her. For the boys. Before he even realized what was happening, he was on his feet.

  “We all know that the pageant is one of the highlights of the Christmas season in Topaz Falls,” Kenna went on, still sounding unsure.

  A few murmurs of agreement came from nearby tables.

  “It’s one of the things that brings us all together over the holidays,” she said, raising her head.

  That’s it, Tucker silently told her. Don’t let them make you feel small, Kenna.

  She inhaled deeply, which seemed to calm her. “I have to admit I wasn’t looking forward to Christmas this year. I’m sure most of you sitting in this room know why.” A smile made her whole face come alive. “But then I started working on the pageant with Birdie…and…well…with Tucker too. And everything started to change.”

  His friends all glared at him with varying degrees of suspicion.

  “Seriously? You and Kenna?” Lucas pressed.

  “We’re going to talk about this later,” Lance promised.

  “Quiet.” He didn’t want to miss one word she said.

  “Most of you know that Birdie got sick, so Tucker and I managed things together.”

  No, they should’ve managed things together, but he’d failed her. He hadn’t been there when she needed him the most.

  “The more time I spent with the kids—and with Tucker—the more hopeful I felt. Hope that maybe things could be different for my boys and me this year. That maybe this Christmas could be about moving forward and embracing the future.”

  Yes. He closed his eyes, holding that memory of their night together close. Yes. Moving forward. He needed to move forward because he needed her in his life. He needed Jake and Benny. And he would do whatever it took to figure out how to let go of the past so he could be there for them. So they could build a future…

  “When the flood happened, my boys were devastated,” Kenna went on, gaining momentum. “Actually, all the kids were. They’ve worked so hard this year, and they were so excited to share it with you all. And I…well…I don’t want them to give up hope. I don’t want to give up hope.”

  Then Tucker wouldn’t either.

  Kenna shielded her eyes from the stage’s lights. “I think maybe if we all work together, we can still find a way to make the pageant happen. We can save Christmas for these kids, and for Birdie McGrath, and maybe for ourselves too.”

  A few people clapped, and she leaned into the mic again. “We need a venue and donations and volunteers and…well…everything really. But I know we can make this happen. So if you’re willing to help, please come and find me.” She grinned. “And now back to the music.”

  Kenna quickly exited the stage and disappeared into the crowd that had already gathered. Tucker started after her, but Lance caught his shoulder. “So what the hell happened between you two?”

  He shook off his friend. He didn’t have time for the third degree. “I have to go talk to her.”

  “I guess that answers my question,” Lance said with a grin.

  Tucker ignored him and headed for the stage.

  “Hey,” Lucas called behind him. “Why don’t we have the pageant at our place?”

  He turned back to them. “Seriously?”

  “That’s a great idea,” Levi said. “We can bring in some heaters for the barn, throw together some props. I’m sure we can get everyone to help spruce the place up. Tell her we’ll do whatever we can to help.”

  “I will. Thanks.” The words were barely out before he rushed off to find her. It took elbowing his way through a whole horde of people, but he finally caught her attention.

  She stopped talking to someone midsentence.

  He closed in the rest of the way, doing his best to block out everyone else so he could steal a moment with her. “Thank you,” he said before she could speak. “For not giving up on me. For coming here.” A big part of that speech had obviously been for him.

  “I’m sorry, Tucker.” She pressed a hand to her heart. “I never should’ve pushed you away. It scared me…how I felt about you. And I—”

  “It’s okay.” She didn’t have to explain. Not here. “We need to talk. Alone.” So he could tell her he was done avoiding her, avoiding relationships.

  “Yes, we have a lot to talk about.” The woman’s smile baited his. “But you should be with your dad right now. We can talk later.”

  He glanced at his watch again. “So far he’s thirty minutes late.”

  “That’s awful.” Kenna slipped her hand onto his waist and nudged him to the back wall, away from the crowd. “God, I can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been for you to see him.”

  “Yeah you could.” Maybe that’s why he felt such a connection to her. Because she could relate. “You had to see Mike, right? After he hurt you?”

  She nodded. “The first time I brought the boys to visit him, I thought my heart would shatter into a million pieces.”

  “It feels something like that,” Tucker agreed. It was easy to ignore the pain year after year when you didn’t have to face the person, but seeing his dad…it had hurt far worse than he could’ve imagined. But maybe that hurt was good. Maybe it was necessary.

  “My heart didn’t shatter though.” Kenna eased closer. “It was broken for a while, but I think it healed stronger. And it actually helped to see him. As hard as it was, it brought some closure too.”

  Tucker took Kenna’s hands in his, running his thumbs over her knuckles. “I think closure would help. Maybe it will make me a different man.”

  “I don’t want a different man.” Tears brightened her eyes. “I was terrified that morning I woke up with you. Because I hadn’t felt anything that deeply for so long. I hadn’t let myself feel anything, but with you I didn’t have a choice. It just happened. And I panicked. I thought it wasn’t what you wanted. We’d agreed on harmless fun, so I thought I’d give you the easy way out.”

  “I don’t want the easy way out,” he told her, letting emotion thicken in his throat. “Not this time. That resentment I have for my dad has been taking up too much space in my life. But you make me want to let go of it. Your boys make me want to let go of it.” That was all the motivation he needed. “Sometimes I’m afraid that I’m no better than my dad. That I don’t know anything about sticking it out.
When things get serious, I’ve always walked away just like he did.”

  Kenna brought her hand to his face and guided it closer to hers. “That’s not true. When someone’s important to you, you do know how to stick it out. You know what loyalty is. You’ve taken care of your mom for fifteen years. You’ve been there for her whenever she needed you. I’d say you know more about sticking it out than most people.” She moved in like she was going to kiss him, but stopped just short of his lips. “I was kind of hoping maybe I could be important to you too.”

  “You already are.” He couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He had to taste her mouth, had to feel that connection with her again—the one that made him whole. For now he settled with brushing his lips against hers, feeling that spark ignite in the very center of him. “I was panicked that morning too. But for the first time it didn’t make me want to run. I wanted to stay. I wanted you to stay.”

  “That’s good because I’m not going anywhere.” Kenna teased him with a lingering kiss.

  “But we could go somewhere,” he murmured, savoring the feel of her body against his.

  “Where?” she asked a little too innocently.

  “Back to my place?”

  “Yo, Tucker.” Levi laid a hand on his shoulder. “Sorry to interrupt, but isn’t that your dad over there?”

  Somehow he pulled away from Kenna and looked in the direction his friend pointed. The man standing by the doors was haggard and dripping wet from head to toe. “Yeah. That’s him.”

  Without saying a word, Kenna grabbed his hand and held on while they walked to meet his father.

  When they approached his dad, Tucker felt a sting of sympathy. He looked awful.

  “I’m sorry I’m late, son.” His coat and jeans were drenched, sticking to his gaunt frame, and his hair and beard had been matted down with snow.

  “What happened to you?” Tucker asked, finding it hard to summon the hostility he’d armed himself with earlier.

  “I got a flat on the highway.” His father visibly shivered. “I was gonna be on time. I swear it. I was gonna be ten minutes early but the dang tire popped and I couldn’t get service on that good for nothin’ phone of mine.”

  “So you walked all the way from the highway?” He didn’t know why he asked. The answer was obvious. The man was probably borderline hypothermic.

  “I didn’t want to let you down again,” his dad said gruffly. “I know it don’t make up for anything. But I wanted to be here. I wanted to look you in the face and tell you I’m sorry. I was a coward. There ain’t no excuse for leavin’. It was a mistake and I’ll understand if you never want to see me again.”

  His father was right. Hiking a few miles through the snow couldn’t make up for years of abandonment, but it didn’t have to. Instead of going back and trying to figure out how to be a father and son, how to fix everything that had been broken between them, they’d start something new. “I still want to have dinner with you,” Tucker said, laying a hand on his dad’s shoulder. “We can go out to my place so you can get warm and dry. But first I want to introduce you to someone. Someone who’s real important to me.” He slipped his hand onto Kenna’s waist and guided her to stand in front of him. “This is Kenna Hart.”

  The woman who’d given him something to hope for.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Look, Mom! It’s like magic!” Jake knelt and plugged in the strands of Christmas lights that highlighted the new stable’s simple framed structure. White bulbs twinkled merrily, and the three-dimensional star Tucker had made from sticks and lights was mounted in the center, beaming its message of hope to everyone gathered in the barn.

  “It’s perfect,” Kenna declared. Even on Christmas Eve, so many people had turned out to help transform the Cortez’s barn into the perfect venue for the pageant. Lance, Levi, and Lucas were currently setting up rows of chairs they’d borrowed from the high school. Carly Lammers and a bunch of her friends were decorating the tables that had been set up on the outskirts of the large space. Mateo and Everly, along with Kenna’s other book club friends, were setting out warming dishes filled with everything the town would need to enjoy a real Christmas feast together after the show—juicy sliced turkey, stuffing, candied sweet potatoes, and farm fresh rolls. There were also plates of every kind of Christmas cookie imaginable for dessert.

  With everyone working so hard for the last few hours, you could feel the Christmas spirit floating in the air. In order to dress up the barn even more, Kenna had driven back out to the Christmas tree farm and they’d donated everything they had left to the cause. With the help from the town’s volunteer firefighters, she’d transported the trees back and decorated them with the ornaments the kids had made while the grown-ups had been working. To capture the spirit of giving, Kenna had also spread word for everyone to bring a wrapped present when they came back for the performance that night so they could do an exchange after dinner.

  “This’ll be the best pageant ever!” Jake and Benny danced around in the middle of the stable, the small tool belts Tucker had found for them sagging low on their hips. “And this is the best stable anyone’ll ever see in a million years!”

  “It’s the best one I’ve ever seen, that’s for sure.” Tucker walked out from behind the structure, and his eyes locked on hers with a look that made both her knees go slack.

  “I have an idea,” he whispered, moving his mouth close to her ear. “Maybe you should hang some garlands way up there.” He pointed to the stable’s top tier.

  Kenna answered with a smirk. “Are you trying to get me up on a ladder, Tucker McGrath?”

  His low laugh spoke directly to her girly parts, heating them right up.

  “I was kinda hoping…”

  She moved closer to him and stared up into his eyes. “You don’t have to trick me into kissing you again, you know. I’d be happy to do it without the ladder. Whenever you want. Wherever, too.”

  “I always want—”

  “Hey, Tucker!” Jake bounded toward them, his hammer and screwdriver clanging in his belt. “When’re we gonna build the manger? That’s the last thing we have to do and then Mom said we can change into our costumes!”

  “Yeah!” Benny loped along behind his brother. “It’s almost time for the show to start!”

  Tucker shared a smile with Kenna, and she totally got it. Those two were too cute to resist. “I’ll tell you what,” Tucker said as he laid a hand on Jake’s shoulder. “You two go ahead and get all that wood we set aside for the manger earlier. I’ll be right there.”

  “Okay!” Benny led the charge to the stack of lumber piled by the double doors.

  Tucker watched them go before torturing Kenna with another ravaging stare. “I guess the kiss will have to wait.”

  Her inner thighs quivered. “I guess it will.”

  “I’ll be looking forward to it. All. Night.” Greed darkened his eyes, sharpening her ache to be with him again.

  “Me too,” she nearly whimpered. He turned and walked away, taking her gaze with him. Dear Lord in heaven, those jeans…

  “So it looks like your fling with Tucker is still going pretty hot and heavy.” Everly sidled up next to her and leaned an elbow on Kenna’s shoulder.

  “Oh, it’s not a fling.” She still found it difficult to focus on anything except for Tucker.

  “What’d you mean?” Everly’s arm dropped back to her side and she moved to stand in front of her. “I thought you weren’t ready for more.”

  Kenna shuffled sideways so she could watch Tucker while he patiently instructed Benny and Jake as they worked on their project. “I didn’t think I was ready for more, but I seem to have found him anyway.”

  Once again her friend blocked her view, confusion etched into the lines that crinkled the corners of her eyes. “Found who?”

  “The man who makes me believe.” In herself, in him, in them, in the future, in love. That’s what Tucker had done for her. It wasn’t at all what she’d planned—and he likely hadn�
�t planned on it either—but that’s what made it so right. It had taken them both by surprise. “I’m not so sure you have to be ready. Maybe being willing is more important.” Being willing to take a risk, willing to follow your heart.

  “Oh my goodness. That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.” Everly used the sleeve of her sweater to dab at her eyes. “I’m so happy for you. And for Tucker. And for all of us. This really is going to be the best Christmas.”

  “It really is,” Kenna agreed, getting a bit misty herself. Everyone had contributed so much. “The food smells delicious, by the way. Thank you for donating everything.”

  As usual, her friend shrugged off the gratitude, as if donating enough food to feed nearly two hundred people was nothing. “We were happy to. Do you want to take a peek at what we’ve got?”

  She’d like more than a peek, but she’d do her best to wait along with everyone else. “I’d love to.”

  Everly walked her around and showed her the different food stations. She’d thought of everything—even down to the adorable Santa Claus napkins. After her friend let her sample one Christmas cookie, Kenna hugged her tight. “This is amazing. Seriously. I can’t wait to—”

  “Mom!” Jake and Benny yelled for her, waving their arms across the room. It appeared they’d finished the manger project and were now all bundled up for some reason. “Tucker says he has a surprise for us! For all three of us! Outside!”

  She looked at Everly.

  “Go.” Her friend sent her off with a pat. “But we’re having coffee ASAP. We need to catch up. I need details, honey.”

  She nodded a promise and hurried over to where the boys stood by the door.

  “Get your coat on, Mom!” Benny tried to wrap her down jacket around her. “Hurry! We can’t wait to see the surprise!”

  “Okay, okay.” She bundled herself up while the boys impatiently tried to help by wrapping her scarf around her neck and shoving her gloves onto her hands. “Did he say what the surprise is about?”

  “No.” Jake tugged her out the door. “But he said we’re going to love—”