Watch You Burn

by KA Richardson

  ‘Always were as clumsy as a new born foal,’ said a voice from behind her.

  She felt herself freeze at the familiar sound, felt her breath pause in her tightening chest.

  Cam – it’s Cam. Breathe, dammit.

  Turning her head slightly, she stared at him with narrowing eyes. ‘What do you want, Cam? I thought you weren’t supposed to come here unless there was a valid reason to do so?’

  ‘There is a valid reason. I’m hurt you’re not pleased to see me. It’s been a few months since I saw you. The extra weight suits you.’

  Edina paused, ignoring his taunt about her weight. Months? It’s only been a few months?

  ‘What do you want, Cam?’

  She leaned against the wall, steadying herself so he wouldn’t see her shaking.

  ‘Now you know I’d love to say ‘I want you’. I’d love to say how I wanna feel that tight arse move as you bounce back around my dick again. I’d love to say I want to feel your tits scraping against my chest. Hell, I’m getting hard just thinking about what I’d love to say. But, you know I can’t say any of it. So I won’t,’ sauntering past her with a smirk, he leaned in so close that she could feel his breath on her lips, ‘I’m here to see the boss man, see about getting my job back here. It’s not working out up in Durham. You never know, DeeDee, we might be knocking chests again before long. You know you miss me as much as I miss you. I came back today especially. Happy birthday, DeeDee.’

  Before Edina could react, he leant forward and brushed her lips with his, and as she shuddered inside, she watched as he strolled up the stairs without a care in the world. She’d forgotten just how intimidating it had been having him near her. When they’d been together he’d been so controlling the air had felt stifled and she’d been scared to sneeze in case he objected. He’d helped her move in with him within weeks – his way of being able to watch her even more of the time, alienating her from her friends and family by making her feel guilty when she wasn’t with him. It was the way he acted at work that had finally prompted her to leave. She remembered that day as though it were yesterday.

  It had been her last day as a fire fighter.

  ‘I’m not going down that road again. I’ll be damned if he’s allowed to come back here and work,’ she muttered to herself, still trying to stop shaking. In the eighteen months they were together, he’d never hurt her once, not physically, but he’d battered her down mentally, and by the time she’d told him she was leaving, she was terrified of how he’d react. Even she didn’t think he’d have stooped that low though.

  Slowing her breathing, she inhaled through her nose and exhaled through her mouth. She couldn’t change what Cam would say to the chief, but this time, she wouldn’t take any decisions lying down. He’d been cleared of negligence, and the move to Durham, though forced, had essentially been a promotion since he ended up there as lead driver. Was it just a coincidence that he’d turned up only days after the kitten had turned up in her fridge? Was she wrong? Could Cam be the one stalking her? He’d certainly done enough of it when they’d first broken up.

  Ed didn’t know the answers. All she knew was that she was now royally pissed off and more than a little afraid. Taking another deep breath, she made her way up to the bait room.

  Birthday’s suck.

  1st October, 1445 hours – Kelly-Ann’s residence

  ‘Do you think it hurt?’ Kelly-Ann’s voice invaded Janelle’s thoughts as they sat together on the sofa in Kelly-Ann’s bedroom.

  ‘Do I think what hurt?’ replied Janelle, wondering where the conversation was headed now. It had jumped all over the place since she’d got there an hour ago, a conversation pieced together from fragments of nothing.

  ‘Dying. Do you think it hurt Glen to die? Like, the fire must have hurt, right? But do you think he still hurt when he died?’

  Janelle couldn’t stop her mouth from forming an incredulous ‘O’. Kelly-Ann was nuts – that was the only explanation for the stupidest question she had ever heard. Who thought like that anyway?

  ‘Are you for real? My best friend just died and you’re asking whether I think he was in pain when he died? Do you really think I would want to know if he suffered at the end? You’re the queen of stupid fucking questions, Kelly-Ann. I mean honestly, who the fuck would ask that.’

  ‘Sorry. I just wondered. It makes me wonder about death, when someone dies. Like, will I feel it when I die? Not be in pain or anything, but just know, you know?’

  Janelle sighed. This was a mistake. This whole thing was a mistake. She was sat here with some retarded lunatic contemplating death. The only plus to going to Kelly-Ann’s today was that she had some weed. Taking another drag off the spliff, she leaned back into the sofa, not hearing the words as Kelly-Ann droned on beside her.

  She suddenly felt really tired – like it had been a hundred years since she’d slept. Closing her eyes, just for a minute, she drifted off.

  1st October, 1450 hours – Kelly-Ann’s residence

  She had seen Janelle go into Kelly-Ann’s address – she’d been watching the house all morning. Sitting on the bench on the green opposite for hours, pretending to read the book in her hand without ever turning the pages. It gave her the perfect view of the cul-de-sac where Kelly-Ann lived, even if the seat was a bit damp. The rain had held off today though, and it wasn’t as cold at all. It almost made her believe that the frost that morning had been a lie. In fact, now, at just before three in the afternoon, with the sun blazing down, one could be tricked into thinking that it was summer and not autumn.

  She wondered what they were talking about – her head cocked to the side as if she were straining to hear them. Glen – they would be talking about him, discussing how they both missed him, what they’d be wearing to his funeral in a few days. Smiling, she thought about the funeral. She could go – the whole class had been told the family wanted a private sitting at the crematorium but that friends were welcome to attend the church service.

  There’ll be no open casket though, people wouldn’t like to see crispy, fried Glen peering out from the coffin.

  Grinning to herself, she already knew she’d be going, even if all she did was stand at the back and watch. She wondered if she could convince the other two to go too. Her friends could go with her and celebrate the death of one who had been with the bitch who’d bullied them so horrifically. Resolving to ask, she returned her attention to the book in her hands.

  To the plain observer, it looked like she was reading To Kill A Mockingbird, by Harper Lee, but the truth was it held her notebook inside. Her notebook whose pages were filled with diagrams, equations and notations. Anyone reading it would have been freaked out – even her friends didn’t know what it contained. It was her bible, it held her ramblings and thoughts, and the methods to carry out the plans she had running round her head.

  Details of each experiment she’d done, the location she’d done it, and whether it had been a success. Tweaking one from when she burned an abandoned car she’d found in one of the fields outside the town months ago to suit Kelly-Ann and her little car would be a doddle. She couldn’t wait to feel the flames crackle in front of her, watch the mesmerising flames dance to a tune only they could hear.

  She couldn’t leave it a long time – she knew she needed to strike now to hurt Janelle where it would get the best reaction – her friends. Janelle was devastated by Glen’s death, every time she closed her eyes she could see Janelle with tears streaming down her face. She knew Janelle would grow more resigned with each death, learn that this was all about her.

  And eventually, she’d be begging to die too.

  1st October, 1455 hours – Darlington Fire Station

  ‘You OK?’ asked Joey, sticking his head round her door and waggling his eyebrows to make her smile. ‘I’ve not heard a peep from you for days.’

  ‘Sorry, I’ve been tied up with this allotment murder, and… well, you know. Stuff.’

  ‘Bet Cam waltzing in like he’s never been
away hasn’t helped any. Rumour is he’s after transferring back in. He’s told the boss you don’t have a problem with him anymore, that you’d kissed him and said you’d let bygones be bygones.’

  Incredulous, Edina stood up and paced around the table. ‘I said no such bloody thing. And there’s no way in hell I’d lay my lips on that prick again, you know that, Joey.’

  ‘Aye, I know. Wind your neck in. I didn’t say I believed him. Chief didn’t seem to either for what it’s worth.’

  ‘He didn’t? I thought the chief would be pulling out all the stops to get him back here.’

  ‘You really don’t give him much credit you know, Ed. The chief always thinks about what’s best for the station, he’s never done anything to suggest otherwise, not as far as I know anyway. I get why you’re pissed at Cam, but you don’t need to tar the rest of us with the same brush. This crew is a good crew, we always have each other’s backs. You alienate yourself by hiding away in this little office of yours, and still they stand up for you. Open your bloody eyes and start seeing, will you? For the record, half the team got up and left when Cam walked in this morning.’

  ‘They did that? For me?’

  ‘Not entirely. They did it ’cos Cam’s an egotistical, selfish twat who hasn’t even seen most of them since he left for Durham. But they did it ’cos you’re on this team too. You should consider coming out tonight. A few of us are headed over to the pub for a birthday bash. Wouldn’t kill you to show a little support.’

  Suddenly, Ed felt ashamed. He was right. Since Cam had left, she’d buried herself in the investigation side and not been acting like a member of the team. Perhaps the reason she thought no one liked her was because they didn’t. How could they when she pushed them away.

  ‘You’re right, Joey. I have been a bit of a reclusive, ignorant cow. Course I’ll come tonight. Is it just at the regular?’

  ‘Yeah, we’re going down for about 730pm Sorry for being sharp, I just don’t like seeing you alone like this, hurting and thinking no one gives a damn. When we do.’

  ‘I was being a dick. No more though. I’ll see you tonight.’

  ‘OK,’ Joey turned to leave just as the alarm sounded, but paused and turned back. ‘Happy birthday, Ed. I left you a gift by your locker.’

  Before she could respond, he turned and left, closing the door with a soft click.

  Ed felt a lump rise in her throat. She couldn’t ask for a better friend than Joey – she didn’t show him enough how much he meant to her. Another thing to be ashamed of. Momentarily, she wondered how it had all got so messed up. Before the accident, she’d have been one of the first to shout up if anyone needed anything. Now it was so bad her team barely spoke to her, and it was more out of worry for her response than not having anything to say.

  Why had she done that? Distanced herself from her friends, refused to socialise with them. Maybe deep down, the accident had affected her more than she wanted to let on. Even to herself.

  Picking up the phone, she made the first impulse decision she’d made in a long time, and plugged in the number for the brigade counsellor. Arranging a session before she could change her mind, she hung up thoughtfully.

  It was time to face up to what had happened, and stop running from the past.

  1st October, 1655 hours – Heather’s residence

  Heather paused by the large tree that obscured the view from her living room window. Part of her wanted to go inside, tell her mum what had been going on and have her hug her tight and tell her that everything was going to be OK. And the other half of her dreaded going in and telling her mum everything, like it would somehow make it even more real than it was.

  It was strange, she knew. She felt like her whole life had been about fighting to be separate from her family, and now she wanted to be part of it more than anything. To do that though, she had to bite the proverbial bullet and talk to her mum.

  Ed had been right last night. As they shared pizza and a bottle of wine, Ed had reminded her that their mother had gone through hell and high water to keep them together as a family, had made sacrifices so they could all stay together. Everything Joanna Blaze had ever done was for her kids. Heather knew her mum would want to be there, would want to know why Heather had been such a cow for so long. But it was still hard to think about opening up.

  Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the front door and walked inside. It smelled like home always did – her mum’s obsession with candles and anything that smelled like lavender left a permanent welcoming aroma throughout the whole house. As she wandered into the kitchen, she couldn’t help but smile as her mum came into view.

  The years had been kind to Joanna despite the hardship she’d been through in her life. Her husband walking out and leaving her with two young kids just one of the problems she’d contended with. But she had kept her youthful features, and generally was taken for another sister rather than a mum. Her wavy brown hair framed her face as she looked up from the dining room table.

  ‘Hey sweetheart, you want a coffee making?’

  ‘No I’m OK, thanks, Mum. Can we talk?’

  ‘Always, love. What’s up?’

  She pulled one of the dining room chairs close to her and patted the seat, inviting Heather to sit.

  Instead, Heather wrapped her arms round her mum’s neck, buried her face into the side, and held her tightly. And Joanna, with every mother’s natural instinct, held her back every bit as tightly.

  Heather pushed the tears back and sat down, it was definitely time Joanna knew what was going on.

  10

  1st October, 1855 hours – Cleveland Arms Pub, Albert Hill, Darlington

  Kevin had arrived at the pub minutes before Jackson had turned up with his two sisters, Rachel and Melanie. The two girls were as like as peas in a pod – they looked so much alike they could pass for twins, and he remembered they’d often taken advantage of the mere one year and three months between them. His aunt Cathy had lit up on seeing them as much as she had at seeing him, and it made him realise he’d been a little remiss at visiting.

  Accepting his beer at the small bar on the left, he looked around, taking a sip. It had been a while since he’d been in, but it was all exactly the same. Opting to sit out of the hullabaloo of the back room where the darts girls and Cath’s friends were on top form, he huddled into the small table in the corner beneath the flat screen TV mounted on the wall. Apart from the couple of die-hard regulars and the barmaid, he was alone in the room. Raucous laughter sounded from the back room, and he knew instantly the darts girls had got off to an early start.

  The two die-hards were sat nursing the dregs of a pint that was a long way from being cool – the location meant that the clientele was usually just the single lads stopping in for a pint on their way home from work on the industrial estate. Being so out of the way also made it the perfect location for the other regular users. His cousin Rachel was a fire fighter, based out of Darlington, and thanks to her, the pub had become a regular haunt for his cousin’s team.

  Momentarily, he wondered whether Edina would be coming down – he’d meant to ring her and ask if she’d wanted to meet him there for a drink, but his day had been horrendous. He and Jackson had been run off their feet, with more jobs than they could physically handle between them. It had got to the point where he’d rung Jason Knowles and asked for another CSI to cover, but Jason had been every bit as busy and couldn’t spare anyone. He had been due to finish at 4pm but he’d literally left the office and come to the pub.

  Hearing the spring on the back door sound, he glanced up to see who was coming in.

  And just like that, he felt like he’d been sucker-punched.

  Edina had walked inside with an air of confidence, her fitted grey trousers and blouse leaving little to the imagination. She’d applied a little make-up, something he’d not noticed her wearing before, and seeing him, she smiled widely. Not wanting to seem like some love-sick puppy, he lowered his eyes and took a long drink of the Carli
ng he’d bought at the bar.

  He genuinely didn’t expect her to join him, so when she plonked down beside him, he jumped.

  ‘Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. It’s OK me sitting here, right? Don’t fancy being in the throng through there.’

  Kevin smiled, ‘No it’s fine. I didn’t want to be either.’

  ‘Besides, Marilyn follows me round the room – it’s a bit creepy. I presume Marilyn is still there?’

  Grinning widely, Kevin replied, ‘Yeah she’s still there. Albeit full of holes – as nice as they are, the darts team have a regular problem with missing the board. The poor wall’s littered with holes, and the many Marilyn’s adorning said wall have suffered greatly.’ He referred to the Marilyn Monroe wallpaper that the owner, Carole, had put up a couple of years before. It had caused a giggle back then – now he was convinced that half the time, the darts team aimed for the Marilyns instead of the board, not that they’d ever admit it.

  ‘You here with Jackson?’ asked Ed, taking a sip from the coke in her hand.

  ‘Actually no, Cathy’s my aunt. She pretty much raised me – only fair I come along to her sixtieth.’

  ‘So you and Jackson are related then? And Rachel too? Cool.’

  ‘Cathy’s amazing. When my mum and dad died, she took me in without any hesitation. Can’t wait to give her the pressies. You’ll have to stay – her face is going to be a picture.’

  ‘I’m not going anywhere,’ replied Ed, her voice a little husky.

  2nd October, 0020 hours – Edina’s residence

  ‘So… do you erm, want to come in for a coffee?’ Despite only having had a couple of drinks, Ed’s voice shook as she directed the question at Kevin, who very gallantly, had walked her home from the pub. Normally she’d have caught a taxi, not normally daft enough to walk up North Road and through the cemetery to her home on Thompson Street. But with Kev’s hand in hers she’d felt safe.