'Charge It': Keeping Up With Harry

by Irving Bacheller

  XVII

  WHICH PRESENTS A DECISIVE INCIDENT IN OUR CAMPAIGN AGAINST OLD NEWENGLAND

  "Harry was pretty well disabled with affection for a time. He was likea Yankee with the 'rheumatiz,' and you know when a Yankee gets hold ofthe 'rheumatiz' he hangs on. It don't often get away from him. Itbecomes an asset--a conservational asset--an ever-present help in timeof haying.

  "Since Harry's return the tactics of Marie had been faultless. Hereyes had said, 'Come on,' while her words had firmly held him off. Heshook the tree every time they met, but the squirrel wouldn't comedown.

  "It was a hard part for Marie to play, between the pressure of twohandsome boys and her duty to grandpapa. The Reverend Robert had wonthe favor of the old gentleman by turning from tennis to agriculturefor exercise. He had gone over to the Benson farm and helped with thespring's work; he had supper there every Sunday evening, after whichhe conducted a little service for the Deacon's benefit. He waspressing, as they say in golf, and it didn't improve his game. I sawthat Marie was not quite so fond of him. I had maintained an attitudeof strict neutrality, but could not fail to observe that Marie hadbegun to lean.

  "'You have captured the rest of Pointview, and you ought to be able totake Benson's Hill,' Marie had said to Harry. 'Grandfather is the lastenemy of your crusade.'

  "It was a timely touch on the accelerator, and Harry began to speed upa little.

  "'The farm is so well defended, and there's nothing I dread so much asa hickory cane,' the boy had answered. 'The last visit I made to thefarm I wondered whether I was going to convert him to my way ofthinking, or he was going to convert me to jelly.'

  "Indeed, Deacon Joe stood firm as a mountain. People were saying thatthe minister would win in a walk, when Marie converted her grandfatherby the most remarkable bit of woman's strategy that I ever observed.It was Napoleonic.

  "One day in May, Harry came, much excited, to my office. Deacon Joewas about to move to his island, a mile or so off shore. He was goingto take Marie with him for an indefinite period. No boat would bepermitted to land there except his own and the Reverend Robert's.Marie would be a sort of prisoner. That day she had told him of theplan of her grandfather. In Harry's opinion Knowles had suggestedit.

  "'Where is the girl's mother?' I asked.

  "'On some Cook's tour in Europe, and the old man is crazy as a Marchhare,' said my young friend. 'He's got a lot of bulldogs over there,and his hired men have been instructed to shoot a hole in any boatthat comes near.'

  "I went over to the Benson homestead that afternoon, and found DeaconJoe sitting on the piazza.'

  "'How are you?' I asked.

  "'Not very stout,' said he; 'heart flutters like a ketched bird.'

  "'What are you doing for it?'

  "'Doctor give me some medicine; I fergit the name of it, but it is thestuff they use to blow up safes with.'

  "'Nitroglycerin! The very thing! I hope they will succeed in blowingup your safe.'

  "I was pretty close to the old man, and was always very frank withhim. He liked opposition, and was as fond of warfare as an OldTestament hero.

  "'What, sir?' he asked.

  "'There are some folks that have got to be blowed up before you canget an old idea out of their heads,' I went on. 'They are locked upwith rust. That's what's the matter with you, Deacon. Your brain needsto be blowed open an' aired. You stored it full of ideas sixty yearsago and locked the door for fear they'd get away. They should havebeen taken out and sorted over at least once a year, and some throwninto the fire to make room for better ones. If life does you any good,if it really teaches you anything, your brain must keep changing itscontents.'

  "The Deacon hammered the table with his cane, as he shouted:

  "'You cussed fool of a lawyer! Don't you know that truth neverchanges? Truth, sir, is eternal.'

  "Then I took the bat. 'Truth often changes, but error is eternal,' Isaid. 'You know when you want to prove anything, these days, youquote from the memoirs of a great man. Well, I was reading the memoirsof the late Doctor Godfrey Vogeldam Guph not long ago. He told of aman who was very singular, but not so singular as the doctor seemed tothink. This man knew more than any human being has a right to know. Heknew the plans of God, and had formed an unalterable opinion about allhis neighbors. Then he locked up his mind and guarded it night andday, for fear that somebody would break in and carry off its contents.And it did seem as if people wanted to get hold of his treasure, forthey often came and asked about it, and some even questioned itsvalue. He said, "Away with you--truth is eternal, and my soul is fulland I will part with none of it."

  "'Meanwhile the truth about things around him began to change. NeighborSmith became a good man. Neighbor Brown became a bad man. PriscillaJones, who had been a vain and foolish woman, was one of the saints ofGod. The foundations of the world had changed. In a generation ithad grown millions of years older and different--wonderfullydifferent! Even God himself had changed, it would seem. His methods werenot as people had thought them. His character was milder. Everythinghad changed but this one man. Now when he died and came to St. Peter,the latter said to him:

  "'"Who were your friends?"

  "'The new-comer thought a minute, and mentioned the names of somepeople who had been long dead. "They know the truth about me," hesaid.

  "'"Ah, but the truth changes, and they haven't seen you in manyyears," said St. Peter.

  "'"But I have not changed," said the man. "I am just as when they sawme."

  "'"Then you are a fool or the chief of sinners," said St. Peter."Behold a man as changeless as the flint-stone, who has made nofriends in over forty years! That is all I need to know about you.Take either gate you please."

  "'"One leads to Heaven--doesn't it?" said the new-comer, in greatalarm.

  "'"Yes, but you wouldn't recognize the place. There isn't a soul inparadise that cares which way you go--not a soul in all its multitudethat will be glad to see you. They have better company. Stranger! gowhich way you please, Heaven will be as uncomfortable as hell."

  "Deacon Joe gave me close attention, and I saw that my sword hadnicked him a little. Anything that affected his hope of Paradise wassure to engage his thought. He shook his head, and said that he didn'tbelieve it. But he couldn't fool me. I knew that the seed of changehad struck into him.

  "I gave him another thrust. 'Deacon, you knew Harry Delance when hewas a fool. But the truth about _him_ has changed. He is now ahard-working, level-headed young fellow, and you ought to be hisfriend.'

  "'Wal, I like the way he cuffed them fellers over at Trent,' said theDeacon. 'He pounded 'em noble--that's sartin. Mebbe if he licks a fewmore men I'll begin to like him.'

  "'Give him a chance,' was my answer. 'I hear that you are going tomove for the summer.'

  "'Goin' to my island to-morrow,' said Deacon Joe. 'I'm sick of theautymobiles an' the young spendthrifts hangin' around Marie, an' herextravagance, an' the new church nonsense, an' the other goin's-on.I've got a good house there, an' Marie an' I are goin' to rest an'stroll around without bein' run over until her mother comes back. Theonly trouble I have there is the hired men. They rob me right an'left. I wish somebody would lick them.'

  "'You really need a young man like Harry,' I urged. 'And Marie needshim. She'll be lonely over there.'

  "'Not a bit,' said the Deacon. 'She'll have a saddle-horse, and youngKnowles can come over once a week, if he wants to. I hear he's donesplendid lately.'

  "'He's doing well, but I am inclined to think that Harry is the betterman,' I said, taking sides for the first time.

  "'I don't believe it,' was the answer of Deacon Joe. 'Knowles isgetting pretty sensible, and his voice is stronger.'

  "The Deacon moved next day, and when Sunday came I went over in a boatwith the Reverend Robert at eight o'clock in the morning. I was takinga stroll on the beach when I met him, and he asked me to go along. Itwas just a social call, he explained. Incidentally, he was going topray and read a Scripture lesson at the Deacon's request. As we leftthe d
ock, Harry came riding by on one of his thoroughbreds and Iwaved my hand to him. When we got to the Deacon's landing, I said toRobert:

  "'As I am not invited, perhaps you had better announce me to DeaconJoe, while I stay here in the boat.'

  "'All right,' he said, as he gaily jumped ashore and tied the painterrope.

  "Robert hurried in the direction of the little house, and had coveredhalf the distance, when a bulldog came sneaking toward him. Robert sawthe dog, and ran for a tree. He was making handsome progress up thetrunk of the tree when the dog reached him, and, seizing a leg of histrousers, began to surge backward. The cloth parted at the knee, andbetween the pulling of man and dog, Robert lost about all the lowerend of one trousers-leg. The hired man came running out with some moredogs, and said:

  "'It's all right, Mr. Knowles, you can come down. I hope he didn'thurt you.'

  "'Excuse me,' said the young man, 'but I think I'll stay here awhile.'

  "Three dogs stood at the foot of the tree looking anxiously upward.

  "'They won't hurt you while I'm here,' said the hired man.

  "'I won't take any chances,' said Robert. 'Go shut up your lions, andI'll come down.'

  "'Who's that in the boat?' the hired man asked.

  "'Mr. Potter,' said Robert.

  "'Well, he mustn't land 'less the old man says so--I don't care who heis.'

  "Just then the hired man changed his position suddenly, and stoodlooking into the sky. I turned and saw an aeroplane coming down likesome great bird from the hills, behind the village. It sailed highabove the spires, and coasted down to a level some fifty feet abovethe water-plane between shore and island. In a minute or so it roaredover me, circled the point, and came down in the open field thatfaced the Deacon's cottage. Dogs and chickens flew and ran in greatconfusion as it swooped to earth. I knew that Harry and his new flierhad reached the island of Deacon Joe, and I hurried ashore tosee--well, 'to see what I could see,' as the old song has it. Harryjumped from his seat. The hired man ran toward him. Deacon Joe andMarie and a woman-servant hurried out-of-doors.

  "In less time than it takes to tell it, Harry had licked the hiredman, and kicked two dogs in the belly till they ran for life, and shotanother one, and was chasing a second hired man around the wood-shed.Not being able to run fast enough to do further damage, Harry came tothe astonished group in front of the house and caught Marie in hisarms and kissed her.

  "Then he turned to the Deacon, and said: 'Sir, I will keep off yourisland if you wish, but I do not propose to be bluffed when I come topay my compliments to you and Marie.'

  "HE LOOKED LIKE A MAN WITH A WOODEN LEG"]

  "Deacon Joe was dumb with astonishment. The young minister came downout of his tree and walked slowly toward the group, with rags flappingover one extremity of his union-suit. He looked like a man with awooden leg.

  "'How did ye get here?' Deacon Joe demanded of Harry.

  "'Jumped from the top of Delance's Hill and landed right here,' saidthe latter.

  "'In that awful-lookin' thing?' the Deacon asked, pointing with hiscane and squinting at the big biplane.

  "'In that thing,' Harry answered.

  "'How long did it take ye?'

  "'About five minutes.'

  "'It's impossible,' said the Deacon, as he approached the biplane andbegan to look at it.

  "'But you'll see me jump back again in a little while,' Harry assuredhim.

  "'Geehanniker!' the Deacon exclaimed. 'Jumped from the top ofDelance's Hill an' licked my caretaker an' chased a hired man an'sp'ilt two dogs an' treed the minister and kissed the lady o' thehouse--all in about ten minutes. I guess you're a good deal of afeller.'

  "It was the kind of thing that warmed the warrior soul of the Deacon.

  "'Hello--here's a dead dog,' said Harry. 'If you'll have one of themen bring me a shovel I'll bury him there in the garden. Meanwhile youmay tell me how much I owe you for the two dogs.'

  "'I guess about twenty-five dollars,' said the Deacon.

  "'How much off for cash?' Harry asked.

  "'Wal, sir, if you ain't goin' to ask me to charge it, ten dollarswould do,' the Deacon allowed.

  "'There's a wonderful power in cash,' said Harry, as he produced themoney.

  "'You're gettin' some sense in your head,' said the Deacon.

  "The shovel was brought; and Harry, who had expected to shoot a dogor two and had been practising for this very act, put his victim underthree feet of soil in as many minutes. That also pleased the Deacon.

  "'Purty cordy, too,' the latter said, as he turned to Marie. 'Now,girl, take your choice. I want to know which is which, an' stop bein'bothered about it.'

  "She made her choice then and there, and as to which of the two it mayhave been you will have no doubt when I tell you that Marie hadplanned every detail in this bit of strategy and Harry had been manenough to put it through.

  "'You know Zeb's commandment has been a help to me,' he said, when Ioffered congratulations. '"Be brave with your life, for it is verylong."'

  "The Deacon has changed. His heart and mind are open. Every Sunday youmay see him in a front seat, drinking at the new fount of inspiration;and it is a rule of his life to make a new friend every day. I'minclined to think that the old man has been saved at last.

  "Yes, we try to reach everybody in one way or another."

  THE END