Kit Kat & Katie Did

by Lauren T. Hart

  “Katarina.”

  “Oh my,” Mrs. Mathers sighed quietly toward her husband, as if Katarina was somehow obscene.

  I decided to ignore the derision and tell them all about my awesome self. I opened my mouth to speak and—

  “Ryan tells us you met at school,” Mrs. Mathers cut in.

  “Yes,” I replied. Maybe it was my turn to talk now? “We met in Calculus—”

  “And then you studied together. Here. On Wednesdays,” she cut in, over top of me.

  It was impossible to miss the way she’d emphasized studied — as if it were code for something else. As if making out with their son somehow voided the study time. I passed didn’t I? “Yep.” I popped the P. One word answers were fine, right? At least I’d be more likely to get those out before being interrupted.

  “Hmm,” Mrs. Mathers glared. Her expression reeked of first-class stuck up bitch.

  Mr. Mathers sipped his drink and sighed like he was on a beach somewhere.

  “I’m curious,” Mrs. Mathers lifted a finger. “Katie,” she said the name like it tasted bad. “Did you know Ryan’s former flame?”

  Former flame? Who talks like that? And bringing up the horrible, terrible, criminal, ex, that’s a dang bold move. Did she think I didn’t know what a scuz Alexa was? I decided to play it casual, cool, “We’ve met a time or two.”

  “I really liked her.”

  “Gross,” I auto-responded, softly.

  Ryan heard me, but Mrs. Mathers ignored me. “Of course she had her quirks and flaws but who doesn’t, right?”

  I wondered if she considered being a rapist the quirk or the flaw. But I don’t think she actually knew that much about Alexa. So, I could only hope she didn’t think it was quirkiness that drove a car into the side of her house.

  “She also had a lot of confidence,” Mrs. Mather continued, almost wistfully. “And drive, and fortitude.”

  Pretty sure fortitude was a requisite trait for anyone who wanted to be in the company of Mrs. Mathers for an extended length of time.

  “And she was quite beautiful, wouldn’t you agree?”

  No idea what she was trying to get at here, but there was a dead pause in the room so I answered her. “Eh,” I made a so-so motion with my hand. “Personality matters to me.”

  “If that’s true,” Mr. Mathers looked up, like he might actually be a real person. “Then why are you with Ryan?” Real, but not good. And maybe he was just joking, but I didn’t get that impression.

  “Funny.” I deadpanned as I cocked my head. “I guess, you just don’t know him the way I do.”

  Mrs. Mathers clucked, something like a laugh.

  “We have a pretty good idea how you know him.” Mr. Mathers stretched his lips over his teeth. “We have security cameras in all the common areas of our home,” he took a long sip from his mug, smug, like he’d won something.

  I took the opportunity to say exactly what I was thinking. “That’s super creepy, Mr. Mathers. Is this like a habit you have: watching your underage son make-out with underage girls?”

  Mr. Mathers forced a laugh. It sounded rehearsed — robotic even. “Now that’s… funny.” His expression fell completely blank.

  I wasn’t kidding.

  He wasn’t laughing.

  “Maybe we should get going,” Ryan offered, trying to sound upbeat. “We still have to pick up your cousin, right?”

  I didn’t really feel like I was done with the stare down I was directing at Mr. Mathers but something in Ryan’s voice made me turn to look at him. He was obviously super uncomfortable, which made perfect sense, if he hadn’t been trying to prove to me how wretched his parents were I’m sure he would have been straight up mortified by their über snobby behavior.

  “We can go,” I gave him a reassuring smile. “Mr. and Mrs. Mathers,” I gave them a short wave, and no smile.

  “You must be so proud, Katie,” Mrs. Mathers pitched. Because, like most bullies, she just didn’t know when to quit.

  “Mom, stop.” Ryan said with little conviction, his palm becoming sweaty against mine. “Why can’t you just be happy that I’m dating someone again?”

  Mrs. Mathers laughed through her nose. Mr. Mathers shook his head.

  I took a breath as I considered the options set before me. I could leave — we could leave. This was option one, my standard pick for drama moments and this one more than qualified. Mrs. Mathers was a first rate bully of grand-high-master-bitch proportions, and Mr. Mathers was a non-person person, possibly a doppelgänger and I have a strict life rule about keeping all of my paranormal interactions within the realm of fiction and fantasy. Or unless it’s cool and harmless, like friendly vampires, or superhero werewolves, or guardian angels that have fallen in love with their charges. (That was such a good book series.)

  Option two was to stand there and just be chill while they flung their monkey crap. I’ve never been very good at this option, it requires an inner zen I don’t think I’ll ever master, it’s too much like becoming a happy morning person.

  Option three was to unleash the beast. The grumpy little miss that makes being in my company when I haven’t had enough sleep basically unbearable. The thorny toughness I only gently lean on for support every time I put my hand on my hip. The mean girl extraordinaire with the keen ability to quash the psyche of my competition before their audition, simply because they might perform better than me.

  Normally, this was a simple angel on one shoulder, demon on the other kind of scenario, and since I want to be a good person I pick the angel, but from what I’d been told about Dave and LeAnna Mathers, and what I was currently experiencing, who better to dance with a couple of ‘Vegas is the Devil’s Playground’ prigs than a demon?

  But at what cost?

  And, two wrongs don’t make a right.

  And—

  “Because I know her type,” Mrs. Mathers snapped.

  I frowned up at Ryan, a look he probably took as me having been offended, but it wasn’t that. It was the angelic side of me apologizing for the option-three-she-beast my demon side was about to unleash. Ryan’s expression mirrored mine, just before I turned back to his parents and horked a laugh. “You know my type? Seriously? That’s hilarious.” I kept my tone happy and amused. “You don’t know anything about me.”

  “Don’t I?” Mrs. Mathers suppressed a smile. “I know you purposefully drove a wedge between Ryan and Alexa’s relationship on more than one occasion and then once it ended you swooped in to be the one he’d run to afterward.”

  Wow. She was way off. “And you pieced all that together from watching your home security videos of Ryan and I studying and kissing on the couch? That seems really solid,” I gave her a thumbs up.

  Mrs. Mathers face was a stone. She might have been glaring, it’s impossible to know for sure. She wasn’t blinking, but that could mean a lot of things. Maybe her programming was glitching. “I hope you haven’t convinced yourself that you’re the only girl our cameras have captured Ryan kissing on the couch — or taken into his bedroom.”

  I shot her a confused look. Just as a satisfied smile started to creep onto her face I said, “You know we go to school together, right? Everybody knows the kind of guy Ryan is. He brags. And girls talk.”

  Mrs. Mathers shifted her weight. “And that doesn’t bother you?”

  What an absolute bitch, I wondered if she realized how many cards in her deck she’d just showed me. “It’s not like we’re married,” I shrugged.

  “Not yet, anyway,” Ryan added, with half a laugh.

  “Anyway,” I playfully rolled my eyes at him.

  “Don’t be a smart-ass, Ryan,” his dad chided.

  “Well that’s quality,” Mrs. Mathers grunted from her throat, demanding the attention return to her. “Well done, Ryan. I didn’t think I could be this disappointed in you.”

  At this point, even the shoulder angel was encouraging the shoulder demon to ‘crush them.’ I took a step closer. “Oh, do go on,” I said; taunted r
eally.

  “What are you crazy?” Ryan whispered against my ear.

  “Stop it, Ryan. This sounds like something I should really hear.” I already had plenty of kindling for my fire, but if she wanted to add fuel, there was no way I was going to stop her. And she fell for it—

  “It’s one thing to have your way with every trashy, gold digger you come across,” she pointed directly at me as she said this. “But it’s a complete insult to bring them home and insist they meet your parents.” I let her words hang in the silence.

  “Wow.” Ryan sighed. “That is not at all what’s happening here. Katie, I’m so sorry.”

  I turned to Ryan and took both of his hands in mine. “Ryan,” I waited for him to meet my eyes. “You have nothing to apologize for.” And then I turned back to his parents with my game face on. “I think I get a little bit of what’s happening here. The last girlfriend was an absolute disaster, and the seemingly endless string of girls Ryan parades through here are basically high school jock groupies, which is super gross. And you’re just trying to look out for you and your interests, right? Well, guess what? Me too, and honestly, I’m the one who’s disappointed.”

  “That’s rich,” Mrs. Mathers balked.

  “Lady, you have no idea what rich is,” I shook my head, frowning at her. “What I don’t get is that you knew, in advance, Ryan was bringing me here to meet you. And the extent of your research was your home security cameras? You didn’t even bother to google me? You barely asked me about myself, and didn’t let me talk, so you really don’t have a clue about me, or what I do, or who I am, or who my parents are.” I was so far into bitch mode at this point, I only barely cringed as I said that, and I’m sure it was all inward, or at least just made me look as conceited as I was being. “Normally, that’s just the way I like it,” I huffed on, “because it’s a serious downer when people are only interested in my fame and fortune. But you’re being super rude right now and all because you think you have something I want. Other than Ryan,” I added.

  Mr. Mathers reached for Mrs. Mathers phone. Probably to google me. I rolled my eyes at him. “Little late to be googling me now, Dave.”

  Mrs. Mathers gasped all offended.

  Admittedly, calling Mr. Mathers by his first name was probably a little more sass than was strictly necessary. So was adding, “Oh, but do let me know if Wikipedia or Instagram comes up first?” I flashed him a smile, and then that smile grew. “I just thought of something I want from the both of you,” I dropped the smile. “An apology.”

  “You’ve got a lot of nerve, young lady?” Mrs. Mathers growled. “How dare you speak to us this way?”

  “Ha!” the demon laughed. It was loud, and kind of scary, but there was only one thing that could tame this beast and he was miles from here, probably practicing. “Maybe it’s because I’m the one who insisted on meeting you.” Total lie. And I was just getting started. “I really like Ryan, but I know better than to enter into a relationship with someone who hasn’t been thoroughly vetted.”

  Mrs. Mathers looked confused. “Excuse me?”

  Mr. Mathers frowned from behind his wife’s phone. “It’s a facebook profile,” he turned the phone toward me. I took a couple steps closer to see. He’d googled Katie Franks. I didn’t come up.

  “My name is Katarina,” I rubbed on an extra layer of swank. “Katarina Franks.”

  Mr. Mathers huffed and started thumbing in his new search.

  I noticed Ryan had become completely silent during my tirade, so I turned to check on him. He was probably just as surprised by the demon girl barking at his parents as they were. His head was down, his eyes darting between his parents, me and the door. I could see the war raging within, the desire to run, the expectation to stay and tolerate, the unknown repercussions of me clapping back at his parents. For Ryan’s sake, and the sake of our date, and our ongoing relationship, I couldn’t let this drag on like it was. Especially considering his parents shit googling skills. They’d probably have to hire somebody to find information about me that would be relevant to their stuck up, elitist, interests.

  I rolled my eyes and sighed. “As fun as it is to watch other people google things, how about we just skip over me and who I am, since I’m sure my measly million dollar net worth will mean very little to you, and you’d have to actually dig down a few pages to find the connection you’re most likely to care about. His name is Erik Howden.”

  Mr. Mathers almost dropped the phone.

  Mrs. Mathers paled, her eyes fluttering, and clucked again.

  Even in full unleashed beast mode I hated myself for throwing out the rich dad card. I felt nauseous. I swallowed down the bile building in my throat and tried to use it as fuel for the fight.

  “How do you—” Mr. Mathers stood. “How do you know Erik Howden?”

  “He’s married to my mother.” I wiggled the fingers of my left hand at them. You know, for extra bitchy emphasis.

  Mr. Mathers expression dropped.

  Mrs. Mathers shrieked a laugh, it was similar to the clucking from earlier, but she’d gone full velociraptor now. “That’s a very bold lie, since we both personally know Erik Howden.”

  “LeAnna,” Mr. Mathers growled at her under his breath.

  She ignored him. Woman was on a mission to win, and she thought I was bluffing, poor thing. She stepped away from her husband and closer to me with her claws out. She pointed at me with long manicured nails as she set down the points of her already lost argument.“You think you can just say the name of any successful local entrepreneur you google and claim them as your father?”

  Ryan pulled me closer to him as she harped on, as if I needed protecting from her tantrum, it was so sweet.

  “Try again,” Mrs. Mathers set both hands on her hips. “Erik Howden is single, never been married, and one of the areas most eligible bachelors.”

  “I don’t even know where to go with that,” I shrugged. “That’s not even close to accurate.” I pulled out my phone and opened my photos app and started scrolling.

  “LeAnna, stop. What are you talking about?” Mr. Mathers grumbled. “Erik’s been off the market for years and married last summer.”

  I nodded at his accuracy, still scrolling. Man, I take a lot of pictures.

  “No. I don’t remember that at all,” Mrs. Mathers barked. “You’d think we’d have been invited if it’d actually happened.”

  I think she was mostly talking to her husband at this point, but I casually tossed out, “It was only family and close friends. So just a few hundred people or so,” I added because I’d gone so full demon at this point I’d probably sprouted horns. I’d finally found the photos I’d taken with my phone that day, all ten billion of them, but I was looking for one in particular.

  “And besides, even if there’s a shred of truth to what she’s saying, it’s not like Erik’s her real father,” Mrs. Mathers huffed, indignant, misguided.

  “Erik told us he had a daughter, LeAnna, remember? She’s some kind of… artist?”

  Mrs. Mathers huffed. “Of course I remember,” she snatched her phone away from her husband and started clicking at it furiously. Probably googling some variant of ‘Erik Howden daughter.’ “So, if you actually know Erik Howden, then you must know his daughter too,” she sneered, “Tell us, what’s her name?”

  I’d found the photo. Kayley had been taking pictures of me and Julian for our Instagram when Erik and Mom leaned in on either side of us and kissed our cheeks. Erik was kissing my cheek, and Mom was kissing Julian’s. I turned my phone toward the arguing Mathers. “It’s Katarina Franks.”

  Mr. Mathers ran his hand over his face.

  Mrs. Mathers narrowed her eyes at the image on my phone. “That doesn’t…” she faltered. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

  “Stop talking!” Mr. Mathers barked at his wife. It was much louder and much scarier than when the beast had erupted. Even more so due to Ryan’s reaction. We both jumped, but then Ryan had gone completely rigid next to
me, his breath short, his heart pounding so hard I could feel his pulse beat-beat-beat-beat-beating in the hand that was squeezing mine.

  Mr. Mathers shook his head, his face red and stepped in between his dumbfounded wife and us. “My sincerest apologies, Katarina. There’s no excuse for my wife’s behavior, but she does have more than a few mental problems.”

  Oh no.

  I’d won.

  This was defeat standing before me.

  I felt terrible.

  I nodded and relented. “I’m sure she’s just trying to look out for Ryan. I would be too. After what Alexa did to your family, I can understand being a little more than overprotective.”

  Mr. Mathers nodded, reached into his pocket and pulled out his money clip, took all the money that was in it, which was a lot of hundreds and handed it to Ryan. “You two should go. Treat yourselves to something nice. On me.”

  It was on odd sentiment, since everything was always on him.

  “Thanks,” Ryan managed.

  Mr. Mathers lifted his head toward the door, gesturing for us to leave.

  Ryan’s grip tightened on my hand as he pulled me away, putting on speed as we arrived in the hallway. He jammed the money into his pocket and rushed us to his room to retrieve his coat, then immediately back to the entryway. He asked me to get the door while he scooped up the heart shaped box and we hurried out into the cold.

  I hadn’t even had the time to put my phone away. It was still showing the picture from Erik and Mom’s wedding. Ryan stopped to take a steadying breath on the front porch after he pulled the door shut behind us. I clicked my phone off, stuffed it into my jacket pocket and retrieved my keys.

  “I’m… really sorry about all that,” he said. “I don’t even know what to say; how to apologize for this. If I even can? I knew they were in a mood, but I thought it was because I was stepping on their dinner plans. I had no idea…” his conviction faded.

  I looked up at his sad expression, wondering how much of it was an act. The ick of everything that had just transpired was beginning to congeal and ferment and I desperately wanted to find a way to wash it off. “Let’s talk in the car,” I motioned.