I pressed my lips together trying not to laugh. “Oh,” I fought the urge to laugh so hard my lip was quivering.
“Is everything okay?” Ryan asked, suddenly at my side, his expression one of complete concern. Like he thought I was crying!? That was it for me. I couldn’t keep it in any longer — the laughter had to be free!
Ryan looked beyond confused. “You’re laughing? We’re laughing?” he looked at Kimber, “We’re not laughing.”
Kimber pouted. “This isn’t funny, Katarina.”
The fact that she was using my full name was even more hilarious. “Okay, okay, okay,” was all I could manage as I pulled out my phone and sent Kayley a text.
KF: Kays I need the biggest favor! I left a box of unmentionables on the bathroom counter, can you pretty please stash them under my mattress before a grown-up sees them and freaks out?
And then I brought Ryan up to speed. “Oh,” he nodded, suppressing a smile as best he could — his dimples weren’t helping his efforts.
“Kat,” Kimber grumbled at me for telling. “Seriously? It’s like you’re trying to make me feel worse.”
Kayley texted me back about a minute later.
KayE: Done and done! You can repay me with donuts — and DETAILS!
I showed Kimber the texts. “It’s all taken care of.” I assured.
Kimber breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, you’re the best! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’m going to go find my date and some air and stuff.”
She gave me a brief hug and hurried away.
“Shall we?” Ryan chuckled as he gestured to the dance floor.
The song faded into a slower song as we made our way into the crowd and found a suitable spot to hold hands while turning in a slow circle.
I caught sight of Dominic as Ryan pulled me into his arms. He was on the dance floor, which was kind of surprising. Dominic has the ability to dance, I know because I’ve seen it, but he mostly doesn’t. And yet, there he was, turning in slow stepping circles with Aimee Millington in his arms. I was even more surprised that he was smiling and chatting away with her like he was actually happy to be there.
“She’s not his type,” Ryan whispered against my ear, slipping his hand around my waist.
I leaned back so he could see me roll my eyes at him.
“I’m being serious. Dominic has a type.”
“Okay, I’ll bite. What’s his type?”
“Tall-ish, dark hair, smart, older — usually.”
“You realize you basically just described Aimee Millington, right?”
“Okay, fine, but you should consider looking in a mirror before you decide that’s who I was talking about, besides, Dominic’s in love with someone else, and that girl has his heart in a way I didn’t think was a thing until I got to know her myself.”
“It’s going to break his heart when she turns out to be me.”
“No it’s not,” Ryan shook his head. “It’s going make him feel like the biggest idiot ever but he’ll recover, and it’ll be…”
“Awkward as fuck?” I supplied.
“Uhm yeah, that works. I was thinking it’ll be really hard to make out with you after that. I just don’t think he’ll be that interested in sharing you, you know? Maybe I can get the gay guy pass? Oh, wait. Maybe I already do?”
“Look at you, sort of owning it.”
“Trying too,” Ryan shrugged. “I think I might have just had an out of body experience just then, but you know, baby steps.”
“You’re amazing, Ryan.”
He shrugged. “Baby steps.”
“What did Lindsay look like?” I dared to ask.
“Tall-ish, dark hair, definitely not as smart as you though, and she was older. Like for reals, she was a senior last year, and she started school a year late, so, she was totally cradle robbing.”
“Have you seen Jake?” It was Adria who asked, appearing suddenly beside us. “He was looking for you.”
Before I could answer Jake swooped in, yanked me away from Ryan, scooped me above his shoulders and spun me around and around and around and around. And then he set me back down and with the widest smile said. “Who’s the second best?”
I giggled. “Uhm what?”
“I just got the call, er, actually the message, and there was also an email—” he waved his hands in front of him. He took a breath, squared his shoulders and said. “I got the gig. I’m going to Vegas. Wooo!” he hollered and leapt in the air.
“Congratulations!” I wrapped him in a hug.
Ryan congratulated him too.
Dominic and Aimee wandered over to say, ‘Hello’ and Jake told them the good news too. Mostly he just kept saying, “I’m going to Vegas. I’m going to Vegas.” It was other people who had to explain that he’d gotten a job there, he wasn’t just going for a vacation and being extra weird about it.
Dominic was being uncharacteristically outgoing and cordial. It sort of made me wonder if there was actually something wrong. But I decided not to just outright ask him if he was dying, because nobody needs that kind of buzzkill. And it was always possible that he and Aimee were just really into each other.
A little while later Jayla, who’d come with Trey Wallace, came over to ask me if I thought it would be weird if she and Trey came up to the cabin place on Saturday, but didn’t spend the night, because her parents wouldn’t allow it. Ryan cut in and assured her it would be awesome if they came up whenever they could and that overnighting was just an optional convenience. “Cool. Cool,” she pushed a smile, tucked an ombré curl behind her ear, and pulled me away from the group. “So, would it be cool if I borrowed your room while we’re there?”
I nodded.
And she added, “Good, because I am so totally going to get me some of that.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. I just gave her a thumbs up, and then Ryan rescued me — uh, asked me, — for another dance.
A few dances later Aimee and some of the girls made a bathroom run and I took the opportunity to talk and do the step touch dance next to Dominic while we drank water near the refreshments table. “You and Aimee seem to be having fun together,” I smiled up at him, playfully nudging him with my elbow.
He chuckled. “Yeah. She’s… fastidious, but genial, and kinda funny.”
“I’m sorry she won’t be coming to the cabin place.”
“I’m not,” Dominic leaned close. “Aimee’s great and all, but her idea of relaxing is counting.”
I laughed, because I thought he was joking.
“She’s counted to over two million so far, which is kind of an amazing feat, but I kind of like to turn my brain off every now and again.”
“Wait, you’re serious? She’s actually counted that high?”
Dominic nodded.
“Huh. I don’t know if I’m impressed or just boggled.”
“Bit of both for me.” Dominic half smiled.
“Yeah,” I agreed.
“I’m gonna miss you,” Dominic said, completely out of the blue.
I wasn’t sure what to say to that. I hated that he was already saying goodbye to me. Or maybe that’s not what he was doing… maybe I’m being overly optimistic here, but maybe he was actually testing the friendship? “I’m not going anywhere you won’t be able to reach me, Dominic.”
He tilted his head toward me, his expression kind of confused, kind of curious, like he wanted to say something but didn’t quite have the words yet.
And then Aimee — and the rest of the world — returned from the bathroom and Kimber had the absolutely most hilarious and tragic story she had to tell us about how some really old guy mistook Ambree for his wife because they were wearing the same dress. And now Ambree needed lots of reassurance that she did not, in fact, have old lady fashion sense.
Chapter 36
The dance went until midnight, but we left just after 10pm. Dominic and Aimee left the same time we did so I was wasn’t expecting him to pull into the parking lot at the resort cabin place,
just behind us. Apparently, Aimee had met him at the restaurant.
Pretty much everybody who was going to be there for the weekend had arrived by 11pm and by midnight the party at the cabin was settling into a casual groove. People were mingling and chatting and walking around barefoot. I took a moment to check my phone, and text Kimber, because I was pretty sure she should have arrived already. There was a whole bunch of texts from Dominic, but I knew where he was.
KF: Kims, where be you?
KimE: We took a wrong turn but we’re almost there.
KF: Are you sure? What if it’s just another wrong turn?
KimE: Nah, it’s all good. I’m tracking your phone. And Ryan dropped us a pin. And I see the house. And Ryan’s Rover.
I clicked over to Dominic’s texts. Most of them were pictures he’d taken throughout the evening. The first was of him in his royal blue tux jacket, next to his red truck.
DW: So, this is Prom.
The next picture was of him and Aimee taken on the rooftop of Sage Eats with the view of the city behind them.
DW: This is my date, Aimee, she’s our valedictorian. What can I say? Smart girls are into me for some reason. Reasons I’m not smart enough to understand. Maybe you can explain it to me…
The next picture was taken a little while later, his eyebrow lifted in thought.
DW: Does that make me — the smart choice?
The picture after that was of me and Ryan talking to each other, by the roofline. Ryan was smiling, I was blushing. It had the look of him having just said something romantic and endearing, but he had actually been pointing out the AIM building in the distance, and the billboard just next to it with my face on it, so it was really more a look of embarrassment combined with relief that Ryan seemed to be the only person to notice.
The next picture was the three of us standing together, our arms wrapped around each other. He’d snapped it just before he and Aimee had left to go to the dance. The text that came with it said:
DW: I wish you were here.
Ugh. Who knew irony could cause physical pain.
“You okay?” Dominic asked, pointing toward my phone?
I clicked it off and shoved it under my arm. “Yeah,” I lied. “No. It’s all…” my voice trailed.
Dominic just stood there, his expression looking like he wanted to say something or that he thought he should but didn’t know what.
Kimber and Zack arrived, and Kimber waved at me and gave me the worlds most awkward excited and nervous smile as she and Zack made their way to the stairs.
“Is that like a ‘save me’ smile or…?” Dominic was pointing toward Kimber. She noticed and blushed, and he shot her a wave.
“She’s fine,” I assured. “She’s just… you know… She’s fine.”
“Hmm,” he made a sort of knowing, sort of disapproving sound. “I don’t know why so many people think they’ve got to lose their virginity at prom,” Dominic sighed. “It’s so cliché.”
I shrugged. “Better than the back seat of a car though, right?”
Dominic turned toward me. “Ryan told you about that?”
“Huh?” I turned to look at him, totally not understanding what he meant until I saw the expression on his face. “Oh, woah. No,” I put my hands up in surrender. “Nobody told me anything. Well, except you. Just now.” He looked sort of relieved, sort of mortified. “No judgements,” I said in a tone that was entirely too high. “Seems uncomfortable, but you do you.”
Dominic rolled his eyes at me. “I’m not discussing it.”
“I’m totally cool with that.”
Dominic huffed through his nose and we stood there a little longer not talking, just looking out over the room, at all the clusters of people, some chatting, some making out, some dancing, there was even a group playing card games. Dominic pulled out his phone and sent a quick text.
I growled as I got it. “Can we talk?” I blurted.
“Uhm, yeah, of course,” he fidgeted. “Uhm. Yeah. What do you want to talk about?”
“I realize what I’m about to say is going to sound super lame but will you please just, humor me?”
“I guess. Is this gonna be a… a sex thing?”
“No.”
“Okay. Cool.” He looked measurably relieved.
“I totally realize I’m basically beating a dead horse here — and also what a horrible and super gross phrase that is, but I need to know, if you could ever even imagine a possibility of you and me?”
“You and me what?” he shook his head and shrugged.
“Together.”
He shifted his weight and cleared his throat looking nervous. “Why are you asking me this? You said this wasn’t a sex thing.”
“It’s not,” I defended. “I mean, not really, not directly. I was thinking more a packaged kind of, emotional, mental, spiritual, intellectual, all the things, kind of thing, thing.” I fumbled. “You know what I mean,” I huffed. “Will you please just answer the question?”
“No,” he swallowed. “No,” he shook his head. “I’m sorry, Kiddo. I just don’t see you that way. And there’s someone—”
“No. Stop. Please, don’t go there,” I put my hands up in surrender. “Look, I promise I’m totally not trying to come between you and the girl you think you love—”
“The fuck is that?” he huffed. “I don’t think I love her. I know I do.”
I resisted the urge to say and possibly prove with pictures how impossible that was and instead went with, “Okay, that’s totally fair. But can we just imagine she doesn’t exist for a minute?”
“Not really,” he half laughed half huffed.
“Can you please, just tell me — besides her — all the reasons you and I could never be anything more than just casual friends? Please?”
“Oh. A double please. So you’re being seriously serious here. Fine.” His tone had become gruff. “And you want me to be 100% honest with you?”
“Yes. Please. Double Please.”
He shook his head and ran his hand over his face. “Fuck. Fine.” He took a moment, shaking his head, picking his words. Eventually he sighed, defeated and said, “I just don’t see you that way. I never have and I never will.” He could have stopped there but it’s not like it actually hurts the dead horse to keep beating it, so he went on, “There’s no chemistry between us, no spark, at least there’s never been one for me. And I hate that telling you this is breaking your heart, but you wanted the truth.”
I took a slow breath in trying to maintain my chill as best as I could. “Okay, so, follow up question, do you think it’s possible that you could meet your text girl—”
“Kat.”
“Huh?” my brain sort of snapped in half at that moment as I tried to understand why he’d just said my name, until I realized he’d said her name. “Oh, right.” I closed my eyes and took another breath before I continued. “Do you think you could meet her and not have this chemistry, spark thing, with her?”
“Yeah, I guess,” he conceded.
Soul officially crushed.
“Pretty sure we’d still be like really good friends though,” he added.
I don’t know why, but I laughed. One of those awkward nervous laughs. I didn’t really feel nervous though, just kind of pukey. “Yep. Cool.“ I nodded. And kept nodding. I was over-nodding. I forced myself to stop doing that and took a deep breath. “You and me, we’re still friends, yeah?”
“Yeah,” he said, but he sounded unsure.
“Good. That’s good. Because I really like being your friend.” I turned away before the tears started and practically ran from the room.
Ryan caught up with me near the back door, but I didn’t stop. He followed me outside and slipped his hand into mine, matching my pace as I hurried toward the large pond at the back of the yard.
I stopped short at the edge of the pond and stared out over the cool clear water. For a moment I felt absolutely nothing, and it was kind of amazing. I watched the koi floating peacefull
y in their watery home. I wondered why Ryan wasn’t saying anything.
I could feel the edges of my heartache goading me to cry enough tears to fill a dozen koi ponds. This was met with the sharp juxtaposition of my drama loathing, pessimistic side shuffling around the pain playing bongos, encouraging me to remember the best thing to do with drama — or in this case, emotions — is to drop it like it’s hot. And even more ironically, Dominic’s advice telling me to find a distraction.
“Love is stupid,” I said to no one, even though Ryan was there to hear it. He pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his middle and cried against his chest. “I don’t want to feel this anymore,” I met his eyes. “I need — I don’t know,” by breath caught. “To do something else — something big, and drastic, and—”
Ryan kissed me. And he did that thing he does where he inhales just before our lips touch — literally taking a little bit of my breath away. His hand was on my cheek, his tongue eager and inviting. It was everything I needed in that moment, and all I wanted was more of it, but I also didn’t want to come on too strong and do anything that would make him want to stop kissing me. He broke the kiss a minute later and set his forehead against mine. “Sorry,” he sighed. “I know that’s not what you meant, it just felt like the better option than jumping in the pond. That is what you were thinking wasn’t it?”
“No,” I bit my lip, still craving his kisses. “I was thinking more towards tequila shots until I puked.”
“Oh,” Ryan stood straight and turned back toward the pond. “Good. Because that pond looks slimy, and gross, and fish poop in there and stuff.”
Kit Kat & Katie Did Page 45
