Never Be Alone

by Paige Dearth

  Warren’s long, fleshy fingers roughly undressed her, and then she lay on the bed as she was told. His desire for the young teen took over. He quickly undressed and covered her thin body with pounds of hairy fat. He grabbed a handful of her hair at the top of her skull and pulled back hard. Joon thought her head would snap off as she sank deeper into the mattress.

  “Yeah, you’re a dirty, little thing, aren’t ya?”

  Joon looked at Warren with bulging eyes and her chin quivered.

  “You gonna cry? I make all the girls cry,” he taunted.

  Joon held back her tears. She had spent years hiding her emotions from Aron, and tonight, that ability was going to come in handy. Joon’s lips went taut and her eyes narrowed.

  Warren clamped down on her breast, trying to break her. But she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. One thing Joon knew was physical pain, and this was nothing compared to the pain Aron had inflicted on her. Frustrated that he couldn’t make her cry, Warren slammed himself inside of her. Joon held her breath. It was nothing like when she’d had sex with Quinn, who had pretended to be caring and loving. She ignored the pain. She focused on how repulsive it was having Warren inside her. She felt dirty and cheap. When Warren came, he collapsed on top of the fourteen-year-old like a hippo napping in mud. Eventually, he let her out from under him, and she scurried into the bathroom. She grabbed a dirty washcloth, soaped it as best she could with cold water, and rubbed between her legs to remove any remnants of Warren.

  In the weeks that followed, some of the other girls told Joon that giving herself over to the men willingly would make it easier. But, after Warren, she refused to give in, and no matter how long she was forced to have sex with strange men, it never got better. It felt as disgusting as the first night.

  Within a couple months, Joon was being forced to sell her body up to six times a night. She still lived in the shed with Tori, but Elf had moved into the house with the last rotation of girls. Joon learned there were several houses throughout North Philadelphia. Pug would rotate the girls to keep the johns from getting bored.

  She had stopped dreaming about going back to live on the streets of Center City and no longer beat herself up about being fooled by Quinn. It had been almost two months since she’d walked the streets freely or saw any of her old homeless friends, and Joon missed her freedom.

  Joon had just been returned to the shed after a long night. Her body was used up. She got into her sleeping bag and lay quietly, trying not to disturb Tori. The girls hadn’t become friends, but they had learned to live together, although Tori’s moods were delicate, and Joon tried her best to keep things neutral between them.

  Tori rolled over onto her side. “I gotta get outta this shit hole.”

  Joon looked over at her. “That’s never gonna happen.” She pulled the sleeping bag up to her chin.

  “That’s why I don’t like you,” Tori snapped. “You say stupid stuff.”

  “What do you want me to say, Tori? Pug keeps us under lock and key. He has taken our bodies and freedom away from us. We never get to go anywhere other than to the house and back into this shitty shed. How do you think we’re ever gonna get out of here?”

  Tori’s hateful glare burned into Joon. “First, I’m gonna get into the house on the next rotation. Once I’m in there, they’ll let me work the streets. Then, when the time is right, I’m gonna get the fuck outta here.”

  Joon leaned up on her elbow. “Do you know what Pug would do if he caught you?”

  “Nope. And I don’t care. Anything is better than this.”

  Joon considered that. “Where would we go?”

  “We? Have you lost your damn mind? I ain’t going anywhere with you. We’re all in this alone. You understand? Nobody here cares about you or me or that little shit stain Elf. Do you see Elf trying to help us out?”

  Joon scrunched her brow. “What do you expect her to do?”

  “I expect her to help.”

  “How, Tori? How is Elf supposed to help us?”

  Tori was on her feet. “I don’t know how. All I know is that she should.”

  Joon sat up. “Because you would help the girls out here if you were inside? You just said you’re not going anywhere with me and that we’re all in it alone. Is that what you mean by ‘help’? You can be a real asshole.”

  Tori lunged at Joon, and the girls wrestled on the dirt floor. Tori sat on Joon’s stomach, pulled her hand back, and clocked Joon in the face. Blood splattered from her nose.

  Brought to the edge of rage, Joon heaved her hips up and bucked Tori off of her, and the girl landed against the shed wall. Joon jumped to her feet and rushed the other girl before she could get up. She slapped Tori, then pushed her head against the shed. The thud of Tori’s skull coming in contact with the wall made Joon stop abruptly. She sat back on her heels and watched as Tori held the back of her own head.

  She took a moment to catch her breath before she spoke. “I’m sorry, Tori. I don’t want to fight with you.” Tears clung to Joon’s cheeks. “I don’t know what happened. I didn’t mean to hurt you. But you hit me first.” She reached for an old T-shirt to wipe her own bloodied nose.

  Tori rubbed her head and looked at her hand, checking for blood, but there wasn’t any. She shook uncontrollably and wrapped her arms tightly around herself.

  Joon leaned forward and placed her hand on the girls shoulder. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? I said I’m sorry,” Joon said with sincerity.

  Tori shook her head. “It ain’t you.” Suddenly, it was like all the energy was drained out of the girl. “I can’t be here no more. This shit that we’re doing—I can’t live with it. I ain’t no whore. That guy, the last guy I was with tonight, he…he stuck things in me.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me. He stuck things in me—a huge dildo. He was all into it and then he fucked me with a soda bottle before he actually fucked me with his dick. He pulled my nipples so hard I thought he was gonna rip them off.”

  Joon sat next to Tori and put her arm around her shoulders. “Oh, Tori. I’m so sorry. You’re right. We have to get out of here. We’ll figure something out. I promise. Maybe you can go back to your mom and dad.”

  Tori shook her head. “Nah. I would never go back to my dad.”

  “Why?”

  Tori looked into Joon’s face. Her green eyes were sad and tired. “My dad’s a drug addict. He probably hasn’t even noticed I’m missing.”

  Joon cringed. “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah. The motherfucker never gave a shit about me.”

  Joon rubbed Tori’s arm. “Where’s your mom?”

  “Who knows?” the girl said. “She and that prick father of mine were too busy getting high to care about me. My mom left one night and never came home. I’m pretty pathetic, huh?”

  Joon shook her head. “No, you’re not pathetic. We’re all damaged.”

  “Yeah? How are you damaged?”

  Joon ran her fingers through her hair. “I ran away from my foster mom who treated me worse than the family pet. Literally.”

  Tori studied Joon’s expression. “Where are your parents?”

  “They died when I was little. I went to school one day, and before it was over, they told me my mom and dad were dead. I don’t know how or where or anything…just that they died. I was only eight. I got moved to a foster home, and finally, after years of being beaten and starved, I ran away. Now, here I am ’cause I let Quinn trick me.”

  The two girls sat in silence for a long time. Then Tori grabbed Joon’s hand and held it tight. “We’re gonna be okay. You know? We’re gonna get outta here someday.”

  “I thought we are all in this alone,” Joon teased.

  Tori looked at her with a new kind of hardness in her eyes. “Not anymore,” she said.

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  By April of the next year, Joon was moved into the house with a new batch of girls. Three black girls around her age now occupied the shed. Joon was immediately turned
out to work the street with one of the experienced girls, who showed her “how to lure a john.” In the grotesque world in which they all lived, knowing how to lure a john was equivalent to finishing a four year college degree. It was the sole pedigree required for being a successful hooker.

  When Joon stepped out of the house and onto the sidewalk that first night, she felt a surge of freedom. She followed Skye, her assigned street teacher, down the block and onto a busy street. There, Skye taught her how to cat call the walking johns and prowl the edge of the sidewalk for driving johns.

  Skye pointed to an approaching car. “See how he’s slowing down to get a good look at his choices? That’s how you know you got a hot one. Follow me.”

  Joon walked closely behind Skye to the edge of the sidewalk. Skye stuck out her right leg, revealing her long, lean thigh through the high slit in her short skirt. The car pulled over and Skye stepped into the street. She turned around and threw a smile to Joon. “Watch real close now,” she instructed.

  Skye leaned into the passenger window, exposing her cleavage in her low-cut shirt. It only took a few seconds for Skye’s smile to fall flat and for her to turn and look at Joon. She talked to the man in the car again, cocking her hip and jiggling her boobs. She spoke a little longer but eventually turned to Joon again. Skye lifted her index finger and summoned her.

  Joon stepped into the street and instinctively tried to pull her Daisy Duke shorts down her thighs. In the house, she wore silk and satin slips, but on the streets, dressing was a big part of how you lured a john. Joon walked up to the car. “What’s up?”

  Skye looked at her. “This john wants you.”

  “Why me?”

  Skye snorted and a mist of liquid sprayed from her nose. “Exactly. I don’t know what he’s thinking. I tried to talk the fool out of it, but he insisted it needs to be you. Go on now. Get in and do your thing.”

  “No. Wait.” She dropped her voice to whisper. “I don’t want to get in a car with someone I don’t know. What if he drives me somewhere and kills me?”

  Skye smiled brightly. “Don’t be so fuckin’ dramatic. You get in the goddamn car, he’ll drive a couple of blocks off the main drag for privacy, and you take care of business and walk back here.” Skye looked up the block and noticed a few of the Slayers walking toward them. “You best get your ass in that car before those boys reach us and find out you’re making a customer wait. Time is money, baby, and right now you’re wasting both.” Skye turned and walked back to the sidewalk, leaving Joon standing beside the car.

  “Hey! You!” the man inside the car yelled. “Either get the hell in now, or I’ll find someone else.”

  Joon looked back and saw the Slayers coming closer. They were watching her, and their strides had quickened. She swiftly opened the door and slid into the passenger seat.

  The man ran his hand down her thigh. “I like how you look,” he said and gave her a grin that showed his rotting teeth.

  Joon cringed and turned her face toward the window. “We can go a couple of streets over,” she said.

  The man licked his lips. “Yeah, okay.”

  As he drove away from the active main road, Joon’s stomach felt like an ocean current. He drove for six blocks before he decided on a quiet street and parked. Turning on the overhead light in the car, he looked at himself in the rearview mirror and picked his nose. Then he flattened his hair with his hands and gawked at Joon. “Let’s get in the backseat.”

  When it was over, Joon scampered out of the car and stood alone on the dreary, desolate street. She walked back to the place where the man had picked her up. She had just got back onto the main street when another car pulled over. Joon clomped over to it in her high heels, her feet throbbing from the long walk back, and she leaned against the car. Within a few minutes, she was driven off to another random street to repeat her performance. It was one john after another well into the early morning hours of the next day. Exhaustion and pain began to breakthrough her numbness. She was relieved when Skye approached her and said it was time to head back to the house.

  When the girls walked in, Pug was sitting on the sofa, where one of the hooker’s was giving him a blow job. He pulled her head up by her hair. “Hold on, bitch. I got business.” He stood and crossed the room quickly. Pug pulled on the waist of Joon’s shorts. “Where’s my money, bitch?”

  Joon reached into her purse and pulled out a wad of bills.

  Pug looked at the wad skeptically. “You holding out on me, girl?”

  She shook her head. “No, that’s all of it.”

  “Oh yeah?” he said. “Give me your purse.”

  Joon handed it to him and Pug emptied it onto the floor. Relieved the inspection was over, Joon headed for the stairs to her bedroom.

  “Where the hell you goin’? Did I tell you to leave?”

  Joon’s head drooped. “No.”

  “Exactly. Now take off your clothes, so I know you ain’t hiding none of my money from me.”

  Joon looked around the room at the other girls and a few of Pugs fellow gang members who had gathered to watch. Some girls snickered, while others looked at her with sad, fear-filled eyes.

  Pug slapped her. “Hey!” he screamed in her ear. “What did I just tell you to do? Are you disobeying me?”

  “No, no. I’m not. I’m sorry,” Joon rambled as she stripped naked in the living room.

  Pug went through the pockets of her shorts and shook out her clothes. “One place left to check,” he said, stepping up to her. He reached between her legs and felt around. Joon’s face was bright red. Noticing her discomfort, he grabbed both of her breasts. “Turn around and bend over.”

  Joon shook her head, and Pug wrapped his hand around her throat. He put his nose against hers. “Turn. Around. And. Bend. Over.”

  Once Joon did as he said, Pug traced his finger around the opening of her anus and shoved it inside, moving it around and causing her excruciating pain. Pug knew he wouldn’t find money inside of her, but it was all part of intimidating and controlling what he considered his property. He gained control through fear. This kept his girls in check.

  Humiliated and demoralized, Joon lay on her mattress that night thinking about her life. All she had ever wanted was a safe place to live and someone to love her. She had neither.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  “It’s Christmas tomorrow,” Joon told Tori while they stood outside on the sidewalk waiting for johns. “We are forced to sell our souls to save our lives.”

  Tori nodded. “Yeah. You know it doesn’t really matter anymore. We don’t get to celebrate. We don’t get no presents. It’s just another day in hell.”

  “Yeah. And, we get to stand out here in the freezing cold with our asses hanging out.”

  Tori smirked. “We sure do. All these motherfuckers coming outta bars on their way home to be with their families. It ain’t right.”

  The girls looked at their surroundings. Sloppy Christmas lights hung from windows and doorways. The sidewalks were covered in black slush that would freeze when the sun went down.

  Joon smiled weakly at Tori, who, through a lot of Joon’s hard work and their shared misery, had become good friends over the previous months. “Will we ever get outta here?”

  The other girl lowered her head and looked down at her fake patent leather boots as if searching for some profound answer. But eventually, all she did was shrug. “I don’t know, Joon. The longer I’m here, the more I think there ain’t no way out. Pug belongs to the Slayers. The gang is real strong—everywhere I go I see them on the streets, watching us. How do you get away when you ain’t never got no privacy?”

  “I don’t know.” Joon leaned in closer to Tori and whispered, “Sometimes, when I get out of a john’s car and I have to walk back, I do something that makes me feel…normal. Like, when I get real scared or lonely, I sit with my back against a house where real people live.”

  “What? Why?”

  Joon pushed her hair over her shoulder. “Becaus
e it makes me feel like I’m not all alone. I feel like I’m part of a family. I pretend like it’s my house and the people inside it care about me.”

  Tori squinted at her friend. “Huh. That’s good, Joon. Maybe I’ll try that sometime.”

  “Hey,” Joon said. “Looks like you gotta go.”

  Tori looked back at the street and saw one of her regulars sitting in his car, smiling at her. She smiled at the man and as she stepped off of the curb, she turned back to Joon. “I hate all of them. Even the ones that aren’t rough. I hate them for wanting me for sex.”

  Joon shoved her hands into the pockets of her cheap corduroy bomber jacket. She watched Tori get into the car and drive away, then looked up and down the street. There were lots of people out and she knew, within the next few hours, all the girls would be busy. She took a few steps back and leaned against the brick building behind her, pulling out a cigarette and puffing on it. She had started smoking two months prior when Tori explained it would calm her nerves. “Besides,” Tori had added, “Pug don’t feed us enough and, you know, it makes it so you ain’t so hungry all the time. Johns will give you cigarettes and you can buy them with the fifty bucks a month that Pug, the dick, gives us.”

  Pug gave them a small allowance, but that was to pay for personal hygiene products, makeup and clothes. Luckily, the girls of similar size shared what clothes they had, but the hygiene products were expensive. Joon had gotten her period that year and she couldn’t believe how much tampons cost. The only thing that Pug paid for was birth control pills and condoms, but only because, as he put it, “I don’t want my bitches diseased or pregnant. I need to make sure my whores can keep selling.”

  Thirty minutes later, Tori was back standing with Joon.

  Joon smiled at her friend. “At least he’s a regular.”

  Tori rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and he smells like he hasn’t wiped his ass in years. That dude is a scumbag. He uses all his money for booze, gas, and getting laid. I don’t even know if he lives in a house.” She gathered saliva and spit onto the ground. “You got any gum? That prick wanted a blow job. He tasted like rotten milk.”