by Paige Dearth
“No shit it ain’t mine,” he responded. “I break into cars and sleep in them, so I don’t freeze my balls off at night. Don’t you know anything?” he snapped, turning his back on the girls.
Joon crossed her arms over her chest. “Why are you being an asshole?”
“Hey, look, I’m sorry. I get jittery out here sometimes…okay, most of the time. My name is Skinner. What are your names?”
“I’m Joon and this is Lulu.”
Skinner lifted his chin in a swift nod. “Good to meet you guys. So? Do you wanna sleep in the car tonight?”
Joon looked at the car apprehensively. “Maybe.”
Skinner gave her a smirk. “Maybe isn’t an answer. That’s a way of stalling instead of making a decision.” He dug into the car window. “See, if you get the hanger down in the window like this, you can unlock the door.” The lock clicked, and he pulled the door open, put his hand on his hip, and jutted it out to the side. He cocked his head and lifted his eyebrows. “Are you getting in or not?”
Joon pulled Lulu to the side. “Do you wanna?”
Lulu shook her head. “Why would we?” she said in a low voice, so Skinner couldn’t hear her. “I mean, we have our stuff back at the house. Besides, what if he’s some kind of weirdo?”
Joon thought for moment. “Well, it’s freezing out, and we still have a while to walk. Besides, you never know how shit goes down, right? I mean, our life out here can change in a second. Couldn’t hurt to learn something new.”
Lulu shrugged. “Fine, but this guy better not be some ax murderer.”
Joon squeezed Lulu’s hand and slid into the front seat while Lulu crawled into the back. She looked over at Skinner. “This doesn’t feel much warmer than the sidewalk.”
“Well, princess, that’s because I haven’t done this yet.” He leaned down under the dashboard, and a couple of minutes later, the engine hummed quietly. Then he turned the heat on full blast. A short while later, hot air blew from the car heater.
“Ah,” Joon cooed. “That feels great.”
Lulu stretched out across the backseat, while Joon and Skinner reclined their seats over her.
“Sweet dreams,” Skinner said.
Joon sighed. “Yeah, sweet dreams. I want you to show me how to turn on cars…you know whatever you did with the wires. That way, if we’re ever freezing to death, we have an option.”
In the morning, just as the sun was rising, Skinner showed Joon how to hotwire a car, and when Lulu woke, Joon opened the passenger door. “We gotta beat it. Whoever owns this car could be coming soon.”
The three teens stood on the sidewalk, looking at each other until Joon spoke. “It was nice meeting you, Skinner. Thanks for the warm sleep last night. Maybe we’ll see ya around sometime.”
“Sure thing,” Skinner replied, edging into their personal space.
Joon shot Lulu a look, and they cackled. “Listen,” Joon said, “we’re not laughing at you. It’s just that neither of us are looking for a boyfriend.”
“Well, that’s good ’cause I am. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m gay. I was just looking for someone to keep me company. It gets…it gets lonely out here when you don’t have anyone. It ain’t easy when there’s nobody to connect with. So I try to give myself pep talks, try to convince myself things will get better, that I’ll meet someone. You know, it helps for a few days, but then I’m still alone and I feel like I’m falling into this deep, dark, wet, smelly hole that I’ll never climb out of. ”
Skinner’s description made Joon’s stomach twist. “Hey,” she said, feeling wretched. “I’ve been where you’re at. I know how it feels. We’re gonna go to Broad Street to beg. You wanna join us?”
He brightened. “Yeah, I’d love that. Well, not that I love begging or anything, but I’d really like to hang out with you guys.”
As they walked, Joon turned to the boy. “So, you’re gay? Like you have sex with guys?”
Skinner gave Joon a small smile. “Well, only one guy when I was in high school. We had a pretty good thing going until some of the other kids found out. The rumors spread fast, and then my mom and dad found out, and they flipped their shit. They told me that I was an embarrassment. Well, my father wouldn’t talk to me and my mother wanted me to see a shrink. She said all I needed was to get my head straight.”
Joon played with her long strands of hair as they walked. “Is that why you left home?”
Skinner nodded. “My parents thought it was best for everyone. They didn’t want my younger brother and sister to be ‘infected’ by me.” He did air quotes and shook his head. “My father tried to beat the gay outta me. He fucked me up real bad. I was scared outta my mind. He broke my nose and sprained my wrist. So after I healed, I did what any respectable, gay sixteen-year-old would do. I wrote a letter to my parents, letting them know how fucked up they were, packed a bag, took all eighty-three dollars of my life savings, and left. I’ve been on the streets just under three months. There have been days out here that make me wonder what’s worse: living somewhere you aren’t wanted or wanting somewhere to live.”
Joon threaded her arm through Skinner’s. “I think that living somewhere you aren’t wanted is way harder. Don’t get me wrong, street life can be some real hard shit, but not being wanted is a different kind of pain—a physical and emotional pain that runs so deep you don’t care if you live or die. That’s the way it was for me living with my foster mother. I didn’t care if I died. There were times when I prayed I would die. But out here on the streets, I’m fighting to live. We’re all doing whatever we need to do to survive. I think that fighting to live is a whole lot better than hoping to die.”
Skinner turned to her and smiled. “I think you’re right.” He looked at Lulu. “What do you think?”
Lulu shrugged. “That’s a hard one. I lived with my grandmother, who loved me to death. After she died, I had nowhere else to go. But I totally get how you two can feel that way.”
“Lulu’s a feeler,” Joon joked. “She can feel others pain.”
“Yeah, that’s me…I’m a real feeler,” Lulu said, clutching and stroking Joon’s arm.
“And a creeper,” Joon laughed, shrugging her off and running ahead.
“Hey, fuck you, Joon!” Lulu sang.
“Fuck you, back, Lulu. I thought you kept that just for Fipple.”
Lulu swung her hips from side to side. “I’ve decided to expand my circle. I’m trying to be more inclusive.”
When Lulu and Skinner caught up to Joon, she was twirling around, head back, eyes closed, soaking up the morning sun. Lulu put her arms around Joon’s waist and pulled her close, and the girls held hands as they continued walking toward Broad Street, Skinner chattering the whole way.
They begged all day, and in the early evening, just before sunset, it was time to leave the streets. Joon reached into her coat pocket and counted out the money they’d earned and split it in thirds.
Joon handed money to her new friend. “Here’s your share, Skinner. We gotta get back ‘cause the other girls are gonna wonder what happened to us, since we didn’t show up last night.”
Skinner took the money and shoved it into his pocket. “Maybe I can go with you guys. You know, stay where you’re staying for a little while?”
Joon looked at her feet and shifted from foot to foot. “I really wish we could bring you back, but the girls we’re staying with aren’t open to new people, and since you’re a boy, it would make it even harder. I’m real sorry.”
Skinner’s mouth went slack, and he ran his fingers through his tangled hair. “Yeah, I get it. Well, it was nice hanging with you.” As he turned and walked away, Joon faced Lulu.
“I feel like a piece of shit. I know how it feels not to have anyone, and so do you,” she said with conviction.
Lulu nodded as they watched him getting farther and farther away. Joon, unable to bear the pain of Skinner’s loneliness, sprinted to him. When she caught up to him, she grabbed his shoulder and Skinner spun
around.
“Here’s the deal,” she said. “You can come with us but don’t expect it to be easy. I doubt the other girls are gonna welcome you in, but we can try, right?”
He beamed at her as he nodded. “Yeah, we can try. Thanks, Joon.”
The three teens began the walk back to the abandoned house, and on the way, the girls filled Skinner in on Fipple. When they were standing outside the house, Joon gave him a lame smile. “Remember, just be yourself. No wait, scratch that. Just be quiet,” she said, and poking him lightly in the sternum.
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Inside the house, Skinner looked around the first floor. People were partying. There was a couple against one wall, openly having sex as if they were alone.
“Well,” Skinner whispered. “I guess they don’t care that people can see them going at it.”
Joon glanced at him. “They’re a nice couple. They love each other, and this is all they got. Doesn’t seem to bother anyone but you.”
“I didn’t say it bothered me. I just couldn’t imagine having sex in front of other people.”
Joon shrugged. “Happens all the time on the streets. Some do it for love and others do it for money.”
Skinner followed Joon and Lulu upstairs. When they entered the room, they found the other girls inside the tent with the flap open. The girls stared at the threesome. Joon was wringing her hands as she approached the tent and knelt.
She glanced from one girl to the next. “Hey. So, Lulu and me met this guy on the streets last night. He let us sleep in a car with him. Ran the heat all night long. Anyway, he doesn’t have anywhere to go, doesn’t know anybody on the streets. He wants to hang with us for a while, you know, until he finds a better place to stay.”
Gia smiled. “Well, I think—”
Fipple put her hand over Gia’s mouth. “Shut up, Gia. Everyone knows you make bad decisions especially when it comes to guys.” Fipple turned to Joon, eyes blazing and nostrils flared. “The answer is no. Tell your asshole friend that we don’t want him here. You’re a fuckin’ idiot for even showing up with him.” Fipple turned to the other girls in the tent. “This is the shit I’ve been saying, haven’t I? This stupid bitch,” she yelled, pointing to Joon, “is gonna get us hurt or kicked outta here or both. It’s time for her to go. You agree with me, right?”
The other girls, caught between their respect for Fipple’s leadership and admiration for Joon’s creativity and kindness, remained silent. Fipple spun back to Joon. “Listen, you little shit. Tell that stray dog,” she growled, pointing at Skinner, “to take a fuckin’ hike. The answer is no. He can’t stay here with us. And if you had a brain in your head, you would’ve known that.”
Joon’s hands were on her hips, elbows jutting out like wings. She puffed out her chest and glowered at Fipple for several seconds. “Who the fuck do you think you are? It’s clear that you’re no genius. You’re just an ugly bitch with a big mouth.”
Fipple lunged at Joon and the two rolled on the floor outside of the tent. Joon got the upper hand, and soon, she was sitting on Fipple’s stomach pinning her hands above her head. She put her face close to Fipple’s. Teeth clenched, she spoke in a hushed voice. “Here’s the deal, Fipple. Skinner is staying with us for a while. If you don’t like it, I’ll take my tent and my sleeping bags and move to another floor. Maybe you can explain that to your following over there,” she said, gesturing toward the girls in the tent watching with bulging eyes.
“You don’t scare me, skank.” But Fipple said it quietly.
“I’m not trying to scare you. I’m letting you know what’s gonna happen. You get to decide.” Slowly, she moved off of Fipple and turned to Skinner and Lulu. “Fipple said it would be fine if you stayed with us for a while,” she announced.
Skinner whispered through a smile, “No she didn’t.”
Joon elbowed him. “Shut up and go with it. Sheesh, you’re dense.”
“Oh. Right. Sorry,” he said in an undertone.
Inside the tent, Joon unzipped the sleeping bag she shared with Lulu, and the three of them lay next to each other and pulled the bag over them. They made Skinner sleep against the wall of the tent, the colder spot. “After all,” Joon teased, “You’re the newcomer. Lulu and me have seniority.”
Skinner shook his hips back and forth. “Girlfriend, I wouldn’t care if I had to sleep on top of the tent if it meant I wasn’t by myself.”
The seven teens laid side by side, crammed in the small tent; Joon was on her back between Lulu and Skinner with her eyes closed.
“You sleeping?” Lulu asked her.
“Does it matter? You would’ve woken me up anyway.” Joon turned toward Lulu. “What’s up? You got something important to tell me?”
Lulu looked deep into Joon’s eyes. “I think that what you did for Skinner was really brave. You stood up for someone you hardly know. I don’t think I would’ve done that.”
“It’s not brave, Lulu. It’s being on the side of right. It’s not fair to push someone away ’cause you don’t know them. I mean, did you see how scared he was when Fipple started yelling?”
Lulu nodded. “That’s why I would have backed down. I wouldn’t have wanted to fight Fipple.”
“Fuck Fipple,” Joon said, leaning up and flipping her middle finger to the sleeping girl on the other side of the tent.
Lulu draped her arm over Joon as she lay back down. “I just wanted you to know. That’s all. You’re a good egg and I’m glad I have you.”
“Me too,” Skinner whispered.
Joon whipped her head toward him. “Were you listening the whole time?”
Skinner snapped his wrist and flung his hand forward. “Baby girl, I heard every word. I wasn’t all that scared.”
“Yes you were,” Joon protested quietly.
“Okay. Fine. I was a little scared. But not of that bulldog. I was scared I’d have to spend more time on the damn street by myself. I hate it out there. People ain’t kind to homeless teens and nobody likes a gay homeless teen.”
Joon pushed her fingers through Skinner’s hair. “Stop whining about being gay. You’re just trying to get sympathy,” she said, rolling her eyes.
Skinner stuck his fingers in her armpit and Joon let out a squeal. The other girls stirred, and Joon smacked him playfully. “Shhhh, do you wanna get us both kicked out?”
Skinner pulled the sleeping bag up on his shoulder. “Well if the three us do get kicked out, at least we’ll all have our own sleeping bag. These bitches don’t know who they’re fucking with. We’ll take our damn tent and sleeping bags and move on.”
Joon puckered her lips. “Oh, will we now? Since when is this ‘our’ tent and sleeping bags?”
Skinner tapped his chin with his index finger. “Well, let me think…since you adopted me.”
“Please, I didn’t adopt you. Don’t get too comfortable, big guy.”
“This is the most comfortable I’ve been in a year,” Skinner said, putting his arm over Joon’s waist.
“Wow. That’s nice of you to say. I like helping people.”
“Baby girl, you can keep on helping me all you want,” Skinner said.
“Me too,” Lulu added, putting her arm over Joon.
Joon closed her eyes. She felt relaxed and blissful that she could make a small difference for her friends.
Chapter Sixty-Nine
It was in mid-February and one of the coldest winters Philadelphia had seen in a decade. Even the tent and sleeping bags couldn’t keep the group from freezing.
“It’s too cold,” Joon said inside the tent. “We gotta get outta here. Maybe go to a shelter like the others. The house is practically empty.”
Lulu shook her head. “I’d risk freezing to death before I’d stay in a hellish shelter. You all know that the chances of getting beaten, robbed, or stabbed inside those places is high. I say we stay here and huddle under every fucking piece of clothing we got.”
“Really? It’s that bad?” Skinner said.
The girls looked at him as if he was nuts. Joon lifted her eyebrows and rolled her eyes. “Right. You haven’t been on the street long enough to know. If you’ve ever been in a shelter, you’d know that you’re practically taking your life in your hands. You know, there are a lot of crazy people and others that are real desperate to get their hands on anything of value. I mean, regular people stay in them too, but we’re definitely outnumbered by the insane and criminals.”
“Oh. Who knew? Okay then. I guess we’ll just keep our girly asses here and freeze. Makes good sense to me,” Skinner said.
Joon and the other girls laughed, but Fipple’s face shrunk into a tight knot. She glared at Skinner. “If you haven’t noticed, you’re not a girl. I know you think you are ’cause you’re ‘gay,’” she said, throwing air quotes at the word, “but you ain’t. So how about if you stop acting like you belong here? You’re only here ’cause Joon’s a stupid ass, but as soon as the weather is warmer and we don’t need this shit to keep us warm, your faggot ass is outta here.”
Joon squeezed her hands into fists. “What the hell’s your problem? You don’t speak for everyone here.” She paused and looked at the other girls. “Does she?”
None of them made eye contact with Joon. She turned to Lulu, who put her hands in the air and shrugged. “Did you know they were waiting until it got warm to kick Skinner out?” she asked Lulu.
Lulu cocked her head. “No, I didn’t fucking know. I mean really, Joon, I would’ve told you.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” Joon said. Then she turned to the others. “You don’t need to worry. We’ll be outta here as soon as possible.”
“Wait,” Gia said. “It’s not you, Joon. We just aren’t comfortable having a guy around all the time. It makes it hard to get changed or go to the bathroom or all the other stuff we do in front of each other.”
Joon leaned forward to be closer to Gia. “I thought that you were different, but you’re just like the rest of them.” She shook her head. “It’s no big deal, Gia. We’ll clear out when we can, I promise.” She stood and left the room, going down the dark stairs and out the back door off the kitchen. She shivered as the wind whipped around her.
