Never Be Alone

by Paige Dearth

  Joon stared at the woman, and her anguish flowed freely. Her body quivered, and she raked her hands through her hair continuously. “I told you, we don’t do drugs. My friend is sick. She’s the only person in the world I have. Please just leave us alone. We won’t bother you. Okay?” Joon babbled.

  The woman put her hands on her round hips and watched Joon as she broke down and sobbed.

  Her chest heaved and the weight of having nowhere to go crashed in on her. “I can’t move her on my own. Please, lady, cut us a break,” she pleaded.

  The woman turned and walked several feet to her apartment door. Joon was worried she was calling the police but was too exhausted and numb to attempt waking and moving Lulu. She could only sit and wait. A few minutes later, the apartment door opened, and the woman returned.

  “Here,” she said, handing Joon a pillow and another blanket. “I figure you can use these.”

  Joon looked at the woman. “Th-thank you.”

  “Never let it be said that Nellie didn’t help someone in need.”

  Joon just stared at the woman as tears dripped from her chin.

  “My name is Nellie. I’ve lived here almost twenty years. I spend most of my time in my apartment now, but when I was younger and, I got out more, I helped everyone I could. Even volunteered at the Red Cross for a spell. Now, I know when I see someone in need, and it seems to me that you could use a little kindness right now. You go on and stay here tonight. I ain’t gonna bother you, but don’t make me regret it.”

  “We won’t,” Joon mumbled.

  “Good. Now, sleep tight.” Nellie walked back to her apartment.

  “Wait,” Joon said. “Nellie? I’m Joon and this is Lulu.”

  Nellie lifted her chin in quick acknowledgment and turned back around.

  “Thank you, Nellie,” Joon said.

  “You’re welcome,” Nellie said as she disappeared into her apartment.

  Lulu woke early the next morning and gently shook Joon awake.

  “Morning,” Lulu said with a smile.

  “Hey. How are you feeling?”

  “A little better. You were right—I slept like a rock in here.”

  Lulu sat up, her hand brushing the pillow where her head had laid. “Where did this come from?”

  Joon pointed to the door a short distance away. “An old lady named Nellie. She thought we were high. I told her you were sick, and she brought out a pillow and this other blanket for us. I was freaking the fuck out that she was gonna call the cops.”

  “Aw, that was nice.”

  “Nice? I about shit my pants. I’m only seventeen, remember? If the cops came, they’d probably send me back to Aron.”

  Lulu rested her forehead against Joon’s. “But Nellie didn’t call the cops, and they didn’t take you away and send you back to Aron.”

  “Smart-ass,” Joon remarked.

  “I gotta pee,” Lulu said.

  “Really? You’re like a fucking camel. You never have to pee, but you gotta pee right now?”

  “Yep. Let’s go outside and pop a squat.”

  Joon moaned but stood up and pulled Lulu to her feet. The girl threw her arms around Joon. “Fucking hell, I’m so dizzy. Give me a second.”

  Joon held her upright as Nellie’s apartment door opened.

  Nellie stuck her head out and looked at them. “Are you two trying to wake the whole floor up? Ain’t nobody ever teach you how to be quiet?”

  Joon bit the inside of her lip. “Sorry. Lulu has to take a whiz and when she stood up she got dizzy.”

  Nellie walked up to the girls. “So you’re Lulu?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Your friend Joon here tells me you’re sick.”

  “Yes, ma’am, but I’m gonna be fine.”

  Nellie cocked her hip out and pursed her lips. “You don’t look too fine to me.” The older woman turned to Joon. “Let’s bring her inside my apartment. You can use my bathroom.”

  Joon and Lulu exchanged a wide-eyed look.

  “Thanks a lot,” Joon said. “That’s really nice of you.”

  Nellie glanced at Joon, then at all of their items in the corner of the hall. “I’ll help Lulu and you gather all that stuff up and bring it inside. If my nosy neighbors see it, they’ll be calling the authorities.”

  Joon and Lulu followed the old woman into her apartment and closed the door behind them.

  Chapter Eighty-Two

  As Joon stepped inside the small apartment, she saw a tiny kitchen with two cabinets hanging above the sink and three drawers between the sink and a miniature gas stove to the left. Perched on the three-foot-wide countertop was an old coffeepot and a bowl with a few overripe bananas. Joon placed their belongings to the side of the door, went over to Lulu, and took her hand.

  “The bathroom is on the right,” Nellie said, pointing to the short hallway. Nellie sat on the love seat, the only place to sit in the small living area, and picked up her knitting.

  Inside the bathroom was a tub, a narrow sink with a mirror above, and a toilet crammed between the tub and the outside wall. Lulu was on the toilet as Joon stood staring into the mirror. “I look awful.”

  “Yeah, you do,” Lulu said, teasing her.

  Joon spun on her. “What? You think you look any better?”

  “No, but I’m sick. What’s your excuse?”

  “I’m too busy taking care of your ass,” she teased. “If I wasn’t spending all my time doing that, I might even have found my prince charming by now.”

  “Oh, pleeeease. Spare me the theatrics. You don’t want a man any more than I want my kidney to stop working.”

  Joon scratched her scalp. “That may be true. Do you think I’m a man hater?”

  Lulu ripped off several squares of toilet paper and wiped herself. “You’re such a freak. You are not a man hater. You just had a really bad experience with that asshole Quinn. I hope that someday we both meet great guys and our kids can grow up together.”

  Joon fantasized about how good it would feel to have a family of her own. “Yeah, that would be cool.” She looked at Lulu and shrugged. “Are you gonna get up and let me go or are you gonna sit there all day?”

  When the girls were finished, they walked back out to where Nellie was sitting.

  “Thanks for letting us use your bathroom,” Joon said.

  “Did you wash your hands?”

  Joon smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Stop calling me ma’am. My name is Nellie. You can call me Miss Nellie. I put a box of cereal on the counter and there’s milk in the fridge. You girls go eat something. You can help yourselves to a banana if you like them. I ain’t got much, but I don’t mind sharing what I have.”

  The girls sat on the floor next to Nellie’s love seat and ate their cereal. Joon practically inhaled hers, while Lulu ate with uncertainty.

  Nellie kept a close eye on Lulu. “Why ain’t you eating, sugar?”

  Lulu took another small mouthful. “Most of the time after I eat, I get sick. So I’m taking it slow ’cause I don’t wanna puke.”

  Joon stopped eating and looked at Nellie, afraid she’d make them leave if Lulu threw up in her small living space. Instead, Nellie waved her hand in the air. “No worries, sugar. Joon, go get Lulu the plastic basin from under the sink. That way, if she’s gotta spew, she can use it.”

  Joon was relieved that Lulu didn’t complain of nausea when she finished her food. She got a blanket and put it over her friend, who was still on the floor leaning against the love seat. Joon wanted to stay in Nellie’s apartment for as long as they could, so she didn’t volunteer to leave and was on pins and needles waiting for Nellie to tell them it was time to go. When they heard voices in the hallway, Joon stood and turned to the old lady. “I think that’s our friends. They came to help me get Lulu to Suburban Station.”

  “Oh yeah?” Nellie said nonchalantly. “You going on a trip?”

  “No. Our plan is to stay at Suburban Station during the day and sleep in the apar
tment hallways at night. We did it before and no one ever caught us.”

  Nellie glanced up from her knitting. “Go on and open the door, so your friends know you’re safe.”

  Joon pulled the door open just as Skinner and Gunther were leaving the floor. “Hey. Skinner.”

  “What the hell are you doing in there?” Skinner asked, walking toward the apartment.

  “This nice lady,” Joon said, pointing to Nellie from the doorway, “let us use her bathroom. Give us a few minutes and we’ll be out.”

  With the door open, Skinner waved at Nellie. “Hi.”

  Nellie pinched her lips together and glared at the boys. “You boys mind yourself.”

  “They’re our friends. They’re good guys, and they don’t take drugs either,” Joon said, giving the woman a grin.

  “Good for them. Shut the door and come back over here,” Nellie said.

  Joon approached the old woman, and Lulu watched silently.

  Nellie put her knitting down and hoisted herself from the love seat. “I don’t see the sense in taking this sick child out all day just to come back and sleep in the hallway at night. I’m gonna let you two stay here for a day or two ’cause I wanna keep an eye on this child.”

  Joon’s mouth dropped open. “Really? You don’t even know us.”

  Nellie’s chin went to her chest as she leered at Joon through narrowed eyelids. “You’re right, I don’t know you. So I’ll warn you now: don’t disappointment me or you’ll find yourself on the other end of my broom handle, and that is one place you don’t ever wanna be.”

  Joon felt a chill run through her. She felt like a trapped child again. Her chest tightened and her skin prickled under her clothing. Not that she thought Nellie was evil, but she realized the old woman would make good on her word.

  “I…I…I won’t disappoint you,” Joon promised.

  “Good. Go out in the hallway and tell your friends that you and Lulu are staying here for a few days.”

  When Joon explained the situation to Skinner, his jaw tightened. “I don’t know about this. What if she does something crazy to you or Lulu?”

  “She won’t.”

  Skinner’s eyes narrowed. “How do you know that?”

  “Because I’ve seen evil in my life and she ain’t it.”

  Skinner rubbed his chin with his thumb and index finger. “Well, I’m sorry, but you’re gonna have to prove it, ’cause I’ll worry my pretty, little head off thinking about the two of you. And if anything happens, I’ll spend the rest of my life buried in guilt ’cause I should’ve done something.”

  Joon laughed a little and shook her head. “You’re such a drama queen. It’ll be fine. I’ll find you in Suburban Station every day. I have to make money. The old lady ain’t gonna pay for our food. She barely has anything in there. I’ll be down there later today, after I get Lulu settled.”

  “Fine, girlfriend, but you remember that I don’t like it. Not one little bit.”

  “You know, Skinner, you should trust people more,” Joon said jokingly.

  “Beotch, you’re the one who taught me not to trust anybody. Hell,” he said, running his finger down Gunther’s arm, “she didn’t trust you for shit. Yep, my girl wasn’t happy that she didn’t approve of you before we took off on our own.”

  Gunther kissed Skinner on his neck. “That makes her a good friend.”

  Skinner gently pushed his boyfriend away. “Whose side are you on?”

  “He’s on the side of right, you ninny,” Joon said. Then she got on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on Skinner’s cheek, turned, and did the same to Gunther. “I’ll see you two lovebirds later. Stay outta trouble.”

  Joon walked back into the apartment, and Nellie looked up at her.

  The old woman stood from the loveseat and started toward the small kitchen. “You take care of your business with those boys?”

  “Yes, Miss Nellie.”

  “Good. Me and Lulu are gonna have a cup of tea. You want one?”

  “Yes, that would be great.”

  Joon joined Lulu on the floor. “How are you?”

  “Fine, mom. I’m feeling a little better now.”

  It wasn’t lost on Joon, however, that Lulu refused to make eye contact.

  Chapter Eighty-Three

  “Miss Nellie, I need to go out for a couple of hours.”

  “What for?”

  “So I can earn some money to buy food,” Joon explained. “Can Lulu stay here with you? If she wakes up, just tell her I went to panhandle.”

  “Yeah, I can do that. Now, when you go out and beg, do people get mad with ya?”

  “Some people do. They’ll yell at us and say that we need to go back to school or go home to our parents. But there’re a lot of people who will throw their change in your collector and keep walking.”

  Nellie’s eyebrows raised. “Your collector?”

  “Yeah, that’s what we call the hat or can or basket or whatever we’re collecting money in.”

  “Oh, I see. And these people who are mean to you, does it make you feel bad?”

  “Sometimes. Mostly when it’s rich kids that are our age. Some of them will throw trash in my collector or throw water or soda on me or just make fun of me.” Joon paused, looking down at her worn hands. “They tell me I’m dirty and that I smell. I’ve heard it all before though, when I was a kid.”

  “A kid?”

  “Yeah, it’s a long story. I was raised in a foster home. That’s where I learned that the devil ain’t a man. The devil is a woman, a nasty bitch named Aron.”Joon covered her mouth with her hand. “Sorry, Miss Nellie. I didn’t mean to curse.”

  The old woman grinned at her. “It’s okay.” She winked at Joon. “Miss Nellie is known to spew a few cuss words when I get irritated too.”

  ***

  Joon returned to Nellie’s apartment in the early evening. She had stopped at a small local grocery to buy a few items, and Nellie watched as she unpacked the few items. She admired that the girl had contributed to their basic needs, her gut telling her that Joon was a good kid with a big heart—and Nellie always followed her gut.

  Joon sat on the floor next to Lulu. “Did you sleep most of the day?”

  Lulu looked at her sheepishly. “Yeah. But me and Miss Nellie watched television too. She makes the best grilled cheese sandwiches.”

  “Uh-huh,” Nellie chimed in. “Until she threw it up all over herself.”

  Joon put her head back on the love seat cushion. “I bought saltine crackers for you.” She turned to Nellie. “She can keep them down pretty good if she doesn’t eat them too fast.” She turned back to Lulu. “On Monday, we’ll ask Dr. Becker for some more of those anti-nausea pills. They helped you for a while.”

  Lulu stared at the television. “This is not at all how I pictured my life. Hell, I’m not even old enough to drink. I’m tired of being sick.”

  “I know you are, and I know it’s been hard on you. But I think the treatments help. Right?”

  “Truthfully?” Lulu said, looking at Joon. “Not really. The last few weeks have been horrible. I’ve been thinking about stopping the treatments.”

  Joon was up on her knees. “What? No. You can’t do that. Without a kidney transplant or dialysis, you’ll die. Dr. Becker said so. You’re just gonna have to keep doing the treatment until you feel better.”

  Lulu sighed. “I’ll try a little longer, but look at me, Joon. I’m sick and weak all the time. I can’t eat, and when I do, I throw it up. I rarely pee, my body hurts, and I’m always swollen like a tick. Oh, and to top it off, I’m freezing no matter how hard I try to warm up.”

  Joon grabbed their other blanket and laid it over top of her friend.

  Lulu smiled sadly. “I know you love me and that you do everything you can to take care of me, but, Joon, I’m not living right now, and neither are you.”

  “Stop it, Lulu. Just stop talking. I don’t wanna hear it. You promised that you would do the treatments and you can’t go back on
your word.”

  “I know I promised you, Joon. But that was months ago. And even though you don’t want to face it, I’ve gotten worse, not better. Even Dr. Becker sees it.”

  Nellie was sitting at the dinette in the kitchen, watching the two girls in silence.

  Joon had gotten up and was pacing the small space. Then she stopped abruptly, crying, and spun on Lulu. “So what? You wanna just give up? Is that what you’re saying?”

  “No, Joon. I mean, I don’t know what I wanna do. I’m always trying to hide how bad I feel from you. I feel so guilty that I’m not getting better, so I lie to you.”

  Joon fell to her knees in front of her friend. “Oh, please, Lulu. You have to keep trying. I’m gonna find you a donor, I just know it. I can feel it.” She hadn’t been able to save Tori, and now she wouldn’t even have the chance to save Lulu. This could not be happening to her again; she wouldn’t let it.

  Lulu smiled and gently put her hand on Joon’s cheek. “I didn’t say I was gonna stop treatment now, but at some point, if I can’t get a transplant, I have to think about it. I’m in pain all of the time. If my body doesn’t hurt, then my brain hurts thinking about all of the things I can’t do. Can you understand?”

  Joon curled up against Lulu. “I don’t wanna understand. I need you. You’re all I have in this world.”

  The young women fell silent as they sat leaning on each other. Finally, Nellie stood from the table. “I think a nice hot bath will warm you up, Lulu,” she said.

  “That would be great.”

  “Joon, baby. Do you wanna go get a bath ready for her?”

  Joon hopped up. “You bet,” she said as she rushed into the bathroom.

  Miss Nellie will help me fix Lulu, I just know it, Joon thought.

  Chapter Eighty-Four

  Once Lulu was in the tub of warm water, Joon walked into the other room and sat next to Nellie. The old woman put her arm over the girl’s shoulder, and Joon collapsed against the woman’s large chest.

  “You know, Joon, there comes a time when we have to do things in our life that feel really bad to us, but make other people feel good. Take Lulu for instance. She’s trying her best to get better and be strong. Can you see that?”