by KA Graham
I finally got my head out of my ass, deciding I wanted my life back, and my wife. I wanted to have a good life again, a happy life. So, I followed her one night, and as you can imagine, I found her with Jackson. I confronted her the next morning, and to my surprise, she admitted she'd been fucking him for months. “It was only sex. He doesn't mean anything to me," was her response, yet she continued to carry on the affair until the night she came home bleeding and bruised from head to toe.
That fucking sicko did things to her, things no woman should find appealing or want willingly. I will save you the horror of the details. She promised it was the end, and I wanted nothing more than to bash that fuckers head in. But I had other plans. Ones that involved me getting close to him, earning his trust, then making his life a living hell. Just like he did to Macy and me.
Do you know she cries every night and still won't let me touch her? My own wife won't let me touch her because of what Jackson did to her. I just want MY Macy back.
I have a PI background, so when he began to talk about you, saying how much he wanted to find you, I knew this opportunity was too good to pass up. You're his sun and moon, the one thing he cares most about in his fucked-up world. He asked me to find you, and I did, but not for the reason he believes. He's a fucking idiot and you, unfortunately, are just a pawn in my quest for vengeance. For that, I'm truly sorry. I never wanted this, but how can I let him get away with the disgusting things he did to my wife?
Now I have to decide on what to do with you… or to you rather. Jackson has gone radio silent, so I'm not sure what to think. Has he gone back to Oregon deciding you aren't worth the trouble after all? Did your “friend" get to him before I could? What would you do in my shoes, Ms. Kramer?
Just know I’m watching the three of you, and you will be the first to know when I make my decision. Again, I’m sorry it's come to this, but I can't just let that fucker move on with his life while mine and Macy’s is still in shambles.
Pax
“Well, fuck me. This isn't good at all. I don't deserve to pay for Jackson's sins. I paid long enough.” I sit and stare at the wall because frankly, I have no clue what to do from here.
Dominic scoops me up into his lap, whispering in my ear. “Only for you, Sparrow. I got you, gorgeous. Forever and always. Remember, no one will ever take you from me.” He kisses the tip of my nose, and I want to stay like this forever.
“Cracker. I've come to your rescue, babe. I have the wine. There’s beer in the fridge for sexy there.” Raelynn nods her head toward Dominic, and he gets the point. If he wants a beer, he serves himself. Raelynn has already made herself comfy with her glass of wine and has no intention of getting back up to serve him. Dominic laughs, sets me to the side, and swiftly moves to the kitchen. I guess he really does want that beer.
I can always count on Rae to break the tension. Time to relax for the night, or try to anyway. My thoughts are on what's going to happen when I see Jackson again. He may have the answers we need to talk Pax off the ledge. If he's willing. It's a gamble, one I'm willing to take.
I guess I'll be seeing you soon, Jackson.
27
Seeing the light dim is tragic.
Isabella
It took a few days, but Dominic got me a visitors pass to see Jackson at Ocean Breaks Rehab Center under strict guidelines that it was to be fifteen minutes only. No more, no less. He may not be a cop anymore, but he's well respected by his one-time peers. Even when things took a turn for the worse, I’ve been told they stood by Dominic through it all, offering help wherever he needed it. It’s a heavy burden to carry when you blame yourself for what happened to your family, and the actions you took to drown your sorrows.
Tragedy and depression go hand in hand, but he's slowly learning to deal with his demons in a positive way. I’d like to think - hope - that I had a part to play in that, just like he’s had a part to play in my healing and self-recovery. Yes, I still depend on pills to alleviate my anxiety and panic attacks, but I hope that in the future they won’t be needed. Knowing there are still a few good men out there makes me feel beyond grateful. When you've been in the grips of a monster for so long, you tend to forget there are good ones left in this world.
I think I finally found mine.
I won’t say that I regret meeting or even falling in love with Jackson, because at one time he was what I wanted, what I needed. He will always have a special place in my heart, but I learned that I had to let him go. For his sake and mine. We became a toxic combination, and toxic doesn't work. It would’ve ended up killing one, or both of us in the end.
Dominic and I decided to stay at Raelynn’s last night after having a few too many drinks, and waking up on the floor wasn't exactly delightful. I have pains on top of my pains. After a quick shower, I need caffeine. My addiction is on high alert this morning. I'm anxious as hell, and I know this is going to be an emotional day, but having Dominic there by my side will hopefully calm my frazzled nerves a bit.
After a quick goodbye to Rae, we head out. As soon as we’re settled in the truck, Dominic grabs my hand, rubbing my fingers. “Sparrow, I’m with you always. You and me. If at any time you decide it’s too much and want to bail, just tell me. This is all on your terms, gorgeous.”
“Thank you. I know this is going to be rough, but I have to do it. Things have just gone downhill so fast, I feel like I can't catch my breath. If I didn't have you and Rae, I'd be lost. I love you so much, Dominic.” I didn't believe in soulmates until I found mine.
“Knowing you were able to obtain a temporary restraining order against Pax makes me feel a bit better about this shit show. He was smart and typed the letter out, so we can't do much more unless he makes a move. So let's see what Jackson has for us.” I’m trying to keep Dominic calm, along with myself.
We pull into the entrance for Ocean Breaks, and as we park, the panic sets in. I need to get my shit together. I don’t want Jackson to see the effects he still has on me. I won’t give him that satisfaction. He’s taken enough from me, and I won’t give him this too. Grabbing Dominic's hand, we walk into the facility. We’re checked from head to toe by a security guard that I've nicknamed Tiny, only in my head of course. He's a massive man with a baby face and a tattoo on his neck that says Momma’s Boy. I’m positive he isn’t someone I would want to cross, even with that ridiculous tattoo. He allows Dominic to escort me inside, but since I'm the only name on Jackson’s visitor list, Dominic will have to sit in the waiting room while I meet with Jackson. I wish he could go in with me, but even as terrified as I am to be doing this alone, I have to keep going. Against Dominic’s wishes, I insisted on going in alone. I need to put this all in my past and having this talk with Jackson is the first step in that direction.
“I’ll be right here waiting for you, and if at any time you feel in danger, please promise me you’ll leave. Don't be a martyr, Isabella, and don't let him put one finger on any inch of your gorgeous body.” He looks at me with the greatest of conviction, so how or why would I ever go against his wishes?
I won’t.
A middle-aged nurse with graying hair and a bad attitude leads me down a never-ending hallway. It eventually wraps around a corner, and I spot the commons room where Nurse Crabby Pants leads me through the door. I step in front of her as she ushers me in rather swiftly. On her way out, she warns me I have fifteen minutes.
Yeah, got it.
I see Jackson in the corner of the room sitting in a chair that faces a window overlooking the ocean town of Charleston. It’s an amazing view, and for a second, I forget where I'm at. At least I did until I hear those hauntingly familiar words. “Hello, my beautiful Bella. I've been waiting for you. I knew you'd eventually come back to me.”
Dominic
Fuck me! I don't know if this was such a good idea. I'm literally putting Isabella in the path of a man that tried to destroy her; mind, body, and soul. I hope she gets some answers and the closure from this asshole that she needs, or all of this was for
nothing. She’s everything I've ever wanted in a woman, and if I lose her now, I lose myself.
The day she walked into the mini-mart, my heart stopped beating. She was, in a way that robbed me of my breath. What a hot mess she was. I could feel the anxiety and awkwardness radiating off of her sexy little body, and it fucking turned me on. I knew I needed to have her, to make her mine. I haven’t felt that way in a long time... or ever for that matter.
I knew there was a darkness inside her I could relate to, and it pulled me in like a fucking moth to a flame. That woman is going to be my wife, and hopefully the mother of my children someday. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll treat her so good she’ll know that she’ll always be safe with me. I’ll always take care of her,putting her needs first.
The images rolling through my mind of the things I want to do with her, to her body, have me adjusting my suddenly rockhard cock. I look around, realizing where I am and praying my thoughts are being kept in my head.
My Sparrow.
My life.
My love.
Isabella
Jackson looks absolutely defeated and it pulls at my heartstrings, even after all he's done to me. No one should live a life of emptiness, and Jackson is completely empty. Empty of feelings, hope, love, and most of all, compassion. He may claim to love me, but I don't think he knows the true meaning of the word.
“Hello, Jackson. Before you say anything else, you should know that this isn't a visit that was necessarily wanted on my part. I’m here because I need some information. Information only you can give me. Pax and Macy Lee? Ring a bell?” His eyes go as wide as saucers. He's scared that I already know those names, and instantly realizing I must already know what's happened, what he’s done.
“Pax is Macy’s husband? That son of a bitch played me! You may not believe me, Bella, but I'm so fucking sorry for everything I've done. To everyone. The guy that did all those terrible things, that wasn't me. I've been clean and sober almost a month now. I know it doesn't seem long enough, but it’s made me see things a whole lot clearer. I'm disgusted by the things I've done, at least those that I can remember.” He puts his head in his hands and almost looks regretful, even if it’s an act.
“Will you go back to the good or bad in life, Jackson? How do you make amends for what you’ve done? All you have to look forward to is sitting behind bars for who knows how long. Pax is out for revenge for what you did to his wife. Do you know what that means? He says he’s coming for me! Your mistakes have consequences, and this time it may involve me losing my fucking life.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Bella? What do you mean he’s coming for you? Anything I did with Macy I did because she wanted it. Don’t let that slut try to play you for a fool. We were both high and needing an escape. I gave it to her. It’s not my fault her pussy of a husband couldn’t give her what she needed.”
Yeah, you sound real regretful, asshole!
“Do you know how you sound right now? You’re trying to excuse the fact you cheated on me, ruined someone’s marriage, and violated a woman in a deranged way. Yes, I know what you did with her, and what you used on her, for that matter. Now she can’t even let her own husband touch her anymore. You fucked her up, Jackson! I also know she’s not the only woman you were with behind my back. The gambling? Yeah, I know about that too.”
He stands up from the chair he’s been sitting in and moves toward me without warning. Grabbing my wrists, he starts to frantically speak. “I swear to god she wanted it. She asked me to do those things to her. She had a sick fetish, and unfortunately, I was wasted and all too willing to please. Yes, there were other women before her, and they weren’t always into how rough I could get, but not Macy. She was just as fucked in the head as I was. God, Bella, how do I make it right? Tell me!” He starts to shake me, and I panic. Yelling for the guard outside the door, I’ve had enough.
“I’m so sorry, Bella. I love you. No matter what I did, I always loved you. You have to believe that! Please, fucking believe that!”
His anguish stirs emotions in me that I hate. “We have to set each other free. You will have to live with what you’ve done, forever, and I hope you choose to make amends to those you’ve wronged. Be the kind of man I know you can be. Goodbye, Jackson.”
I close my hands around his, letting him know I want him to survive. Survive the chaos he’s created within himself. As I let go and start to move toward the door, he slips a piece of paper into my hand.
I walk out the door, I hear him whisper to my back. “Goodbye, my beautiful Bella.” Opening the piece of paper he gave me, tears instantly fall from my eyes. We were once each other’s sun and moon, and he’s made sure I don’t ever forget that.
“Sometimes, I think of the sun and the moon as lovers who rarely meet, always chase, and almost always miss one another. But once in a while, they do catch up, and they kiss, and the world stares in awe of their eclipse.”
Unknown
I see Dominic pacing in the waiting room. Walking up to him, I try to compose myself the best I can, simply saying, “Take me home, Mr. Barnes. I need you.” He stares at me with concern and all-consuming love in his eyes, but seeing I'm in one piece puts him at ease.
“You don’t have to tell me twice, Ms. Kramer.”
He gives me a quick kiss on the nose, and we leave. Jackson didn't give me much to go on concerning Pax in the fifteen minutes I was allowed to see him, but I didn’t figure he would. I feel like I got some closure though, at least for myself, so I guess that’s a win.
28
Becoming the Lotus.
As we’re driving in silence, after I explained what was said between Jackson and I, which was nothing for us to go on, Pax-wise, I surprise Dominic with my sudden and out of the blue request.
“I want a new tattoo of a Lotus flower. I’ve been reading up on the meaning, and after all that's happened, I think it’s perfect. They grow in the mud, blossoming into new beginnings. My past represents the mud that I was slowly sinking in, and my present with you is my new beginning.”
“I think it’s a beautiful idea, Sparrow. I have an idea, too. You wanna make a stop before heading back to my place? I have a friend who I trust with my work, and he will do your vision justice. Trust me?” He looks at me with adoration in his eyes.
“I'd follow you to the ends of the earth, Dominic. I trust you with my life, so lead the way, sexy.”
Driving up to a tiny shop on the corner of a rundown shopping center, I feel like we've entered some abandoned ghetto in a gruesome horror flick. The neon sign on the front of the building simply reads Tattoo, and is missing an O. Perfectly creepy.
“Remember when I said I trusted you? I may be eating those words now.” Giving him a side glance, I can see the smirk on his face.
“The fancy new mall a few miles out of town has run off a lot of customers, but the loyal ones have stuck it out. Believe me, I wouldn't take you somewhere I didn’t think was safe. I have precious cargo with me now.”
Jesus, how can I not trust him?
“Ok, but if I see any zombies dragging their feet my way, you best believe that I will throw you to the beasts. I love you, but survival comes first.” Dominic laughs while clutching his heart.
“You wound me, Sparrow. Come on, let's go.”
Walking into the shop, I feel like I entered my favorite kind of playground. Tattoos have always given me a release of freedom. Freedom to express myself and my stories. Every one of my tattoos has a sacred meaning to me. It’s a beautiful place with colorful art hanging on the walls and an inviting aroma of freshly brewed coffee.
I set eyes on the guy behind the counter, and if I wasn’t head over heels in love with Dominic, I'd jump over the counter that’s separating us and jump his damn bones. He's the kind of man that any hot-blooded woman would drool over. Tats and piercings and a body that begs to be touched.
Dominic, of course, notices my reaction. “Down girl. You’re drooling like a rabid dog, and hands off. You'
re mine, always remember that.”
A girl can still look and admire...
“Ace, this is my Sparrow. Sparrow, this is my buddy, Ace.”
The guy looks at me like he wants to devour me, right here and now. Taking a piece of my hair, he weaves it in between his fingers. “Nice dreads for a white girl, sweetheart. You weren't kidding, Dom. She’s a sweet little thing.”
“Ok, you two, if you're done mindfucking each other, let's get down to why we came here.” Ace puts his hands up in surrender, but not before letting out a bellowing laugh.
I explain what I want, where I want it, and he quickly gets to work setting up his station with what he needs. Dominic whispers something to him I can’t quite hear and has me wondering what’s being planned. I know he mentioned he wanted some work done also, so now I’m even more curious.
“Music preference, sweetheart? If you say Taylor Swift or some shit like that, our lusty affair is over!” Ace taps his fingers on the stereo, waiting for my response.
“No worries, hot stuff. I'm more of an Avenged Sevenfold kind of girl.” I give him an all-knowing smirk, but think twice when I see Dominic glaring at the both of us.
Oh, Mr. Barnes, cool your jets!
“And... we’re back! Damn, my bad for letting this bonehead snag you up before me. Lucky man.” Ace gives Dominic a side hug, and all's right with the world.
“I'm the lucky one.” I give Dominic a look that says it all.
I may be messing with Ace, but my heart is all Dominic's.
Three hours later, I have the most amazing lotus flower on my right shoulder with a quote from Phoenix Mode, “And I will bloom from the very mud you buried me in.” Ace added a few personal touches, which made it pop even more. I’m in absolute love with it, and tear up a bit realizing just how far I’ve come since leaving Jackson and finding my inner strength again.
