Dear Adam (The Pen Pal Romance Series)

by Kelsie Stelting

  Her eyes softened, and she put a hand on my wrist. “Were you close?”

  “He was like my dad. I mean, my dad was around, but Grandpa did all the dad stuff Dad didn’t do...if that makes sense.”

  Nora nodded. “My grandma was like that.” She pulled out her clutch and zipped it open, retrieving this little golden pin. “She actually gave this to me before she died.” Her fingers wrapped around the pin, and she held it to her chest for a moment before putting it away.

  Maybe we were more alike than we thought.

  My lips smiled on their own. “What about you? What’s your secret?”

  This cute, flirty smirk lit up her features. “I guess, now that we’ve had dinner, I can tell you.” She looked down, pausing for so long, I wondered if she would talk again. “All of my secrets aren’t really mine anymore.”

  And I felt like crap, because she was right. My secrets were out there, too, but no one knew they were mine.

  She sighed. “I mean, it’s still a little embarrassing, but it’s nice to have it out there, you know? Like, the pressure is off. Finally. I just...” Her expression turned nervous.

  “What?” I asked.

  Nora shook her head. “It’s just... My privacy wasn’t the only thing I lost. I lost one of my best friends.”

  Just tell her. Tell her she never lost her friend, that Adam had been there for her all along.

  But I couldn’t. I just gripped her hand, the difference in our coloring so much more apparent in the darkness.

  She tried to smile at me, tried on that brave face she had worn a million times before. But now I recognized it for what it was. A cover. Her smile cracked just as quickly as it had come. “I think we should get back down there.”

  The moment was gone. I nodded.

  And just when I least expected it, she leaned over the desk and put her lips to mine. Just for a second. But that was all I needed to know I was completely, irreversibly, hopelessly hooked on Nora Wilson.

  Her eyes cut through me, and the smile on her lips cauterized the wound, marking me hers and hers alone. “I had to cross something else off the list.”

  My gut sank. As I followed her into the hallway, one fear ran through my mind. Was that all it was to her? Something to check off list?

  We made it back to the dance and found the other three almost immediately. London was dancing with people from the cheer squad. Grace and Fabio had started a weird dance crew filled with friends doing the sprinkler, not ironically.

  After the song, London walked up to us. “You missed it. The kid who won prom king actually gave a speech. And it included a song. And then he kissed on Missy Hamden during the dance.”

  I scrunched my eyebrows. “Was he drunk?”

  “Oh yeah,” London said.

  Nora snorted. “Good thing Trey couldn’t win. Might have missed out on the entertainment.”

  “Yeah,” London said. “You’ll have to check Facebook or YouTube tomorrow. I bet someone posted it.”

  I nodded and pulled my phone out of my pocket to check the time. There was only half an hour left of the dance.

  “You should go dance,” I told Nora. “Grace and Fabio are showing us up.”

  Her teeth caught her bottom lip. “Are you sure?”

  I smiled. “Go ahead. Come on, it’s senior prom. You have to.”

  She and London jumped into the fray, showing their crew how the starting-the-lawnmower move was done. And because it was dark enough, and I was there as Nora’s date, I could watch them without looking like a total creep, even though I kind of was.

  God, how had I never noticed Nora or the gentle way she treated all of her friends? The way she tilted her head back when she laughed?

  “You with Nora?”

  I jerked my head to the side. Trey stood beside me, using every inch of his six-foot-plus-some frame to tower over me in my chair. You know, like a real asshole.

  “What’s it to you?” I asked.

  He scowled in Nora’s direction and knelt beside me. “Let me give you a little advice. Friend to friend.” He gripped my chair. “Just because you can rent a tux and wash your hair doesn’t mean you’ll ever be good enough for that girl over there. Even if she’d deluded herself into thinking you’re worth more than the shit they use to fertilize her family’s yard, she has other people around who know better. You think her dad’ll be thrilled about his first-born dating the son of a convict?” He paused, eyeing me, but I didn’t speak.

  Honestly, I was so pissed, if I spoke I’d yell, and if I yelled, I’d punch him in the toilet bowl he called a mouth.

  Trey laughed under his breath. “Yeah, I thought so. Didn’t want you forgetting where you came from.”

  He sauntered off, went and grabbed some girl’s ass, but I was already getting my phone out, reading an email Nora had sent me all those weeks ago. I’d saved it because the words had cut me deep.

  You are not your parents or your past or what other people think of you. You are who you choose to be when no one’s watching.

  Well, who I was now was someone in hiding, and I needed to stop. I needed to be honest with the girl who’d been nothing but honest with me from the very start.

  Before I could lose my nerve, I made a promise to myself. I was telling Nora tonight. Right after prom. Right after her friends got out of the limo.

  Tonight.

  The last song of the night was a slow song, and Nora came back to me. Without asking, she settled onto my lap, and it felt good to have her that close. I savored every second of the dance, knowing it could very well be my last with her. Yeah, she missed Adam, but it was Emerick who had kept the secret from her.

  Nora lowered her head until her forehead rested against mine, and I closed my eyes, breathing in this moment that smelled like raspberries and mint and perfection like I never had.

  “This night’s been perfect,” she breathed.

  I smiled. “Yeah, it has been.”

  “Thanks for asking me.”

  “Thanks for saying yes.”

  A quiet laugh escaped her lips. “You’re welcome.”

  She moved to rest her head on my shoulder, and we just sat like that until the song ended and her friends found us. Then we had to go back out to the limo, even though I could have sat in that gym forever.

  After the limo dropped us off, this could all be over. I would have surgery. Nora would have to go back to all of her responsibilities. We would graduate. God, living in the moment was hard when you knew it could all be ripped away in a second.

  We all piled into the limo, and this time, Nora sat right by me, leaned her head on my shoulder.

  Grace and London didn’t come because they were staying for an after-prom party with the cheerleaders, but Fabio slid in across from us and slouched down in the seat.

  “Who won?” he asked.

  I pulled the sheet out of my pocket and looked at all the chicken scratch markings. I laughed at the list. “Did you really drop a quarter down someone’s underwear.”

  Fabio laughed tiredly and hung his head. “It wasn’t my proudest moment.”

  I snorted. “Well, it put you over the top. You won by a point. Nora came in second.”

  Fabio lifted his eyebrows, looking impressed. “Nice job, Nora. Who’d’ve thunk it.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I might surprise you.”

  I pulled Nora in closer under my arm. “Always. In a good way.”

  She smiled up at me, and Fabio made a gagging sound, but we ignored him, too busy doing lame couple shit like looking into each other’s eyes. But it didn’t feel lame. It felt amazing to have those baby blues turned on me.

  The limo driver came to a stop.

  “This is me,” Fabio said.

  I broke eye contact with Nora long enough to give him a two-finger wave. He was actually pretty cool. He and Wolf might get along, now that Wolf was clean.

  But the limo driver shut the door behind him, and this was the time.

  “Nora,” I said
, before I could lose my nerve and back out, “I have to tell you something.”

  Her eyes were wide, worried.

  It hit me that she might not believe me if I just came out and said it, so I reached into my pocket, took out my phone, and replied to her email.

  To: Nora Wilson

  From: ADAM

  Dear Nora,

  Thank you for being one of the best friends a guy could have. I hope you’ll still be my friend after this.

  Signed,

  Emerick

  Twenty-Four

  Nora

  Adam’s ringtone sounded from my clutch, and I reached for it. But my fingers never made it to the zipper, because my mind finally caught up.

  Emerick’s phone.

  Adam’s ringtone.

  Emerick needing to tell me something.

  Adam’s ringtone.

  I stared at the guy sitting beside me, his phone lowered with his thumbs still on the scratched screen. How many messages had those thumbs sent me?

  He gazed back at me, a wounded intensity in his eyes like I’d never seen before. Emerick was Adam. Adam was Emerick.

  My mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. I’d thought of a million things I wanted to say to Adam if we ever met, but I’d never thought of what I’d say to him if he was my prom date, my class partner...someone I’d never imagined could write all the amazing advice Adam had.

  Emerick’s eyes pleaded with me. “Say something.”

  My eyes stung, and my throat got tight. “What do you want me to say?”

  Here was the guy who I’d shared some of my deepest hopes and dreams with. Who’d helped me get over Trey. Who’d said we could never meet. And I couldn’t help the way this confused sensation was ripping through my chest, tearing me apart.

  Emerick looked at his hands. “I don’t know.”

  I waited for him to say more, but he didn’t, and my confusion turned to anger. “That’s it?”

  He dropped this bomb on me and all he had to say was I don’t know? There had to be more. Some explanation of how he could sit next to me every day after those emails went public and not say a single word.

  But when he still didn’t speak, I said, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  He hung his head and finally turned those doleful brown eyes on me. “If I told you, I wouldn’t have been able to graduate.”

  I folded my arms across my chest. “Seriously?” No matter how earnest he looked, the humiliated, rejected, lonely part of me couldn’t believe him. “What changed?”

  “Mrs. Arthur said you deserved to know.”

  I snorted derisively. Whoever this person was that had inhabited my body was keeping me sitting up straight, being strong, not the pathetic open wound I felt like on the inside. “Mrs. Arthur was right,” I said. “I did deserve to know. You’ve been lying to me, taking me out, and it wasn’t fair because you knew who I was, and I didn’t know who you were.”

  The limo slowed down, and I saw the panic on Emerick’s face. He didn’t want me to leave, but that just made me want to leave even more.

  He put his hand on my arm. “You knew me.”

  We came to a stop, and I pulled back. “No, I knew Adam.”

  Before the driver could open the door, before Emerick could look at me like that for a second longer, I got out of the limo and ran down the sidewalk toward my house, crying, because my biggest fantasy had turned into my worst nightmare.

  “Nora!” Emerick called, but I was already to the door.

  I stepped inside and took a deep, calming breath. Thankfully, no one was up in the living room, but I saw the light on in the kitchen. Mom probably waited up for me.

  “Nora?” she called.

  “I’m home,” I said. “I’m going to head upstairs and change.”

  Without waiting for her, I slipped off my shoes and padded up the stairs as fast as I could. In my room, I flipped on the lights, changed, and hung my dress back on the silky hanger. Things were so different from when I’d slipped it on earlier that evening.

  I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the news. Emerick was Adam? I mean, Emerick was sweet and kind, even if he was rough around the edges. He didn’t talk much, but when he did, it counted.

  Wasn’t that what I’d liked about Adam?

  But that didn’t change the fact that Emerick had known and asked me out. Here I thought I was going out with my social studies partner, and he’d known he was dating ThePerfectStranger.

  I buried myself under my covers and even put a pillow over my face, trying to drown out all the conflicting thoughts in my mind. I should be thrilled. Part of me was. What was wrong with me?

  My phone chimed with Adam’s ringtone. Emerick’s ringtone.

  But I didn’t need to be confused right now. No, right now, I needed to fall into darkness, to forget what Emerick’s lips felt like on mine.

  I turned off the phone and breathed deeply until I fell into a heavy sleep full of alphabet soup dreams, each more confusing than the last.

  Dad nudged me awake the next morning. “We’ve got to get going, Nora Bug. Thirty minutes until we leave.”

  With my phone still off, I got ready, my thoughts from earlier hitting me stronger than ever before. I walked downstairs, finding everyone in the living room. Amie was already in her ballet company’s sweats, and the younger girls looked like they were drowsy enough to fall back asleep the second they got in the car, but they were still dressed.

  Dad waved his arms impatiently. “Come on, Nora. We’ve got to drop Amie off on time.”

  Amie tapped her foot impatiently.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled and yawned.

  We all got into the van, and I leaned my bucket seat back.

  “Stop!” Esther cried.

  I looked back at her, her drooping eyes. “I’m not touching you; it’s fine.”

  She kicked the headrest. “Move!”

  Edith jerked her little head up, seconds from a meltdown.

  Mom glanced back. “Push your chair up.”

  I glared between the two of them. “She’s four, but whatever.” I lifted it up and closed my eyes.

  What a mess. What a giant, crummy crap hole I’d made for myself. I wished I’d just had some sense and talked to a counselor. Someone who actually couldn’t reveal all my secrets. Someone who couldn’t break my heart.

  Was that what Emerick had done?

  He couldn’t do that if I didn’t care about him.

  Mom’s words hit me harder than ever. You’ll have to decide what compromises you’re willing to make.

  Adam—Emerick had broken my heart, but hadn’t he done so much more than that? He’d given up countless evenings talking to a stranger he couldn’t ever meet. He’d held my cyber hand through a horrible relationship and breakup. He’d listened and understood and kept my secret about my dad, even when letting it out probably could have earned him a fair amount of money. Which his family probably needed.

  Suddenly, our car felt too small to hold these emotions raging in my mind. I had to let them out, to see Emerick face-to-face. After the hurt look he’d had the day before, an email wouldn’t be enough.

  Dad pulled into the parking lot in front of the building where the charter bus waited for Amie’s team, exhaust pouring out behind it.

  “Good luck, kiddo,” he said to her. “We’ll be watching.”

  She smiled tiredly. “Thanks.”

  “Knock ’em dead,” I whispered.

  This time her eyes crinkled. “KO on the dance floor.”

  Once she was out of the van, I leaned forward. “Mom, Dad, can I stay home? I’m...not feeling well.”

  Dad looked at me in the rearview. “We told you when you went to prom you’d be coming to this. Wilsons stick to their commitments.”

  Anger rose up in my chest at him. Wilsons stuck to their commitments. Unless the promise was ’til death do us part. “Do you want me to throw up in the van?” I really could have, from disgust alone.

  His eyes
set. “I guess that’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

  I wanted to scream, to jump out of the van and run, but what would that accomplish? Plus, I did want to be there for Amie.

  But Monday morning, I would be outside the school, waiting for Emerick. I would be there for him like he’d been there for me. I just hoped it wasn’t too late.

  Twenty-Five

  Emerick

  Seven hours of sleep later, and I still felt like my heart had been carved out of my chest with a rusty spoon. Nora’s face, full of betrayal, seared itself into my mind. It was all I could see when I closed my eyes.

  I’d been through enough, but I’d never imagined how bad it would be to see her running away. Literally running. She couldn’t get away from me fast enough.

  I brought my fist down on the bed next to me. I should have told her the second I knew it was her. Nora was a good person—she’d never have snitched, especially when she knew the stakes.

  Just another way she was too damn good for me.

  The garage door opened, and Aunt Linda poked her head in. “I’m taking the boys to a movie, but Janie doesn’t want to go. You’ll be around to keep an eye on her?”

  I stared at the rafters. “Sure.”

  “Thanks. She’s reading, so she’ll be good for hours.” She chuckled. “See you soon.”

  “No problem.” I didn’t want to leave this bed anyway. Didn’t deserve to go anywhere.

  My phone chimed, and I dug through the covers, trying to find it.

  Why the hell did blankets always become the Bermuda Triangle when you were looking for something?

  My hand finally connected with something hard. I pulled the blanket up until my phone fell on the cement floor. Reaching for it, I stared at the cracked screen, wishing more than anything the message was from Nora instead of Wolf.

  But there it was.

  Wolf: How was prom?

  Wolf: Get some action?

  Eggplant emoji.

  Water emoji.