Save Me

by Brisa Starr

  I’ve never had a serious girlfriend. I’ve never been in love. Jeremey died our senior year of college, and even though we dated girls in college, neither of us ever had meaningful relationships. After he died, love was the last thing on my mind. I shunned the idea, and I wanted nothing to do with it. I had physical needs, which I satisfied with casual sex. But mostly, I kept to myself.

  Everything is different now. Yet I know Ash considers us just friends, which we are.

  But friends don’t know how each other tastes, and we do.

  I move over to the leg press and load up eight 25-pound plates. I slide down into the seat and extend the platform to unlock the press. I grit and control the heavy weight as I bring it down slowly, closing the space between my knees and my chest. I groan under the pressure, and it feels good. The tension, the weight, the exertion. I press the weight with an explosive burst, then lower it again and repeat the process, nine more times.

  After my set, I stand up for a 60-second break and muse about Ash. About us. I hate the uncertainty of what’s happening between us, but it’s also exhilarating. I feel like I need her, like my happiness depends on being with her. But what does that say about me? Am I dependent? I don’t like the sound of that. I also have no flippin’ idea what will happen to me when I return to California. Will I backslide? Fall back into my years-long depression?

  I don’t have the answers to any of these questions.

  What I do know is that I’m going to see her in just a couple hours, and I’m thrilled.

  She makes me feel so good. Like I’m a complete person.

  I step back into the press and sit to do another set. As I position my feet on the platform above me, my mind ventures to tonight’s plan for dinner. I’m going to take her someplace nice, which will be fun because our usual dates are casual, like jogging, Sally’s Café, or just hanging out, talking in her front yard.

  Tonight will be different.

  I return home after my workout and take a shower and shave. I put on my dark jeans and a dark, pine-green shirt. It’s a T-shirt, but nice enough to wear out for dinner.

  “Hey, Mom?” I holler out.

  She walks into the hallway, drying her hands on a dish towel. “Yes, honey?” Her brown hair is up in a bun and she’s wearing an apron. She’s been doing housework.

  “I’m headed out, taking Ash to dinner.” I grab my keys from the table by the front door.

  “Oh! Well, that’s nice,” she says with a playful twinkle in her brown eyes. “You two sure spend a lot of time together. That makes me happy.”

  I smile. She’s fishing for information, but I don’t have any to share. At least, not until I figure things out for myself. So I say, “She’s a great girl. I’m... well, I’m happy when I’m with her.”

  Her eyes fill with tears, and she blinks them back. “You deserve happiness, Luke. You always have.”

  I squat down to scruff Blitz on the neck, distracting myself from the tug in my gut at my mom’s words. I stand up and just nod. It’s all I can manage. Then, I give her a wave and head out the door.

  When I get into my car, I lean my head back against the headrest and take a deep breath. Every time I think about my life lately, about Jeremy, about the guilt I’ve harbored for so damn long, I find it’s getting easier and easier to experience the emotions and process them. I’m healing. And my family is right. I need to forgive myself.

  Jeremy would kick my ass if he knew how I’d been living my life since he died. A breath catches in my throat as these heavy truths wash over me — I’m filled with mourning. But this time, it’s not for Jeremy. I’m mourning for the ten years of my life that I’ve wasted.

  Another memory suddenly barrels through me. Jeremy and I were camping, sophomore year of college. We were trail running through the trees, and we came upon a row of small boulders, and he was ahead of me, like usual. He jumped up on the first boulder and proceeded to jump from one to the next, not thinking twice.

  And on the last expanse, as he leapt into the air, he yelled at the top of his lungs, “Seize the day, motherfucker!”

  A leaden chuckle escapes my constricted throat when I remember this. Fuck, I miss him.

  But he’s right.

  He was always right.

  I sit up and look at myself in the rearview mirror. “Seize the day, motherfucker.”

  I square my shoulders and take a deep breath. I start the car.

  Bit by bit, piece by piece, my life is coming together.

  And now it’s time to get Ash.

  22

  Luke

  I arrive at the clinic and get out of my car. An exciting, nervous energy buzzes through me at the thought of seeing her. The sun hasn’t set yet, but it’s getting close, and the temperature has dropped slightly. I’m positive this giddy feeling isn’t what you feel when you’re taking your friend out for dinner. Clearly, we’re more than friends. My heart knows it. My cock knows it. My brain is still trying to follow suit.

  I walk into the clinic, and it’s empty, but through the reception area, I see light coming from the back. Instead of calling out, I send Ash a text message to let her know I’m in the waiting room. I take a seat, remembering that first day I came here so pissed about my groin injury. I let out a small chuckle about it now. So much has happened since then.

  A second later, Ash comes out. “Hi, Luke,” she says, and she looks me up and down, her hazel eyes glowing with approval. She smiles, and my heart melts like soft butter on hot toast.

  Yeah, that’s not how friends look at each other.

  I stand up. “Hi. You look beautiful.” Her hair is in a loose ponytail with pieces that’ve escaped throughout the day. She’s changed out of her scrubs, and she’s wearing a soft, peach summer dress that fades to white as it reaches her knees. It has thin straps over her sexy shoulders, and it swishes side to side with a bounce as she walks toward me. She’s wearing light brown, strappy, flat sandals that wrap up and around her delicate ankles. I notice the middle toe of her right foot has a gold toe ring on it. Damn, that’s hot. I want to suck that toe.

  A seductively awkward moment passes between us. Do we hug? Sometimes we hug hello and goodbye, but it’s always because the moment demanded it, not because it’s our routine. I want to hug her, but she regards me with tentative eyes, so I hang back. For now.

  “I have a few more things to do in my office, but I’m gonna lock the front door.” She walks over and turns the sign to “Closed” and she turns the lock. As she waltzes by, her scent, the one I’ve memorized, encases me. My need for her increases.

  “You can hang out here, or you can come back to my office if you prefer.” She smiles and turns around to head into the back.

  Well, duh. Like a fucking moth to a flame, I bolt after her. We go back to her office, and I look around, getting to know her more by taking in the place where she works. Noticing the way she’s decorated her office, and watching her move around it.

  I lean against the wall opposite her desk. Observing her. Her back is to me as she organizes files on her desk. Then, she bends over her desk to do something on her computer, closing a few windows and shutting it down. Her dress hugs her narrow waist, and I can’t help but imagine my hands on her sexy hips. I swallow, and my breathing gets edgy. I doubt she’s trying to torture me, but my guess is she doesn’t realize the effect she has on me.

  Seize the day.

  I walk over, focusing my eyes on the prize. Her. I stare at her sweet ass, with her soft dress draped over it, caressing it. She’s still bent over, and I come up behind her, and the front of my waist barely touches her ass.

  She hears my presence and gasps, inhaling a pointed breath, and she freezes. I move to put my hands on her hips, and I stop midway. I close my eyes and inhale, and then I try again. My hands grip her hips and I squeeze. She exhales. An invitation.

  “Ash,” I whisper, bending over her back, my arms forming a cage around her, primal desire hammering around my rib cage and in my abdomen as it
presses against her.

  She says nothing, but I can feel her breathing. Her heart rate speeds up like she’s my prey, trapped, about to be devoured, with nowhere to go.

  There’s the slightest movement of her hips toward me, tentatively seeking me. So modest, you’d almost miss it if you weren’t watching closely, but her heat and energy tell me everything I need to know.

  Her ponytail exposes the back of her soft neck and the straps on her dress grant me access to her shoulders. She smells so good, and her otherworldly lavender-moon scent fills my nostrils. I take an urgent breath as I bring my head closer to her. My cock stirs into hardness and presses against her ass through my pants and her dress.

  I move my mouth to her ear and whisper, “Ash, angel, you’re all I think about.” I touch the tip of my tongue to the back of her ear. “From the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to sleep.” I tug on her ear with my teeth, and she shivers. “I can’t get you out of my head.” I move my mouth to her neck and dot kisses on her exquisite flesh.

  I lean more of my weight onto her. “I have to taste you again.”

  She puffs a tiny breath, and I whisper, “I want to hear you moan for me.”

  She exhales and arches her back in acceptance. I kiss her shoulder with delicate feather kisses, making my way up to the back of her neck, where I gently bite her. A slight moan escapes her, and she arches her neck into my mouth even more. Wordless, she lets me do as I please.

  I suck her there, wanting to leave my mark on her, knowing her hair will cover it if she lets it down.

  But she’ll know it’s there.

  She’ll know I was there.

  I move my mouth to her other ear. “I want to take my time with you in a bed,” I promise, my teeth grazing her ear, “But I need you now.”

  I stand up and turn her around. Her lust-filled, fiery hazel eyes penetrate mine. I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, and she parts her lips, a silent pleading.

  I can’t take it anymore. My mouth crashes down onto hers. There’s no gentleness left, only unbridled passion, insane intensity, and bottomless obsession. My heart threatens to pound out of my chest, and my cock is hard as nails for her. My tongue plunges into her mouth, seeking hers, owning her, and she wraps her arms around me. Our needs matching.

  I grab her ponytail and pull her head back as my mouth feasts on her neck, and then I scrape my teeth along her collarbone. She moans, and my hands rove over her back, waist, and hips, one of them making its way up the front to grab her beautiful breast and squeeze, her nipples responding, hunting for attention. I pinch one of them and a cry of pleasure escapes her lips.

  “That’s what I want to hear,” I say.

  My mouth seeks hers again, and we kiss in frenzied defiance. There’s no time for candied romance right now. We’re crazy to get inside each other, crawling, clawing, feeding... desperate.

  I lift her up on the desk and push her flowing dress up on her hips. I see she’s wearing a yellow lacy thong. God, she’s everything I want. I close my eyes.

  “Ash,” I whisper.

  “Yes,” she replies, answering me, allowing me.

  I don’t know what we’re doing. I don’t know how this will change things. I don’t care. All I know is I need to taste her, be inside her, fuck her, split her, own her.

  I feel the heat coming off her, and I smile.

  “Take off your panties and spread your legs for me.”

  I stand back, watching her, and my stone-hard cock is ready to explode. Without taking her eyes off mine, she reaches down and slides her thong off, and it drops to the floor. She lies on the desk and pulls her dress up to her waist, then she spreads her legs as far as they’ll go, giving me a full view of her beautiful, exposed pussy. My cock begs for relief. I’ve never wanted a woman so much in my life. I’ve never wanted to fill a woman with my cum so badly.

  I look at her pussy. It’s so beautiful, the lips shine wet, coated in slick desire for me. I focus my eyes on her, looking forward to the feast I’ll have. She writhes with lust and arches her back, trying to inch closer to me, and the electricity between us crackles and sizzles red hot. I want to move closer, but I can’t even take a step because I might explode right there in my jeans.

  I try to calm my breathing as she begs me with her eyes to take whatever I want from her. What I want is to get her off harder than she’s ever known; I want her to beg me to make her come, over and over again.

  She sits there watching me, letting me feast on her with my eyes, and our connection goes so far beyond lust, as a tender intimacy I’ve never seen swirls through this moment of ours. The mutual dance of desire and appreciation, acceptance and connection, friendship and safety — it’s all churning between us in a tempest of emotion. So much more than just friendship… I don’t know what it is. I’ve never felt this crazed.

  She’s blown my heart, my soul, and my mind wide open — joy and relief surges through my core.

  I take a deep breath, and I step toward her. I get down on my knees and pull her body toward me, until her hips are at the edge of the desk. I kiss the inside of her left leg, dragging my tongue along her soft inner thigh, giving her goosebumps. I lean in, just in front of her mound, but I do nothing other than inhale her hypnotic scent, and then exhale my fiery breath onto her wet, flowering vagina. She can feel how close I am to her, less than an inch away, and she sucks air in between her teeth. But instead of plunging my tongue into her, I move my mouth to her other leg, licking and nipping and biting my way down to her knee.

  “Luke…” she moans, desperation in her voice.

  A plea.

  I reverse the direction and make my way back to her beautiful pussy. Her eyes are closed, her head hangs back, anticipating. Waiting. She said she used to dream about me, journal about me. I wonder if she ever wrote about what’s coming next.

  I’ll give her something to write about.

  I take my fingers and spread her wet pussy lips, swollen with heat. With my index finger, I lightly stroke the entrance of her slit, and the dam breaks. She’s sopping wet for me.

  “Luke, please don’t tease me. I can’t take it anymore. Please.”

  “I know, angel. Don’t worry. I’m going to make you feel so good.”

  Ravenous to finally, truly connect with her, I plunge my tongue into her pussy. She gasps and moans. I’m going crazy for her… I have to taste her; I need her to come on my mouth. And, oh my fuck, she tastes divine. She’s all sweetness, flowers, and raw female sensuality.

  I move my mouth up to her clit and suck it. She gasps again, louder this time, already so close to coming. I know the feeling. We’ve both had our desire pent-up for far too long, and neither one of us can take it anymore.

  We need each other. Now.

  And maybe forever.

  I don’t put my finger inside her. I want to save every last bit of her cunt’s tightness for my cock, but I keep licking her, tasting and drinking her. Savoring her aroma. Her breathing intensifies, and she’s climbing that hill. Closing in on her climax. The one I’m giving her. She grabs onto my head, pulling me closer, and she grinds her pussy hard on my face.

  “Yes, yes, Luke, yes! Keep doing that. Please.”

  I rub her pussy all over my mouth, as I lick her, nibbling and biting feverishly on every part of her cunt. She’s so fresh and delicate, yet powerful and wickedly addictive. My cock burns to be inside her. God, I’ve never been so greedy for a woman.

  I will take care of her in every way. No more wondering. No more questions. This is it.

  “Oh, Luke, yes, yes, I’m coming! Yes!” she groans, and she starts coming furiously on my mouth, and I speed up my slavish licking, desperate to rub her gushing pussy juice all over my face, relishing in her scent.

  I don’t give her any time to recover, and she doesn’t care. She needs me to pound her body. I stand up and grab a condom from my wallet. I unbutton my jeans, and she sits up straighter.

  “Wait, let me do that,” she says and inches
closer to me.

  “I can’t. If you touch me, it’s all over. I need my cock in you right now.”

  I shove my jeans down, and she gasps when she sees my enormous cock, ready to bulldoze her tight little pussy. I tear open the condom, unrolling it onto my cock in one swift movement, and she positions herself on the desk.

  “Spread your legs.”

  She does as I say, and the look on her face is lust and acceptance of everything I am. The shitty past ten years, the darkness I carried, the light that’s now a part of me. Everything. She wants it all.

  I grab her hips and thrust my cock into her without giving her a second to prepare. She welcomes my ravaging with a loud grunt, and I drive into her. Pounding her mercilessly. Fucking her mindlessly. I can’t help it. I can’t stop it. I can’t slow down. I fuck her faster and harder. I look down at her gorgeous face and body, her eyes closed, taking the pounding. Her breasts bounce with each thrust under the soft bodice of her dress, making the material ripple like peach, ocean waves, and I pound her harder to make them shake more.

  “Look at me,” I command.

  Her eyes flutter open, and I connect with her at a level as deep as my darkest days. My core is craving to go beyond, to push things further, to make this more than fucking, but I’m taking her too fast, too hard, too vicious. Our breathing is as sharp as knives, and I’m trembling with the need to unload inside her.

  I try to slow down, but it’s impossible, and her eyes hold mine with understanding and reciprocated lust. I tumble even further… I’m lost in oblivion as I gorge on her energy like a vampire sucking the blood of his victim to survive. I look into her soul, and I disintegrate.

  “Ash, I’m gonna come. Fuck, you drive me crazy. I’m sorry. I can’t wait.”

  “Yes, Luke, please… give yourself to me, come whenever you want.” And she grants me permission to unleash. I’ve never had such a need for a woman, and I thrust one more time, exploding my cum into her, and through every pulsing convulsion of my orgasm, our eyes remain locked on each other, mesmerized, spellbound.