Nothing but The Sheets

by Stacy McWilliams

  For a moment we sat looking at each other without speaking, before I asked him if he was okay.

  “Blake, are you okay?” I asked him in a low voice, knowing he wasn’t, but unsure how to approach him. He shook his head and more tears fell from his eyes. I didn’t know what to do, so I crawled closer to him and wrapped my arms around him.

  “I’m sorry your hurting,” I whispered into his ear as I held him. He didn’t move, but he relaxed a little and we stayed like that for a while. I wanted to move, but I stayed put, until Blake wrapped his arm gently around my waist.

  “Thank you,” he whispered into my ear and then he pressed a gentle kiss to my head.

  He held onto me, but I had to move because my legs were beginning to hurt. Somehow, I found myself on his lap, with my legs to the side of him. His breathing sped up and I could see the desire and pain battling in his eyes. He leaned down towards my neck, breathing me in. We didn’t move and he didn’t try to take it further. He just sat holding onto me like I was a lifeline. We sat for a while and then he looked up into my eyes.

  “I’m so sorry, about Klaire. I can’t be what you need right now, but I am sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to.” He took a deep breath and shuddered against me.

  “Blake, I’m okay. We had one kiss and you told me it meant nothing when it happened.”

  He pressed a soft kiss to my neck and then whispered against my skin.

  “Thank you for being here tonight. I uh… I lost my dad today… and I can’t thank you enough…”

  I cut him off and tightened my hold as his voice crackled.

  “Oh my God, Blake. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

  He didn’t say anything, but just held onto me. Eventually though, it began to get colder and I began to shiver, but I still didn’t move and neither did Blake. He only moved when we heard distant voices. Josh was calling for me and before we’d properly separated, Marty walked into the clearing. His eyes narrowed in disgust as Blake and I separated and he stepped over to us, pulling me up.

  “What. The. Fuck. Cara?” his voice was loud, and I glared at him as Blake stared between us and then began to back away.

  “Marty, he lost his dad. Get some sensitivity, for fuck sake.”

  Blake gave me a small wave over his shoulder and took off running.

  “I know his dad died, but what the fuck were you doing sitting in his lap. Who fucks a girl after just losing their dad?” His tone was harsh, and I stepped back from him. It would have hurt less if he’d slapped me.

  “I. Didn’t. Fuck. Him. I’m still a fucking virgin and you know it. Jesus, Marty.” I screamed at him and turned away, walking towards Josh, who was standing just outside the clearing with his mouth opened.

  “Cara, wait, please? I’m sorry.” He caught up to me as I marched through the woods, ignoring him. Josh followed behind us without speaking.

  “I’m sorry,” Marty tried again, and I spun around to glower at him.

  “Okay, you’re sorry. Fine.” I answered him with a snarl and went to step away from him when he stepped closer to me and touched my arm gently.

  “Come on, Cara. You know I didn’t mean it. I just really hate him. He’s been a dick to me for months and then I find you almost making out with him the night he loses his dad. Who does that?” His voice was low and earnest, but I gave him a harder look.

  “Whether you hate him or not, his dad died, and he was all alone, crying in the woods. What did you want me to do? Walk away and leave him?” My voice was harsh, and Marty shrugged slowly.

  “No, I guess not, but Cara, just be careful with him.”

  I threw my hands up in the air and stepped away from him.

  “How many times do I need to tell you that nothing is going on between us. He was hurting and I gave him a hug. No need to lose your shit over it.”

  “Like you did today, you mean?”

  I wanted to deny, but his smile made me smile.

  “Yeah, I fucking did. Fucking Klaire thinks she can start shit with me.”

  Josh who’d caught up to us, burst out laughing.

  “That’s it, Cara. Take no-one’s shit.”

  “Yeah, let’s get you home slugger.” Marty muttered and he wrapped his arms around me, leading my back to the yard.

  Once we reached it, Marty pressed a gentle kiss against my cheek and then turned, running towards his house. Josh opened his mouth and I turned to him, giving him a deadly look.

  “Don’t even say a freaking word.”

  He burst out laughing and wrapped me up in a side hug, ruffling my hair as we walked together into the kitchen. My dad didn’t cook, but there was Chinese takeout sitting on the counter.

  “Dad ordered this in for us.”

  He plated up some Lo Mein and shrimp noodles for us both. Once he’d heated it up, we both sat at the island and ate in silence.

  “You wanna watch a movie?” I asked Josh and he shook his head.

  “Can’t sissy. I’m real tired, I didn’t sleep well last night.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  I watched as he did our dishes, then took off upstairs leaving me alone in the kitchen. It was only just after eight pm, so I went into the sitting room, choosing a movie about a country singer, who makes it into the big time. My eyes began to feel heavy as I sat there and I grabbed the quilt from the back of the sofa, pulling it down over me and leaning back to watch the movie.

  What felt like hours later, but in reality, was around an hour, I was woken up by Gram’s shrill voice as she hollered at someone. I sat up confused and saw the movie was still playing. I had no idea what was going on, but I heard my name and decided to go and investigate. Grams was standing in the kitchen doorway shouting at my dad.

  “It’s just not proper. Ladies should never resort to violence.”

  Her voice was loud and hurting my head. The floorboards in the hallway squeaked underfoot and I backed up a step, but Grams with her bat-like hearing, heard and spun around to face me.

  “You, how dare you? You are not an animal and it is my name you represent out there.”

  I opened my mouth to answer her back, when my mom opened the door and stepped into the hallway. Her eyes took in the scene and she glared at Grams.

  “Cara, go to bed honey. You look dead on your feet.” My dad’s voice called from the kitchen, I shrugged and started towards the staircase, when Grams started again.

  “No. She needs to apologize to Klaire and her family.”

  “I bloody will not.” I began, but my mom held up her hand.

  “Cara, you heard your father. I’ll come and speak to you shortly about what happened today.” She turned towards Grams as she stood with her mouth open. “Enough, Eileen. I will not have you come into our home to try to bully our daughter into apologizing for being tormented. She hit back after she was provoked, now if you don’t like it, that’s too damn bad, but that’s how it is.”

  She stepped around Grams, who was glaring furiously after my mom.

  “Now if you’ll excuse me, my feet are aching, my eyes are stinging and all I want is to have something to eat and a nice hot bath.”

  Grams opened and closed her mouth, before turning to my dad, I turned running upstairs as she began yelling at him again. I tuned her out, but some of her words reached me and made my stomach roll.

  “You know how these people are…”

  “You know they could ruin her chances of marrying well, never mind getting into a good school …”

  “Her dad is an alumnus at Stanford, so she won’t be able to get in there if they decide not to let her.”

  I finally made it to my room, closed the door and went straight into the bathroom for a shower. While in there, I washed off the grit and grime of the day and thought about Blake and what he was going through. He’d been completely destroyed, and I’d felt helpless as I gave him a hug. I didn’t know him well enough to try to comfort him properly, or to try and say kind words about his dad, so I held him and let him break ap
art in my arms.

  My eyes stung with tears as I remembered the way his body shuddered with sobs. How his hot tears dripped onto my neck, running down my chest. Seeing his pain and feeling his heartbreak, showed that he was a good person. Underneath it all, he was good, but I just hoped that he could learn to be more tolerant and be kinder to Marty.

  I washed my hair and decided to put it up into rollers to give it a bouncy wave the next day at school. I pulled on sleep shorts, a tank and left the bathroom, not even a little surprised to see my mom sitting on my bed with a frown on her face.

  “Hey, Caralynn,” she said as I walked slowly towards her. Her eyes showed how tired she was from her twelve-hour day and she was on shift all week, but she still sat up and patted the bed beside her.

  “Hey, mom.” I muttered softly as I walked over to sit by her. She reached around and pulled me in for a tight hug, before releasing me.

  “So,” she began in a soft voice, “You wanna tell me what happened today?”

  I glanced to the floor and took a breath, as I tried to collect my thoughts so I could tell her the details. My mom and dad weren’t big on punishment, on grounding or anything, but they were big on honesty and owning up to your actions.

  “She was pissed at me…” I began, but mom cut me off.

  “Language, Cara.”

  “Okay, sorry mom. She was angry with me because I was in the locker room while she was talking about making out with some boy. So, she somehow managed to get my locker open and put my clothes and shoes down the toilet, then threw my textbooks and notes all over the floor of the shower room.” I paused and looked over at my mom. She was trying to hide her yawn, but I saw it anyway and I yawned in response.

  “Then what Cara?” Mom probed and I leaned forwards, wrapping my hands around my knees.

  “Then, I went back after practice and had to search for my things. I had detention because I arrived on the tardy bell, so I was trying to rush to go to Mr. Dennis, when she barged into me. Well, I lost my temper a little and shoved her back, then she threw my cell on the ground, smashing it. Then I got real mad, mom.” I took a deep breath and faced my mom, holding my hands tighter around my knees as I spoke to her.

  “But I was just defending myself from her, I swear.”

  “Okay, I believe you and I’m glad the school aren’t taking it further, but Cara, today could have wrecked your chances of going to an Ivy League school. You need to rein that fire in and try not to let people like that get under your skin.”

  I knew what mom was saying, but they raised me to fight back against bullies, so that was what I’d done; ow I wondered if I’d wrecked my whole future because of my reactions.

  “Yeah, mom, I know. I’m sorry.” I told her in a small voice.

  “Never, never, be sorry for standing up for yourself or for others, but make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Only look down on people you can help up and never treat anyone like they mean less than you because of their differences. We’ve learned that over the years, especially with Troy and Jonah. Your Grams is a prime example of how not to be.”

  We both sat in silence for a minute as I digested her words and then she stood, walking towards the door of the room, and turning back to face me.

  “Cara,” my mom muttered from the door and I looked up, meeting her eyes.

  “I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. You are strong, capable, and amazing, but just try and stay away from those girls from now on okay? They might try again, because you made them look weak.”

  I nodded at her and she grinned at me, before she stepped through the door, closing it at her back. I wanted to go to sleep, but I couldn’t switch off, so I went over to my backpack and began sorting through my notes, putting them into the correct folders. Luckily, they weren’t too damaged, but some of my textbooks were beyond repair.

  I knew that Klaire had to replace my books, but I’d need to see if I could get some from the library, otherwise I’d fall behind in my classes. I also needed to ask my dad if I could get new shoes, but I was too tired to ask right then. So, I spread them all out against the window and climbed into my bed, pulling my comforter up and tucking my hand under my pillow, as I waited for sleep to take me. My last thought as I drifted off to sleep was that I hoped Blake was okay. I wished I could text him and check in, but I didn’t have a cell at the moment, and I didn’t have his number anyway.

  Chapter Eleven

  Heartbreak and Heartache

  Blake

  Once I got back to the house, I noticed I had missed calls from Ollie, my Grandma, Ryder, and Kerr. I didn’t want to speak to anyone, so I left my cell on silent and went for a shower, just going through the motions and trying to scrub the pain away.

  After my shower, I pulled on a pair of boxer briefs and a hockey shirt, that my dad had gotten me. I turned on the TV in my room and put some mindless murder show on. I wasn’t really watching it, but it was nice to have something on to distract me. After a while, there was a timid knock at my door and Marty opened it a little.

  “Hey, Blake, do you need anything?”

  I wanted to laugh at him. He’d hated me for weeks and now he was asking if I needed anything. Yeah, I needed the last six weeks to be a nightmare. I needed to go home to my house and see my dad and spend every possible moment with him, but he couldn’t give me that, so I didn’t need shit from him.

  “No.” I answered shortly after a pause and he began to close the door and then stopped, coming into my room. Come in, why don’t you? I muttered in my head, or at least I thought I did, until he shifted uneasily from foot to foot.

  “I’m sorry about your dad.” His voice was low, and he wrung his hands around and around, as he spoke. I watched him impassively, wondering if he was really sorry, or if he was just saying it because that’s what people did when someone died.

  When I didn’t speak, he looked up and smiled sadly at me.

  “My mom died when I was younger, and she was the funniest, bravest person I’d ever met. I miss her every single day, but I know she’d be proud of me.”

  His little speech was beginning to grate on my raw nerves, I was about to tell him to leave when he turned around and walked out of the room. At the door, he turned back and stared at me sadly for a minute, before speaking again in a carrying whisper.

  “I know you don’t like me. I know you blame me for you being here, but it sucks for me too and I know how hard losing a parent is, so I’m asking you not to blame me. I wouldn’t wish what you’re going through on anyone and I’m real sorry you’re hurting.”

  With that he walked from my room and closed the door at his back. I wasn’t alone and I knew my dad was proud of me, but I didn’t need sanctimonious little speeches from my stepbrother to make me feel better. I needed to go home. I picked up my cell and began scouring for tickets back to Georgia, when someone knocked at my door again.

  “Go away. I want to be alone.”

  My mom opened the door and came into the room with a plate in her hand. She had a grilled cheese sandwich, chips, and a candy bar, all balanced on one plate and a glass of orange juice in her other hand. She set them down on my bedside table and came to sit on the bed beside me.

  “Blake,” she began as I stared at the TV, watching a guy in a grey coat drop some bones into a tank of something. I wasn’t paying enough attention to the show to know what was going on, but I was trying to block her out.

  She reached over and ruffled my hair, for a moment I let her. I let her comfort me, but then I shrugged away from her and she sighed sadly. Anger rose in me because it was her fault I hadn’t been there. It was her fault I didn’t get to spend my dad’s final days with him. It was also her to blame that I was so isolated and alone in a different state from all my friends and family.

  “Blake, I know you’re hurting now, baby, but you gotta eat something.”

  Her voice was low, full of concern and I moved further away from her, sitting right at the top of the bed on m
y pillows.

  “I’m not hungry,” I hissed at her and she turned to face me. Her eyes sparkled and she stared at me as I breathed hard, trying to control my temper. My chest heaved as I scampered off the bed and began pacing the room.

  “Blake, I know you are hurt and angry, but you need to eat.”

  “I. Don’t. Want. To. Eat.” I shouted at her, she stood up and came towards me. My body started to panic because I didn’t want her near me. I didn’t want her touching me or trying to tell me it was all going to be okay. She reached out to touch my arm and I snatched away from her as though she was on fire.

  “No, Mom. No. You don’t get to try and comfort me right now. You pulled me away from him and he was dying. He was dying and now he’s dead. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. That’s all your fault.” Her face blanched, she stepped back from me and nodded.

  “I’m sorry your hurting, Blake. I’m so sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye, but you aren’t the only person who’s hurting, so until you can be civil to me, you are grounded. I don’t want to see you right now.”

  I didn’t see her leave because I turned and punched the wall. I cut my knuckles and plaster fell from the light, blue wall, landing on the grey flooring at my feet. It wasn’t enough. It didn’t take enough of the pain away and I wanted to wreck the room, but I wouldn’t because I wasn’t an animal. I threw myself onto the bed and screamed into my pillow, but that wasn’t enough either. I picked up the plate of food and tossed it across the room, feeling a little more satisfied as the plate cracked the glass, fronted wardrobe, causing tiny fragments of glass to tinkle to the floor. I rolled over and wrapped my arms around my waist, praying for sleep to come. When it didn’t, I gave up and began pacing around the room. Careful to avoid the left-hand side of the room, where the glass littered the floor.

  Eventually, at around three am, I collapsed into bed, exhausted after pacing the room for hours. I waited on my mom to go to sleep, because I was going to steal her credit card so I could book a flight from here, back home. When I eventually managed to get downstairs, I couldn’t see her wallet or Don’s anywhere. I searched for a while and then decided to go back to bed and try again in the morning. Once I was back in bed, I wondered if I could call Ollie, but it was only three am, so I doubted she’d be awake. I lay for a while tossing and turning, eventually I drifted off to sleep, dreaming of my dad eating ice-cream and watching some sort of sports on TV.