Independent Study

by Joelle Charbonneau

  Nodding, I say, “I need to grab a quick dinner so I can go back to the residence and pack. We’re all getting ready for tomorrow’s move.”

  I wait for Michal to congratulate me on passing the examination or on my designated field of study. Instead, he pushes away from the building and takes a step toward me. “I’m surprised you haven’t already finished preparing. Visiting the north side of campus today must have taken time away from packing.”

  The set of his jaw. The warning in his eyes. Michal knows what I did.

  Before I can come up with a plausible lie, Michal says, “You shouldn’t have gone there today, Cia.”

  “I was celebrating passing the examination by touring the campus.”

  “You followed Obidiah.” His eyes meet mine. “I saw you go to the Tosu Administration building. I watched you run away.”

  “Why?” The single syllable slips out. Given the implications of Michal’s words, I should be worried about bigger things. But I need to know.

  “I’ll tell you after you answer one question.” He walks closer and looks up and down the walkways before asking, “Why did you follow Obidiah and his escorts? None of the other students did.”

  It’s a harder question to answer than any of the ones on yesterday’s exam. I pause and choose my words carefully. “I wanted to better understand what Redirection meant.”

  “A student didn’t pass the examination. He was Redirected to a different area. End of story.” In his eyes is a challenge. One I accept.

  “No. It isn’t.”

  “You’re right. It isn’t.” He closes his eyes and nods. “You saw Obidiah after his meeting with Dr. Barnes?”

  I see the image of Obidiah’s hair dragging against the ground as the officials carried him by his hands and feet. “Yes.”

  “And now you are planning to run.”

  It isn’t a question, so I don’t bother to answer. Instead, I cross my arms, allowing my unadorned wrist to show, and wait.

  He blows a curl of hair off his forehead and sighs. “It’s time for us to talk.”

  Warily, I follow him to the shadows of the building. I wrap my arms around myself and try to pretend my heart isn’t slamming in my chest as I notice the temperature has started to drop. Darkness will be here soon, taking with it my best chance to escape. If I even can escape. Michal’s presence has put that plan, not to mention my entire future, in jeopardy.

  Michal leans against the cold stone of the building and sighs. “As your Testing escort, I’m tasked with watching for any behavior that suggests the memory-altering procedure used after The Testing didn’t work and reporting that behavior to Dr. Barnes. In order to fulfill my assignment, I’ve been required to follow you.”

  Betrayal punches through my heart. I grab the wall before shock sends me to my knees. “You’ve been spying on me?”

  “I’ve been verifying that the memory procedure was successfully performed on you and Tomas. I thought it had been. During orientation, you and your friends made the typical jokes we always hear from students who have had those memories removed. However, over the last six months, I’ve noticed little things that make me believe the memories have returned. Your actions today confirmed it. You remember.”

  “I don’t.” My voice is low. Breathy. Scared. My eyes scan the walkways, the buildings, the grass, looking for officials coming to Redirect me. “My memories haven’t returned.”

  “But you know something about your time at The Testing. Enough to question what Redirection might mean for Obidiah.”

  “What does it mean?” I ask, hoping I was mistaken. That Obidiah was still alive when the skimmer drove away.

  “You know, Cia.” Michal’s meet mine. In their depths, I see a simmering rage that reflects my own. “Dr. Barnes will not accept failure.”

  Obidiah failed. By preserving my Testing memories and searching for the truth, I have become a failure for Dr. Barnes as well. Unless I want to be Redirected too, I have to run. Now. Michal’s hand reaches out and snatches my arm. His fingers clamp onto my flesh like a vise and shove me back against the wall. The contact combined with my fear steals my breath.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” he asks.

  “Anywhere else but here.” I struggle against Michal’s hold, but he’s bigger and stronger.

  “Don’t be a fool. You can’t run. They’ll find you. And if they don’t, they know where to find your family. What do you think Dr. Barnes will do when he talks to your father and your brothers? Do you think he’ll believe your brothers weren’t smart enough to be chosen for The Testing? What happens when he starts to wonder why your colony was without candidates for a decade? Who will pay the price for their deception?”

  My family. My friends. My colony.

  The strength my anger gave me is leached away and replaced by despair. “So now what?”

  “Now you tell me what you remember, and I help you figure out how to keep safe from Dr. Barnes.” When I say nothing, he says, “You don’t trust me.”

  “Why should I?”

  “Because I’m trying to help you.” Michal lowers his voice. “And because I remember my Testing too.”

  My eyes find his and look for the truth. He has the same haunted look I see in my own reflector. Can I trust that?

  I realize it doesn’t matter what I trust, because, regardless of my choice, Michal Gallen holds my fate in his hands.

  “I don’t remember my Testing,” I admit. “Not exactly. I get flashes of images. Things I think I should remember.”

  Michal nods and leans back. He doesn’t ask questions. He just waits for me to continue.

  After taking a deep breath, I do. “The night before I left for The Testing, my father told me that his memories from that time in his life had been erased. Sometime during The Testing, I must have become determined to keep my memories. So I left myself a message. I found it on my birthday.” I’d been so happy. Tomas had told me he thought he was falling in love with me. I’d gotten a gift from my family. When I found my Testing symbol etched onto the Transit Communicator, I was giddy with delight at uncovering a secret. Then I pushed Play.

  “I tried to convince myself it was another kind of test. I didn’t want to believe that The Testing killed candidates who failed or that people I considered my friends could be capable of murder.” My throat tightens, making it hard to speak. But now that I’ve started talking, I have to tell it all. In a way, it is a relief to speak my doubts and my worries after months of shouldering the burden alone. “But the message I left is real. Isn’t it? Will murdered a girl named Nina. He tried to kill me. And Tomas . . .” Words fail. Now that I believe the truth of the recorder, I must accept that Tomas deceived me. That he was involved in Zandri’s death, although I have no idea what part he played. But Michal might. “What did Tomas do to Zandri?” I ask.

  “I don’t know.” Sympathy shines in his eyes. “Only top-level officials are permitted to read the detailed examination files.”

  Disappointment fills me, although I’m not surprised. “So now what?”

  “Now you’re going to pretend that none of this happened.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  Michal looks off in the distance. “Six years ago, I passed The Testing. Only, when they performed the memory-elimination procedure, something went wrong. Two months after I started classes here at the University, my memories returned. I remembered watching my best friend die during The Testing and that the University student I had a crush on was the one who’d slit his throat. I learned that I too had killed. It was self-defense, but knowing I’d taken a life, even to save mine . . .”

  I touch my scars—the five lines made by five fingernails—and hear my voice whisper. I didn’t have a choice. I had to shoot. But when I fired my gun, I saw its eyes and realized it wasn’t an animal I’d killed.

  “I started having nightmares. I watched my friend die over and over at night and had to pretend during the day that none of it had happened. One night,
I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed my things and ran. As soon as I stepped off campus, I realized I had nowhere to go. My family would be in danger if I could get back to Boulder Colony, and since I didn’t have enough food or water for the journey, it was doubtful I’d get back there at all. That’s when I saw him.”

  “Who?”

  “A man I remembered meeting during The Testing. You met him too.”

  A shadow of a memory flickers, but just as quickly vanishes like smoke.

  “His name is Symon Dean. During the fourth test, he appeared out of nowhere and offered me help when I needed it most. He did the same thing the night I fled the University. He knew why I was running and asked if I’d be interested in working with him to put an end to The Testing once and for all. The only catch was I had to stay at the University in order to do it.” Michal’s smile is grim. “How could I say no?”

  “What happened? Why didn’t his plan work?”

  “The plan still hasn’t been put into effect. Symon is slowly building a network of people like me to help bring down The Testing. It’s going slower than he’d like, but we have to be careful, even though some have grown tired of waiting and are demanding action now.”

  I stand up straighter. “So what’s the plan?”

  “Most of Symon’s network lives in a nonsanctioned colony south of Tosu. They’re passionate about changing the system, but they need people on the inside who can collect information and rally support when the time is right.”

  “Right for what?”

  “A rebellion.” Michal smiles. “That sounds more dramatic than it will be. If things go as Symon has outlined, most of the United Commonwealth will never realize anything has changed. We will remove Dr. Barnes as the head of The Testing. Once that is done, The Testing will once again be the process the founders of the Commonwealth intended.”

  “That sounds simple enough.”

  “Not as simple as you might think. When The Testing was established, it was argued that the only way to select the country’s leaders objectively was to make the system separate from the central governing body. The founders wanted to ensure that no one, not even the president, could manipulate the process. It was believed this separation of powers would prevent the detrimental politics of the past from intruding on the government of the future. Instead, it gave the head of Testing and his staff autonomy to run The Testing without oversight or retribution from the central government. In short, Dr. Barnes is free to run The Testing as he sees fit, and under the current law, those who challenge him could be arrested for treason.”

  And the penalty for treason is death.

  “How does Symon plan on removing Dr. Barnes?”

  “Symon’s people are trying to convince the president and the members of the Debate Chamber to propose a new law that will empower them to remove Dr. Barnes and his team from power. Once that is done, officials sympathetic to our cause can lobby to appoint someone we approve as the head of The Testing. We’ll then be able to implement a new method of picking University students. One that doesn’t advocate murder.”

  Frustration furrows Michal’s handsome face. “Things have moved more slowly than I’d like, but I prefer Symon’s cautious approach to the option the other rebel faction is pushing for.”

  Other faction? “I don’t understand. Aren’t all the rebels working for the same goal?”

  “Yes, but not everyone is content to wait for The Testing to end peacefully. Some want to employ any method necessary, even if it means the same kind of bloodshed we oppose.”

  My parents taught me that life is precious. I should recoil at the second rebel faction’s plot to kill. But I don’t. “If one person’s death will end The Testing before more candidates die—”

  “Dr. Barnes’s death alone will not end The Testing. The system has been designed to continue in the event of the leader’s death. The only way the rebel faction can ensure the end of The Testing through violent means is if Dr. Barnes and all his top administrators die.”

  How many are involved in planning The Testing? Dozens? Maybe more? Would the ends justify those means? I don’t know.

  Neither does Michal. “One death can be kept quiet, but that many could induce panic and upset the balance of this city—perhaps even the country. The last thing we want to do is start a civil war.”

  I swallow hard and say, “I’m assuming you aren’t telling every first-year student about this.”

  “No and, technically, I’m not authorized to tell you. At least, not at this time.” Michal frowns. “Symon has always planned to approach you about joining him, but not this soon. He doesn’t want to bring any more University students into the rebellion until the divide between his faction and the faction led by Ranetta Janke has been mended. Your actions today gave me no choice but to move up that timeline. Which is something I’d prefer Symon not know about.”

  “Why?”

  Michal shifts uncomfortably. “Things are tense right now between the two factions. Symon has become more careful about who he can trust. I don’t want him to think he has misplaced his faith in me.”

  “You can’t expect me to go back to my room and pretend I don’t know any of this! There has to be something I can do to help.” I see Michal weighing the merits of my request, and I bite my lip and force myself to stay still.

  I swallow hard as I wait for Michal to render his verdict.

  “Okay.”

  My heart leaps at the word.

  “But you have to do exactly what I tell you. Deal?” When he holds out his hand, I don’t have to think before I take it.

  “What do you need me to do?”

  Michal leans forward. “First thing is to move into the Government Studies residence and make friends.” I let out an exasperated sigh, but Michal shakes his head. “You think I’m not giving you a real assignment, but I am. Some of the upper-level students are rebel members. There is concern that many have been won over and armed by Ranetta’s faction. Symon has a person he trusts looking into the matter, but I’d feel better knowing someone else is watching out for us.”

  The thought that students living near me might be armed makes me break out in a cold sweat. The words on the Communicator warned me that my fellow students have not shied away from violence. My dreams are filled with their faces behind guns raised to kill. It is not hard to imagine those nightmares turned into reality.

  “Also, Government students are required to do both classwork and a practical internship from the start of their studies. Those internships will determine the course of your entire adult life but will also potentially put you in a position to help the rebellion.”

  This is the first I’ve heard of the internships. Although, over the past few months, I’ve noticed some students leaving campus more regularly than others. Now I know why.

  “In the next couple of weeks, the older students will help Dr. Barnes and the residence advisers assign internships. Those internships allow students to get practical experience that complements their studies. It also gives you a chance to help us find information that might help Symon convince the president and other high-ranking officials to remove Dr. Barnes from power.”

  “How hard can getting a good internship be?” I ask. “There are only three of us assigned to Government this year.”

  “Only three of you from the colonies. Add in the Tosu City students, and there will be a whole lot more.”

  “Tosu City students?” Icy shock is replaced by frustration at my lack of perception. With a hundred thousand people, Tosu City and the surrounding boroughs contain the largest concentration of the United Commonwealth’s population. It only makes sense that the University trains students from that pool. I should have known they would be included, even though they have not been a part of the Early Studies classes my fellow colony students and I just completed. During orientation, our guide pointed out some of the Tosu City schools. The buildings were large and made of glass and steel and wood that gleamed in the sunlight. Th
e kids walking into those buildings were no less polished. Healthy. Strong. And no doubt prepared for whatever a future at the University holds. But one thought stands out above all others, making my blood heat and my emotions flare. “They didn’t report for The Testing.”

  They didn’t watch friends die. They are not plagued by nightmares or doubts. They are safe. Whole. Unscarred.

  “No. The selection process for Tosu students is different. Most of the students are the sons and daughters of past University graduates. Those who wish to attend the University are required to submit an application and sit for an interview. Fifty applicants take the same examination you took yesterday. Those who pass are welcomed into the University.”

  “And those who fail?”

  “We’re told that they get reassigned to jobs outside of Tosu, but no one who visits the colonies has seen proof of that. Symon is certain those students are Redirected.”

  I feel a stab of satisfaction that is immediately replaced by a wave of shame. Just because a Tosu City candidate’s path to the University is easier doesn’t mean he deserves to be punished in that way. None of us do.

  “Of the fifty, how many passed?”

  “Forty-two. Including the three from the colonies, sixteen students have been selected for Government. It’s the largest Government class in decades. Which is why they don’t have enough internships for everyone.”

  “How many internships do they have?”

  “The last I heard, there were twelve.”

  If thirteen students have ties to Tosu City, the math doesn’t work in my favor. “What happens if a student doesn’t get assigned to one of those internships? Do they get . . . killed? Redirected?”

  “We believe the Tosu City students get shipped to mid-level jobs outside the city.”

  “And the colony students?”

  Eyes filled with sadness and concern meet mine. “None of them have been heard from since.”