by Jon Chaisson
*
Denysia.
Denni Johnson stirred out of slumber and yawned, taking in the cool autumn night breeze from the open window. She’d heard the voice again, calling her by that name. Caren had called her again. Did she just come home? No, she’d been home for the last four hours. Was she talking to someone? Not at this time of night…she never spoke within this late, not if she could help it.
Was someone in the room? No, she’d have sensed their presence before she was fully awake. She looked over at the clock on her desk…it was a few minutes before midnight. She looked around the room again, the lights of the city outside creating odd shapes against the walls and the ceiling. An involuntary shudder ran down her back, making her squirm and hold herself tighter.
Denysia.
The voice didn’t sound at all like Caren, come to think of it.
She stood up and stretched, wide awake and annoyed now. This wasn’t the first time she’d heard a voice calling her name. She wasn’t about to answer it within, not until she told Caren about it. She must still be awake at this time…she could sense her still moving around her own room. She stepped quietly out into the hallway to be sure. The lights in the front rooms were off, but there was a thin sliver of light showing under Caren’s bedroom door. The room was too quiet. She frowned again…something was up.
She crossed the hall and poked her head in. She found Caren at her desk, tapping absently at a vidmat, completely lost in thought. She stared at the display of a fractal flower as it spun slowly at her tapping, the colors morphing from one to the next, never staying on one hue. Denni frowned…this was not a good sign, not at all. Caren hadn’t used the flower meditation program in years. She’d used them when Mum and Dad died…did something happen? To Poe? To Madeleine? Without a word, she stepped towards her sister until she was right behind her, and reached out a hand.
“Hey, Den,” Caren said before Denni had even touched her shoulder, startling her. She recoiled slightly, surprised, and then moved closer again. Caren’s aura felt cold and frail. Without looking, she reached up a hand to cover hers. “Good to see you, kid.”
Caren's voice wavered, as if she had been crying. Denni wrapped both arms around her neck and gave her a quick squeeze. “Hey, sis,” she said. “You okay?”
Caren breathed deep and fell into Denni’s embrace, giving her a tired smile. With the other hand she touched the vidmat’s sensor pad and turned it off. “Yeah…I am now. Just had one of the shittiest days of my entire life today. I can handle it.”
“Come on, I'll make you some tea.” She grabbed a hand and led her to the living room and sat her down on the couch. She entered the adjoining kitchen, tapped the light above the sink on to the lowest level and grabbed two coffee mugs, all while keeping an eye on her sister. She was looking back at her with trepidation, maybe a little hint of defeat.
“You know you've got school tomorrow,” Caren said lamely.
“I'm fine. Noise woke me up anyway.”
“Oh…did I wake you?” She had leaned back on the sofa at an odd angle, burrowed in between cushions and a comforter. She held herself too closely, knees brought up to her chest. Definitely not a good sign. She filled the teapot and put it on the stove to boil, and joined her in the living room.
“No, I didn’t hear you at all, actually.” She played up the mundane talk to keep Caren’s mind going somewhere. “I...uh...it was the street. It was humid and I had the window open. Have you already shut down work for the night?”
“About a half hour ago,” she said.
“Yeah...didn't even hear you.” She bit her lip, trying to think of something to say…but luckily after a few moments the kettle had started to whistle. “Hold that thought.” She grabbed two bags of peppermint tea from a cupboard and brought the mugs into the room, setting them on the coffee table to steep. “Here. I know you like this stuff.” Be strong, Caren, she thought. I don't want to see you lose it again. She snuggled up next to her sister and pulled her close. “Come on,” she said softly. “Don't blink out on me now. Talk to me.”
Caren hesitated, but only for a moment. “I'm sorry,” she said, dropping her head on Denni's shoulder, and let out a long, labored sigh. She reached over and grabbed a mug of tea, gingerly pulling out the bag and placing it in a nearby bowl. “You heard about what happened today?”
She nodded and picked up her own mug. “Yeah. Saw some of the coverage on vidmat over Amna's place. NewsComm didn't say much, though...they’re leaving out too much detail. They're keeping something back.”
“Oh, they are, kid. Believe me,” Caren grumbled into her mug. Swallowing, she let out a satisfied sigh. “Thank you.”
“You needed it,” she said.
Caren turned to her and smiled, but said nothing. It was a sad smile, a brave face that hid a much deeper pain. She returned to her mug, staring into it and swirling the contents, taking another sip. She saw a tear welling up in her eye, but she masked it quickly by letting out a yawn, wiping it away as an afterthought. She set the mug down and pulled at the comforter. She turned to Denni, and gave her the sad smile again, reaching out and ruffling her hair. It took her a few tries to get words out, the Johnson habit of stuttering and restarting, trying to form the right words the first time out.
“I can’t reveal too much right now,” she said finally, and let the words spill freely. “But yes, Poe and I were involved. Indirectly, I mean. Investigating them. Sheila and Nick were at the church, near it, when it happened. Poe and I were at the office. I was calling contacts about the awaking ritual, of all things. Sheila and Nick are doing fine. Shaken, but fine.” She stopped there for a moment, watching Denni and contemplating, until she pursed her lips and turned away. “Damn it all…” she said, wiping her eyes. “I can’t do this to you. I can’t hold this back anymore. It’s not fair to either of us.”
It took a tremendous amount of courage, but she went on to describe everything that had happened today, leaving nothing out. Denni listened in rapt silence, both shocked and a little afraid. Caren had occasionally talked about her active cases, but never to this extent. If she was telling her now, it had to be important…more to the point, it had to be personal. An Embodiment? She knew its history…it just sounded so impossible! Why now? What were the Mendaihu and the Shenaihu up to…?
Caren laid a protective arm around her, wiping the last of her tears with her free hand. “Denni…I needed to tell you this because you have a right to know what I do. I won’t leave you in the dark, not anymore.”
Denni nodded, eyes wide. “Goddess...it was that serious?”
“There's no doubt, Den,” Caren said. “You must understand now why I'm so worried about you. But I had to tell you.”
The nuhm’ndah... She moved closer, burrowing in under her sister’s outstretched arm. She stared blankly into the center of the room, biting her lip and trying hard not to quiver. The nuhm’ndah. They've come back. Thoughts, blurred and dark memories from five years ago, the ones she'd fought so hard to hide, threatened to break the surface of her protective conscience. She could only hope she had the strength to handle the eventual lifting of that veil.
Denysia.
The voice startled her and she twitched before she could stop herself.
“Denni?” Caren pulled her arm away. “You okay?”
“I...” she shied away. “I thought I just heard something.” Oh Goddess…it’s not Caren at all! Who’s been calling me all this time?
Denysia!
She trembled. “It’s…I can hear someone calling me…I thought it was you, but you’re not talking to me at all. You know, inside. And they’re using that name.”
Caren’s face grew dark. “He got to you, didn’t he?” she growled. “It’s Nehalé…you were affected the other night, weren’t you?”
“It…doesn’t sound like him,” she said in as calm a tone as she could muster
. “It sounds like a woman…somewhere close by. She’s not attacking me, she’s just…calling my name. Like she’s just checking in.”
“It could be anyone,” Caren mumbled. She was trying her hardest to calm herself down. “Are you sure they’re…?”
I can hear her just fine, Denni said within. She means no harm.
Her sister took an uneven breath, exhaled, and tried again. It nearly came out as a choking sob. But within, her voice was as calm and confident as it might have been on her strongest day. Denysia, she said. Tell me what you sense. Let me know what she wants.
Denni nodded. She closed her eyes, cast out a small thread of contact, and listened.
The response was immediate and full of relief. Denysia! Thank the Goddess I’ve found you! the voice said. There was a slight shiver, a ripple of pure emotion, and she felt it throughout her entire body at once. I will not burden you now. I am only confirming that you are safe. Your sister Karinna will protect you. I will call you again soon.
Wait! Denni called out. Who are you? Where are you?
Silence. The voice was gone — no, it was still there, just quiet. The presence hummed in in the back of her mind, just barely audible. They were sensing her, looking for the center of her spirit, and —
She gasped. Something blazingly hot had pricked her insides, just a needle-thin jab, painful for less than a second before it vanished. She twitched and opened her eyes wide. They’d put something within her — no, they’d poked at something inside of her, nudging it awake.
Awaken, my dearest, the voice said. And then it finally disappeared.
“I…” she whispered.
Caren took her hands and held them tight. She began breathing slowly and evenly, relaxing every muscle in her body. Denni felt a sudden release of energy not her own, lifting outward from her body and dissipating in the air around them. She felt the waves of calming energy washing through her, crossing through their clasped hands and surrounding her. The ripples were warm, washing over her like love. And she understood — it was love. The energy that she felt between her sister and herself, what she had felt from their parents, from Alec, from...
“I...”
...she understood that love was not just an emotion, but also a living, ever-changing energy that enshrouded her, ever protective and unending. She felt it flow between them like a secret forgotten language, understood even without proper words, or even any words at all. This wondrous and frightening new world was completely hers and hers alone, and she was suddenly not afraid.
She understood.
She was Mendaihu.
I...Caren...what is...what is this I feel?
Caren's hands twitched in hers. This is us, Denysia. The true us.
“I...don't understand.” She was startled by her own voice in the silent apartment, and confused by it as well. It sounded dry, distant, and without any feeling, compared to the full emotion and beautiful timbre of her inner voice.
This is our heritage, Denysia, Caren spoke within her, her voice rippling through every nerve of her body, soothing and close. Her voice bypassed her ears and brain and went straight for the heart of her spirit. She knew at once that this was truly a sacred ability, where only the truth resided. This is what our parents were. They were Mendaihu. As are we.
“Mend—” She began to say the word aloud, but stopped herself.
“Denni,” she said, her voice warm and soft. “I tried to keep you from this...this secret, and I'm sorry.” She squeezed Denni's hands again, this time hard. “I tried to keep it from myself, and I realize now how utterly stupid and dangerous that was.”
Denni frowned. “What do you mean?”
Caren huffed out a tiny laugh and let go of her hands. She leaned back on the cushions of the couch, sinking into their softness, and closed her eyes with a smile. She seemed finally at peace with herself, surprising both of them. The anxiety and fear had completely left her, leaving the real Caren Johnson: a compassionate, courageous, loving woman.
We are Mendaihu, Denni said.
Caren beamed, laughing inwardly. She opened her eyes and looked at her.
“We are all luminous beings,” she replied. “Just that some of us have to learn how to accept that fact.”
