by Shayla Black
“I’ll eat when I’m hungry.”
“You must be starved. It’s been days,” Seth bit out.
“Either you eat your dinner or I’ll take you home, tie you to the bed, and hook you up to a feeding tube,” Beck warned.
She narrowed her eyes. “You wouldn’t.”
“Wanna bet?”
Heavenly huffed, then leaned forward, opened her mouth, and wrapped her lips around the spoon. “There. Happy?”
“We will be after you clean your plate.” Beck nudged her food closer.
“Oh, all right.” She sighed.
They took turns feeding her while devouring their own dinners. It wasn’t long before her attitude dissipated and hunger took over. Soon Heavenly’s plate was empty. Color filled her face again, and the dark circles beneath her eyes had almost vanished.
“Good girl.” Beck chanced a soft kiss to her cheek.
She stiffened, and he knew he’d pushed too far.
Damn, this chasm between them chafed. She still wasn’t ready to hear about Gloria, and this wasn’t the place. But soon. He refused to leave this hanging over their heads much longer.
“Can you let me out? I need to use the ladies’ room.”
Beck suspected Heavenly was simply looking for a plausible reason to put distance between them, but he stood dutifully, watching as she climbed off Seth’s lap and trekked to the bathroom a few feet away.
Beside him, Seth shook his head. “You might actually need to tie her up to fix things between you two.”
“If she still won’t listen after the funeral, I’m getting the fucking rope.”
“At least she looks better, but I don’t think we should take her straight back to the condo.”
“Hell no.”
“Up for a drive?”
“Traffic will suck, but it beats taking her home to wallow.” Beck paid the check as the waitress appeared.
When Heavenly returned from the restroom, they left and climbed into Seth’s SUV. He pulled from the parking lot, then headed to PCH, turning in the opposite direction from the condo.
“Where are we going?” Heavenly asked.
“It’s a surprise,” Seth told her.
“I’m really tired…”
“Humor me.”
She sighed as Seth merged into killer traffic. He drove like a true New Yorker—aggressively as he laid on the horn. After jockeying his way across several lanes of traffic, he pulled into an empty public lot and killed the motor about twenty minutes before the sun kissed the horizon.
“I love the beach…but what are we doing here?” She sounded confused.
“I figured out after my first few days here that it’s the only place to truly appreciate a sunset, angel.”
“Sure, but…”
She was reluctant to enjoy it.
Seth took her hand. “I get it. Your life has been turned upside down and it sucks that you feel so empty while people around you look happy and carry on as if nothing has changed when everything has. But joining them again”—he pointed to the people enjoying the shore—“that’s your goal. Your dad wanted you to be happy and live. You’ve got to try.”
Heavenly bit her lip, clearly exercising all her will to hold herself together.
She almost broke Beck’s heart.
Together, the three of them exited the SUV and headed for the sand. At the edge, he kicked off his shoes and socks. Seth and Heavenly followed suit. Soon, the warm sand was sinking between their toes.
The waning sun glowed on Heavenly’s face as she watched the pelicans dip and swoop over the water. In the distance, a couple stood their infant in the sand as the chilly foam rolled over his feet while he giggled. Two older women chatted, trekking toward the sun, seemingly lost in conversation.
Life. Everyone around them was living it. Heavenly would have to decide when—or if—she embraced hers again.
As they strolled toward the pier in the distance, Beck was dying to take her hand, give her comfort, and remind her of their connection. He didn’t, instead giving her personal space, trying to enjoy the time and scenery they shared.
The wind ruffled her hair, blowing it back like a banner in the breeze as Heavenly paused to watch the fiery sun, now a deeper shade of orange and red, slide farther toward the water. The awe and wonder dancing across her face reminded him of her expression the day he’d taken her to Disneyland.
She needs to see the world, experience life. To be free. Don’t tie her down.
Abel’s words echoed in his ears. He didn’t disagree their precious girl had a lot left to experience. But he and Seth could show her, teach her anything and everything she needed to know. None of them should have to give up on love so she could do whatever Abel defined as living.
“So beautiful,” Heavenly whispered.
“Yes, you are.” Beck couldn’t peel his eyes off her.
“Way more than the sunset.” Seth clasped her hand and drew it to his lips.
She sent the man a soft glance that panged envy through Beck. “Thank you.”
He had to fix this frustrating wedge between him and Heavenly.
After a companionable walk, they wandered back to the car. It was dark when they arrived at the condo once more. He and Seth carried in her packages. Heavenly headed straight to the bedroom. Before they’d even rounded the corner, she’d already stripped off her shorts, crawled back into bed, and closed her eyes, shutting them out again.
Beck’s heart sank.
Chapter Three
Friday, April 5
* * *
“Do not think of me as gone, for my journey has just begun…”
As the minister opened his Bible, Heavenly closed her eyes and tried to block out this final goodbye to her father.
Losing him still didn’t seem real. Everything about it made her angry. Like the overcast weather for not giving him the most beautiful sendoff. The pastor for sounding as if he had spring allergies. The flowers for being so pungent they made her slightly dizzy. And despite this surprisingly lavish service, Beck and Seth for forcing her to confront the one loss she’d never, ever wanted to.
It wasn’t their fault, but who else did she have to blame except God? Right now, she wanted to rail at Him. Her father had deserved a far better life and he’d been taken too soon.
On her right, Seth caressed the back of her hand with his thumb, silently reminding her that he was here with and for her. Beck did the same on her left. For now, she pushed aside the fact that he was neither single nor the steadfast hero of her naive dreams. Selfish or not, she simply let him comfort her because she needed the strength so badly. Without the two of them, she wasn’t sure she would make it through this service. After that, she’d have to face what came next.
The violinist played a soft, weepy tune in the background while the minister recited from the gospel of John. The crowd around her was expectedly small but filled with familiar faces.
Liam, Raine, and Hammer had come, their moods somber and concerned. Raine’s brother, River, had shown up with Dean, an LAPD officer she’d met once or twice. Nurse Lewis, who coordinated the volunteers like her at the hospital, had also taken time out of her schedule to attend. Since none of these people had ever met her father, she was grateful they’d come to support and comfort her.
Dr. Litchfield had surprised her when he’d arrived and given her a kindly hug. She’d nearly been moved to tears when she saw Ralph Johnson and his wife, volunteers at the VA, who had often cheered her dad up.
The last person who had inexplicably joined the solemn group was annoyingly crude Pike. He and Beck were friends…sort of. Seth hated the tattooed bad boy. He worked with Hammer—at the dungeon Macen owned?—and he was a pig. Every time she’d run into him, he’d undressed her with his eyes before propositioning her. Today, he merely sent her a respectful nod.
“Abel Phillip Young was a vibrant man and a good father before illness stole him from his loved ones…” The minister began. “He was born in Eau Clai
re, Wisconsin, to two loving parents, and his childhood was a warm one, full of friends, family, school, and tradition. At twenty-one, he met and married Lisa Townsend. Shortly thereafter, the two moved to a dairy farm in Bayfield, Wisconsin, and had their only daughter…”
Heavenly squeezed her eyes shut, but that didn’t keep her from hearing about the worst of her father’s life, including his untimely end. Behind her, a delicate hand cupped her shoulder. She turned. Raine was there with soft empathy and a look in her eyes that promised I got you.
Her friend had come through with everything she needed for the plan they’d discussed yesterday at the mall.
Filled with both relief and dread, Heavenly sent her a smile of thanks and faced the front of the little chapel once more. The rest of the service passed in a blur. When it was over, the men flanking her helped her to her feet.
“How are you holding up, little girl?” Beck wrapped steadying fingers around her elbow.
“You look pale.” Seth frowned.
They were so concerned and attuned to her that it broke her heart.
“I’m fine. Thank you. Both of you—for all you’ve done for me and my father. I couldn’t have said goodbye to him with half as much dignity if you hadn’t stepped in.”
“You don’t have to thank us.” Beck caressed her shoulder.
“Anything for you.” Seth brushed a kiss across her cheek.
She drank in their bittersweet comfort as she filed out of the pew. The rest of the guests crowded around her then, threatening what little peace she had.
“Your father sounded like a good man. I’m sorry I never met him.” Hammer took her hands in a tender clasp.
“He was. I’m sorry you never met him, either. I think he would have liked you.”
Liam approached, gently taking hold of her shoulders. He stared at her like he always did—as if he could see right through her. “How are you feeling, little one?”
The kindness in his Irish lilt penetrated her numbness and almost broke her down, but Heavenly steadied herself. “I’m managing. Thank you for coming. And thank you for letting me spend yesterday with Raine. I needed that.”
“My lovely said as much. There isn’t anything she wouldn’t do for you. But you know that.” He sent her a sly smile.
Heavenly swallowed her alarm. What had Raine told him?
The pretty brunette elbowed him aside and moved in for a hug. “That’s right. All you have to do is let me know.”
Of all the people she had met in Los Angeles, Raine had become one of the dearest. Yesterday, they’d shared a heart-to-heart, Heavenly explaining that she’d never told anyone about her father because she hadn’t wanted to burden her friends with her troubles. Thankfully, Raine had understood and forgiven her. They’d hugged it out after pedicures, then started talking about what came next.
Together, they had hatched a plan.
Now Heavenly had to find the strength to go through with it—for herself, her father, and her future.
River sidled up and gave her a comforting embrace. “I’m sorry for your loss. If you need a shoulder or an ear, I’m happy to lend you either.”
Despite the less-than-orthodox start to their friendship, he hadn’t wavered. He was loyal, just like his sister. “I appreciate that. More than you’ll ever know.”
Next, Dean Gorman stepped in to shake her hand. “My condolences. When Hammer called to say you’d lost your father, I wanted to lend my support.”
Most likely, Hammer had asked his friends to help fill out the ranks of the funeral so she wouldn’t feel as if her father’s life had been of little consequence. But that endeared all of them to her even more.
“That’s very kind. I appreciate it.”
With a nod, he stepped back in River’s direction. Those two were tight. Raine had confided that the guys often hit the bars together and apparently had a shockingly high success rate.
Nurse Lewis approached then, her eyes soft with empathy. “My thoughts and prayers are with you, Heavenly.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t worry about anything at the hospital. Return whenever you’re ready. And in case you hadn’t heard, I promoted Jennifer to replace Kathryn in your unit. You should find her a lot more professional and fair, but if you have any difficulties at all, let me know.”
“I will.” Heavenly still loved the notion of helping people by becoming a nurse, and most she’d met through her volunteer work were the sort of compassionate healthcare providers she would choose to work for. In fact, Bridget Lewis had all but offered her a job when she finished school. Heavenly wondered if she’d be in a position to take it.
With one last squeeze of her fingers, the nursing administrator was gone. Behind her, Dr. Litchfield appeared with a benevolent smile and murmured condolences.
“I know you tried everything to save my father,” Heavenly assured the man. “Dr. Beckman explained.”
The neurologist nodded, his expression warm…and silently curious. Of course he wanted to know about her relationship with his colleague and the rough New Yorker glued to her side. Speculation must be rampant around the hospital.
After a brief exchange, she turned to find the minister so she could thank him for the lovely service. Instead, she nearly bumped into Pike, who stared down at her with pitch-black eyes that matched his hair—and from everything she’d heard, his soul as well.
“Hey. I know you think I’m an asshole, but…um, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. Loss isn’t easy.”
Heavenly gaped. Pike had said something nice?
“Thank you,” she murmured automatically.
“If you need anything, I’ll be around.” Then as if he’d run out of things to say, he gave her an awkward nod, thrust his hands in his pockets, and exited the chapel.
“Did that just happen?” Raine asked, staring after him.
“Shockingly, I think so.”
“Here.” Raine grabbed her hand and pressed something into it. A key fob. “Everything we talked about is in the car.”
Heart racing, Heavenly closed her fingers around it, then discreetly slipped it into her purse while she retrieved a tissue to dry her eyes.
“I’ll call you,” she whispered.
“Don’t forget. You promised.” Raine teared up.
It took everything Heavenly had not to reassure her one and only girlfriend in the world that they would see each other again. But what could she promise Raine—or anyone else?
“Ms. Young?”
She turned at the sound of the minister’s voice, fixing a polite expression on her face so he wouldn’t see her heart breaking. “Thank you for a lovely service, Reverend Newell.”
The well-meaning sympathy on his face looked too much like pity as he passed her the urn with her father’s ashes and his picture from the easel. “I know this is a dark day for you, child. Don’t be afraid to lean on the Lord. He’ll help you through your time of grief.”
Would He? Since He hadn’t helped her or her father much so far, Heavenly figured she would have to overcome without His divine intervention again.
But she gave the minister a tight smile before he wished her well and wandered off.
A few feet away, Beck and Seth spoke in hushed tones with Liam, Hammer, River, and Dean. Both cast glances her way as if they were afraid she would shatter at any moment. They weren’t wrong. She’d played the role of caretaker for so long that it seemed both foreign and uncomfortable for anyone to look after her. But with insistent tenderness, Seth and Beck had.
Which made what she had to do next even more wrenching.
But she’d promised her father, so no matter how badly it hurt, today was the day for goodbyes.
Seth broke from the men and hustled to her, concern twisting his brow. “Angel?”
“I’m fine.” She wasn’t. And wondering if she would ever see them again was shredding her.
But before she could give them any commitments, she had a duty to perform. Then she had to figure out
where life was taking her and where her heart truly belonged.
“Are you sure?”
God, if he didn’t stop caring so much, she might break down, fall into his arms, and beg him to bear her pain. And it wouldn’t be fair—or possible.
This was something she had to do alone.
She sent him a brittle nod. “Would you unlock the car so I can stash these things in the backseat?”
He gave the urn and the picture a once-over, then caressed her shoulder. “I’ll take them for you.”
“No. Let me,” she pleaded. “I need to.”
“Okay.” With a sigh, he pressed the button on his car fob and glanced at her father’s portrait. “You look a lot like him.”
And today that filled her with a sliver of sweet peace.
“So I’ve heard.” She resisted the urge to tell Seth that she’d be back. She loved him too much to lie.
Then she rose on her tiptoes and brushed her lips across his, lingering as if she could stuff all her regret and a million goodbyes into that one kiss.
When she pulled back, Beck stood at her side. “You okay, little girl?”
Heavenly teared up. Damn it, she couldn’t cry. If she started now, she didn’t know when she would stop.
She was going to miss them so much.
No, they weren’t perfect. They could be bossy and infuriating. They were definitely more alpha than she’d been prepared to handle. But they’d shown her more about life—and herself—than she’d thought possible. Seth never failed to make her ooey-gooey inside. He’d definitely stolen her heart. And Beck? Despite their tangled relationship, she’d fallen for him hard. Discovering he was married minutes after trusting him with her virginity had been a visceral body blow. Admittedly, she’d seen no sign of a wife in all the time she’d known him, and he claimed they weren’t really married. But until he wasn’t legally bound anymore, her moral compass wouldn’t let her be with him. And she couldn’t imagine being with Seth without him.
“Fine,” Heavenly lied as she clutched Beck and pressed her lips to his, desperate to memorize his touch, his scent, his taste.
