Spitfire in Love

by Isabelle Ronin

  “Sure,” he said.

  We moved away a little, but his teammates were watching us. He waved them away and told them to go ahead without him.

  “Wow. Mind control?” I said, gesturing toward his team when they followed his orders like the Unsullied followed Daenerys.

  “I can turn invisible too. It’s just not working right now.” He smiled.

  Yes, he was definitely gorgeous. Charming smiles that could easily lure a girl’s heart. But it didn’t affect mine.

  Mine was already given to someone who didn’t want it.

  “I see your cart, but where’s your donkey?” I asked.

  He blinked, confused. I wondered if he was wearing fake lashes. They were so long. “Donkey?”

  “Yeah, you know. The one with the black, curly hair and as tall as a yeti and as muscular as a bull. The idiot one.”

  His eyes twinkled. “Cam?”

  “Caleb! Break’s over. Let’s go!” one of his teammates called out as he passed by us.

  Caleb waved him away.

  “I just want to know…is he okay?” I asked.

  His green eyes warmed. “He’s okay. Don’t worry, Kara.”

  I lifted my eyebrows. I was surprised he knew my name. Did Cameron tell him about me?

  “He told me about you.”

  He did?

  I gave him a smile. He was nice. “Thanks,” I told him. “You’re not so bad.”

  “You’re not so bad either.”

  We both cared for the same person. That was enough for me to like him. I turned to leave.

  “Kara!” he called out.

  “Yeah?”

  He angled his head, studying my face. After a moment, he asked, “Can I tell you something?”

  “Go ahead.”

  “He gets into these moods now and then. He leaves town for a couple weeks or so to reset. This time, he asked our boss if he could be sent up north for a project. Don’t worry, he’ll be back.”

  “Hi, Cal!”

  “Hey, B!”

  I said goodbye as the petite blond possessively wrapped her arms around his waist and walked to my class.

  Now that I knew he was okay and was not getting tortured or bleeding on his floor and was just in a mood, I felt stupid. And angry. What the hell was his problem? I was worried and obsessing over him for nothing. He couldn’t even send me a courtesy text? I didn’t even need him to tell me where he was. Sayonara. It’s been nice, but I don’t want you to give me rides anymore would’ve been enough instead of leaving me up in the air. I curled my hands into fists.

  The professor was droning on and on about marketing when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. My breathing picked up. When I looked at the message, it was Tala.

  T: How about dinner? At my place.

  K: Sure. If you behave, you might just get lucky.

  T: Put out or get out, girlfriend.

  And that, I realized as I smiled like a loon, was all I needed from her to feel better.

  * * *

  “It’s either The Notebook or anything Keanu Reeves. John Wick, maybe? Or how about Despicable Me? Hurry up! Pick one already,” Tala said, comfortable in her unicorn pajamas.

  I was wearing monkey pajamas, which reminded me of Bigfoot. I refused to let it ruin my mood. I’d get over him pretty soon. He was old news to me now.

  We were lying on her bed, gorging on pizza we’d ordered and some healthy fruit smoothies she made. To “balance the pizza out,” she’d said. I wanted a milkshake, but since I wanted to be a supportive, awesome best friend tonight, I let her have her way. I convinced her to switch to beers eventually, and I happily sucked on one, enjoying the lull it gave my body. I gave myself another couple of hours before I needed to bless their bathroom. Being lactose intolerant was a real struggle.

  It was getting late, but we both had afternoon classes tomorrow, so we had agreed it was time for a girls’ night. I just had to make sure I woke up early tomorrow to do an assignment and review for a quiz.

  Mrs. B was sleeping over at her sister’s place, which was unusual because she didn’t like to leave her house. I asked Tala about it.

  “I’m so glad she’s spending more time with her siblings. Her mood’s definitely improved. She doesn’t nag me as much,” she said, sounding happy. “Can we binge-watch Game of Thrones?”

  Picking out a movie or show usually took us a half hour before we settled on one we both liked. I reached for another slice of pizza. I felt like a bloated whale, but I couldn’t stop eating.

  “You made me do a GOT marathon just a couple of weeks ago,” I reminded her.

  She rolled her eyes at me and started singing a Taylor Swift song, then she played it on her phone, hooking it up to her speakers. I jumped from her bed to the floor, started singing the song at the top of my lungs. Tala joined me. We butchered it, but I thought we made up for it by doing some cool-ass moves that got us breathing fast. The music changed, and we just kept at it.

  “Tala and Kara here to break it down for ya, yo. Ya ready?” she laughed.

  “OMG this is so damn cringey. I love it. I love you, girlfriend. Okay, but watch this, Tal. Guess what this epic move is!” I wheezed, swishing my hips left and right with my arms doing the helicopter.

  “It’s an octopus mating dance, baby. Make sure you do it when your crush walks by. Guess this one!”

  We were laughing our asses off, and we were both happy and young, and we didn’t care about responsibilities, and nothing could have pierced our bubble. And then she started laughing and yelping in pain as she fell on the floor and cradled her crotch.

  “Cramp, cramp. I think I ripped something. My vagina. Shit. Shit. Hold on, I gotta lie down,” she laughed-snorted-sobbed.

  “Don’t break the vag before you use it, baby,” I said, laughing with her.

  That brought on more giggles. When our laughter died down, we just stretched out spread-eagle on the floor together in comfortable, happy silence.

  “I like someone,” I blurted.

  So much for old news, huh?

  I sighed and turned my head so I could see her reaction. “I think it’s more than like, actually.”

  She blinked slowly. “What? Like in love?”

  I nodded slowly.

  “First, does he know you exist?”

  She asked it in a girlfriend way. The way where you just knew each other so well and there was nothing mean or petty, whatever question you threw at each other. It was all about honesty.

  “I met a boy—no, a man.” It seemed ridiculous to call Cameron a boy. “And we kissed. Twice. No, three times.”

  She sat up quickly, gawking at me. “Bitch, what? Tell me I was in a coma and that’s why I never heard of this before. What’s going on?”

  “Calm your tits. I just met him.”

  She didn’t say anything for a moment. I knew she was thinking about it. And then, “Was that why you started pulling away from me?” she asked quietly. “I knew something was up. You usually don’t text or ask to hang out with me when you’re going through something.”

  “Do I really do that?”

  She nodded.

  “I’m sorry, Tal.”

  “S’okay. I know you’re super strong. And I know I’m…not as strong as you are. But I want you to know that you can still talk to me, and I’ll try my best to listen and be there for you. Aw, Kar, what’s wrong?”

  I wasn’t crying, but my throat felt tight. I sat up, rubbing my neck with my hands. “A week and four days. That’s how long he’s been gone.”

  “What? Girl, you scared him off already?”

  I chucked a piece of mushroom at her as a self-deprecating laugh trickled out. “Maybe I did. I think I did, just as I do with everyone around me.” The last part I said under my breath, not meaning to say it, but she heard.


  “Aw, girl, that’s not true.” Now she looked mad. “You take care of the people you keep close to you. You make them smile and cheer them up just by being near you. It’s your aura. It’s so strong people can’t help but want to be around you.”

  She shifted so she was facing me. “It’s like everyone is worried about what other people say about them,” she continued. “But not you. You just do you, because you know what’s important. You say what you think or feel regardless of what other people will say, and you go for the things you want. Without apologies. Without giving a damn about other people’s expectations…unlike me. And you know what? People feel that, and they’re drawn to it because it’s fearless. And it’s so freaking cool. Do you want me to continue kissing your ass with the truth?”

  She laughed when I threw myself at her and hugged her.

  “Now talk to me and tell me everything.”

  And so I did. She was just quiet, listening without interruption. Her face showed her reactions though, and I laughed at some of them. Some parts I left out, needing to keep them to myself. I’d always been that way, even when I was a kid, leaving details out, not revealing enough, but I thought I had gotten better.

  “So,” she said after I finished. “Python?”

  I shook my head.

  “Oh.” She frowned. “Garter snake?”

  “Far from it.”

  “Wild boar? Starfish? Crocodile? Tell me! I’m running out of animals!”

  I bit my lip.

  “Tell me,” she said breathily.

  “Anaconda.”

  We both looked at each other for a moment, eyes shining with suppressed laughter. And then we started giggling like little girls.

  “Ayayay!” She wiped her eyes. “For real though?”

  I nodded, a creepy smile on my face.

  Her mouth formed into an O. “Whew!” She blew out a loud breath, fanning her face. “Did you touch it?” she asked in a whisper.

  I burst out laughing. She was so cute. “No.”

  “And you guys didn’t have sex, right? I mean you don’t have to touch it to have sex.” Her nose twitched. “I’m sure of it. I mean I’m in college and I’m still a virgin, but I’m pretty knowledgeable about these things. We’ve researched enough of it, you and I. So”—she took a breath—“you guys didn’t…?”

  I shook my head, feeling my face grow hot. “It’s funny, you know, when we talk about sex and blowing a guy’s brains out because, you know, we’re so hot, but when faced with it in real life, it’s…it’s pretty scary.”

  “I wouldn’t know. Tell me, tell me, tell me.” She bounced. “Wait. You mean his massive penis scared you, right? That’s what you mean?”

  “No, Tal! You shithead.” I barked out a short laugh. “Well…I guess, yeah. I mean, come on. No pun intended.”

  I waggled my brows and she laughed.

  “But that’s not what I’m trying to say. It’s like…” I paused, gathering my thoughts. “Sharing your body with someone…it doesn’t feel like it’s just your body you’re giving to him. It’s your heart and mind and soul. Your vulnerabilities, your trust, the entirety of who you are—you’re giving him all of that. You’re entrusting all that to him and believing and hoping that he will cherish it and not use it to destroy you. And knowing that, once you have, you can never get back that part of you ever again. And it’s terrifying.”

  “That was so deep. I love it. And yes, I know what you mean,” she said. “Are you really falling for Mr. Complicated and Mysterious?”

  I rose, grabbed another beer. My throat felt dry. I finished half the bottle, wiped my mouth on my sleeve, and said, “I think I don’t want to be in love with him.”

  “But why?”

  I glared at her. She was already on Team Cameron. I could see it in her eyes. “Maybe I was just caught up in the moment. The rain, his confession, the kiss, the man—it was perfect. Maybe I’m just infatuated.”

  “He scares you, doesn’t he? Because he’s already gotten under your skin and you can’t get him out even if you wanted to. He’s like a tick. The more you try to pull out those fuckers, the more they burrow.”

  I laughed without humor, drank more beer. “He wanted me to trust him, not ask him any questions and just trust him, then he left. Without a word. How the hell does that translate to you are important to me? I’m not asking him to spill his life story to me, although I want that, yes. But I just need him to…trust me too. It’s a two-way street. He’s asking me to trust him when he can’t do the same thing for me.”

  I sighed with exasperation, walked to her bed, and sat. The blanket covering her bed was blue. Very, very close to the shade of blue of his eyes. I wanted to burn it. I wanted to hug it.

  “It’s my fault for getting hurt this way. I thought…after he said all those things to me about wanting to protect me, that I’m important to him, that he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me and that he’s never felt this way before about anyone and he’s scared he’ll screw it up. What was I supposed to think? What’s all that mean? But it’s my fault because I believed him, and I expected so much, built it all up in my head.”

  She shook her head. “Don’t be stupid, Kar. I have three kids and a big-ass mansion and I’m pregnant with our fourth kid with my crush. And he doesn’t even know I exist. And Mr. Complicated just pretty much confessed his feelings to you. If I were you, I’d have already picked out the venue for our wedding and where we’re going for our honeymoon. But that’s just me.” She winked. “You can’t blame yourself for thinking all these things after what he told you.”

  I let out a laugh. “I love you.”

  “I love you too, girlfriend. I think you do tend to have really strong reactions, but it’s who you are. And if you’ve dished out your worst at him already and if he comes back, you know he’s the one.”

  “Where are you getting all this good advice from anyway? Did you have a secret marriage I didn’t know about?”

  “All those Asian drama shows I’ve been watching trained me to be a master. I don’t have a love life, so I live vicariously through them.” She waggled her eyebrows. “You know what I think?” she continued, sitting beside me on the bed. “He has some complicated issues he needs to take care of before he can be with you. Who knows? I think you’ve met your match, Kar. Of course it won’t be easy. Did you expect it to be? You’d take it for granted if it were. You’ve been working so hard all your life that I don’t think you’ll welcome anything easy.”

  I frowned, digesting her words. “I think…he’s going to break my heart if I give him more.”

  “Then let him fix it again. Isn’t that part of falling in love?”

  If it was, I wanted no part of it. I knew this because the week passed without a word from him.

  If and when I saw him again, he’d better start praying.

  Chapter 22

  Kara

  It had been two weeks since I’d seen him last. Two long weeks of exhaustion. I had thrown myself into work, accepting shifts left and right, asking my coworkers if they needed me to cover their shifts at the nursing home. I did my assignments and even aced a couple of my exams. Yay, me!

  He was practically nonexistent to me. He was like my sneakers. I knew I was wearing them all day, but I never noticed them. They were just a part of my body. And I didn’t even really think about them until I took them off at night.

  At school, Caleb and I had this signal now. I’d pass by the lecture hall and see him there. He’d shake his head at me, meaning Bigfoot wasn’t back yet. I didn’t even ask him, but for some reason he thought I was still interested to know. I wasn’t.

  I still had his blue sweater. If I didn’t wash it for the first couple of days—okay, more than a couple—because I wanted to keep the scent clinging to it, I figured that was nobody’s business but mine. Eventually, I just buried i
t under my bed and hoped dust mites would make it their personal paradise. That was where he deserved to be.

  I’d donate it if I could—or burn it—but he could come back to me later and add it to my bill.

  The ordered part for his motorcycle was supposed to arrive early last week, but Dylan had ordered the wrong part. And now we had to wait for the part again. I had sent SOS a text as a professional courtesy. But I didn’t even care anymore.

  I was over feeling insecure. Wondering what I’d done wrong, obsessing if there was something wrong with me that pushed him away when it was his issues that were to blame.

  There was nothing wrong with me. I was more than enough. I was a strong, independent woman who was not afraid to struggle to reach her dreams. And if he could not appreciate that, well, hasta la vista, baby. There were other fish in the sea that could handle a woman like me. I was done with him. Capital D-O-N-E.

  That conviction was put to the test after I finished my shift at the coffee shop. It was late afternoon, and it was the weekend. The sun was still up, the weather uncharacteristically nice. I was used to rainy weekends now, as if Mother Nature were playing a sick joke. Teasing us with good weather during the week, only to give us rainy weekends. She could be a real bitch. But today, she was my glittering fairy godmother.

  So I decided to be a wild child and go shopping. Okay, window shopping. I crossed the street to the strip mall, and thought if Tala was available right now, I’d pick her up so we could crash a party. The students in our program hosted a party every weekend. It was easy to find on social media.

  I used to go to those things before, back when the shop was doing well and I didn’t have to work so much. My childhood friend Damon had a band and would drag me to the venues where he played. I even worked at a bar before where Damon had gigs every Friday night. The tips were great, but the nightlife wasn’t for me at the time. Although it would be nice to go to the bar and forget about my problems, at least for a night.

  I thought I had forgotten that part of myself, but…

  I stopped in my tracks. Wow, I hadn’t felt this in a long, long time. I actually really wanted to shed my grandma skin and just have fun.