Remember the Stars

by Carraine Oldham

  “Oh, I will. I’ll never forget this. I’ve wanted to bring you up here since you first came to the barn. I can’t believe it’s taken me so long.”

  I give him a peck before I roll onto my back again. Through my nose, I take a deep breath of the crisp air. A chill comes over my skin, but not from being cold; it’s from Henry’s body being so close to mine and the enormous love I have for him.

  “No matter what may come, we’ll forever have this moment. If we ever part, all we have to do is look up at the night sky and remember the stars. From this time forwards, whether we’re together or not, whenever the stars shine, I’ll think of you, my Estherly.” Raising a hand, he waves his arm above us. “The stars belong to you and me. Each one of them is ours.”

  My heart explodes like the shooting star in the sky, and I’m rendered speechless. All I can do is rest my head on his chest and hold him tight. After a long moment, I finally find words. “I love you. And I will always remember the stars.”

  Chapter 11 – Ferrin

  With a customer yelling in my ear because his phone was shut off, I grab my cell phone from my desk and look at it. An alert hasn’t gone off showing a text from Sam, but I’m so anxious for news from him that I can’t help but look anyway.

  Last night, after dinner, I read Sam what we’re now referring to as the remember the stars moment. I couldn’t help swooning over Estherly’s words, and even though Henry was a Nazi, my affection towards him grows. After doing some research with Sam while sitting on his couch late into the night, we learned that the penalty for Henry aiding The Krauss family would have been death. Henry risking his life to help the family proves to Sam and me that Henry truly loved Estherly.

  Sam and I researched many things, and then out of the blue he came up with the idea to call his real estate agent and ask her if she could provide him with the contact information for the couple he bought his house from.

  Putting my cell phone down, I take myself off mute and answer the customer’s questions about his bill. I allow the man to yell at me for three more minutes until a notification flashes across my cell phone screen.

  “Sir, let me see if I can get a supervisor for you,” I say, before hitting the hold button and grabbing my cell phone. Pushing my glasses up my nose, I lean close to the screen and read Sam’s text, hoping that my co-workers don’t catch me.

  Sam: I got the number for the Crabtrees. I left them a message. I’ll text back when I have more info.

  I shoot a text back to Sam with a smiley face and then get back to my customer.

  Several hours later, this time while I’m on the phone with a nice elderly woman, Sam texts back.

  Dead end. The Crabtrees have no idea who Estherly is. They said the boxes were there when they moved in. They’re going to try and contact the family that owned the house before them, and they’ll get back to me. Sorry I don’t have better news.

  While listening to the woman on my line, I shoot Sam a text back.

  Thanks for trying.

  Last night, I was so filled with anticipation and optimism that we’d get answers today that now, a sense of hopelessness falls over me. I turn my attention back to my caller and credit her for time her phone was down. Behind me, I hear Roger. As usual, I don’t need to turn around to see that it’s him. I wrap up my call and spin around, glaring at him. This isn’t the time for him to come at me with complaints of how I’m not doing my worthless job right.

  “Hello, Ferrin,” he says in his normal condescending tone.

  Today, I don’t bother saying hello back. I’ve always valued the money I earn at my job and toed the line, but there’s a fire in me today that could ignite if Roger gets on my case.

  Writing something on the clipboard of death, he doesn’t look up when he speaks to me. Another show of authority on his part, I assume.

  “Your talk time is still a little higher than I’d like. I was monitoring your last call, and you were on with that customer for over fifteen minutes.”

  My response is a roll of the eyes and an exhale of deep breath.

  “I’ve warned you time and again. I’m going to have to write you up.”

  “Fine,” I say and turn back to my desk.

  “I don’t appreciate your attitude.”

  “Would you rather I argue with you about my job performance or get back to doing my actual job?” I ask. I’m over playing his games. If he’s going to write me up, then so be it.

  “Well—”

  “Look, if you want to write me up for giving excellent customer service then do it. I’m a little tired of you threatening me.”

  “I’d like to see you in my office,” Roger says, peering up from his bright red clipboard.

  “I’ll have to stop taking calls to do that because I have an important meeting after work, and I can’t stay late today.”

  “That’s unacceptable. We’re on mandatory overtime tonight. That’s another reason I came to see you.”

  “Can’t do it,” I say, still facing my desk. I’m filled with so much rage at this point that I don’t care if Roger fires me or not. I’ve got enough savings to live off for at least three years.

  “Ferrin, your behavior is off today. You’ll work till six PM tonight, or you’ll be written up for that as well.”

  Twisting my chair back around to face Roger, I narrow my eyes and crinkle my lips. “Save yourself some time and write me up for both my talk time and not working overtime on one sheet because I’m not working late tonight or the rest of this week. I have a life outside of work.”

  Roger’s mouth drops open, and a sense of pride overcomes me.

  “If you’re through, I need to get back to work.”

  Again, I turn my chair back to my computer and log back into my phone, taking the next call in the queue.

  Roger slinks away, and I give myself a silent fist pump with a whisper of, “Yes!” I’ve never felt so liberated in my life. Suddenly, while reeling in my glory, a feeling of fear encompasses me. What if I lose my job? Should I stay and work the overtime? No! I have a date with Sam and Estherly’s diary. A date with Sam, I think. I probably shouldn’t be calling what Sam and I are doing every night a date, regardless of how he makes me feel when I’m with him. A date, instead of two friends getting together, usually consists of mutual, romantic agreement. What I have going on with Sam in my heart isn’t mutual.

  Summoning Estherly’s courage, I push fear aside and get back to work. I reaffirm that I won’t be working overtime tonight or the rest of the week.

  Following my normal routine, I head home, feed and spend time with Otis, then go over to Sam’s for dinner. As I walk across damp grass, I try getting my emotions in check. The more time I spend with Sam, the more I fall for him, and I’m now afraid I’m going to walk away from this hurt.

  Before I make it to the door, Sam comes out.

  “Hey,” he says, tossing his head back and moving hair from above his eye. “I was thinking that we should go out tonight. Are you up to pizza and wings?”

  It’s not a date… it’s not a date… it’s not a date.

  “Sure!”

  “Ready to go?” He swings keys on his index finger.

  I nod and follow him to his truck. “What prompted going out?” I ask.

  “Didn’t feel like cooking tonight,” he says before placing his palm on the small of my back and leading me to the passenger side of his truck. The warmth of his hand sends a shock through my body and into my heart. Sam is kind and a perfect gentleman. He opens the door, and I climb into his truck. Shutting me in, he steps around to the driver’s side, and he slips in.

  I steal a glance at him before I say, “I would’ve cooked if you were too tired.”

  “I want to treat you.”

  “Well… thanks. That’s very sweet of you.”

  “Thanks for agreeing to go with me,” he says.

  Sam pulls out of the driveway and we drive downtown. I tell him all about how I gave Roger attitude, explaining that I di
dn’t know what came over me and how much trouble I’m going to be in tomorrow when I go into work.

  “I’m proud of you. Your supervisor and that company walk all over you. It’s about time you stood up for yourself. I know it’s a risk, but sometimes you have to take them in life.”

  “I’ll admit I’m a little proud of myself, too. It all felt so redeeming, and now that I’ve done it once, I’m afraid I’ll keep going. It’s an addicting feeling.”

  Sam’s hand pats my thigh, and I freeze. In my mind, I ask him for more than the quick touch he gives, but his hand lands back on the wheel.

  “Have you heard anything from the prior owners yet?”

  “Not yet, but I’m sure they’ll call me as soon as they have anything. The Crabtrees are a great couple. They kept my house in tip-top shape before I bought it.”

  “Did they mention if they ever looked through Estherly’s boxes?” I ask.

  “They said that they knew the boxes were left in the attic from the previous owners, but they never got curious and rummaged through them.” He pauses. “So, hey, even though we’re going out tonight, I don’t want to skip reading Estherly’s diary, if that’s okay?”

  Looking out the window, the city passes us by. Turning, I focus on Sam again, my eyes taking in each line on his perfect face and making their way to his full lips.

  “Of course. I think I may call in sick to work tomorrow. I’m not in the mood to deal with Roger and the repercussions of my attitude today. If you’re not busy, maybe we could spend part of the day together?”

  “I have to go check on one site and make a couple phone calls. Other than that, I shouldn’t be too busy.”

  I fake cough. “Oh, I’m feeling terrible. I don’t think I can make it to work tomorrow.”

  He laughs, and I giggle along with him.

  Sitting next to Sam at the pizza place, I dip my crust in ranch dressing. I find myself enthralled with each move Sam makes. I watch the way he folds his pizza before biting it and wipes the little bit of sauce that leaks out of the corner of his mouth with a scrunched-up napkin. I know he’s speaking about his day, but his words are so far off that I don’t know what he’s saying.

  “Ferrin?”

  I snap out of it. “I’m sorry… I was… I was daydreaming. What was that you were saying?”

  “I was saying that it’s too bad the Crabtrees didn’t have any information on Estherly for us.”

  I blow out a deep breath as disappointment and sadness take over. My mind runs back to reading about Mae’s death and Gavi being taken from his family. I sigh when I think of how romantic the remember the stars passage in the diary was.

  “Estherly has consumed my whole life. And I don’t mean that in a bad way. Part of the reason I stood up to Roger today was because I thought of all Estherly must’ve gone through and how brave she was. In a sense, she’s inspired me to stand up for myself. I’m desperate to find out what happened to her. Another reason why calling in tomorrow seems like such a good idea.” I wink at Sam.

  “I think about all of them, too. I wouldn’t say that it’s inspiring me, but her story is opening me up to new emotions and what others might be going through. What’s that saying?” He wrinkles his lips to the side. “Be kind to strangers, you never know what they’re going through, or something along those lines. I’ve been paying more attention to how I treat others lately. Not that I’m ever a real jerk or anything like that.”

  “I’ve never seen you be anything but kind,” I assure him.

  “I try to live a life I can be proud of.”

  “You’re doing a great job. You have a kind soul, Sam Landry.”

  “So, do you, Ferrin Frazier. I’ve been enamored by your emotions since you’ve been reading Estherly’s diaries. I admire the person you are, and I’m glad we’re friends.”

  Last time Sam called us friends, it hurt. This time it warms my heart. If friends are all I can be with him, I’ll take it, because he’s a great one.

  After driving home in the rain, I curl up on my now usual spot on Sam’s couch. Sam takes his end of the sofa and faces me with an eager look. Our toes almost touch and I have the urge to wiggle mine under his foot, but recalling the word friend from earlier, I refrain. I open Estherly’s diary, take a deep breath, and begin reading.

  24 October 1941

  There was a time when I enjoyed life. There is so much uncertainty happening all around me. What will happen to me? What will happen to my family? Life as we know it is about to change, even more than it already has. I’m surprised with all that has gone on that I’m still sane, and my strength astonishes me. Now, with the news Henry brought, I know I will have to be stronger than ever. I worry what will happen to our love. How will we survive this? Will this war ever end?

  Chapter 12 – Estherly

  24 October 1941

  Luna and I sit in the rafters, staring out of the open barn doors, waiting for Henry. The breeze cools my skin, and I smell the fragrant wildflowers from the field below. Stars flicker in the sky like tiny diamonds, as I think of Henry and me coming up here for the first time. His words linger in my heart like a song and dance through my soul.

  “Are you hungry?” I say to the little black cat, pulling a hunk of cheese wrapped in cloth from my pocket.

  Luna purrs with excitement, and I crumble the cheese on the cloth and place it in front of her. She gobbles it down as I stroke her back.

  “You are hungry, little one!”

  The main barn door creaks below me, then the feet rustle, making their way towards the ladder. Springing to my feet at the thought of seeing him, I rush to meet him.

  “Hen—”

  “Estherly, what are you doing out here?” Moonlight glows on my sister’s tiny face as she makes her way up the ladder.

  “Anika!”

  She stands in front of me with a hand on each hip, looking like a mini version of my mother. Her brown hair bounces in rag curls all around her head as she cocks her neck to one side and stares at me, no doubt waiting for me to answer.

  “I couldn’t sleep and came in here to practice my dancing,” I say, pointing to my ballet slippers on the ground by Luna, thankful I brought them with me again tonight.

  “You have a cat!”

  She runs by me with a swoosh of air following her and bends to greet Luna.

  Petting Luna, Anika coos. “You’re so pretty. Look at her green eyes. What’s her name?”

  “Luna,” I say, even though I know the penalty for a Jew having a pet is death. “You can’t tell anyone, Anika. She’s been living in the barn for a while now, and I couldn’t let her starve.”

  “I’ll never tell! It’s between you, me, and Luna.”

  My baby sister picks up Luna and cradles her in her arms like she’s a baby. After all she’s been through, once again, I notice how Anika still holds onto her childhood innocence. It’s a sweetness I wish I could still cling to.

  “Why are you awake, and why did you come outside by yourself? You know how dangerous it can be.”

  “I had a bad dream, and I went to your room because I wanted to sleep with you. You weren’t there so I came out here looking for you after I couldn’t find you in the house.”

  “What was your bad dream about?” I ask, motioning for her to come to me.

  After she sets Luna down, I pull her into my arms and comfort her.

  “I dreamt that the soldiers came and took you away, too.” Tears roll from her pretty brown eyes and cover her flushed cheeks.

  I can’t tell her that won’t happen. How do I comfort her?

  “Shh,” I soothe. “It’s okay. I’m right here.”

  Worrying that Henry will show up at any moment, I pick Anika up and carry her to the ladder.

  “I’ll go first,” I say. “We need to get you back to bed. It’s very late.”

  “Wait,” Anika says and then rushes over to give Luna a kiss on the head.

  The tender moment causes me to smile, and I wish life were as s
imple as it should be.

  “Can Luna get down on her own?”

  “No, but I’ll come back out and carry her down after you’re asleep.”

  I make my way down the ladder and watch as my sister follows me. Once her little feet are on the barn floor, I fold Anika under my coat, and we scurry towards the house.

  When we’re upstairs, I tuck her under the blankets and softly sing as I wait for her to fall to sleep.

  A few minutes go by before I finally hear her little snore. I walk back down the stairs once I know everyone is still sleeping and make my way back to the barn.

  I sneak into the barn and my heart soars when I find Henry standing in the shadows. When he turns, the all-too-familiar look of bad news engulfs his face. I notice he has Luna in his arms, and he sets her down on the ground.

  “What is it now? Do you have more bad news?” I ask, before he has a chance to speak.

  Henry takes a deep breath and steps towards me. He welcomes me with outstretched arms, and I fall into them.

  “I’m afraid you are correct. I do have more bad news. Why don’t we sit?”

  Breaking our embrace, he takes my hand and leads me to a stack of hay where we both sit.

  “Tell me what you know. Is it Gavi?”

  “I’m sorry, I still don’t know what’s become of your brother. What I have to say is going to shock you. Please know I’ll do all I can to make this easier on your family.”

  “What is it?” I gasp.

  “Your family is being relocated to Poland. There is a city there called Łódź. It’s been turned into a Jewish community.”

  “You mean a ghetto.” I stare into his blue eyes.

  “Yes. Tomorrow you’ll receive the notice. I wanted to warn you before and tell you what you need to do.”

  “Does this mean we’ll be separated?” My heart breaks with the words I speak.

  “I’ve requested a transfer, but as of now I don’t know if it’ll be approved.”