Diary of a Wimpy Czarovitch

by JG Hampton

her responsibility to her older daughters and need not attend the German affairs. Luckily, I don’t have to bother with any of the diplomacy because of my age.

  Grandmama is worried about the strikes, the Germans, and vicious rumors about Father Grigory. Papa is too, but he thinks that Cousin Willy is no cause for alarm. He thinks that despite the worrisome letters from Uncle Ernie claiming that Kaiser Willy is demanding that he build his troops, Cousin Willy is all bluff and bluster. Mama and I hope that he’s right for all our sakes, but especially Mama’s. I hope Russia never have to fight Germany. Russians would have to kill Mama's German relatives as well as mine.

  Mama continues to write to her sister Irene, Ella, her Aunt Victoria, and her brother Ernie and hopes that they can spend some time with her at Livadia in August.

  3 June 1914, 16 July 1914 – Papa and I are going to be reviewing the troops at Krasnoe Selo and there will be bands and marching. I can hardly wait. Papa is going to ride his magnificent white stallion in front of all of them and my uncles and cousins will be riding behind him in full military dress uniforms. I can hardly wait for the parade.

  I shall ride with Mama and my sisters in a special carriage escorted by horsemen wearing red and gold uniforms with gold epaulettes. Mama is planning on wearing her most elaborate gown during the dinner with the French diplomat, she'll appear splendid in her gems and tiara as the Czarina of all the Russias. She kissed me before she headed off for the dinner and she allowed me to see her all decked out. Mama looked like a grand fairy godmother in her stunning gown dripping with emeralds and diamonds. I told her not to worry and that I would be praying for her success and bravura

  “In that case, Alexei, I have nothing to worry about. The saints listen to the prayers of innocents.” Mama always succeeds when she’s performing for Russia. She knows how to do her duty unlike some of my divorced uncles and aunties.

  Franz Joseph, the Austrian Duke has been assassinated and Father Grigory has been attacked, too. Poor Mama and Papa and poor me whatever are we to do? I’ve never seen Papa’s face so white before. It was as white as chalk as if drained of all its blood. Does this mean war?

  Mama has been praying constantly for Father Grigory’s recovery and so have my sisters and I. Heaven help Mama and me if we were to lose Father Grigory. He must not die.

  Papa says that Russia is not in a position to go to war, but we must honor our treaties and he’s been tricked by Cousin Willy. Kaiser Wilhelm is a war monger after all. Papa and Mama went out on the balcony of the Winter Palace and it sounded as if all of Russia were cheering for the czar and for victory. I was proud to be a Russian and think that the war will end swiftly. Holy Russia with all of its might, will easily defeat the Prussians and Germans. How can we fail?

  Baroness Buxhoeveden is not as certain, but what do women know anyway? Although Papa did lose the war with the Asians didn't we taking most of our naval ships down to the bottom of the ocean.

  Father Grigory has sent word that Russia must not fight. Papa has never been as angry as when he received this telegram from Rasputin. He says contemptuously that Father Grigory should stay out of his affairs and would like to banish him from his kingdom. Mama says that he must listen to Father Grigory, after all he has been correct in many things.

  "Nicky, he's a saint and he thinks only of Holy Russia. You must heed his advice." said Mama stamping her foot in the same manner Anastasia and Olga stamp there well shod feet..

  Papa is the czar and has the final say. After all, he was born the czar. I am glad that I am not the czar with all of Papa's responsibility over life and death, but in a few decades, I will be. I hope Papa continues to live for a long time. My Great Grandpapa's both died much too young. How will I measure up?

  We are going to Moscow. All of the czars have lead their armies from Moscow and Papa Czar will honor that tradition. God bless Russia.

  So much has happened so fast that I don’t even know what day it is really, only the year is certain in my head. I only know that it’s the heighth of the summer heat and hope that it is not the end of our peaceful way of life.

  Tonight I shall sleep with Joy next to me surrounded by all of my stuffed animals for comfort. Perhaps that's wimpy, but I sleep better that way. Tomorrow I shall be brave again and work on developing my body as well as my stamina. There’s enough evil that has happened for the day. I shall have time to absorb what has happened on the train ride to ancient Moscow and renew my energy while strengthening my backbone and resolve. Perhaps then, I will be able to predict what’s ahead for Russia.

  ? July 1914 - Waving paper fans in our hands and drinking ice cooled water, we continue our journey to Moscow in one of the Imperial trains. When things became unbearably boring, Mama reached in her large carpetbag which contains her needlework supplies and brought out tiny gifts for me to open which she wrapped to take the edge off of the monotony of traveling. I know that I am the most important child in Russia and perhaps the entire world since every year for my birthday and Christmas, I receive hundreds of gift from relatives, nobility and even from peasants.

  Once Papa received a tame mink which could do many tricks from an elderly couple and he let us play with the soft varmint. We children loved it and its antics for a few days, but wisely Papa let the old couple take it back to Siberia with them knowing that the wild creature would soon wear out its welcome and that it would be hard to supply the animal with fresh meat. Some gifts, like my elephant which eats several bales of hay daily and the Trojan horse are more trouble than they are worth.

  Mama not wanting to spoil me needlessly, doled out only a few of these gifts whenever circumstances called for them. Opening one now, I discovered a small round board covered in clear glass. A man's face had been drawn inside and it was covered with iron filings. Several magnets were included and could be placed below the picture to create beards, moustaches, and eyebrows on the face. Using these magnets which came with it, I shaped amusing goatees and facial hair on the portrait. Lambchop mutton sideburns were added until I made a caricature of my Great Uncle Nicholas. Papa who was riding beside us for a spell was enthralled with my art work. Anastasia and I took turns making the face resemble our father, various uncles and our bald dead grandpapa Alexander III whom I'd seen in pictures along with other members of the court and our family.

  Tiring of this game, I unwrapped a marvelous kaleidoscope which created fantastic colorful designs from pieces of broken colored glass when one turned the bottom of the device which was guaranteed to keep me quiet for at least ten minutes. What an amazing mechanism. I longed to take it apart and find out exactly how it worked, but Anastasia wouldn't let me saying:

  "Why must you break everything you touch, Alexei?" How clever people were who made such incredible devices. Papa and Mama enjoyed looking through it after I tired of the thing . Had it come from the hands of a German artisan I wondered who was also a magician? Anastasia viewed the fabulous designs and then the imp took one of her charcoal pencils and colored charcoal around the eye piece before handing it to Olga who was sitting with Auntie Annya reading poetry.. Everyone laughed out loud when fastidious Olga visited us with a blackened eye and wondered why we were all laughing. Impisch had done it again. Anastasia quickly snapped Olga's picture with her Kodak camera intent on gaining another picture to blackmail her sister with in the future.

  "Papa, perhaps we can send this portrait of Olga to a zookeeper in America who is looking for a bride who looks like a raccoon." Papa couldn't help but laugh. Olga was not the least bit amused.

  When I grew bored, I asked Mama to tell me about the day I was born which just happens to be my favorite story and one which I will never grow tired of hearing. She said that shortly before I was conceived, she'd made a special pilgrimage to a holy pool and bathed herself in the water three times knowing that its curative powers would help her become the mother of a male child.

  Mama had had six pregnancies, her first which she'd miscarried was be
lieved to have been a male. I always shudder when I hear about this; To think that I might have had a brother after all who would have been the czarovitch rather than me was something I often contemplated..

  Then Olga was born and Papa and Mama were so happy to have a healthy, lively baby. They took their first born to England to show her off to gangun, Queen Victoria who declared her a beautiful child despite her immense head.

  This always make me laugh when Mama tells about Olga's large head, because in her baby pictures, her head was gigantic in comparison to her tiny spindly body. Papa always interrupts at this time of the story exclaiming: "that's because her head is chockfull of brains"

  "And stubbornness." says Mama which always makes everyone, but Olga laugh out loud. Olga with her pale complexion always turns beet red, blushing charmingly.

  Then Mama had a second girl child and Papa was still thrilled knowing that Mama and he had plenty of time to have another child. They named her Tatiana and now Mama had two bebes to dress up and cherish. Mama was ecstatic to learn that she was again "enceinte" and prayed for a czarovitch. Her most important duty as a czarina was to bear a male who would become the next czar. Grandmama had criticized her for not