Diary of a Wimpy Czarovitch

by JG Hampton

isle of White as well as the one in Edinburgh?"

  It was hilarious. I know that I'm spoiled, but I can laugh at myself too. This is our best Christmas ever in my opinion despite or in spite of the war.

  Marie made boxes of lollipops in various flavors for each of us. Olga made red vests of wool piped in black to keep us warm throughout the rest of winter.

  Tatiana made crocheted purses for my sisters and mother and crocheted ear muffs for Papa and me which fit us perfectly.

  Mama gave us each another religious Icon to hang in our rooms to protect us throughout our lives along with new toothbrushes and underwear. She's always so practical in her giving it makes Olga laugh and vexes my extravagant Grandmama.

  Papa gave us each a silver nutcracker and a bag of nuts which we can enjoy while watching movies and newsreels from America and hand held miniature theaters which we hold in our hands. When tiny strips of film are threaded through the top and the toy is held up to a light source, it is like viewing a miniature movie. This fantastic toy from America has only recently been invented.

  Mama exclaimed joyously over our angel cards and homemade gifts. I'd bought small figures of baby Jesus and made small wooden crèches for all of my sisters. They loved them. Olga had crocheted Mama and my sisters lovely lacy beautiful gloves of Irish crochet. Tatiana had made braided chains for us from her long hair to use as watch fobs and Papa attached his gold pocket watch to it immediately. I opened a small pocket watch from Anastasia who had already given me a hair chain. I actually admire her handiwork knowing that it required incredible patience to produce.

  Marie had painted small porcelain doll figurines representing each of us to use in the hat box boudoir I'd made for Mama and which can ride on my fantastic carousel. Marie's dolls were exactly like us down to the dimples in our chins and the real hair on our heads. However, she had considerately left off the bent knee of the doll representing me for which I loved her all the more. She truly is angelic in her thoughts.

  Anastasia had been given a large four story doll house which I could tell she hated but said graciously: "Mama, I'm much too old too play with dolls and a doll house, but I will save it for my own children. Thank you."

  My sisters were as creative as my mother. My mother liked to give us perfumed soap which is something her gangun always had given to her brother and sisters, a practical and economical gift which they could use throughout the year.

  After Christmas dinner of roast beef and Yorkshire pudding like Mama always ate with Queen Victoria at her palaces, we opened crackers filled with small surprises before looking in our Christmas stockings.

  Then Papa took my sisters and I to Grandmama's Annitchkov palace. Mama as usual stayed home with Auntie Annya listening to Christmas carols on her phonograph. They both were anxious to read to each other their new books as they started new needlework projects.

  Grandmama loved the brooch I gave her which I knew she would since it was one of Faberge's creations. Papa's silver filigree and emerald ring looked marvelous on her well manicured finger as she exclaimed: "Queen Mary's eyes are going to pop out of her head when she sees the size of this stone. It's as large as my knuckle. But it is only one of my emerald baubles in my vast collection." said Grandmama positively purring with pleasure.

  Her other sons, Paul, Michael, and Georgy gave her emerald brooches which could be attached to her chains and pearl necklaces or worn in her hair. My sisters tried to show their excitement too, but Olga and Tatiana could not garner much excitement after serving in the hospitals. Material treasures mattered little to them in comparison to human feelings which were of lasting value.

  My sisters gave her a charm bracelet with a silver charm of each of their silhouettes engraved with their names and birthdates which she positively adored from Faberge's shop.

  "I'll have charms made representing all of my grandchildren along with their birthdates. It's just what a doting grandmother needs so that I never forget your birthdays." Grandmama never tired of receiving or giving jewelry. This Christmas she gave us all small R pins outlined in rubies for us to wear as keepsakes.

  "These pins are to help you all remember that you're Romanovs and that you must act like one. Wear them in good health my darlings and never forget your Grandmama who bore your fathers and mothers, Grandchildren doing her duty for Russia." said Grandmama with a touch of nostalgia.

  "For awhile I wondered if I'd ever see Paul again. It does a mother's heart good to be surrounded by her sons, daughters and grandchildren. Family meant everything to your Papa. How I miss him. He died much too soon." said Grandmama wistfully. "But tonight because of the return of loved ones from a far, we should celebrate. Grandmama toasted Paul with expensive champagne from her cellar saying: "To the Romanovs; long may they rule." Papa let Anastasia and I have a small sip. Grandmama and Papa downed the bubbly brew quickly. The older pair and Marie sipped their drinks since they were seldom allowed anything with alcohol, especially if Mama were near.

  Stuffing ourselves on salmon, baked potatoes and sour cream, asparagus with hollandaise sauce, white rolls, two courses of soup (one hot and one cold), pickles, and salads with three kinds of dressing, we ate until we almost exploded. Grandmama enjoyed her caviar, but Papa despises the black fish eggs. I tried a spoonful on a cracker, but almost gagged not liking the salty taste. Grandmama said sarcastically: "You don't know what's good for you, Alexei. That just leaves more for me."

  Red hot house flowers set in wicker sleighs adorned the center Grandmama's large dining room table which sat seventy five of us. Candles made from honeycombs scented the air adding to the pleasant atmosphere.

  A marvelous dessert of cream puffs shaped like a Christmas tree stuck together with caramel was served along with ice cream and various flavored ices. As I ate my third cream puff, the image of the starving boy I'd seen at the train station entered my mind's eye. This was my second gargantuan meal of the day.

  Conversation was scintillating mentioning favorite past Christmases, but perhaps more importantly, I remember what was not mentioned: Rasputin, the war, my Mama, and Olga's betrothals were taboo subjects. However, Grandmama said she enjoyed the angel cards Anastasia made although she scarcely glanced at it. Auntie Olga thought her care was exquisite and said: "Alexei and Anastasia, I'll cherish them always." She appreciated the mechanical pencils and the lead that we had given her.

  I performed a command performance at Papa's request playing the song I wrote for his birthday on my Balaiika which my grandmother had not heard and either had Uncle Paul and his brothers. I do believe that Grandmama was moved by my playing.

  Later, Auntie Olga, came back with us to attend our Russian Orthodox service at midnight. Truly, Christ is the light of the world. The candlelight ceremony touched me as never before. I must be growing up since I'm becoming sentimental.

  7 January 1916, 18 January 1916- Deserting soldiers continue to pour into Moscow and Petrograd clad in ill fitting uniforms. As I reread my diary last year, it hardly seems possible that my sisters were concerned about such a thing as a ball. So much has happened since then. So many soldiers have died. Papa has returned to Stavka. Kaiser Wilhelm and his armies have caused such death and destruction throughout the world. It is hard to imagine three cousins more different in temperament and demeanor: My gentle Papa, fierce Willy- intent on ruling the world, and conservative George. King George sent me a thank you note for my angel Christmas card. He too prays for peace on earth.

  11 January 1916 - 24 January 1916 - My lessons with my tutors have begun again. I am now reading Voltaire which I do not like. I prefer American heroes like Paul Revere who rode through town on a horse warning his people that the British were coming if I have to read history. Anastasia is in a tizzy because Grandmama did not take her with her on her travels.

  13 January 1916 - 24 January 1916 - I am having a bad spell since I tumbled down a staircase when our electricity went out and our elevator would not work. Mama is most concerned. My lessons have bee
n cancelled but she lets me read. I am reading more detective stories of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. My ash collection is quite large now. If only I could become a detective solving murder cases rather than the Czar of all the Russias. But Papa always wanted to be a gentleman farmer. As Countess Buxhoeveden says: "If wishes were fishes; we'd all have our fry." I would prefer to have a western barbecue. I read the diary of the Duke who visited the American West. I would like to roast a bison lathered in barbecue sauce. How would it taste? Instead Anastasia tells me that as the future czar, I should be eating yak.

  Uncle Ernie is still alive, but he fears that Hesse-Darmstadt will be absorbed into a larger province or disappear if Kaiser Wilhelm has his way or if the war is lost. Mama longs to see her relatives. Aunt Ella no longer visits and is so devout and longsuffering in her cloistered life, she makes us all feel like selfish heathens.

  17 February 1916, - 20 March 1916 - Aunt Ducky and Papa's Cousin Kyrill are causing headlines. Aunt Ducky is lavishly spending money on a new wardrobe. Mama is upset at the behavior of her brother's former wife. She feels that she and Kyrrill and their outrageous behavior are an embarrassment to the family and undermining all that Papa is trying to accomplish. My