Diary of a Wimpy Czarovitch
Page 40
our yaught, and Grandmama's yaught, had the people confiscated both of them? Would I ever stand on its teakwood deck again? Only God and the angels above knew, but I longed to see Grandmama and our yaught with its officers once more. Must I really sacrifice this much? Mama told me that sacrifice brought forth the blessings of Heaven.
30 July 1917 - 12 August 1917 - It's been a year since Rasputin disappeared forever and Mama and I went to our chapel and lit a candle for him. We both missed him but were comforted knowing that he still watched over us. Hadn't his bloody shirt helped me stop my bleeding that day? Surely he was in heaven now protecting us and praying for us as he did on earth. It disturbed me that the guards watched over us and listened to our prayers. I longed to speak my prayers vocally, but that night I whispered them privately. No one but God had a right to listen to my private thoughts and prayers.
I was actually relieved a little when I heard that Father Grigory's body had been burned by the guards and other revolutionaries, because now I would not be required to dig him up when I was an adult and gaze at his mortal remains again to see if he'd been preserved from corruption and been sanctified proving that he was a saint. That duty had now been taken from me..
Perhaps on the anniversary of his death, there would be a sign which would lead to our rescue. Cautiously, I opened my eyes and looked around the dark church. I knew that his son-in-law, Soloviev, had been earnestly working for our rescue. I hoped that he could be trusted and hadn't run off with the funds raised by the people on our behalf along with the money from the sale of some of Mama's jewels. Was he drinking the proceeds or gambling them away? For our sakes, I hoped not.
Why hadn't the rescue team made contact with any of us? Mama had sent a few letters out and a few had managed to come back to us and so had a few of Olga's letters, but why was there no response from Rasputin's in-law? We weren't that hard to reach having stayed put in our palace. Sophie Buxhoeveden was allowed to leave the palace and so was the count and M. Gilliard. Either one of them could have been contacted in the czar's village. The cook's boy might easily carry in a message, but nobody had been approached.
Mama's friendly guard was now even on our side and could have been bribed and used as a go-between. I honestly think that he would have risked his own life for Mama. Women from the village regularly brought us a few eggs and cream and performed labors as charwomen, because of our diminished staff. If there were rescuers, they weren't trying very hard.
Perhaps if I peered through the dark, I might see a message on the sacrament table. Was anything amiss that would alert me about our rescue? Not a sign was given, not even a chirping from a cricket and I went back sleepily to the palace and fell into bed.
31 July 1917 - 13 August 1917 - Prime Minister Kerensky was fighting increasingly with our palace guards. It was becoming obvious that there was a power struggle between them. They knew that something was up and the guards didn't want their former royal prey to escape. They watched us closely as if we were under a magnifying glass and provoked us to a greater degree. Mama tried to remain calm, but she was like a stick of nitroglycerin and she didn't have much of a fuse. Anything might set her off.
Something was bound to give as the pressure increased. Mama continued to pack under their very noses. I'm certain that some of them thought she was just doing her summer cleaning as the trunks were packed and sent away, especially when the guards followed some of the trunks and their contents were given away to the Polish peasants at the village near Tsarkoe Selo. Mama was still my ingenuous Mama and the bird dogs were led expertly off her trail. When the time came they had no idea that we were prepared to leave and that our bags had all been packed. Papa continued his wood chopping and afternoon walks with his aide, Prince Dolgorukov and Count B. chatted away with Papa as if nothing were wrong and they acted as if they had all the time in the world. I tried keeping the guards entertained and out of Mama's and my sister's hair by showing them new tricks which I taught Joy. She could now walk on her hind legs, dance and curtsy. If I had to earn my living in the cold cruel world, perhaps we could join the circus.
My sisters continued to cut up cabbage and placed it in vinegar in large crocks and then carried them down to the cellar. It appeared that we were storing away food for the winter, just like in the story about the ant and the grasshopper and that we had no intention of leaving.
2 August 1917 - 15 August 1917 - Tonight Papa and I, M. Gilliard and Prince D. set off all of the Chinese explosives stored in the basement down by the lake and we celebrated the summer birthdays: Papa's, Mama's, and Tatiana's. Would this be my parent's last celebration I wondered? Kerensky had warned all of us that all of the male Romanovs were in extreme danger.
Cook had saved all of the eggs, cream and sugar for two weeks and we had rich custard ice cream and peaches from some of our trees and a spice birthday cake lit with a hundred candles and decorated with white rolled marzipan roses.
The birthday celebrants closed their eyes and made a wish and then blew out all of the candles. For some reason, everyone started crying. But the gloomy moment passed when Anastasia pulled off her wig startling everyone into laughing again when they saw her spiky sprouting hair. Thank heavens for the imp. I'll love her forever for salvaging that moment in time. The desserts tasted so heavenly after our stark menu, I savored every tiny bite and we all had seconds. I wanted the party to go on forever. Even Mama stayed up past midnight and watched as Papa danced with his lovely daughters then Sophie B. and Auntie Annya who had finally been let out of the fortress, but not without an examination by a medical doctor who proved that she was still a virgin. Won't the newspapers have a field day with that information!
5 August 1917 - 18 August 1917 - I took my small sailboats and sailed them across the lake along with my small gas powered motorboats. Anastasia put on my water walkers and went for a little walk on the water helping me with my boats. The invention had been Leonardo DaVinci's, one that he used often collecting fish and bug specimens. My air filled devices were like large air filled pillows one could slip their feet into. My walkers had been given to me on my last birthday by a merchant before the fall of the Romanovs.
Mama had told me that I could only take a few of my favorite toys and it was difficult making the choice from my play rooms full of fascinating play things. I had to leave behind my large Steiff Teddy Bear and all of his clothing. Thank heavens I had my replacement miniature teddy bear and his clothes which was easy to pack. I had to say goodbye to my trains, rock collection, canons, catapults, fortresses, model cars, science laboratory, model car collection, hot air balloons and even my pet elephant. Leaving behind so many things was not easy, but I realized I would be taking the best with me: my four sisters and parents.
Anastasia and I rowed over to the children's island taking all of my toy soldiers including my Cossacks in their red jackets with their toy horses and dug a deep hole. After wrapping them up in the red flag with the yellow double headed Romanov eagles, I buried them.
Anastasia empathized with me patting me on the back. Then she and I both gave a final salute after I finished covering the grave with dirt. Mama wanted me to give them to the poor, but I wasn't willing to share my beloved soldiers with anyone else. I am not as high-minded as my mother.
Anastasia and my sisters had given away all of their dolls they'd saved from birthdays and Christmases past which they had wanted to keep for their own children. There were some two hundred including the replica ones of us in her doll house. Surely we Romanov children had more than other children, but that also meant that we had more to sacrifice. Would we ever see the Alexander Palace again? We were scheduled to depart on 13 August. Anastasia and I made farewell cards to Grandmama, Auntie Olga, Auntie Xenia and our cousins. After wrapping them in a waterproof yellow wader or boot, we put it in a jar of sauerkraut which the guards didn't go through because of the smell. I would have loved to see Auntie Olga's face when she saw my beautiful artwork. It was a painting of myself and fours sisters as merm
aids (one merman) swimming to safety across the ocean. It was my best work ever. The facial resemblances were uncanny.
8 August 1917 - 21 August 1917- We were allowed to take our dogs with us, but Mama's black terrier was too old and would remain with C. Benckendorff, who was too old to take also. Of course nobody mentioned this fact to him, but he must have known why he was not accompanying us. Sophie Buxhoeveden would be staying behind as well since she needed an operation. These two dear old people were dearer to me than grandparents and they had tended to my needs since I was born. How could I say goodbye to them?
Picking a bright berry from one of our mulberry bushes, I squashed it and pressed the juice on my lips and then kissed the farewell cards I had made for them. My lips remained on the inside of the cards with my messages. I'd drawn a self portrait and placed them in small frames for each of my honorary grandparents. Count B's message said: Thank you for never spanking me or cussing at me. I never heard a cross word pass your lips. When I think of a true gentleman, I always think of you. Love and kisses, Alexei Romanov, the Last Czarovitch
My message to Countess B said: