Love and Decay, Vol. Four

by Rachel Higginson

  But then again, Miguel and everyone else, living in that section of the city, had a relatively peaceful existence apart from the Feeders. Maybe Miguel would have been safer to stay back. Maybe we all would have been.

  At least Vaughan would still be healthy.

  Adela waited near Tomás. She didn’t have the bond with Vaughan that I did, but I was thankful that she was here to take care of us. While I managed the people in our group during this uncertain time, Adela had been managing our physical needs.

  She brought us food and water when it was time to eat. She announced bathing times and showed us how to wash our clothes using as little water as possible. She translated for Miguel and Tomás and she fetched anything Tyler thought she could use to heal Vaughan.

  Tomás could speak English when he wanted to, but he preferred using Adela.

  “Is he better?” Tomás asked in English.

  I shook my head and pursed my lips. We had decided not to tell Tomás that Vaughan’s illness started with a Zombie bite. We didn’t want to create mass panic because this highly armed group of concerned citizens thought there was a Feeder walking in their midst or get Vaughan shot for those exact same reasons.

  “No,” I told him honestly. “He’s alive… but not better.”

  Tomás’s forehead wrinkled with concern. I didn’t trust it… or him. My healthy skepticism had turned into a full blown obsessive cynicism and it was the very rare individual that could earn my trust these days.

  “Is he contagious?” Tomás pressed.

  There it was. The root of his concern. “No,” I answered confidently.

  Tomás’s gaze narrowed suspiciously. “How do you know?”

  “I just know,” I answered slowly. “His little sister had it a while ago and survived. It’s something they get.”

  Tomás did not believe me, but he didn’t push me either. I watched his face carefully as emotion flickered back and forth in his dark eyes.

  I thought back about my words and explanations and tried to figure out what Tomás’s guess was. I’d told him that Vaughan was very sick, but that it wasn’t contagious. What Tomás had decided Vaughan came down with was a mystery, but it was also something I didn’t press.

  I needed him to keep his distance, so if he was afraid to get too close to us, that was just fine with me.

  He switched to Spanish and Adela started to interpret. “There’s a situation,” she told me. “The Dead are attacking the back wall. Tomás would like some of your people to help fight them off.”

  I looked back at the cluster of Parkers, clinging together with tears in their eyes, their shoulders heavy with the weight of this latest burden, and frowned.

  We had stayed in a lot of places over the last few years where we relied on the hospitality of others to survive. We had always been up for fighting Zombies, for fighting any danger that threatened our latest sanctuary. We were generous with our weapons and our kills.

  But this was different.

  I could not ask those brothers to fight, when any of them could face the same fate as Vaughan. I could not add extra pressure to this family when they were so very close to shattering.

  Noticing my hesitation, Tomás started speaking quickly. Adela interpreted, “He says that he is happy for you to stay here until your friend recovers, but he requires this small thing.” She listened to him for a minute and her mouth pulled into a frown similar to mine. When she turned back to me, exasperation marked her expression. “He would like me to remind you that you eat his food and drink his water and that it is not too much to ask to help protect this place where you can get a good night’s sleep and your sick friend is out of danger.” She rolled her eyes and finished. “He wants me to remind you that he has been generous, but that he doesn’t have to be.”

  I let out a heavy sigh and nodded. He was right. We couldn’t expect to stay here for free. If the table were reversed, I would have my own expectations of him. There were too many Feeders in this city for anyone to shirk his duties.

  “Fine,” I relented. “I can spare two.”

  “No,” Tomás bit out, clearly understanding me. “Not two. That is not enough.”

  I sighed again. I hadn’t really expected him to go for that. But damn, I didn’t know who to ask. Maybe Miller?

  “I’ll go,” Harrison said from behind me.

  I jumped at his nearness before spinning around to face him. My hand flew to my chest and I willed my racing heart to slow down.

  “You scared the bejeezus out of me,” I hissed.

  He ignored me, looking over my shoulder and speaking only to Tomás, “I’ll go. “

  “I’ll go too,” King volunteered at his side.

  “No,” I said sternly before Tomás could accept their offer. “You’re in no condition to go out there. Just stay with your family. I’ll figure this out.”

  They shared a determined look. “Reagan, I’m going crazy,” Harrison argued. “I need to get out. I need to kill something.”

  I noticed his trembling hands and a pang of something maternal and loving sliced through me. “No way. You guys will get yourselves killed. Then where will be? Think about your brothers. They can’t take anything else right now.”

  King took a step forward and hit me with the truth. “Neither can we, Reagan. Seriously. I’m going slowly insane here. I need out. I need to get bloody. We’re going to help. You can’t stop us.”

  I wanted to retort by shoving my finger in their faces and snarling, “Oh, yes I can, mister. You march your rebellious butt right back over there and take a seat.” But I didn’t.

  For obvious reasons. One of them being that I wasn’t certifiably insane.

  I dropped my hands to my hips and let out a long sigh. My chest ached for Vaughan. I wanted him healthy and better, but I also needed him healthy and better so he could make this decision. This was his territory. This was what we all relied on him for.

  He picked the teams, but he also knew when to hold back. He had perfected the skill of sending Harrison and King into dangerous situations while keeping them at his side when he knew the threats were greater than others.

  I didn’t want this responsibility.

  And I didn’t want the guilt and heartache when everything went wrong.

  “Reagan,” Harrison pleaded. “Let us feel like we can get justice for what happened to Vaughan. Let us end this Apocalypse one Feeder at a time.” He hit me with huge puppy dog eyes and I felt myself caving.

  Damn him and those big Parker blues.

  “They need help, Reagan,” Adela added. “If Harrison and King are willing…” She trailed off when my glare threatened to set her on fire.

  “Listen to the men,” Tomás grinned. “They’re young. They’re fit. They need to kill, yes?” His waggling eyebrows reminded me so much of his cousin, Diego. I wiped a hand over my mouth to hide my small smile.

  “Fine,” I relented. “You can go. But, don’t go back over there. Wait here. I’ll… explain what’s going on to Hendrix.”

  “He’s going to want to come.” Harrison looked at me with those intense eyes again and I read his unsaid words. Hendrix would want to come, but he shouldn’t.

  He wasn’t in any shape to leave Vaughan’s side.

  I nodded. I didn’t want him to fight either. But, Hendrix had never been a good listener when it came to me and danger.

  And since he was usually saving my ass, I didn’t mind.

  Walking back to Hendrix, I felt the stifling atmosphere that surrounded Vaughan and his sick bed. I hadn’t realized how liberating those few moments with Tomás had been.

  It wasn’t that I wanted to be anywhere else but with these people I loved, but I did recognize the need for a break. Harrison and King had been right. They needed air, they needed space.

  They probably, seriously, needed to kill something to feel like they had control again after their lives had been completely turned upside down.

  This was one of those boys will be boys moments I ha
d to let be. I would go with them and make sure they lived through it, but I wasn’t their mother. They were old enough to make their own decisions and take care of themselves.

  I stood behind Hendrix and rested my hands on his shoulders. I pressed my fingers into his tense muscle and massaged gently. He groaned with approval and the sound was so deep and masculine I forgot everything I’d come over here for.

  We had been committed to each other for days now and we’d yet to find any alone time to… celebrate.

  Vaughan was seriously messing up my mission to consummate.

  I leaned down and trailed kisses over Hendrix’s temple and earlobe. I hoped that if I could sweeten him up just a bit, help him relax some, he might not be so resistant to my suggestions.

  His hands wrapped around my wrists and held me close to him. I felt the intensity in his touch, the sorrow that weighed down his entire body.

  “Hey,” I murmured against his cheek.

  “Hey,” he rasped. “What did Tomás want?”

  Slowly and savoring, I kissed him again on the jaw. “There’s a small commotion outside. He needs some of our group to help handle it.”

  I expected him to jump to action or tense or be angry or something! But he barely twitched. “Tell, Tomás we don’t have anyone we can spare right now. He’ll understand.”

  Shit.

  “Um, actually, he really needs us. His people are tapped out and they could use our extra ammo.”

  “Then tell him he’s welcome to our weapons.”

  “I think I’ll just go with him.” I slid my hands down his chest and pulled him more into an embrace. His fingers curled around my arms as if he planned to physically restrain me from leaving.

  “Not happening,” he growled. And it was as simple as that.

  Only I wasn’t finished.

  “Harrison and King want to go too. They need to stretch their legs.” I hesitated for just a second before soldiering on, “I think I could stretch my legs too, actually. I need some fresh air and I-”

  I could feel his determination rising. “Reagan, there is not a chance in hell any of you are leaving this room. You need to understand that right now.”

  “I’ll go!” Haley shot up in her seat and slid to the edge. “I, uh, I need to shake out some of this rust. I’ll go too.”

  “No,” Nelson disagreed. Only his one word held the weight of a planet. It was one of those non-negotiable declarations that made me nervous for my friend.

  But it was too late. She’d all but dropped Lennon in Nelson’s confused arms and hopped out of his reach. She swooped down, under the pew closest to her and strapped weapons to her body with scary speed.

  “I can’t sit here for another second,” Haley announced. “I’m going stir crazy. And I need a break from the baby.”

  Nelson blinked at her. “You need a break from the baby, so you’re going to go kill Zombies?”

  I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing at Nelson’s dry tone.

  Haley was undeterred by his sharp sarcasm. “Yes,” she nodded. “I haven’t killed anything in way too long. I can’t live like this. I can’t let all of my hard-earned skill go to waste.”

  “What about Lennon?” Nelson asked, completely baffled by her behavior.

  “I’m doing this for Lennon,” she told him. “Nelson, I can’t forget how to fight… how to protect him. I have to stay alert and deadly or he dies. We die.” She paused to give Nelson a chance to respond, but he watched her silently, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “It’s small, right Reagan? It’s not a big deal.”

  Nelson’s fierce glare swung to me. I held my thumb and pointer finger up in the universal gesture for small. “Tiny.”

  “We’ll be fine,” Haley assured everyone. “Reagan and I survived two years on our own. We’re like Cagney and Lacey.”

  “We’re like Will Smith and Martin Lawrence in Bad Boys. We’re so badass together. It’s unreal. Honestly. It’s… crazy.” I tried to sound as confident as my words made me out to be, but I wasn’t fooling anyone.

  “When we found you two, you were seconds from getting eaten,” Hendrix reminded us.

  “Over eyeliner,” Nelson put in unhelpfully.

  Haley and I shared a look and tried not to laugh. “Look how much we’ve grown!” She threw her arms wide and squared her shoulders. “We haven’t risked our lives over eyeliner in like…”

  “Months,” I finished for her. “I mean, years… A year. One whole year. Or maybe a little less. But you get the idea. That was the one and only time we ever risked our lives over eyeliner.”

  “One of the only times we risked our lives over eyeliner,” Haley clarified.

  Hendrix looked helplessly at his brother. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I don’t think we have a choice here.”

  Nelson shook his head in disbelief. “She’s a new mother. I mean, I get an opinion, right?”

  I grabbed onto Nelson’s point and spun it in our favor. “She is a new mother! That’s why she needs to go. No one will keep a better eye on Harrison and King than Haley! She has hormones and maternal instincts by the gallons! She could out-mother a bear right now.”

  Hendrix’s attention returned to me and with not even a hint of humor he said, “I can honestly say that I have never heard that expression before.”

  “Because mama bear. Get it? Because she’s mama bear.”

  Hendrix stared at me.

  “Oh, my god! Let them go!” Tyler snarled. “Please, let them go. They’re driving me bananas!”

  As if he agreed, Tomás reappeared and called, “Reagan, vámanos!”

  Nelson looked at his wife and resigned himself to her willful nature. “Whatever you do, please don’t lose a boob. Lennon needs those.”

  She grinned at him. “Keep the boobs at all costs. Got it.”

  Hendrix looked back at me. “You too. Your boobs are your top priorities.”

  Surprised laughter bubbled out of me. “I love you,” I told him, stepping close to him again.

  “Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled. “You love me, but not enough to do whatever I say.”

  I wrapped my arms around his neck again and licked his earlobe playfully. “You like my independence. Secretly you find it sexy.”

  His hands drifted over my forearms before clutching them tightly. “I find everything about you sexy. One day soon, I’ll show you just how much.” The teasing and humor dropped from his voice when he said, “If it’s more than a small fight, you get back in here, you get back to my side. If there’s a hint of danger, you get back in here. Do not lose King or Harrison for even a second. Do not let them do something stupid. Do not let Haley out of your sight…” he trailed off, but then seemed to think better of the whole thing. He pulled away from me and jumped to his feet. “Screw this, Reagan. I’m going with you.”

  I slammed my hands on his chest and held strong. “Stop. Right there. Stay with your brother. Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

  He glanced back at Vaughan and I watched him flinch with indecision. “Reagan…”

  “He needs you, Hendrix.” I dropped my voice to a whisper, “Your sister needs you. This is a small thing. Trust me to handle it.”

  “But, I can’t just let you-”

  I looked into his beautiful blue eyes and promised, “You can.”

  “You’re supposed to stay by my side.”

  I smiled gently. “I’m always by your side. I’ll never leave your side again.”

  His expression crumbled with resignation. He didn’t really have a choice in this, but I needed his support. I wouldn’t be the same out there without it.

  He tilted his chin toward Tomás. “Go, then. But don’t be gone long.”

  My smile turned into a grin and I kissed him fully on the mouth. “We’ll be right back. All of us will be right back.”

  He kissed me quickly, passionately, with so much force and intention I staggered away wearing a blush. “I love you,” he swore.

 
“I love you too.” Then I bent down to tuck weapons into all of the places they would stay and keep. When I finally joined Tomás, Haley, King and Harrison in the hallway, they were as equally armored as I was.

  The rush of adrenaline heated my blood and my fingers tingled with the sick anticipation of future kills. Harrison had been on to something when he said he needed to kill something.

  I felt it too. I felt it in my gut, deep in my bones.

  “Vámanos, Tomás,” I ordered.

  Chapter Two

  Guns in hand and more tucked away in every secure crevice of our bodies, Haley and I followed Tomás to the back of the church. A group of armed men waited for us at a cluster of backdoors.

  “Are you sure you’re up for this, Hales? You don’t have anything to prove. We can handle this without you. You should go back… take it easy or something.” I couldn’t shake my worry for Lennon. What kind of friend was I to let Haley leave her new baby behind? I felt nauseas with concern.

  “Reagan, I can’t sit back any longer. I had months of taking it easy. I’m so over taking it easy!” She ran a frustrated hand over her face and dropped her voice to a whisper. “I cannot let Nelson do all of our fighting. Eventually… I know what kind of world I brought Lennon into. If I lose this,” she waved a shaking hand at her body. “How long will I survive? How long will I be able to keep Lennon alive?” She cleared her throat and blinked away tears. “What happened to Vaughan could happen to any of us, okay? God forbid it happen to Nelson, but if he’s the only one fighting to protect our family, then it’s only a matter of time. I have to get back into shape and find my inner-killer again. I have to protect my family.”

  Emotion clogged my throat. I knew exactly what she was saying. “You know you have a family protecting your family, right? We’re all here. We’re not going to leave you.”

  She shook her head. “I refuse to be the weak link. Lennon is enough of a burden already. I can’t add to that.”

  “He’s not a burden,” I whispered fiercely.

  “He is,” Haley insisted. “He’s a blessing. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me. But he’s also an extra burden.”