by Tuttle, Dan;
through wilderness to settle widening plots.
The jade and bronze from Sanxingdui revealed
our core beliefs ’bout where we came from wrong!
The archaeology left in those fields
could also shift where we think we’ve belonged:
it’s recognized as having been a nest
of culture for four thousand years. To veil
it would leave permanently unassessed
what may be some material detail
about our lineage. With truth unknown,
respectfully I’d say you should postpone.”
CHAPTER 13
231.
The rhythm of the term returned once break
wrapped up. To see the countryside as foil
and have a chance to circumnavigate
the province, touching tree and creek and soil
relieved some pressure Stel and Abu felt
that urban life was clipping wings they prized.
And so it was a blow to Stella dealt
when she walked in on Abu unadvised
and heard him speaking to himself, as if
gone proper mad! Yet further, it was in
Chinese! “My friend, you’ve fallen off the cliff,”
she said, her laughter startling him. She grinned.
“Oh dada, I’m just doing what they’ve asked
and memorizing paragraphs. The task
232.
was kinda dumb for both the first two hours
but then I guess it sank in more and more.
I’ve memorized new structures, each empowers
me little bits to speak.” “You do abhor
to make mistakes,” Stel offered. “That’s just it!
I’m only open to a sentence when
I know the grammar’s liable to fit.
I study rules, fail, do it all again
and still can’t drill them in my head. So why
not follow Teacher Yan’s example to
commit to them instead? Subconscious ties
inputs together smartly. He’s accrued
a thousand perfect sentences without
immersion, all because his will’s devout.”
233.
“You’re more than will!” Stel countered. “Just recall
those early days of marveling at bugs
and grasses, ferns, and fauna, or nightfall
that time we took you from your home then trudged
through forest’s wolfish gauntlet. Your fireflies
collected in that jar brought us the light
to find a place of safety till sunrise.
Our fun was simply poking stuff. Despite
the fact that we’re ahead now, freed from that,
I’m feeling something lost along the way.”
“That fun was then,” Abu said, face still flat,
“we’re here because they want us everyday
to study like we’ll be important soon.”
“I’m out if soon’s much past this afternoon.”
234.
Stel didn’t often quarrel verbally
and didn’t know what made her turn that phrase,
perhaps chrysanthemums in herbal tea
intoxicated with relieved brain haze.
She hadn’t realized her testiness
and so, oblivious, continued on:
“I’m out regardless! I’m depressed with this
repeat refrain of yours, one thin view drawn
from culture, parents, airwaves – I don’t know –
that all you’re meant to do is better than
the next guy, climbing, climbing toward the dough,
the recognition. That’s what makes the man?
To care about what other people think
Lao Tzu said locks us up inside their clink.”
235.
“I’m prisoner of something,” Abu laughed,
“and probably of this room first, foremost.”
“You’ve put ten hours in. Yes! You’re overstaffed
on tasks that oughtn’t leave you so engrossed.
You’re memorizing paragraphs! Is there
a bigger academic waste of time?”
Fatigue had let his guard down: “Guess my lair
has grown a little stale.” “Let’s break,” Stel chimed,
and so they put on shoes and collared BLING
to head on walk to Qingyang Palace, Green
Ram Temple, built in reign of old Zhou kings.
Millennia’d since passed, grounds overseen
by Taoists. Tourists went there now. Some monks
from Two Immortals Monastery slunk
236.
across the grounds to points unknown, their tasks
both steps and whole of following the Way.
Ascetic business there still clung to past,
traditions that the years could not decay.
Stel gazed up at the trees stretched overhead,
and thought of generations they’d lent shade,
of thousand birds for which they’d been homestead,
of million thoughts aired in their colonnade.
Abu gazed straight at pillars bearing roofs,
and thought of weight of history each bore,
of texts old monks beneath them mulled, aloof,
symbolic duties that they underscored.
BLING sniffed discarded sunflower husks for meat
forgotten for some morsels left to eat.
237.
They chose this place because it offered green
and peace in equal measure, even crowds
adopted tranquil ways inside. Gate’s clean,
tall running-script calligraphy avowed
that balance lay therein, for all to find.
An acolyte was circulating ’round
the courtyard, gifting out to humankind
some quotes philosophy held as profound:
a set of teachings from Lao Tzu. His texts
were braids of truth and mystery, ripe for
ten reinterpretations. Look perplexed,
Abu reviewed the pamphlet. “Useful, or
another propaganda piece?” Stel asked.
“It’s nothing if not full of deft contrast,”
238.
replied Abu, who scanned translations to
see if he could pick up more vocab. Stel
preferred to read the quotes for Teacher’s clues
about how life works, so she then compelled
Abu to hand it over. “When content
to simply be yourself and don’t compare,”
she read aloud while pacing down cement,
“then everyone will so respect you.” “Fair,
but half the pamphlet’s contradictory,”
Abu said, “He who conquers others strong,”
he quoted in entendre victory,
“yet he who conquers self is mighty.” Gong
announced a ceremony past the walls
ringfencing tourists. “That’s the thing that calls
239.
me, wanting to be strong and mighty both.”
“I don’t think that’s what Lao Tzu’s trying to say,”
said Stel. “Well, so the little paper quoth!”
retorted her companion. “Taoist Way
is found by choosing wisely. Read right here:
‘to know another is intelligence,
to know yourself true wisdom’. Pamphleteer
wrote up two options, both with relevance,
so you could choose between the goals. It goes,
‘to master others gains you strength’, then gives
a better choice: ‘to master self bestows
true power’.” “No, it’s through others we’ll outlive
our body, bones, and brain. We rise above
our deaths through reputation, stories of
240.
the things we�
�ve done in life, both big and small.
I told you that my family’s legacy –
before our move to Africa – enthralled.
And carried on our stories’ legs, we’d be
regarded royally from place to place.
Red carpets rolled out just because some thought
my granddad’s nod had the power to erase
a bad host’s social standing! I was taught
that eminence was in itself the ends,
and that once having it you’d have the means
for anything and everything.” Naught rends
the heart, thought Stel, like best friend coming clean
that actually his purpose every day’s
to climb so high that folks beneath obey.
241.
“So that’s why you’ve forgotten me,” said she,
gaze cast toward feet, deflated, quietly,
“my social ladder rung’s below your knee
now that you’re climbing up.” A sigh let free.
“Outside of Fan it’s like you chose to meld
into your textbooks, that’s your only fight.
You’ve shunned adventure’s spirit. Now it’s spelled
so clearly why, I see I lack the might
to help you get ahead. So why waste breath,
and dawdle on these silly walks with Stel,
or eat jiānbing with her? They won’t cheat death,
won’t generate the stories you can sell.
No. You’ve revised our friendship. I lack sway.
You search for gold, I’ve wrong friend dossier.”
242.
Her eyes welled up. “So much for Pioneers…
At least I got the Afro-Asia right
and guess it took us past the biomes peers
will ever get to see.” Aphasia’s bite
stunned Stel. She’d trekked to Ab’s first night on hunch
that doodled boat meant wished skedaddle loomed
in mind, the same desire to somehow crunch
the vast globe down to size they could consume
in single, zealous go, ditch status quo
of generation that was theirs. She’d been
expecting her adventure peer to grow,
myopically projecting him as twin.
Such hope for sameness was far too sublime:
compatibility can change with time.
243.
“It’s like you think intention’s good enough,”
Abu retorted. “It can get you far,
but up until you’re in command of stuff
you’re always at the whim of those who are.”
He looked her in the eye. “I’m here to make
a fortune to unlock the future you’ve
been pining for in daydreams. Well, awake
and see it takes some grit if you’re to move
from lowest social rung. They love to kick
you back and watch you fall. You know as much.
That Xue Tao poem you like, ‘Moon’, shares the trick:
be but a slender shadow now, till such
times come so as to be seen everywhere
in fullness you’ve long known, then oh, they’ll stare!”
244.
“Well if you’re going to bastardize the poem
at least pay it the honor of some thought:
you’re arrogantly thinking—” “Let’s go home—”
“Hold on! I’m not done yet. If you’re moon, ought
you drift somewhere away from Earth? To be
out showing off your fullness you’d be left
detached from all these folks you want as plebes,
you’d win the game by stretching widest cleft
you could from fellow humans.” “Shut up, Stel!”
exclaimed Abu, “I just was trying to use
a thing you knew so that you’d get it. Hell,
I wasn’t trying to start another goose
chase quarrel ’bout approach. Just let me be
the self that brought me here to China. Please.”
245.
With turnabout they turned around, to walk
back through the cultured grounds to Way-ward gate,
where single step’s departure brought the hawks
whose hawked wares grounded mind in life postdate
simplicity of monks’ upkeep. The goods
were manifold in shape and color, size,
each held a tiny bit of livelihood
for shopkeep, poverty left undisguised.
The tchotchkes thrust at them for ‘best friend price’
revolted for their uselessness, but too
enticed as way to give back, as device
to spin cash carousel with revenue
and keep our feral economic ride
at breakneck, safe from discontents’ shanghai.
246.
Initial entry hawker gauntlet had
not struck Stel. Coming from Chengdu streets, it
was baseline commerce pace among comrades.
Once inside monastery, then peace fits.
But life repressurized at exit: Stel
saw beggars wanting alms, who followed close;
bold hawkers reached out, grabbed, and joshed, and yelled;
in gold each singlemindedly engrossed.
Yet who was she to judge them? She’d escaped
poor station of her childhood neighborhood,
had chance to quench own lucre thirst till slaked.
Revolting? Yes. But too, she understood:
had she wound back the clock to choose again
she would have pawned the ring to businessmen.
247.
Back home Abu retired to language tapes,
while Stella curled with BLING in bed and wept.
She had no other way to stage escape
than burrowing in plush fur while BLING slept.
Unsettling her were crossed paths toward power’s grasp,
approaches unarticulated that
in momentary flashes she’d try clasp
without success. Soon Ai came for chitchat
and saw that things were wrong, so offered to
take Stel with dog to favorite river park.
Fear sourness would make her scoffer, few
strong words were shared by Stella. Ai remarked
on this-and-that occasion’ly to still
discomfort, trying to exude goodwill.
248.
“I talk with bābā, māmā after trip,”
Ai said, “you make me think of questions that
I do not think before.” The sidewalk slipped
from following the street toward river. Gnats
stirred up from water’s surface swarmed their heads
and left both swatting clear their breathing air.
“Well, what about?” asked Stel, to pick up threads
of conversation not of own affairs.
“I think that maybe what my father say
about each person need to do good for
our China is for best, but other way
are also good.” “What made you doubt before?”
asked Stel. “Dad say there’s lots Chinese must do
and it’s a duty that I born into.”
249.
“It might be,” Stella said, “but where we’re born
is merely starting place for who we are,”
reflecting on her childhood in the corn,
abandonment, neglect, their psychic scars.
“You see my country differently,” Ai claimed,
“you ask about the history, ask why.”
She paused to fit words to her thoughts unnamed,
then went on. “Listen I to how you try
to know past China and my China now
remind me of some pride I have for what
ancestors made, their culture.” “So fact Mao
destroyed
so much must hit you in the gut.
That guide your duty? Make cash, keep mouths fed
so stomach’s needs move north toward heart and head?”
250.
“My mom see more that is to do to make
a better life for women. This is not
the thing my dad can see. He think of lake
and road and infrastructure.” “Megawatts
are needed to enable how you live.
Where I grew up, that electricity
was nowhere near,” said Stel, contemplative,
aware of mild affirmed complicity
with mindset Jiang and Abu held. “I see
two needs, both good, I do not see before.
Help self-define, help too economy,”
Ai said, revealing neither’d be ignored
to build ideal societies. Ai’d freed
Confucian self from judging maverick breed.
251.
Like water on a desert hardpan sits,
Ai’s revelation pooled on Stella’s skull,
not percolating through to brainy bits
where normally sagacity was mulled.
Had Stella dozen years more under belt,
or alternately angels watched the scene,
they’d wisely worry that the cards life dealt
would in the future drive a wedge between
Ai she defined and sought to be and Ai
the pressures of society would mold—
for even best intentions’ great supply,
augmented with both station and with gold,
can bend and fold and break beneath the weight
of expectations ‘they’ covertly state.
252.
But as it was, with youth in fullest bloom,
precocious and perceptive as she be,
Stel failed to recognize they weren’t immune
to spice of life, to Fates’ own potpourri.
She didn’t know Ai’s pedigree forbade
her heart-led superego shown just then
from overriding gendered, quite man-made
requirement Ai’d be bland as mannequin
were she to try to climb the Party ranks
and follow in her father’s footsteps. There
weren’t any ways for women to outflank
conforming orthodoxy till they’d share
more seats of power and so rewrite the rites.
Naïvely, Ai still glowed with self-delight.
253.
Ai’s present views had been defined by past,
at least ‘past’ version she’d been told. Compared
to Stella’s, they struck obvious contrast:
compliance over independence. There’d
be no more heavy topics for a while,
Ai having maxed her energy to share
and Stel still mulling Abu’s mercantile
desire to climb to rank of billionaire.
