by Abby Green
‘It was lovely, thank you.’
He leaned forward. ‘I want you to feel valued, Leo. You’re not just a pawn. We both grew up knowing we bore a responsibility that most people don’t. Our privilege isn’t something we got to choose. But I’m glad that I bear this responsibility with you. I think we can be happy together.’
A chill breeze skated across Leonora’s skin and she shivered slightly. Gabriel’s words circled in her head sickeningly. ‘I think we can be happy together’. Lazaro had said almost exactly the same words just before the engagement announcement.
The truth was no matter what Gabriel said, or how many assurances he provided, she was just a pawn. But then, as he pointed out, so was he in many ways. They were both pawns. Somehow that didn’t give her much comfort.
It was clear now that today hadn’t really been born of a spontaneous desire to spend time with her. It had been a calculated move to make her feel valued. Wanted. Desired. Maybe he hadn’t planned that explosive interlude back at the hotel, but all that confirmed was that they wanted each other.
Leonora cursed herself for being so sensitive. She had to develop a thicker skin if she was going to survive in Gabriel’s world. The fact that she felt a growing intimacy with him beyond the bedroom—worse, a growing friendship—was all just an illusion. Gabriel was looking on her as an investment to nurture.
Leonora pasted on the brightest smile she could. ‘I think we can be happy too.’
Gabriel smiled approvingly.
This was her life now and she had to come to terms with it. To want more... Well, that was just foolish.
In a bid to deflect Gabriel’s attention, because he saw too much, Leonora said, ‘So, tell me about this bid you’re involved in...’
* * *
Ten days after they’d returned from Paris, Gabriel was at the public bid for the market space. A project he’d been working on for over a year.
For a man who wasn’t used to being unsure of outcomes, he didn’t like to admit that the bid might very well go Lazaro Sanchez’s way. The man had come up with a decent plan. A plan that Gabriel could grudgingly respect even if he didn’t agree with all of it.
But for the first time in his life the prospect of losing to someone else wasn’t his main concern. Something else was distracting him and taking precedence over the bid. Leonora.
Things had been slightly off ever since Paris, and Gabriel couldn’t figure it out.
That Sunday they’d spent together had been one of the most enjoyable days Gabriel could remember in a long time. He didn’t have close confidantes. He’d always trodden his own path and had learnt very early on not to trust people. Women or business peers. Everyone wanted a piece of him or to best him.
But he trusted Leonora. Enjoyed spending time with her. Wanted to spend time with her. He never would have taken a day off like that before. It had been years since he’d taken the Métro or just wandered around a museum.
But when they’d returned to their suite after dinner on the Sunday night she’d been slightly withdrawn. He’d taken a call, and by the time he’d gone to bed she was asleep. The first night they hadn’t made love since they were married.
And then, this week, he’d been busy preparing for the bid, and each night when he’d come back to the castillo she’d been in bed, asleep. So he’d hardly seen her. Or touched her. He could feel his hunger for her gnawing away inside him and she should be here by his side today, but she wasn’t.
She’d been pale this morning—out of sorts. She’d said something about period pains and had assured him she just needed to rest. So he’d left her behind.
He’d found to his surprise that the evidence that she wasn’t pregnant had made him feel conflicting things. Because, as much as he knew he had to have children, he was aware that it was too soon. He wanted more time with Leonora. Alone.
And yet they weren’t using protection, so if she wasn’t pregnant this month the likelihood was that it would happen very soon. Unless they made a decision to wait for a while, which would go against one of the reasons for this marriage: to have heirs. To continue the family legacy.
This revelation was disconcerting and it made him feel off-centre.
There was a movement in his peripheral vision and he saw Lazaro Sanchez walk over to where his wife had just arrived. Her bright red hair was distinctive. And the small bump of her pregnant belly.
He had to concede that she was not the kind of woman he would have expected Sanchez to go for. She looked...nice. Kind. She was smiling, and he could see from here that it was genuine. Warm. Leonora had a similar quality but she was more reserved.
Leonora.
He took out his phone and sent her a quick text, asking how she was.
She replied almost instantly.
Feeling okay, thanks. Good luck with the bid. Sorry I’m not there with you. x
To his surprise, that small ‘x’ impacted him in his gut, taking his breath for a moment.
Someone approached him. ‘Señor Torres? It’s time.’
Gabriel saw Sanchez moving towards the stage and knew he couldn’t afford to lose focus now. Sanchez was married, having a baby. Gabriel was also married, and even if Leonora wasn’t pregnant now, she would be soon.
There was a lot riding on every decision Gabriel made now. His responsibilities and his legacy were growing exponentially and he wasn’t going to let anything distract from that. Not now, not ever.
* * *
When Gabriel returned home from the public bid he was met by Ernesto, who looked anxious. ‘It’s Leonora, sir, she hasn’t left the bedroom. She tells me she’s all right, but I’m concerned.’
Immediately all thoughts of the bid and the brief altercation he’d had with Lazaro Sanchez afterwards left Gabriel’s mind. He looked at his watch. It was early evening. That meant she’d been in bed all day with these pains. Surely this was not a usual menstrual problem?
He took the stairs two at a time to their bedroom and opened the door. Leonora was just a shape under the covers and he went over, his gut clenching with concern. She turned over and he could see even before he reached her that she was pale.
He sat down and automatically put a hand to her brow. It was clammy. ‘What is it? Is this a regular occurrence?’
She shook her head, dark hair slipping over one shoulder. Her cheekbones stood out starkly. She was clearly in pain.
‘Not every month. Some are worse than others. I have a history of bad cramps. They usually pass within a couple of days. How did the bid go?’
He waved a hand, dismissing that and asked, ‘Have you ever seen a doctor about this?’
She nodded. ‘When I was younger. He told me it was mild endometriosis.’
She tried to sit up and winced, sucking in a breath.
Gabriel made a split-second decision, pulling out his phone.
* * *
Leonora heard him, and went even more ashen. When he’d terminated the call she said, ‘Hospital really isn’t necessary, Gabriel. I just need to take some more painkillers and I’ll be feeling much better by morning.’
Gabriel stood up and said tautly, ‘We’re not debating this, Leo. You need to get checked.’
Leonora was in too much pain to argue with Gabriel, much as she’d have liked to. She couldn’t deny that she was a little freaked out herself, because this month her cramps seemed even more acute than normal.
She got out of bed slowly, trying not to show how much of an effort it took. Gabriel found some shoes and laid them by the bed. As she stood up a wave of dizziness hit her.
Immediately Gabriel was scooping her up into his arms and Leonora realised she was too weak to argue. Most likely from not having eaten all day.
She tried to protest, but he was already out of the room and down the stairs, walking into the main hall, saying something to Ernesto, who leapt to
attention, opening the passenger door of Gabriel’s car.
Gabriel put her in as carefully as if she was made of fine bone china.
She said, ‘Really, there’s no need for this...’ But he didn’t listen to her, strapping her in and closing the door.
Leonora kept her mouth shut as Gabriel drove into the city and stopped on the forecourt of a hospital. People were there to greet them and Leonora was embarrassed—until a wave of pain from her abdomen made her grit her teeth.
An orderly appeared at her door with a wheelchair for her to sit in, and suddenly she was glad that they were there. Because this was definitely not normal any more.
The following few hours became a blur as she underwent a series of tests. There was a lull while they waited for the doctor to return with some results. Wanting to divert her mind from all sorts of scary possibilities, she asked Gabriel about the bid again.
He turned around from where he was standing at the window, hands in his pockets. His tie was pulled loose, the top button of his shirt open, jacket off and thrown on a chair. His hair was mussed because he’d been running a hand through it.
He said, ‘We won’t know for at least another month. The two bids have gone on public display at City Hall and the public now has a chance to see both sets of plans and to vote for their favourite. Their vote, together with the city councillors, will decide who gets the commission.’
‘Was Lazaro there?’
Gabriel’s expression darkened. He nodded. ‘Yes—and his wife.’
Leonora plucked at the sheet, feeling guilty. ‘I’m sorry again that I wasn’t there.’
After all, wasn’t that her role now? To be by her husband’s side to show support? Lazaro’s wife might not have the right name or lineage, but she appeared to be fulfilling her brief far better than Leonora was—on every level.
Gabriel shook his head and came and sat on the end of the bed. ‘Don’t be silly. It really wasn’t that important.’
‘But you’ve been working on it for a year and you hate Lazaro.’
Gabriel stood up, hands dug deep in his pockets again. His jaw was tense. ‘I don’t hate Sanchez...but he winds me up like no one else.’
Leonora squinted at him. ‘Are you sure you’re not related?’
Gabriel made a face, but before he could respond the doctor arrived in the room.
He looked at Gabriel. ‘You should go home for the night, Señor Torres. I’m afraid we’ll have to do more tests in the morning before we’ll be able to give you any conclusive results.’
A sense of dread filled Leonora and she forced herself to ask, ‘What do you think it is?’
The doctor looked at her, and she could see the gravity of his expression. ‘I’m sorry to say, my dear, that your endometriosis is no longer mild, and probably hasn’t been for some time. It appears to be extensive and acute. The fact that your symptoms haven’t necessarily been severe up until now is atypical. But every woman with this condition is different. We’ll know more tomorrow, when we conclude the tests. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more right now.’
A week later
A kindly voice came from a great distance. ‘How are you feeling, Leonora?’
She knew it wasn’t Gabriel. It was too kindly and he called her Leo.
She struggled to open her eyes, feeling the huge effort it took. When she opened them she shut them again quickly. It was too bright. She was aware of pain...dull, down low...in her abdomen.
There was something pressing on her mind—something urgent—but she knew she didn’t want to think about it.
She managed to croak out, ‘Thirsty...’
Whoever was there held her head up and pressed something to her lips. A straw.
The kind voice said, ‘Drink, Leonora, you’ll be feeling better soon.’
But she knew she wouldn’t be.
Before she could figure out why, she slipped back down into the dark, comforting place.
* * *
‘How are you feeling, Leo?’
Gabriel. She knew it was him because she’d been feigning sleep since he’d come into the room, like a coward. But she couldn’t keep hiding.
She opened her eyes and blinked in the light.
He looked huge, standing at the end of the bed. Worried. There was stubble on his jaw. For a moment emotion threatened to overwhelm her but she pushed it down. She remembered everything now. She had done as soon as she’d woken properly from the anaesthetic, two days ago.
He said, ‘The doctor said you can come home today. But there’s no rush. As soon as you’re feeling up to dressing.’
She opened her mouth. ‘We should...we need to talk about—’
Gabriel shook his head. ‘Not now, Leo. We can talk about it when you’re feeling better.’
Leonora might have laughed if she’d been able to. Right at that moment she couldn’t imagine ever feeling better. But she forced herself to push back the covers and swing her legs over the side of the bed.
Immediately Gabriel was there, but she put up a hand, terrified of what his touch would do to her in her emotionally brittle state. ‘I’m fine. I’ll have a shower and pack. You should go...have a coffee... I’ll be ready when you come back.’
He left the room and she let out a shuddering breath. She felt hollow. Aching. A kaleidoscope of images and memories from the past few days came back into her head before she could stop them.
A doctor standing by the bed, saying, ‘I’m so sorry, Señora Torres, but tests have confirmed that your fallopian tubes are beyond saving. The endometriosis has caused too much damage...surgical removal of the fallopian tubes...you’ll still have your uterus and ovaries...’
She was infertile. At the age of twenty-four.
Unbeknownst to her, because her symptoms hadn’t been severe, the endometriosis had been quietly and devastatingly wreaking havoc on her insides, cruelly targeting her fallopian tubes, rendering them useless. Beyond saving.
She knew she was still in shock. It hadn’t sunk in fully. Nor had the ramifications. She hadn’t been able to deal with seeing her parents, though she knew they were worried. Too afraid of what she’d see on their faces. Their terror that this might change everything.
Leonora pushed herself up from the bed and walked over to the private bathroom, locking herself inside. Physically, the doctor had said she should be fully recovered within a couple of weeks. Emotionally, however...
She turned on the spray of the shower and stripped off, stepping into the small cubicle. She used the shower head to clean herself, careful to keep the wound dressing dry.
When she was finished she wrapped herself in a towel and washed her face, brushed her teeth, avoiding looking at her face in the mirror. But then she caught her reflection and stopped. Her eyes looked like two huge pools of pain. Her skin was white, stretched taut, her cheekbones standing out starkly.
All of a sudden she couldn’t contain it any more. The emotion rose up and came out of her in great, shuddering sobs.
* * *
Gabriel came back into the hospital room carrying coffee for Leonora. He stopped when he heard the sobs coming from the bathroom. His blood ran cold. He’d never heard such a raw outpouring of emotion before, and every instinct in him told him to go to her...but he knew she wouldn’t welcome it. This was a very private pain, and for the first time in his life he knew what it was to be helpless.
A week later
Leonora was sitting on a chair on the back terrace of the castillo. The late-summer early evening still held lots of warmth, but nevertheless Ernesto had insisted on putting a rug over Leonora’s legs.
The spectacular grounds of the castillo soothed Leonora’s ragged emotions, so she’d taken to sitting here every day, while her body healed on the outside. She was still numb on the inside, though. Still trying to compute the catastrophic loss of her fertility. Ev
ery time she tried to dwell on it her mind skittered away.
Her parents had come to visit and her mother had been pale. She’d said, ‘Por Dios, Leo...he’ll have to divorce you if you can’t give him an heir. What will happen to us?’
Leonora’s father had taken her mother away after that, telling Leonora not to listen to her. But her mother was right. And it was something Leonora knew she’d have to discuss with Gabriel sooner or later. The fact that she was no longer capable of providing her husband with an heir.
At that moment she heard footsteps and her skin prickled with awareness. Still. Even after what had happened.
Gabriel came into her field of vision, tall and broad. Dressed in a three-piece suit. His long fingers were tugging at his tie, opening it and the top button of his shirt.
‘How are you today?’
Leonora nodded. ‘Feeling much better, thank you.’
Gabriel sat down on the lounger beside her, his dark gaze roving over her face. Leonora knew she must look pale and wan.
‘The doctor came to see you today?’
She nodded. ‘He was here earlier. I’m healing well.’
Physically.
Gabriel nodded. ‘That’s good.’
Leonora forced herself to look at him. ‘We should talk about—’
He held up a hand. ‘We’re not talking about anything until you’re back on your feet. All you need to think about now is recuperating.’
Leonora swallowed her words.
Gabriel stood up. ‘Dinner will be ready shortly. I’m just going to take a shower and change and then I’ll come back down.’
Leonora watched him walk away, athletic grace in every move he made. She turned her head, eyes stinging suddenly. She pulled her glasses down over her eyes in case anyone saw her emotion.
Dealing with this diagnosis would be massively disrupting to the best of relationships, founded on love, so what hope could they possibly have? Gabriel could delay the conversation for as long as he wanted, but ultimately Leonora knew this spelled the end of their marriage.
