Hissy Fit

by Vale, Lani Lynn

  I was shirtless in blue jeans and my work boots when Raleigh finally came outside at ten that morning. By that point, I’d been working non-stop for over two hours, and I was definitely ready for a drink.

  “Hey,” she said huskily. “You want something to eat or drink?”

  Was it bad to say that I wanted her to eat?

  “You make any coffee yet?” I asked, coming up to stand with a hand at both hips.

  She nodded.

  “That and a cup of ice water,” I said. “And I need some trash bags, too. The trash cans are full, and we’re going to have to start stuffing these sticks into something else.”

  She turned and hurried back inside, and I swallowed as I got a load of her shorts.

  They were so short that she might as well be wearing only underwear.

  And they were so tight that I knew for a fact that she likely didn’t have anything on underneath of them.

  “Hey, Coach!”

  I turned and saw one of my first period students, Mark Simpleton, standing there with his dog on a leash.

  I raised a hand. “Hey, Mark. How are you?”

  He grinned. “A lot better than you, it looks like.”

  He took a look around the yard. “Mackie struck again.”

  “What?” I asked, heart starting to thunder in my chest.

  “Uhhh,” he paused. “You…Mackie…shit.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him my best teacher stare.

  “Talk,” I ordered.

  Mark’s shoulders drooped. “Everyone knows Mackie does this to people that piss him off.”

  My brows lifted. “I didn’t.”

  “It’s all over the school. It’s not a secret. Just listen.”

  With that, he rushed away, the poor little dog with his too-short legs barely keeping up.

  I felt anger stir in my belly at hearing that and wished I wasn’t the ‘cool’ teacher. What Mark just said wouldn’t have slipped out if it’d been Raleigh he’d been talking to. It was hard because I had to be careful of what I shared since the students treated me as one of them, which served my purposes most of the time.

  However, now I needed to listen to word around the student body when it came to Mackie, and I didn’t want to throw any of the students under the bus when I had to eventually confront the little fucker.

  It’d been a long time coming but something needed to be done about that kid.

  It didn’t matter how good of a player he was. The little shit needed to learn that his behavior wasn’t acceptable.

  “Ezra?”

  I turned to see Raleigh standing there, a cup of coffee in one hand, and a glass of water with two trash bags stuffed in the other.

  I stalked toward her, my need for her starting to curl in my gut.

  This woman was too good for words.

  How had I never noticed her before this year?

  I felt like an utter fool.

  Reaching her, I took the coffee, and then leaned forward and took her mouth.

  “Whew!” I heard exclaimed from behind us.

  I broke the kiss and turned only my head to glare at the person over my shoulder. Another student—this one a girl.

  I rolled my eyes. “Good morning, Ms. Chance.”

  Layla Chance waved her hands, her best friend Mindy Kreed next to her. “Hello, Ms. Crusie. Coach McDuff!”

  I turned back around and looked down at Raleigh.

  “What the hell? I’ve already seen three students this morning,” I muttered, looking down at her.

  Raleigh’s cheeks were flushed with pleasure. “This is a popular walking area since we’re so close to the trail, plus it’s a family neighborhood. I think half the student population lives in this neighborhood with their parents. You’ll see a lot more before the morning is over.”

  She was not lying.

  I saw nearly the entire freakin’ school, and I had a teeny-weeny inkling that the only reason I saw as many as I did was because I was shirtless working on Raleigh’s lawn.

  The only reason I saw the females, anyway. The male student population was around because the student female population was.

  Grinning, I got back to work. At least until the cry of Mother Nature came calling.

  I knocked on Raleigh’s door where she’d disappeared about an hour ago and waited for her to appear. She did about a minute later, covered head to toe in flour and what looked like chocolate.

  I grinned as she pushed open her screen door with one elbow.

  “Uhh,” I teased. “You look a little rough.”

  She blew some of her hair out of her eyes, but it fell right back into place.

  She sighed.

  I helped her out by tucking it behind her ear.

  “I gotta use the bathroom, then I’ll finish,” I said.

  “I’ll change so I can help,” she murmured softly, waving her hand at her clothes in explanation.

  I grinned at her attire.

  She had on another pair of tight jeans, these even tighter than the ones that she had on yesterday. She was also wearing a pair of worn-in cowboy boots that were definitely not something that you worked in. Not with those pointy-assed toes and sparkly pink glitter decorative tassels.

  “Don’t change on my account,” I said. “But the toilet paper is almost out, I just have the stuff at the top to get. Then we can start on the back…if you have time and something to feed me with.”

  She grinned. “I just made fried chicken and mashed potatoes, but they have to cook in the oven for a few minutes. That’s my mama’s secret to the ultimate crispiness on the breading. Once that’s done, we can eat, and then I’ll help you.”

  I dabbed at a bit of chocolate on her cheek and showed it to her on one outstretched finger.

  “And this?” I teased.

  She smiled, her eyes flicking up to mine. “Dessert.”

  I felt things in my belly clench.

  “What if what I want for dessert is you?” I teased.

  I felt all of her attention focus on me.

  “I’d say yes, absolutely a hundred percent yes, but you were the one who told me you had something to do today,” she pointed out.

  I did, indeed, have something to do later today. I had to go eat with my parents, and I fully planned on bringing her along.

  She just didn’t know it yet.

  I hadn’t wanted to tell her because I knew she’d likely freak out and try to overanalyze everything, so I figured springing it on her was in my best interest.

  “Bathroom…then I’ll climb that tree and take care of the last little bit.” I bopped her on the nose with one finger. “And I want to take you with me later if that’s okay. It’s nothing fancy or anything. In fact, what you’re wearing right now is perfect. Well, minus the chocolate streaks and flour dusting.”

  She looked down at her boots and blushed. “I liked them,” she tried to explain them away.

  I grinned. “I like them, too, darlin’.”

  With that, I walked down her hallway to the bathroom and shut the door.

  I heard the screen door bang closed, signaling she’d gone outside and felt more than comfortable to take my time.

  Only, I likely shouldn’t have.

  Why?

  Because the woman that I freakin’ loved was a goddamn lunatic, that’s why.

  Why was she a lunatic?

  Well, when I came outside, it was to find her boots off in the middle of the yard, and a pair of mismatched socks not far away.

  The second thing that I saw was Raleigh, about halfway up the tree, trying to reach some toilet paper with one of those grabber thing-a-ma-jigs that lets handicapped—and lazy—people pick stuff up off the floor without bending over.

  She was stretched out on a limb precariously, and not only was her arm extended as far as she could get it to go, but she was also holding the grabber out in front of her, too. She was inches away from grabb
ing the long piece of toilet paper when my brain finally caught up with what she was doing, and I felt my heart jump out of my chest.

  “Are you out of your freakin’ mind?” I bellowed.

  Raleigh shrieked…and that’s how she fell out of the tree and broke her arm.

  ***

  Raleigh glared at me. “Don’t you even think about it.”

  I opened her door and stepped back.

  “I can’t believe you’re making me come here,” she grumbled.

  I grinned. “We didn’t get to eat your lunch, and I’m starving, Raleigh. Plus, my parents asked me to stop by to pick something up,” I lied.

  She gave me a calculating look, then waved her casted hand in my direction.

  “I’m also mad at you,” she grumbled. “This is all your fault.”

  My brows rose as I slammed the truck door closed just a little bit harder than I should have.

  “What are you talking about?” I accused.

  I put one hand on her back and guided her up the front walk of my parents’ house, hearing the commotion of little feet running inside.

  Moira’s high-pitched ‘Daddy, higher’ had me grinning despite the accusations coming from Raleigh’s mouth.

  “Then, let me get this straight,” I said after she finished. “You’re blaming me for you falling out of the tree because I yelled?”

  She nodded.

  “And why the hell were you up there in the first place?” I questioned, seemingly for the eighth time. “I told you I was going to go up there.”

  She shrugged. “I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

  That’d been her answer seven out of eight. The first time I’d asked, when she was getting her arm straightened out, was to say ‘go fuck yourself.’

  I wasn’t holding that answer against her.

  My brows rose. “And you think that I wanted you to get hurt?”

  She shrugged nonchalantly. “It is my house that this happened to. If one of us was going to get hurt, it should be me.”

  “I’ve been climbing trees since I was old enough to wear shoes,” I told her as I opened the screen door and gestured her inside. “Trust me when I say, there was no danger from me falling out. Can you say the same about yourself?”

  “Aunt Raleigh!” Moira screeched. “You have a cast! Can I sign it?”

  Raleigh’s smile was not forced when she greeted my niece. “Of course. Do you have a Sharpie marker?”

  Moira didn’t ask why or how the cast came to be, only if she could sign it.

  That girl.

  “What happened?” my sister asked, sounding concerned.

  “‘Aunt Raleigh’ fell out of a tree,” Colton said, sounding bored. “I saw it happen. I was across the street at Cristopher’s house. Uncle Ezra yelled at her and startled her. Then she fell out.”

  Raleigh shot me a triumphant smile as if to say, ‘See?’

  “I didn’t think she’d fall out of the tree when I yelled at her, or I never would’ve done it!” I shot a quelling look over at my nephew.

  “Oh, we’re more than aware of that,” Johnson said. “And, also, everyone at the school knows y’all are banging now, too. We saw that kiss. We saw the look in both of your eyes. There’s no lying about the fact that y’all are together.”

  Raleigh gasped, but I only shrugged.

  “I wasn’t trying to hide anything,” I admitted. “There’s not a no-fraternization policy, and I haven’t been quiet about my feelings for her. It’s not my fault that y’all are just exceptionally unobservant.”

  “We’re not that unobservant,” Johnson explained. “Mackie was the one to call it that y’all were together. He said y’all were f-u-c-k-i-n-g,” Johnson spelled it out so Moira, who’d arrived with her Sharpie, couldn’t understand the bad word. “The day that you made us apologize to her. Even though, technically, I wasn’t the one in the wrong.”

  I blinked. “Mackie said that?”

  Johnson shrugged, his eyes going away from his Xbox for a few short, precious seconds, before returning to the screen. “Yep. He was also adamant that he was going to get you back. I’m guessing he’s started with Raleigh, knowing you like her. Toilet papering has begun—and that’s his signature move. That’s usually only the first step, though.”

  “What’s his next step?” my sister asked.

  Johnson cursed quietly under his breath when he died, and he leaned forward and dropped the controller onto the couch cushion beside his hips. “He’s a douche. It only gets worse, but usually this is all reserved for kids. I’ve never seen him get mad at a teacher before. I don’t know his next step. Last fall, when Talia Rimmel broke up with him, he TP-ed her house, and then ran his tractor into her car…with her in it.”

  I had a sick feeling inside my chest, and I didn’t like it one single bit.

  “Great,” I muttered. “What a little prick.”

  “Yep,” Johnson agreed and stood up. “I have a date. I’ll check y’all losers later.”

  With that, he walked out the door, and we all watched him go.

  I looked over to Raleigh, who was busy holding very still for Moira, who was drawing Elsa and Olaf on her ice blue cast, chattering away about the next Frozen movie that was due to come out next year.

  Raleigh’s eyes lifted up and met mine, and she shrugged.

  She’d heard the entire spiel as well, and I saw that she wasn’t bothered by it.

  At least that made one of us.

  “Where’s Dad?” I asked my sister, wanting to change the subject.

  “Dad is in the, errrm, bedroom with Mom,” my sister whispered.

  “Granddad is giving it to Grandma,” Moira chirped. “That’s what he said through the door when I walked past their room to their office to get this Sharpie.” She paused and looked up. “Whatever that’s supposed to mean.”

  Every adult in the room, as well as Johnson who hadn’t quite made it out the door, gagged.

  “That’s disgusting,” Johnson groaned as he slammed the door behind him. “I’m not coming back!”

  I wished I hadn’t come at all.

  ***

  Dinner, at first, was an awkward affair.

  My parents, not realizing anyone was in their house, had gone about doing what they wanted to do—i.e., each other.

  While we, my sister, her husband and my best friend, as well as Raleigh and I sat on the couch not speaking until they were done.

  The kids had played quietly in the yard.

  Which led us to now, all of us sitting at the table, eating in silence.

  Of course, it had to be Raleigh that broke that silence.

  “I once walked in on my parents doing it on the kitchen table,” she murmured. “I wouldn’t eat there for a year.”

  There was silence for a few long seconds, and then I started to crack up.

  “Oh, God,” my mother wheezed. “At least we keep it to our bedroom. But, just sayin’, it’ll teach y’all to knock or announce yourselves before you walk into our house.”

  “I texted,” Cady said in outrage. “I mean, what more did you want me to do? Have one of those criers from the old days announce my presence before I arrive?”

  My pop snorted. “How about we just change the subject, and we act like it never happened?” he suggested.

  “But it did happen,” Raleigh offered helpfully. “I don’t mind, though. It’s a natural thing. It wasn’t like y’all were doing anything illegal.”

  I groaned and leaned my head against the back of my chair. “Is there a reason we’re still talking about this? I don’t feel like this is something that we should continue to talk about over my favorite dinner.”

  “It is his favorite dinner,” my mom amended. “We can talk about this after dinner, during dessert if you’re more comfortable.”

  “How about never?” Cady suggested.

  “You do know, right, that your father and I had sex, which then turned int
o conceiving you,” my mother teased, enjoying the fact that she could embarrass her adult children, just like she enjoyed it when we were younger. “There’s this thing called conception, it starts by…”

  “La-la-la-la-la,” Cady yelled loudly. “I’m not listening.”

  “What’s sex, Grandma?” Moira asked suddenly, appearing at our sides with a Gatorade and handing it to her father, who twisted it open without a second’s thought. “I want to have sex!”

  That was when the entire table exploded, while Raleigh watched on in fascination.

  Chapter 14

  333. I’m only half evil.

  -Text from Raleigh to Camryn

  Raleigh

  “Ms. Crusie?” the office called over the speaker in my classroom. “Do you have a moment to come into my office and speak with me?”

  I looked up in horror at the speaker and then looked at the students that were huddling in my classroom to escape the rain outside where they would normally be having their lunch period.

  “Yes, ma’am,” I said to the old office lady, Mrs. Johns. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

  It just so happened that not only was I forced to take the senior sex-ed class, I was also forced to take the classroom that was as far away from civilization, as well as the office, as it could be.

  Not that I was complaining.

  I loved the classroom…mostly.

  But, every once in a while, a few doubts and fears would creep in, and I’d be left thinking that nobody would hear us—or me—if we screamed.

  “Awww, man!” Johnson whined. “I’m only half done with my math homework for Uncle Ezra’s class.”

  I stood up and gathered my keys. “I’ll allow y’all to stay in here on two conditions.”

  Morgan, who’d been helping Johnson, looked up. “And what’s that?”

  “Y’all don’t trash my crap, and y’all don’t try to pry open the desk drawers to get a peek at your test.”

  It was Mackie’s snort of derision that almost had me reaching into the desk and withdrawing the tests. Morgan and Johnson were okay. Mackie? Not so much.

  Luckily, and unluckily as I saw it, the classroom we were in was also the same classroom that I taught sex-ed in, meaning that the students had gathered there to study during lunch. I didn’t mind. I was beginning to really enjoy that particular group of kids, sans a few bad apples.