She shrugged her shoulders. “Whatever you want to do is fine.”
“No, I want you to be happy. We’ll come up with some cool things to do.” I reassured her. None of this was about me. I wanted to please my daughter.
I opened up the door for Mercy. I didn’t say anything when Ava go into the back seat with Mercy. She was letting me know that she didn’t want to be near me. That was fine for now. But, later, all bets were off. I was going to win her heart again.
I wished I could just rewind time and go back and relive the moment that I let her walk away. But, there wasn’t any such thing as a time machine. I was going to have to sleep in the bed that I made for myself.
I had spent the week in the hotel reliving all the moments that we had spent together. All the times that we had made love, laughed, joked, and played together.
It saddened me to think about all that I had given away. I was quiet most of the car ride just listening to Mercy and Ava talk.
They had a relationship that I had missed out on because of my stupidity. I didn’t have anything to contribute because I hadn’t been around to share any pivotal moments with them.
I wished for so many things. But, the thing I wished for most was the thing I couldn’t have. I couldn’t get back lost time.
I drove my rental car to the airport and left it. We walked through a private section of security and toward my plane.
Ava stopped behind me.
“Why are we walking this way?”
“My plane is back here. It’s a private area.” I replied looking at her.
She frowned. Yep, I had my own private plane. I was a multimillion-dollar actor. I made twenty million dollars per movie. I didn’t always have the time to fly commercial, and I needed to be able to go and come at my own discretion.
“You have your own plane?” she asked me nervously.
“Yes.” I knew that Ava didn’t care anything about my money. She had the opportunity to take me to court a hundred times over for child support, but she never had. She could have gone to the news and sold her story. She should have.
“Come on, we still have a schedule to keep.” I told her reaching for her hand.
She looked down at my hand and ignored my overture. How could I forget that there was no touching?
I shook my head. It was just day one. I could do this.
“Dad, you have your own plane?”
I stopped in my tracks. Tears sprang into my eyes again. I would mark this as the first time she had called me that. I had been calling her daily on the phone for a week trying to get to know her. We talked about our favorite colors, books, movies, and music. I was developing a relationship with Mercy, and I didn’t want to lose that connection when she found out what an ass I had been to her and her mom.
“Yes, I have a plane. It’s pretty cool. You’ll see it in just a second.” I reached for her hand. At least one of the females in my life didn’t mind me touching her.
“Cool.” She grinned at me. I smiled back. I wasn’t above using a little materialism to win both of them over.
The plane ride was comfortable. Mercy and I talked the whole way on the ride. Ava only answered when it was necessary. She read her Amazon Kindle the whole plane ride pretending like I didn’t exist.
Keep pretending, Ava. Your time is almost up.
Patience, grasshopper. I had to remind myself that slow and steady won the race. I was in it for the long haul. Forever was my goal.
“Mr. Ryan, we are about to arrive in California. It’s time to buckle your seatbelt.”
I looked over to make sure that Mercy was buckled. Now, the real show was about to begin. The paparazzi were going to be out in full. I had even had an anonymous person call to say that I was on my way. I wanted to get out ahead of the story. I wanted to control the narrative. They would eventually find out about Ava and Mercy. I didn’t want to keep either one of them a secret. It was time that everyone knew the truth.
When we landed, I prepared myself for Ava’s anger. I knew it was coming. I just didn’t feel like stopping it this time. Introducing them to the world this way was for the best.
We walked toward the gate. I could see the paparazzi already waiting. “Mercy, let me have your hand sweetie.” I reached over and gripped her hand in mine. I looked over at Ava. “Can I have your hand too?”
“Why?” she frowned at me.
“The paparazzi are out there, and I don’t want us to get separated.”
She shook her head. “Why are the paparazzi out there? I thought you were keeping this under the radar?” She glared at me.
“The paparazzi are always at the airport, Ava.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. It was just more than normal. I wanted to put on a show.
She bit her lip, “I don’t know. Maybe, you should just take us back. One of the reasons that I agreed to come is that I didn’t want the paparazzi at my doorstep.”
Hell no. She wasn’t going back. We were going forward. The time for hiding had ended.
“It’s fine, Ava. They would eventually find out about you and Mercy. At least, we will go to my house, which is gated. I also have security guards at my gate. It’ll protect you both. They won’t be able to get to you or Ava.”
She stood quietly looking at me for a minute.
Come on, Ava. Please, don’t make this hard.
“I’ll protect you both,” I reiterated to her, “Just take my hand.” I wanted her to put her faith in me. To trust me even though I didn’t deserve it.
She shook her head.
Damn, damn, damn. She wanted to leave.
“No, you don’t have to hold my hand. I can keep up with you. Or, we can just walk behind you, and no one will even know that we are together,” she finished.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought she was trying to tell me that she wanted to go back to Atlanta. Not holding her hand was easier to deal with than her trying to leave me. However, I wasn’t taking no for an answer. Our family started now. “No. We’re walking out of here together,” I said adamantly.
“I don’t see the point,” she replied resisting my suggestion.
“Stand right here for a second Mercy,” I dropped Mercy’s hand and went to Ava. I snatched off my shades.
“Do not cause a damn scene. I know you think that you know me, but you don’t. I screwed up with you, and I take responsibility for that. I’m going to try to make it up to the both of you. But, don’t take my remorse and regret for weakness. Don’t make me toss you over my shoulder and grab Mercy’s hand and walk out of this airport. All three of us are walking out of here together.”
I could see the doubt in her eyes. She wanted to call my bluff. But, she would soon learn that I wasn’t a pushover. She was mistaken if she thought that she would control every aspect of this relationship. She didn’t think I’d toss her over my shoulder, but I would. I wouldn’t even be embarrassed. I was winning this damn war.
“I’m not kidding, Ava.” I didn’t want to cause a scene and make things worse, but I wanted us walking out here as a family. The world needed to know that we were a united front.
“Fine. Whatever.” She glared at me walking toward Mercy.
I placed my shades back on my face and grabbed Mercy’s and Ava’s hands. She was going to be so damn difficult. She was going to make be pull my damn hair out. But, I was willing.
I took a deep breath.
Showtime.
I looked down at my daughter. “Don’t let my hand go, okay, baby.” I smiled down at her. I knew that my life was hectic and chaotic, but she was going to be in it for the long haul. No more separation. We were going to make this work.
“Okay, Daddy.” She looked at me with such trust. I would never let anything happen to her. She had won my heart.
“Ava, if they ask you a question, just say no comment. Keep walking. “
She looked at me nervously. I squeezed her hand, letting her know that I had her. Dealing with the paparazzi was an artform. She would have to learn
how to adapt. This was going to be her life.
We walked toward the exit of the airport. My driver slash bodyguard was waiting to quickly take us away. I just wanted the paparazzi to see them for a second.
“Ryan, who are the ladies you have with you today?”
“Ryan, is this your new girlfriend?”
“Ryan, have you broken up with Amanda?”
I felt Ava stiffened beside me. That was all I needed. I didn’t need Ava to think that some woman was in my life. If I didn’t answer anything else from the paparazzi, I had to answer that question.
“I’m not with Amanda anymore.” I looked over at Ava. She was looking straight ahead. I knew she heard the question. I hoped she understood the answer as well because all my focus was on her.
“Ryan why do you have a child with you?”
One paparazzi was too smart for himself said, “Ryan, she looks like you.”
He was reaching, but it was easy to draw a conclusion with a black woman and biracial child that the child must be mine.
His assumption brought on more questions.
“Is this your daughter, Ryan?”
Camera flashes kept going off in front of us. I squeezed Mercy’s hand to let her know that everything was fine.
“Is she the mother?”
It was just the question I had been waiting for before I rushed them into the car. I held Ava’s and Mercy’s hand.
“Yes, this is my daughter.” It felt like a hundred flashbulbs went off after that statement.
“So, she is the mother?”
“Yes, they both belong to me.”
I ushered them into the car. I jumped in after them, and my driver closed the door.
Message given and received. Everybody in the world knew what this meant. I was claiming them both. I put the world on notice.
Ava glared at me. “I thought you said we wouldn’t talk to the paparazzi.”
I glanced over at her. “I’m not denying my daughter. I never planned on hiding her.”
“Anymore,” she murmured under her breath.
“Right, Ava. Anymore.” I said sitting back in the seat. Baby steps. I was taking baby steps. It felt a little like crawling, but I was going to make some progress even if it killed me.
What Hurts The Most
Rascal Flatts
I couldn’t believe I agreed to this. I stared at Ryan’s luxury house in Beverly Hills as his driver pressed the numbers into keypad of Ryan’s driveway. His place was sprawling and fenced in. I felt awkward sitting next to him in a car that cost as much as my old house.
I was nervous as hell because the paparazzi followed us for a long time. I wasn’t sure how he put up with them every day of his life. It was not something that I would want. I was glad we would only be there for the summer, then I could return to my life.
I cringed. What if they discovered who I was? Realistically, I was sure it was only a matter of time before they discovered everything about me. I just hoped that they would let me go when I was ready. It wasn’t like I was truly a part of his life. I was simply his daughter’s mother. There was nothing between us. That ship had sailed years ago.
I turned my head and saw that Mercy was asleep. I was sure that she was exhausted. This week had been hectic for us. The packing and putting everything in storage was a headache. I hadn’t seen the point of getting us a new place until we got back. It wouldn’t make sense to spend money that I didn’t need to spend. Adam had been great about letting us stay there long after he had left, but it wasn’t fair to him. He had his own family to take care of now. He couldn’t afford to keep supporting us when we were no longer his responsibility.
“What are you going to tell people” I asked, looking over at Ryan. I wondered how honest he was going to be with the media. I was well aware that he had an image to uphold. He couldn’t very well tell the world that he cheated on his girlfriend and left her when she was pregnant. I was sure that wouldn’t go over well. I didn’t care what he chose to tell them. I knew the truth. That had always been enough for me. I never went after him for child support because I meant what I told him. He had made his choice. I had lived with his decision. I had been willing to continue to live with his decision, but he had changed the rules.
He turned and looked at me, “About what?”
“About me and Mercy?”
“The truth.”
I gave him the side-eye. The truth. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure what he thought the truth was. “That I’m your baby mama, and you left me almost seven years ago because you didn’t want to be a father” I snorted. I doubted if he wanted the world to know that. He had a reputation for being a good guy in Hollywood even if he was a man whore.
Looking me in my eyes, he said “Yes, I’m not going to lie. I screwed up. I’m a grown ass man. I plan on owning up to my mistakes.”
I looked at him trying to gauge his sincerity. He didn’t break eye contact.
I looked down at Mercy lying across his legs. My chest tightened. What would I do if he hurt my baby? I knew he had treated me like crap, but she was my baby. I had barely been able to live with rejection. My baby wouldn’t survive that type of heartbreak.
I couldn’t let it go. I had to keep pushing. “Ryan, what are you doing? Mercy is just a baby. If you decide that you don’t want to be a father anymore, how do you think Mercy will respond when you walk away.”
He frowned at me. I didn’t care. Maya Angelo once said when someone showed you who they were, believe it. And I believed it. He had shown me his character years ago.
He looked down at Mercy, running his fingers through her hair, “I was so selfish that day you told me that you were pregnant. I wasn’t ready for a baby to interfere with my life in any way shape or form. I wanted to go on being a college student and living free. I wasn’t strong enough to take the stares and jokes about dating a black girl. I was weak. You’ll never know how sorry I am about what I did. I regretted it almost as soon as I did it. But, at the time, I just couldn’t take the pressure. I’m ashamed to admit that when you came to my room, I wanted you to see me with another girl. I was deliberately running you off. I haven’t forgotten how shitty I was to you. I want to make it up to you. I want your forgiveness.”
I squeezed my eyes closed to prevent a tear from dropping. I refused to show him a tear. I had cried for years, especially when Mercy was first born. He had hurt me so much. I really thought that we were good together. I saw a future for us, but I was the only one.
I couldn’t say anything to him. My pain was to raw. He had ripped the Band-Aid off, and the pain was oozing through my pores.
He looked up at me. “I wanted to find you years ago. You don’t know how many times I thought about calling you. Finding you. Finding Mercy, but I had let so much time pass. I didn’t think it was right to come back. Every time I thought about it, I remembered you telling me that I couldn’t change my mind. I remembered telling you that I wouldn’t.” He shook his head. “I regretted it every single day.”
He leaned back in the seat still keeping the connection to our daughter. “I should have manned up a long time ago. Then, I started acting and the movie parts kept coming. It was enough to keep my mind off of you and Mercy for short bursts of time. Eventually, I couldn’t ignore it. It was like an ache in my heart that couldn’t be ignored. I missed you. I missed our daughter even though I had never seen her.”
I looked out the window. I didn’t want to see his pain. I heard the hurt in his voice, but he chose to leave. It didn’t have to be this way. We could have had a future together.
“I decided to hire an investigator to locate you years ago. I learned you had gotten married to Adam. That hurt me too. I didn’t have a right to feel jealous or possessive over you, but I did. I hated a man I never met because he had you and my daughter. When I saw that you had gotten divorced, I thought now was the perfect time. I had wronged you. I wanted your forgiveness, but I knew I didn’t have the right to ask for it. I was scared tha
t you wouldn’t give me a chance. Eventually, wanting to finally meet Mercy outweighed all my insecurities.”
He looked me in my eyes. His gaze darkened. “Now, here we are. Me wanting your forgiveness but knowing you might decide not to give it to me. Me having to realize that if you don’t, I’ll have to accept it even when I don’t want to. But, be warned Ava, I won’t lose either one of you without a fight. I want my family. I know you don’t think I deserve it, and you might be right. But, I’m not leaving. This is not temporary. I’m willing to do anything.”
My heart caught in my throat. I didn’t want to hear it. There had been a time when his words would have meant everything to me. Now, I just couldn’t receive them. Too much damage had already been done.
Make you Miss Me
Sam Hunt
Week One
I watched Ava’s eyes as she looked around the house. I hoped she liked it. I had only purchased it a few years ago when I decided that I would go looking for her. I wanted us to have our privacy without worrying about whether or not the paparazzi could see everything that was going on inside my home.
There were three levels, lots of windows, and doors that were made of glass.
“I don’t understand why people love so much glass. As a star, aren’t you scared that someone can look in at you?”
“No, I had these windows and doors specifically made for this house. You can look out clearly, but no one can see inside the house. I had it shipped in from China. It’s also bullet proof because I want to make sure that we all feel safe in the house.”
Ava frowned. Yep, I had included her safety into the conversation. I wanted her a part of my life.
She ignored me. “Your home is beautiful.”
“Thanks.”
I walked her and Mercy around the house showing them everything that they had access to in the house.
“I know it’s late, but we can get something to eat if you want.”
I knew that both of them had had a long day. They both looked exhausted.
“No, I think we’ll just go to bed and try it again tomorrow.”
Mercy Page 5
