“Girl, please. Keep that man. Hell, he’s fine, sexy, and rich. And, don’t forget he’s Mercy’s Dad.”
I hadn’t forgotten any of those things. I looked at his naked body every day when he made breakfast and swam with Mercy. I couldn’t forget how wealthy he was either. The house that I was staying in was testimony of how much money he had.
“What if he hurts me again?” I needed to know the answer to that question more than anything.
Haley remained silent.
“What if he doesn’t, Ava?”
That was the problem. There was no way for me to know. I was playing Russian roulette with my heart.
I sighed. “Can you just come? I need my best friend. I want to know what you think about him.” I trusted Haley’s judgement. She knew me better than everyone. She was crappy with making decisions about her own love life, but she was my ex-husband’s biggest cheerleader when we first started dating. She had felt he would be a good husband to me and a wonderful step-dad to Mercy. And, she had been right.
Her judgement would not be based off of being dickmatized like me.
“Just come and visit. You’ve never been to California. We can enjoy ourselves. We’ll leave him and Mercy alone, and we’ll hang out. I need space from him. He’s driving me nuts.”
“So, you just want to use me? You’re just like a man.”
“Yep,” I laughed because we had been friends forever. She knew that I loved her. We were besties for the resties.
“Fine, but I want first class. Get that man to buy me a ticket, and I’ll be on the road again. Or, tell him to send his plane to come get me,” she said singing Willie Nelson to me.
“Girl, hush. Text me your info, and a ticket will be waiting for you. Or, his plane will.”
“I can’t wait to meet yo baby daddy. Is he as fine in person as he is in the movies?”
I closed my eyes and pictured him in nothing but his swim trunks in the pool with Mercy. I even pictured how sexy he was after we had just slept together.
“Finer.”
“Damn, girl. No wonder you need help. I say give in and fall in bed with him again and again and again.”
I grinned at the phone. Haley was helping pull me back off that ledge. After Ryan had left, I didn’t know what to do. Now, I could feel the stress leaving my body.
I sobered. “You know what he did to me, Haley. Should it really be this easy for him to just want back into my life because he’s ready to settle down or says that he’s ready to settle down?”
Haley sighed, “I do know, but I know that you both were young. People change, life changes. Isn’t that what Thomas Rhett says?”
Haley, Monet, and I were the only black girls I knew that listened to country music. Monet was the most into it. Monet went to concerts and had crushes on more than one country singer.
I would have called her, but I was not in the mood to hear her tell me that my life was a country song and to go listen to this song because it was just like my situation.
Monet lived her life through a song. She had one for every moment of her life. Hell, she even remembered the first song she had slept with someone on. Her life was one big music soundtrack.
“I know people can change. I have changed. Loving Ryan this time around would be even worse than before. He has so much baggage. He’s white, rich, a movie star, and that’s just for starters. Look, let’s not talk about it right now. I just need you here.”
“Ok. Trust me, I understand. Relationships can be shitty and great all at the same time, but I love you. I’m the jack that’s got your back. I’m you ace. If you want to beat his ass, I’m your ride or die. Let me know. I’ll play any role you need me to play. I’m your girl. I’m your friend till the end.”
I laughed. She was all those things and more. “I know, Chucky. Just get here asap.”
“Will do, I’ll wait with baited breath for that ticket so that I can see Mr. McDelicious for myself.”
“Haley,” I groaned into the phone.
“Sorry, I got caught up. Ignore me. I had a moment. I’m back now.”
“Look for the plane ticket, crazy,” I laughed into the phone.
“Yep, yep.”
I hated leaving the room to find him. I knew that he was going to give me that look. The look that said he wanted me. The look that said he couldn’t wait to get me back in his bed. My body shivered just thinking about it.
I found him downstairs drinking water in the kitchen with no shirt on. He must have just showered like I had after our bout of sex. Don’t think about it. It was a mistake. A mistake that I didn’t plan on making again. Liar.
His eyes pierced mine when he noticed me. I should have put on some leggings instead of walking downstairs in my nightshirt. I pulled my shirt down as far as it could go, which wasn’t far enough if his eyes were any indication.
I felt the tension in the room. Lord, help me. I would not sleep with this man again. I was stronger than my vagina. Fingers crossed.
“I have a favor to ask.”
“Anything.”
I raised my brow at him. No question asked. He was just going to do whatever to make me happy. Where was this man a few years ago?
I didn’t want him to be reasonable. I wanted him to be an ass. Be that same man that he had been when he had sent me away. Then, it would be so much easier to walk away.
“I want my friend Haley to come visit,” I said ignoring the fact that he was trying to be nice to me.
He eyed me closely. “Okay, when?”
I cleared my throat. “I want her to come immediately.”
Ryan watched me silently. I could see his mind piecing together why I needed Haley with me. Yep, I was a coward, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit it.
He nodded his head in understanding. “Reinforcements. I get it, but it changes nothing, Ava. You’re still going to be mine, but I’ll enjoy meeting one of your friends.”
I ignored him. Turning, I scampered back up the stairs like my panties were on fire because damn it to hell they were.
What Ifs
Kane Brown & Lauren Alaina
Haley had been at the house for a week. She enjoyed the star treatment. We left Mercy and Ryan to themselves often. I tried to stay gone from the house as much as possible. No one knew who I was. My privacy was still intact. I could go and come as I pleased without the paparazzi trailing me. It was still annoying when Ryan had Hunt follow me wherever I went. I tried to tell him I was fine, but he ignored everything I said.
Ava and I had just had a little retail therapy.
“So, how long are you going to keep resisting him?”
I raised my fork halfway to my mouth. “I don’t know. How much longer do you think I can hold off?”
“Not much longer. From the way that you two look at each other I’m surprised that you haven’t stripped each other naked and screwed in the middle of the kitchen.”
I blushed. I didn’t even know black women could blush. I felt hot all over.
“Girl, have you slept with that man in the kitchen?”
I stuffed the lettuce in my mouth to keep from answering her questions.
“Eww, you guys are nasty. I’m never eating at that table again.” She laughed.
“Shut up.”
“Well, since you are already giving him the goods, why don’t you just let him win you. You and I both know that you wouldn’t have had sex with him if you didn’t want him. That’s not what you do. It took you years to sleep with someone after Ryan. Just admit that you still love him and want to be with him.”
I side-eyed her. “You know damn well it’s not that simple. What did Tina Turner say? What’s love got to do with this? I loved him in college, and that shit blew up like the Good Year Blimp. “
“Look, I get it. You know that I do. There is not a woman on earth that doesn’t get it. But, you can’t live your life in the past. Give him a chance, Ava. He seems like he really wants you, not just Mercy,” Haley said sipping her drink.
“W
hat if he hurts me again?”
“Ava, you know that no relationship is safe. Anything can happen. You can meet a new man, and he hurts you just as bad. Relationships are risky. Hell, you could wake up one day and get a wild hair up your ass and not want him. It could work both ways.”
I frowned at her as if that would really happen. I had loved Ryan for years. I had slept with him with no protection knowing he was a damn movie star. He could be screwing someone else as we speak.
“Haley, have you even seen him with a black woman before? He might not even want me like he claims. It could be about Mercy.”
Haley raised her eyebrows. “Girl, get real. He could see his daughter whenever he wants. He has his own plane. He could pick her up every other weekend if he wanted to. He could get a lawyer and get rights to see his child. He doesn’t need you. He wants you. Get over yourself. This man is practically begging you to stay. Stop being damn stubborn.”
She kicked me under the table. “You know you want to.”
I glared at her. She was right. I wanted to see what could happen between us. I was being a punk. Hell, when did I become such a wuss?
“So, are you going to barbeque or mildew? Go get your man.”
Was I really going to give in to him?
“How will a relationship work between the both of us? I stay in Atlanta, and he’s in Beverly Hills.”
I glared at her when she threw a piece of lettuce at me. “I don’t damn know. Ask him.”
“What if he wants me to give up my job?” There was so much that went into any relationship that I might start with Ryan. It was terrifying.
Haley raised her eyes at me. “I guess you might have to move.”
I bit my lip. “I’m scared.”
Haley nodded her head. “I know. But, think about the payoff if he is serious about you. You get the love of your life. Mercy gets her Dad. You have so much to gain. It’s a win-win situation”
She reached over and grabbed my hand. “Think about what you’ll be giving up if you don’t give this a chance. Don’t let your fear stop your future.”
“And if he hurts me again?”
Haley picked up her fork. “Then, we’ll kill his ass and bury him in the backyard.”
I laughed. I guess that was one way to deal with him if he tried to leave me again.
Haley
When we arrived back to the house, Ava and I went immediately to the pool. I loved sitting around Ryan’s pool drinking drinks and hanging with Mercy and Ava.
My breath hitched when he walked through the patio doors. Shit, there was two of them, but I could only stare at him. He was gorgeous. His eyes were blue, his hair was blond and closely cropped to his head. Lord, he was tall and broad shouldered, just the way that I liked my men. Not, that I thought he was going to be my man, but I could certainly look.
He had that white boy swag, not to be confused with black boy swag. They were totally two different things. Black men always had that confidence that they could flirt with any woman that they wanted to flirt with no matter her race. They were not intimated by white, black, Asian, or Japanese women. If the woman had a vagina, black men would holler at them.
White men were different. They had to have a different type of confidence to talk to a black woman. They had to feel confident. They almost needed assurance that that the black woman wouldn’t say no. So, needless to say, very few white men talked to black women even if they wanted to talk to them.
This guy had that air about him. It was like he was comfortable in his own skin. I liked that look on him.
I glanced at the second white guy. He looked so familiar. Dang. I thought it was Aidan Monroe. He played for the Lakers, but I thought he had just recently signed a big new contract. He was gorgeous too. He was tall. He was at least six-foot-six.
He had thick hair that barely reached his ears. He had green eyes that felt like they literally popped. He was handsome as sin too. I was positive both of them knew it. They both had sex appeal.
But, it was only one of them that made my heart pump.
“Whew, who is that?”
Ava glanced over at the two men.
“Blond hair and blue eyes.”
“Connor. He’s one of Ryan’s close friends. We all went to college together.”
“Damn, girl. I should have gone to your college. Y’all just have fine men falling out the woodworks.”
Ava laughed harder.
I don’t know why she was laughing so hard. I was serious. Ryan and Connor all went to the same college. Goodness, that campus had hella eye candy.
“Isn’t that Aidan Monroe?”
“As far as I understand from Ryan, they became friends when Aidan started playing for the Lakers. Now, all three of them hang out when they can.”
I couldn’t stop looking at Connor. He looked so familiar. I couldn’t imagine where I might have seen him. Since Ryan was an actor, maybe he was an actor, but I didn’t remember seeing him in anything major.
“He looks so familiar. Is he an actor?” I asked continuing to look at Connor trying to figure out where I knew him from.
Ava laughed. “He’s a hockey player.”
“I don’t watch hockey.” I laughed. I had never watched a hockey game in my life, so that didn’t explain why I thought I knew him.
“You might not watch hockey, but he is a really famous hockey player. He does commercials, so you’ve probably seen him on tv.”
The closer he came to us, the more my body responded. Girl, you do not want to go there. Don’t forget the last time you tried to go white. It did not end well at all.
Connor glanced at me as he approached Ava. I felt my whole-body tingle. I wished I had on more clothes. I felt self-conscious.
Ava and I had decided to lounge by the pool while Mercy and Ryan were out. Now, I was half-dressed in front of a man who had to be Hockey’s Most Sexiest Player Alive. I couldn’t ignore Mr. Basketball either.
Connor walked up and hugged Ava. “Ava, I’m so glad that you came. Ryan was so excited that you and Mercy were spending the summer with him.”
Thank goodness he didn’t know me. I was pretty sure that if he tried to hug me that I would be a puddle at his feet.
Ava pulled back and turned Connor toward me. “Connor and Aidan, please meet my friend Haley.”
“Hi, Haley,” Aidan said shaking my hand.
“Hi, Haley,” Connor said staring up and down my body.
Lord, my nipples had to be poking through my bathing suite. Good grief, he was even sexier up close.
“It’s nice to meet you Connor and Aidan.” I wanted to cross my hand over my chest to hide my nipples, but it would be too obvious.
Connor continued to look at me. I wanted to squirm under his intense gaze. Hell, if I was white, I would have blushed all over. This man was fine. I mean like fine as wine in the summertime.
“How are you?” Did I just damn stutter? No. No. That was so not cool. What did I think I was doing?
“Hi, gorgeous.”
Was he flirting with me? It must be that white boy flirt thing because he could not be sincere. White boys do not flirt with black girls like me. I was not light bright almost white like Ava. I was a caramel black girl. I didn’t have the cork screw type of curls. I was no Megan Markle. I would never get mistaken for anything but black.
I was not thin either. I was not a video vixen either, but I certainly looked like I ate food. I exercised, but it sometimes felt like black girls always still had a little junk in our trunk even when we were not that big.
“Cut it out, Conner. I didn’t think you still flirted with everyone,” Ava said glaring at Connor.
Right. Just what I expected. He was a natural flirt. The white boy that flirted with black girls but didn’t mean it. It was just something to do so that they appear hip along with listening to black music.
Whatever.
“I don’t just flirt with everyone,” he frowned looking back at Ava.
Aidan shook
his head. “We don’t go after every girl we see, Ava. We do have standards.”
I ignored both of them. “No, problem, Ava. There’s nothing wrong with a little flirting,” I said sitting down on the lawn chair and pressing my body into the seat to get away from the attraction that I felt for him.
“Ryan isn’t back yet. He took Mercy to the mall. They should be back soon. You’re welcome to hang out with us if you like.”
“Sure,” he said sitting down to the chair closest to mine. Aidan sat closer to Mercy.
“So, how long have you known Ava,” he quizzed me.
“I’ve known her for years. We both teach school in Atlanta.” I said trying not to stare into his eyes. They were mesmerizing.
“I play in Tennessee, which isn’t too far from Atlanta. Maybe, we can go out when I’m in Atlanta.”
I wasn’t sure where he was headed with this conversation. I didn’t trust it. Hell, he was a hockey player. And, he didn’t appear to be one of the white boys that pretended to be a black boy in training. He was the Real Deal Holyfield. He was a blond hair, blue eyed, all American hockey player. I would trust the white boy basketball player Aidan over Connor. Black and hockey did not necessarily go hand in hand.
Nope, I wasn’t going there at all. Fool me once shame on me. Fool me twice. Hell, I would be the idiot. I pass on white boy number 2.
“Sure,” I said pretending that I believed a word that he was saying. Once he left this house, I would never see him again, and his flirting would end when I saw him around his friends. It was what normally happened with white boys. They flirted until their real friends came around. Then, they segregated themselves with their kind.
I ignored the fact that I was encouraging Ava to give Ryan a chance. Their situation was different. He had loved her in college. They had a child together. They already had strings pulling them together. Connor and I didn’t have any history.
I wouldn’t forget that white boys still found it hard to cross the black line. It was cool that he was flirting. I found him attractive, which was more of a reason to not be his experimental black girl date.
Nope, been there and done that. It was one of the worse decisions of my life. Repeating that would be a big mistake.
Mercy Page 9
