“When will we meet her?”
I shrugged my shoulders. I had answered enough questions for now. It wouldn’t appease them because it never did.
“Ryan, your daughter looks like you.”
I looked at Mercy and gripped her hand tighter. I couldn’t argue with that.
“She’s beautiful.”
“I know. You should see her mother. She’s beautiful too.” I was laying it on thick, but it was true. Ava was beautiful, and we had made a beautiful daughter. I hoped that Ava was seeing this. I wanted her to know that I wasn’t giving up on us.
“Okay, guys. We need to get in and get our seats,” I said now that I had used them for my purposes. I had let the world know that I had a daughter. It hadn’t gone bad. Nobody had asked me anything that I couldn’t or didn’t want to answer.
“What’s her name?”
I smiled. “Mercy, like the song.”
One smart woman asked, “You broke her mother’s heart?”
Leave it to a woman to figure out that I had been an asshole to her mother. All women must have the same damn radar.
“Yes, but I’m working on a different song. I think she might need to listen to In Case You Didn’t Know. Night gentlemen, we’re about to go in.”
Ava wasn’t the only one that liked country music. I knew my songs too. I was crazy about Ava. I had always been crazy about her. She was one of those women that were simply unforgettable. Not many women could claim that title.
I didn’t want to be without her. I had literally been sick when I realized that she was getting married. I had been unable to work for weeks. I had drunk myself into a stupor. Connor and Aidan, my two best friends, had to talk me off that cliff.
I had felt broken although I knew that I deserved it. I had made her leave me. She hadn’t wanted to leave me. It was my fault that I was suffering.
Both Connor and Aidan had tried to convince me that if we were meant to be, that it would all work out in the end. It was hard to believe it at the time. Now, it was all coming to fruition.
She would never believe me, but I hadn’t wanted to be without her for years, but I hadn’t had the right to disrupt her marriage.
That wouldn’t have been fair. I knew that she thought I had gone on and lived my life without her. But, it wasn’t true. I had been living and breathing. Just surviving.
It was true that I slept with a lot of women. But, none of them had been her. I had been wasting time with them hoping that I could have her back.
Selfishly praying that her husband would do something so that I could swoop back in and take back what rightfully belonged to me. Fearful that I would never have the chance to salvage our relationship. Scared that I had allowed the door to our past to be closed forever.
I needed her to understand that I wouldn’t be able to stand idly by and watch her get with some other guy again.
I didn’t want to think about her leaving me. I had already lived that nightmare. I didn’t want a repeat.
She had to see the only option we had was to finish what we started. We had to discover how far this thing between us could go. There was no way that we could just be friends. I didn’t want to become the every-other-weekend Dad. I didn’t want Christmas and holidays.
I wanted forever.
Cry Pretty
Carrie Underwood
Week Six
My heart thumped hard in my chest. I should have locked my bedroom door. I had been doing a pretty good job of avoiding Ryan since the fiasco in the kitchen.
I wasn’t ashamed to say that I used Mercy as a buffer frequently. I made sure that we were never caught in the room alone.
Regardless of what my mind felt, my body had a different idea about how to deal with Ryan. So, staying far away from him was the best bet.
I had even refused to have any discussion with him about any form of relationship between us.
“I know you’re not asleep.”
I kept my eyes closed, refusing to participate in his discussion. Certainly, I had no intentions on talking to him in my bedroom. Ryan, me, and a bed were an awful combination. Nothing good would come from us being alone in the same room together.
I tensed.
“You can’t avoid me forever. We still need to talk.” I felt the bed dip. I should have slept in the center of the bed so that he wouldn’t have anywhere to sit.
Stupid me. I hadn’t thought that he would follow me to my bedroom. But, I guessed I should have. He was never going to be content with me avoiding him.
I slowly sat up in the bed and got out of it. I did not want to be caught laying down while I talked to him.
Ryan stood up from the bed coming closer to me.
“Don’t touch me,” I said desperately, moving further away from him. I knew my body would go up in flames from his touch. I didn’t have the ability to tell him no.
Ignoring me, he moved closer. I felt the heat coming off his body.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into his body. I hated remembering how well we used to fit together. I remembered everything about us, and I hated it. I remembered what happened between us in the kitchen, and I hated myself.
“Move, Ryan. I’m exhausted. Let’s just go to bed. We’ve talked enough about this subject. I know what you want.”
He dropped his arms from my body and touched my chin gently. His eyes stripped me bare. Why was he doing this to me?
“Do you?” he asked me in a calm voice.
“Yes?” I answered in confusion. He said he wanted us to be together.
“Do you really know what I want?” He raised an eyebrow curiously at me.
“Yes, I know what you say you want,” I sighed heavily.
Let me go, Ryan. I’m not what you want. Stop pursuing me. I’m so weak when it comes to you.
Ryan’s eyebrow went up. He shook his head. “No, I know who and what I want.”
I closed my eyes tiredly. He hadn’t stopped pursuing me and trying to win me over since I arrived. I couldn’t even be around him without feeling the sexual energy that constantly permeated the air. Every time he was around, I felt emotionally tense, wondering when he was going to accidentally touch me or rub against me.
It was like being on damn pins and needles.
My heart thundered. He didn’t get it. He was not the one that needed to give in. I was the woman. Women always gave men second and third chances. If I had left him, would he be so quick to let me back in? Could he forgive me if he had caught me in bed with another man and told him to leave?
No, I’m sure he wouldn’t. It wasn’t fair for him to ask that of me.
He was asking too much.
What if I forgave him, and he just simply treated me like shit again? How could I even determine his sincerity? He said that he wanted me, but he had wanted me before in college and look what had happened. He had left me pregnant and alone.
I couldn’t afford to take the risk. It was just me he had screwed over before. Now, Mercy was involved. I couldn’t afford to let her believe that we were going to be a family. Then, he changed his mind again.
No, I wouldn’t do this to her or myself.
“How can I make this up to you if you won’t let me? I know I messed up,” he said with frustration radiating all over his face.
I couldn’t afford to feel compassion for him. Hadn’t he blown his chance with me?
My eyes narrowed. “I don’t want you to make it up to me.” I just wanted him to leave me alone. I wanted him to stop pretending that he really wanted to settle down and have a family. His life and career weren’t even conducive for a family. He traveled all the time. He was seen with a different woman constantly. I would constantly wonder if he was with someone else. I didn’t trust his words anymore.
Hell, I wasn’t even sure if he liked black women. As far as I could tell, I had been the only one that he had ever dated.
“I’m not going anywhere this time, Ava. This time is forever.”
I did
n’t want to hear what he was saying. I could feel my resistance crumbling. I wanted him to just stop talking. I was too vulnerable.
I shook my head. “Ryan, why can’t you just let this go?” I sighed. He couldn’t possibly mean what he said.
“Because I did once before and I fucked everything up with us.”
I shook my head again. “Ryan,” I begged not knowing what to do.
“I need you. Ava, I want you back.” His words felt compelling but were they sincere?
I shivered and tried not to let his words affect me. But, I felt every word caressing my skin. He knew. He knew that I didn’t have the power to resist.
Ryan pulled me into his body. “Give me a chance.” Sincerity rang in his voice, and I resisted believing him.
I didn’t want to believe. Believing meant taking a chance on being destroyed all over again.
He had meant so much to me at one time. He had been my world. Now, I just didn’t know.
He crushed his lips to mine. He probed my lips with his tongue. My hands instinctively wrapped around his neck. I wanted to get closer to him. He moved from my mouth and trailed kisses along my neck, nipping at my skin with his teeth. All I could do was moan.
“I have missed you.” He moved me toward the bed.
“Let me love you again.”
I sighed knowing I was going to give in to him again. I was helpless against his machinations.
He slowly removed my clothes.
Ryan kissed and licked his way down my body. I helplessly spread my legs for him and groaned as he slipped his fingers inside my wetness.
“Don’t you miss this? Miss us?” he asked as his hands moved in and out my clit.
“Ava?”
I refused he answer. I just wanted to enjoy the moment. I didn’t want to think about him or us anymore. His fingers sunk further into my pussy. Moving in and out. Shit, it was so good. All I could do was roll my hips erratically trying to find completion.
“Not yet.”
I wanted to scream in frustration when he removed them. But, he only replaced them with his tongue.
“Ryan,” I groaned as his tongue made contact with my nub. I raised my hips to meet his tongue. He pressed his head further into my pussy, eating it like it was his favorite meal of the day. No, he had never eaten pussy like this before. I couldn’t remember him going down on me like this before. I didn’t even want to think about the experience he must have gained to become this good.
I grabbed his hair and grinded my clit into his face trying to reach completion. He bit down on my nub, and I lost all control. My body arched into his, and I crashed.
It was unfair. Nobody should be as sexy as Ryan and fuck this good.
I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to look up and see his smug expression. It would undo me.
Dazedly, my head fell back on the pillow.
“Ava, look at me?”
I could hear his voice above me.
“Ava?”
I looked up at him.
“We can be good together again.”
I refused to answer. I entwined my arms around his neck and pulled him down to me. We had talked enough. I softly kissed his lips and tasted my essence.
I looked into his eyes. “Make love to me. That’s all I want right now. Let’s just enjoy each other.”
Ryan looked at me for a moment. I could tell that he wanted to argue.
“Please,” I begged bringing his lips back to mine. I felt his resistance, but I ignored it. I wrapped my legs tightly around his hips trying to force him to enter me.
Ryan pushed inside me, thrust so deeply that I held onto him tighter.
“Ryan,” I panted wanting him to just fuck me so I forgot all of our troubles. I licked his neck and bit him. I was marking him, making him mine.
Reaching down, he rubbed my clit, causing my whole body to shudder.
“This isn’t over,” he panted drilling into me.
I was close too coming, but he pulled totally out of my body.
“Ryan,” I screamed in frustration.
“Ava, this isn’t just fucking. You get that, right?” he asked kissing my breast.
I glared at him. I just wanted an orgasm. I didn’t want a damn lecture.
“I know,” I moaned grinding into him, just wanting him to finish. To help me finish.
He rose above my body again. This time, he raised both of my legs onto his shoulder. He entered my body so savagely, that the whole bed moved.
“I’m getting you back, Ava. Nobody will ever love you like I love you.” With every word, he impaled me with his cock.
He was pounding into me like he was pissed off that I refused to give him another chance. I closed my eyes and bit my lip to prevent some bullshit from rolling off my tongue like I still love you and want to be with you.
“Shit,” I groaned out when my orgasm rushed my body.
“I’m not giving up.”
“I want my family back,” he panted as he grinded me into the mattress.
I sighed because I finally realized that he wasn’t going to let this go. He was going to break my resistance even if he wasn’t sincere. If he planned on fucking me over again, he was going to win.
I merely looked at him. I couldn’t give in to him this easily. Could I?
“I think you should go back to your room before Mercy gets up.” I whispered to him as he slowly withdrew from my body.
Ryan didn’t say anything for a moment. I held my breath preparing to battle for a little space. I needed time to think. What was I going to do with him?
He slowly rose from the bed and stared at me like he wanted to say something else.
“I get it Ryan. You want your family. Just give me some time.” I felt his cum leaking down my legs again. This was the second time I had had sex with him with no protection. Didn’t that tell me everything I needed to know about our relationship?
Ryan’s fingers touched my thigh. I could feel my body responding to him all over again. It was ridiculous.
“Promise?” he gazed intently at me.
I still loved him. I just didn’t know if I could trust him.
I nodded my head.
He leaned over and kissed my lips. “Give us a chance. I can make you happy.”
I nodded my head again. I could feel the pressure of tears behind my eyes. I wanted to believe him. I wanted the man that I used to love back. I wanted to give my faith and trust into his safekeeping like I had in college. I wanted to feel free to love him without any doubt or reservations like in the past. But, this was something totally different. I was going to have to give him my heart again knowing that he had broken it once before.
When he left, I covered my face with my hands. He was driving me freaking crazy. I just wanted a few minutes of peace. One day without him looking at me with the puppy dog eyes begging for forgiveness or me opening my legs like he hadn’t already screwed me over once literally and figuratively.
I went to take a shower. With every spray of the water, I remembered him touching me and loving every inch of my body.
I needed somebody to talk to me. I was at a loss as to what to do about Ryan.
I picked up my cellphone and dialed my best friend, Haley after throwing on my nightshirt. Haley was always there when I needed her. Right about now, I needed her before I accidentally tripped my ass right back into Ryan’s bed.
Before Haley could even say anything, I was begging.
“Haley, I need you to come down here for a few days. I know you’re busy, but I need some support. Someone to make sure that I don’t give in again.”
“Girl, you know Beverly Hills is a long way from Georgia, and I’m on a teacher’s salary. You’ve seen those damn walk-outs. Poor woman struggling over here.”
“Girl, you’re so crazy.” I laughed. Yep, I knew teachers made a shit salary. No, living with Ryan hadn’t made me forget my salary was crap. I wasn’t too prideful to admit that if Ryan was insistent about staying in Mercy’s life
that he should take some financial responsibility of raising her. It would help me be able to afford some of the things that my teacher’s salary couldn’t pay for in the future.
I was almost positive that Ryan wouldn’t tell me no if I asked him to spring for Haley’s ticket or even send his damn plane to her.
He had a freaking plane. Stay focused.
Right now, he was doing whatever to make me happy. I wasn’t really sure how long that attitude would last.
“I’ll get Ryan to buy your ticket or send his plane for you. I’m sure he’ll do it since he’s dead set on winning me back,” I groaned.
“You’re going to ask him for money? What happened to Miss Independent? I can do it all by myself. I don’t need Ryan’s millions. And, don’t think that I didn’t hear that little bit about him having his own plane. Girl, maybe you should think about taking him back real hard.” Haley said laughing.
“Shut up. I’m using his money for mental support. I need you to help me stop falling in the bed with him every time Mercy is off doing whatever. Lord, he probably has women falling all over themselves giving up pussy like he’s a dying man in the desert.”
I didn’t want to even think about the competition. I had seen Ryan at movie premieres. He was way out my league now.
“So,” Haley dragged out, “You two have been knockin the boots? I’m asking for a friend who said that she was only going to visit and give somebody a chance to meet their daughter.”
I groaned. Leave it up to Haley to throw my words back at me.
“Hello? Hello? Is the woman there that gave it up to her baby daddy still on the phone?”
“Don’t be a butthole, Haley.”
“Fine. So, you slept with him, huh?” she asked curiously.
“Yes.”
“Was it good? I mean you know those movie scenes that he does makes it look like he knows what he’s doing.”
I threw my head back on the pillow. I didn’t even want to picture his steamy, sexy movie scenes.
“Yes, it was good.”
“Was he better than college? I mean some men are already as good as they are going to get in college.”
I wish.
“Way better,” I mumbled.
Mercy Page 8
