“Don’t so me. Mercy is my daughter.”
“Mercy is our daughter,” he responded calmly. He constantly made sure that every time I tried to claim Mercy as mine alone that he was in my ear swearing part ownership.
If I slapped him, did that mean I had lost control?
I couldn’t believe that he was going to take her out the house because I wasn’t going with them. I thought he was going to be content with being with us in the house and his spending time with us that way.
Stupid me.
“I’m not ashamed of Mercy. I don’t care who knows that she’s mine, Ava. I told you I screwed up. I’m coming clean. I won’t hide her from the world.”
“What if the paparazzi starts harassing her?”
“I have security. Hunter Scott is great. I’ve had him for years. He’ll make sure that nothing happens to Mercy or you. Whatever I need to do to keep you two safe, I’ll do it. So, can we go to the awards tonight?”
Who was this man? He wanted to take me and Mercy to an award show. I knew she would love it. Ryan’s wealth could offer her things that I could only dream of. But, I didn’t want to go with them. I was not ready to open myself up to do this. She was his daughter. I wouldn’t keep them apart.
“She can go,” I sighed. I knew that this was just the beginning of him turning our lives upside down.
“You don’t want to go?” he asked me again as if I was going to change my mind. I wasn’t. It would be good to sit in the house without him constantly throwing his testosterone all over the place. He was making me antsy.
“No, I’m not ready for the spotlight. Taking her will cause enough questions. I don’t want my life on display.”
I felt him moving behind me. My heart nearly jumped out my chest. He knew that my neck was always the most sensitive part of my body. When we were together, he would kiss and lick my neck incessantly. He was trying to fight dirty.
I moved away from him.
He smiled knowingly. Jerk.
“You’re Mercy’s mother. They’re going to find out about you one way or another,” he replied refusing to move too far away from me.
“When they find out who I am, I’ll deal with it. But, right now, I don’t want to.”
“You know this is my life, right? The paparazzi will always be around. They get paid to stay in my business. They’ll be in your business because you’re connected to me.”
I snorted. “I’m not connected to you.” Mercy was his daughter. I meant nothing even if she meant something to him now. I could see them building a relationship right before my eyes. I would be a fool if I tried to keep them apart, but it didn’t change where Ryan and I stood with each other.
He smiled as if I was simply lying to myself. This man. I could not with him.
“You’re connected to me in the best way possible.” He smirked ignoring my words as usual.
A shiver raced down my spine. I was sure he knew what he was doing to me. The room always felt so much smaller when we were in it together because he was not a respecter of my space. He ignored the whole bubble concept.
“How?” I blurted. I shouldn’t have asked. It was an invitation for him to say some asinine comment that I had to remind myself that wasn’t sincere.
He faced me, leaning into my personal space. His heated gaze warmed my whole body. The chemistry was electric between us even though I tried everything to ignore it.
I shuddered and took in a sharp breath as he ran his finger down my face. “We have Mercy for one.”
My nipples began tingling. I stayed rooted to the spot allowing him to entice me. I was such a stupid girl. We hadn’t been in California long, and I didn’t know where my self-respect had gone.
“The second reason?” I breathed slowly because I felt like I wanted to pant. He could still make all of my girlie parts scream.
His eyes trailed my body. I gripped the countertop to keep myself from getting closer to him. This would not do at all. I needed him to leave before I did something we’d both regret. Looking into the desire in his eyes, he wouldn’t regret anything. I would be the only loser in the equation.
“I’ve touched, licked, and been in every part of you. I know places on your body that no one else could possibly every know. And, there’s also a third reason,” he finished while he brushed his lips against my ear.
At this point, asking the third reason might leave me like a piece of putty on the floor. He bit my neck. “Don’t you want to know the third reason?”
He licked the spot between my neck and shoulder. I leaned into him knowing that I shouldn’t ask but helpless to resist.
“What’s the third reason?” I asked breathlessly. Bad, Ava. But, bad felt so good with Ryan. If he had drove me crazy as a young man, I was petrified at what he could do to me as an adult. Young Ryan had experimented with my body. He hadn’t mastered any techniques. We were young and having fun. This Ryan felt dangerous in all the good ways. He had been around the world. I was a hundred percent positive that he had learned quite a bit since we last slept together.
“I left little pieces of me inside you that need to be gathered to make us whole again,” he whispered.
Tears filled my eyes. I had to get a grip. It had only been three weeks. I couldn’t give in that easy. “We’ll never be whole again,” I whispered to him moving back to put some distance between us. I was screwing up, making too many mistakes with this man. I needed tonight to regroup and find my resistance because it had obviously gotten lost somewhere in my panties.
He flinched. “We can. You just have to trust me.”
I choked out a painful laugh. I felt like an idiot for letting the thought of sex sway me. I needed to regain some semblance of distance.
“Do you know why I named our daughter Mercy,” I asked him. He slowly moved back from me. I had shared numerous things about Mercy’s birth with him. He was genuinely interested in her. I had shared with him pictures of Mercy as a baby. I even told him funny stories about the time that I had frozen water in a glass and put it on my dresser. I turned around and Mercy had opened a drawer and climbed into it to get the water. The frozen water had cascaded all over her and she had frozen up like an icicle.
“Why?” he asked most likely knowing that it wasn’t going to be something that he wanted to hear.
I admit I was not above using guilt to push him away.
“Because of a Brett Young song. Have you heard of it?” I still remembered the day I listened to that song over and over again when I was pregnant with her. It was like my little reminder of what he had done to me. How he had broken me. He hadn’t felt any mercy. He let me go to his room knowing that he would be having sex with someone else. In reality, if he had ever truly loved me, he would have just broken my heart by telling me he didn’t want me anymore. Instead, he ripped it out my chest by screwing another girl in my face while I was pregnant with his daughter. It was unforgivable. I needed to remember that.
He shook his head no.
I pulled up my phone for him and played the song. Every word that Brett Young had said in the song touched my wounded heart. There was not one word that I hadn’t felt to the core of my being.
“This is the way I made you feel?”
I closed my eyes. “Yes.”
Pain flooded my heart remembering the nights I cried myself to sleep from the pain of losing him and having a child that he didn’t want.
His hand touched my cheek. My body shivered.
“I can’t change the past, Ava. I want you to know that I would if I could.” His gaze was intense.
“You can’t.” The past could never be changed. The only thing that a person could do was move forward, and I had done that. Mercy and I had learned to live without him.
“I know.”
There was no warning. One second, I was trying to explain to him why we could not be together, then, before I could say anything else, he covered my mouth with his. He kissed me like he had waited to kiss me for years. It was rough
and demanding. He deepened the kiss. He acted like he wanted to devour my mind, body, heart, and soul. His kiss swept all of my objections away.
He made forget all the reasons that our being together was such a bad idea.
Where was this man all the times that I needed him? All of the nights that I missed his body being next to mine?
My heart pumped hard. I had missed him so much. I had missed the us that we used to be when we were in love. I wanted to push him away. I wanted to pull him close. I didn’t know how not to love this man. I didn’t know how to give him up even though my heart knew that the chance of us being together was slim to none.
But, the passion that I felt for him was undeniable.
He took his time kissing my lips. My fingers curled though his hair. Damn, it felt like coming home.
He pulled a moan from deep inside me. The chemistry between us was electric. My body craved his.
He lifted my sundress, moved my panties aside and pressed his fingers inside my wet center. My juices drenched his fingers. I was so wet for him that his fingers slid in and out. I should have been embarrassed about the way that my body was responding to him, but I couldn’t make myself care.
This was the man that I had loved with every bit of my heart. If I were honest, I would have to admit that I had never stopped loving him.
He used one hand to lower his shorts and underwear. He turned me around, bent me over, and pushed my legs apart. It had been so long. I held my breath in anticipation.
Desire flowed through my body. My blood pumped hard through my body. I leaned back into him. His erection brushed my ass. His scent surrounded me. I wanted him even though I knew it was wrong. When he entered me inch by inch, I savored every minute of being connected to him. My sex clenched him tight, grasping for his flesh as if it was scared that he would leave again.
I held onto the counter as he pumped into me. He caressed my breasts through my shirt, pinching my nipples, making me push further into his erection. He bit the back of my neck making me squeeze his erection tighter.
I bit my lip trying to keep any sounds from escaping. Somewhere in the back of my mind I remembered that Mercy was somewhere in the house.
I widened my legs trying to take even more of him. I moved against him, urging him on, trying to help him reach his climax.
He overwhelmed me with his passion, and I reveled in it. Electricity ripped through my sex. I gasped and arched against him, taking more.
He growled and slammed into me. Moving faster and faster, he drove into and I melted all around him. I slumped against the counter as he continued to pound into me. I was weak and helpless. All I could do was take his assault on my mind and I loved every minute of it.
I felt him stiffen behind me and press into me one last time.
“Ava,” he growled pulling me into his body.
I felt comforted for a moment, but I knew it was fake. Sex didn’t equate to love. I pushed back from his body, giving us some space.
I snatched my dress back down, embarrassed that I had allowed myself to lose control in his kitchen for Pete’s sake. Mercy could have seen us together. That would have been a disaster. I need these next few weeks to move on quickly so that I could get back home. It was obvious that I didn’t know how not to be with Ryan.
My face was flush. I turned around and watched Ryan put his semi-erect penis back in his shorts. My sex clenched like it remembered him being inside it.
We definitely needed the space that tonight would bring. I needed to regroup. I needed time to rebuild my resistance.
“Ava,” he said moving close to me.
“This was a mistake. This can’t happen again.”
He flinched from my words. It didn’t matter. He didn’t matter. What we just did couldn’t matter. I was just a receptacle that he had emptied into like it was nothing. I meant nothing to him. I couldn’t forget that.
I moved back when I heard Mercy enter the room. I hated myself. I cringed as I felt his sticky seed running down my legs.
I clenched my legs together as I felt tears prick the back of my eyes.
We hadn’t even used protection. I was stupid. He could have been with anybody. I didn’t know a thing about him. Obviously, I hadn’t learned a damn thing from our past.
“Dad, what are we doing tonight?” Mercy asked as I moved away from Ryan. We needed distance. Things were getting too deep. He was breaking down the barriers I had placed around my heart.
“I have a surprise for you,” he said trying to keep a smile on his face. I could tell what I had said had hurt him, but I didn’t owe him compassion. I should feel upset that I had hurt him just a little bit, it was only a drop in the bucket of what I had experienced.
“What is it?” she asked looking at him like he hung the moon.
I couldn’t deny the way that he handled Mercy. I was losing any doubt in my mind that he wanted to be with her. It still burned that she looked at him like he had always been there. But, I guess kids were more forgiving. He hadn’t actually done anything to her. Yes, he had been absent. For her, that was it. For me, it was so much more.
“We’re going to the Kids Choice Awards.”
Mercy screamed. I meant a pre-teen scream that could have broken glass. “Really?”
“Yep, get dressed.” He smiled at our daughter.
“What should I wear?”
“Jeans and a cute top are fine. It’s not a formal event. You can wear tennis shoes too. Go find something to wear.”
Mercy glanced over at me, “Are you coming, Mom?”
I shook my head no. I had to gather myself. I cleared my throat. “Nope, this something for just you and your Dad. You two have fun.”
I wanted to cry. I was embarrassed by what I had just done.
“Go get dressed. I’ll come up to help you in a second.” I cleared my throat again. I could feel the emotions bubbling up inside me wanting to break free like a damn.
I wouldn’t let them come out. I would be free to cry when they both left the house. I could hold it all in and wait for them to leave. I had been holding in my pain for years. Today should not be any different.
Mercy ran toward the stairs. I walked toward the steps to follow her.
Ryan grabbed my hand as I passed. “I’m not going to break your heart.”
I was sure he was talking about the present. However, sometimes the past and present intertwined.
“You already did,” I told him following Mercy up the stairs.
He just thought he wanted me. He didn’t. It was just like college. After he got me, he wouldn’t want me anymore. Maybe, this wasn’t about my race. It could simply be about a man that liked the chase and once the chase was over it was no longer fun.
In Case You Didn’t Know
Brett Young
The whole ride in the car on the way to the show I thought about what Ava told me. She named our daughter from a country song about someone having Mercy on them instead of leading them on.
I screwed this thing up so bad between us that I was not sure if she would ever let me fix it. I saw the look on her face after we finished having sex. I knew she was embarrassed and angry with herself, but I wasn’t sorry. She was going to be mine again. This was just the beginning. I needed her to believe that I was serious this time.
I looked over at Mercy, and she practically vibrated in her seat. She was so excited. I was glad I was making at least one of the ladies in my life happy.
“You ready, Mercy?”
“Yes, I can’t believe it. I’m going to meet my favorite stars. Laney is going to be so jealous when I tell her.” She grinned mischievously.
“I’m sure she will. We’ll make sure to take a lot of pictures.” She wasn’t the only one that wanted to treasure this moment. My daughter looked absolutely adorable. Her hair hung down her back in curls. Her green eyes that were so like mine glowed with excitement. I was sure that it would be a night that she would never forget.
I thought about all the
times that I could have taken her to events like this, but I hadn’t been around. I promised myself that I would make it up to her.
I would make it back up to her mother too.
Taking a deep breath, I pulled my daughter out the car before my security could open the door. I knew the paparazzi would have a million questions. I couldn’t put it off forever. I wouldn’t hide my daughter. I had to take accountability no matter how determinantal this could be for my career.
Nobody wanted to believe that their favorite star could be an asshole. People failed to realize that stars were human too. We made the same dumb ass mistakes that everyone else made in life.
Some dumber than others.
I heard my name as soon as I exited the car.
“Ryan.”
“Ryan.”
“Ryan. Who’s the pretty girl that you have with you?” One of the reporters asked as we walked toward the red carpet.
I gripped Mercy hand tightly with mine. I would protect my daughter with my life.
“My daughter,” I answered beaming a huge smile toward Mercy. She smiled at me. My heart soared. She trusted me. Damn, I wished I could go back. But, forward was the only option.
What I did to her and Mercy was almost unforgivable. But, I had to believe that there was a chance at forgiveness regardless of my dick move.
“Did I hear you say daughter, Ryan?” someone else screamed at me.
“Yes, my daughter.” I said looking directly at the camera.
“Is she the reason that you took a year off from movies?” another one asked as I continued to walk.
“Yes, I wanted to spend time with her. I’ve missed out on a huge chunk of her life,” I answered trying to be honest.
“Where has she been?” somebody different asked.
“With her mother.”
“Where is her mother?” somebody else wanted to know.
“With me.” I answered truthfully. They didn’t need to know that she currently hated my guts and wouldn’t give me a chance. I had to speak things as though they were. The alternative would break me.
Mercy Page 7
