Past Be Damned

by Rebecca Royce

  “I don’t need a lecture on what’s out there, thanks.” Eric shook his head. “Thanks for the info.”

  Kieran nodded. “If I didn’t think that you guys were probably the strongest guards outside of my own brothers, I’d hate you. As it is, I think, even though you don’t trust me, I’m glad we’re on the same side.”

  6

  “This is not who I am. I don’t just pass out.” Aidan took off his shoes. His movements were sluggish, but his attitude wasn’t. I grinned at him. I could actually feel his angst like a movement in the back of my head.

  He’d outright refused to believe he was going to fall asleep, until I’d suggested he could take his unscheduled nap in my bed. That had at least gotten him moving. Eric wasn’t showing signs of fatigue yet. From what Kieran said, it was coming.

  Thaddeus watched the scene from the door with Brody and Noah next to him. “One of us has to stay away from her,” my One said quietly. “I’ll volunteer. When the two of you wake up from whatever this is, I’ll go under.”

  I cleared my throat. “I don’t think it can be planned like that. I mean, we’re not really sure what moments cause the co-joining. They were quite different with Aidan and Eric. You have to feel it, too. It could be months, weeks, years.”

  Thaddeus nodded, his gaze traveling to the floor then back to meet my own. “I see.”

  Noah reached out, pulling me to him. “So what you’re saying is that we shouldn’t take it personally. It’s not like you’re choosing. Him, but not him.”

  “I haven’t had anything to do with this. Honestly, I thought it wasn’t possible. How else to explain the fact that you left me in that mine and believed me dead when just the opposite happened to Daniella and Anne?”

  Noah’s body stiffened when I spoke. “Right. There is that. The epic failure.”

  Brody sighed loudly. “Why should anything go exactly the right way for us? We’re like the defunct guard group.”

  I reached out to touch his arm. “If you’re the defunct group, it’s only because you have a bad Sister.”

  “No,” he shook his head. “You’re the best there is.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Not so. You haven’t spent enough time with Anne. She’s amazing. Daniella is a survivor. I’m okay. There are others even more impressive. All of this being said, I think I have to put off going after the raven until they wake up.”

  Eric didn’t seem tired yet. He still seemed pretty alert. I turned to check on Aidan. His eyes were closed. He was still and out cold on the bed. “Well, so much for that.”

  Thaddeus grinned. “He’s always such a bear when he gets ordered around.”

  “What was this about a raven?” Noah played with a strand of my hair. “So nice to be able to touch you again.”

  Eric sat down and took off his shoes. “If it’s coming for me anyway, I’ll stay here, do some reading and knock out when it hits. The raven is your crow. It’s a raven.”

  “Why have you been letting me call it a crow?” Noah raised his voice a notch.

  I waved my hand. “It’s fine. They’re basically the same thing.”

  “Yeah, but I feel like an idiot.”

  Eric groaned. “I didn’t want it to be a whole thing. Can you get back to the point? Please. We’re talking about Teagan and the raven.”

  I glanced between them. This was the banter I used to think about at night when I was freezing and taking demons out of myself. This was easy. Maybe everyone wasn’t getting along perfectly—they only did that when we battled demons—but it was normal, understood, and comfortable.

  Eric gasped, his white eyes getting huge. “Teagan.”

  I touched the side of his face. “Sorry. I’ve got to learn to control where my mind drifts.”

  Eric kissed my hand. “No, you have to be okay with us sharing how bad it was. I want those memories. I need to know how much you suffered.”

  We’d see about that. Sharing meant opening them up to the darkness. That would never happen. I changed the subject. “I had a dream last night about the cr—ravens. A voice told me to follow the ravens. Now, today, Eric tells me ravens are associated with prophecy.”

  Thaddeus nodded. “So you want to follow the raven.”

  “Exactly.”

  He cleared his throat. “Okay, since we can’t be sure when or if you’ll co-join with the rest of us, we’ll give it a day, wait for them to get up, and see where we are. It sounds important. We’ll do it.”

  “I could go alone. I’ve been doing a lot of things alone. I’m sure I could...”

  Thaddeus interrupted me with a wave of his hand. “Not going to happen.”

  “You don’t really get to say.” My life was my own—mine and the darkness’. It had been there with me, in the mine—growing, and it stayed with me now.

  He walked toward me, canting his head until we were at eye-level with each other. “Oh, yes, I do. There are scarier things than demons in this world, sweetheart. Men who want your body and don’t listen to the word no. You’ve never trained to fight—and even if you somehow have—you could be overwhelmed. I take care of you, not only because I’m your guard, but because I love you.”

  My mind spun. The darkness coiled and expanded in pulses, as though experiencing the race of my heart. This time I knew exactly what was happening, although I couldn’t believe it was so fast. Three co-joinings in one day. It was like now that we could do it, the event happened all at once.

  Thaddeus stood outside a blazing fire. He had two eyes visible, and his hair was slightly longer. I’d forgotten that. He’d needed a haircut the last day I’d seen him. I’d promised to do it. My heart clenched. Small details were getting away from me. His hand came up to his face, and as I watched, my mouth falling open, he clawed the side of his skin. Fingernail marks marred his face. He darted forward like he’d run into the flames. Noah appeared in the distance. He lunged forward, grabbing Thaddeus and wrestling him to the ground.

  “It’s too late. Check out that black smoke. It’s coming down. She’s gone.” Tears streamed down Noah’s face.

  Thaddeus thrashed against him. “Then I die with her. Then I die with her.”

  “We don’t know that she’s in there. She might not be. Then you’re dead, and she’s left missing you.”

  My One roared, then he ceased his struggles. “But if she’s dead, I’m always going to hate you for not letting me die, too.”

  I sucked in my breath and rushed back into my body the second I would have thrown myself at Thaddeus. In our present day, he fell backward against the wall, his eyes white.

  He made a strangled sound, and then his arms were around me. I could feel him in my consciousness, strong, steady, and always ready. Oh, how he loved me. Could he feel how I returned it? How it had been for so long?

  Thaddeus kissed my nose, my cheek, my eyes. “Love you.”

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on to him until my heart steadied. “You wanted to die in the fire—with me.” It was both tragic and romantic, heartfelt and stupid. The darkness vibrated, but I yoked it away from Thaddeus as I had with Eric and Aidan.

  His laugh was stifled against my shoulder. “I owe Noah an apology.” He sniffed. “You do love me.”

  I closed my eyes. “Did you think I didn’t?”

  “I thought maybe you didn’t anymore because it was all my fault. I’m One. It’s my job to see to everyone. Ultimately, I have to own that all your pain lies squarely on my shoulders.”

  I shook my head. “No. Just no. Something has gone wrong. We need to know how and why. That’s not on you.”

  I walked with Noah and Brody from the room, leaving one who slept so still I had to check that he breathed, and two who would follow suit. Noah held one of my hands and Brody the other. I glanced up, the crow—the raven—circled. Anxiety traveled down my spine, and my back stiffen. The darkness flared, as though preparing to leap, but I waited. I’d told Thaddeus I would.

  “It’s a small bed for all three of them.
” Brody ran a hand through his hair.

  “I slept in it last night with Noah and Aidan. We fit.”

  He rolled his eyes. “You’re tiny, Teagan.”

  “Tiny but tough.” I kicked him in the shin. He grinned and swept me up over his shoulder. I had to let go of Noah’s hand in the process. He patted my rear end.

  Finally, after he was done spinning me around, Brody set me down on one of the outside picnic tables. “Do you remember when we first realized that we were all in love with her, Noah?”

  My Three sat down next to me, and soon, Five followed suit. It was funny to think of them that way. The darkness was letting some of that back through my void. The numbers were… happy memories. Noah eventually cleared his throat. “That wasn’t a great night.”

  “No?” I leaned back to enjoy the sunshine. It was warm and soft, and I could forget the shadow moving within me. “I guess I can understand. You were all in love with a woman five years older than you who had weird powers and sometimes got herself hurt by demons. You must have felt sort of like... gee, really?”

  Brody kicked my shin gently. “That’s not what I meant or what he meant.”

  “Then why wasn’t it a great night?” The sun felt lovely on my face. The rain would be coming back soon. It never stayed away very long.

  Noah kissed my cheek. “Because there are five of us, one of you, and the rules were undefined. We didn’t know back then, until I found those books, that a Sister often had more than one lover in her life. That, in fact, it used to be designed that way on purpose. Sisters functioned better with more than one love at a time.”

  Right. I remembered that conversation. They’d had it with me a month after I’d been eating myself alive under the idea that I was killing all of us. How could I love more than one of them and not destroy what had been their lifelong friendship?

  “We almost came to blows. I announced I was in love with you.” Brody grinned. “You know me, I’m not shy.”

  No he was not. Brody tended to say what he wanted and not hold back. Noah laughed. “Aidan did not take that well. He’d been not-so-secretly loving you from a distance. He attacked Brody. They both went down. Then there was a fray. Thaddeus broke them up and announced, no, he’d be with you if anyone was. I tried to make peace but really couldn’t. I wanted you.”

  This wasn’t a story I’d heard before. “And Eric?”

  “He walked right out. He was going to tell you he loved you first. Smart asshat.” Brody stared in the distance. “Then we got the call you had to kill a demon. So we shut up.”

  “Until you kissed me, Noah.”

  Brody laid his head down on my lap. “He broke all kinds of agreements doing that. Peacemaker, my ass. Boy does what he wants. I’m suffering, and he goes and kisses you.”

  I loved this memory. We’d all gotten through that time, which made it nice to reminisce about those awkward weeks of fresh love. Thaddeus had been the last to give in to our feelings. He’d been willing to sit back and let me be happy with someone else, until he realized I’d never be happy without him. That I’d taken more than one lover, well, my choice had made him just a little mad...

  Brody had always been okay with sharing me as long as I loved him with all my heart. I smiled at a memory.

  “Hey, Brody. How are the swimming lessons going?” He stared up at me, if he wasn’t careful his pale skin would redden in the sun. He groaned. “Not funny, babe. I’m not meant for water.”

  We’d all taken it upon ourselves to teach Brody how to swim one afternoon. The others knew how. Apparently he’d managed to avoid learning when they’d had to at the orphanage. It turned out there was a very good reason why he couldn’t swim—he was incapable of floating. No matter what we did, Brody sunk.

  I ran my hands through his brown hair. “It’s okay, love. I’ll rescue you in the water.”

  “Well, a person can’t be totally perfect, princess. I have to have one flaw.”

  Noah elbowed me. “Going to let him get away with that?”

  “Sure. Why not? Brody can be nearly perfect, and so can you.”

  Noah grinned at me. He lay back so he was totally flat on the table. “Brody get off her lap. I have a thought.”

  Brody didn’t move. “Why does your thought mean I have to get off her lap?”

  Noah groaned. “Well, I thought maybe we could make her lunch for a change. That requires you to get off her lap.”

  I wasn’t hungry, but before I could tell them that, Anne appeared with Bryant and Milo. She smiled at me and nodded to my guards. We were going to have to do some kind of activity where everyone got to know each other, or living together would be intolerable.

  Noah and Brody sat up immediately, their manner transformed from easy to alert. I wasn’t going to tell them it was okay. I couldn’t keep saying it. They’d have to come to believe it on their own. Or not.

  “Teagan, how are things?”

  I smiled at her. Anne really was so kind. In contrast to the other Sister Superior, Katrina, she made our small Sisterhood lovely to live in. “I’m well. How are you?”

  “Recovered, thanks to you and your tremendous power. I’m hoping I can call on you for some more assistance.”

  I jumped off the table. “What do you need?”

  “What kind of demon is it?” Brody stood next to me.

  Anne shook her head. “Not a demon. Or maybe it is. But it’s not making my powers go off, and I’m out of ideas. Frankly, I’m not sure what you’ll be able to do, but if you could take a peek, I’d be grateful.”

  Noah put a hand on my back. “Take a look at what?”

  “The two Sisters we’ve been keeping cloistered. Daniella did that for everyone’s safety while I was away, and she was right to do so. You respected my request to stay away from them, and you’ve honored me by listening. Thank you. There is something wrong with each of them, and I don’t know what it is.”

  I’d wanted to see them and planned on it, whether Anne invited me to or not. Now, with the word honor, I was glad I hadn’t pulled one of my eavesdropping moments. “I’d be happy to. Anne, you should know we’re going to be leaving soon. I’ve had a vision. I need to follow it.”

  She clapped her hands. “Oh, a vision. What is it?”

  I pointed at the sky where our raven circled. “I need to follow him. The crows are waiting. That’s what the vision told me in my dream.”

  “Why haven’t you gone now?” Milo asked Brody.

  Brody peered at Noah who nodded before he answered. “The other three have co-joined. They’re sleeping.”

  Milo laughed, throwing his head back. “I remember those days. You wake up so...”

  “Milo.” Anne shook her head. “Don’t. Everyone gets to discover these things on their own. I’m glad to see things progressing, Teagan. No one deserves it more than you do.”

  I wanted to argue with her. Everyone woke up and what happened? But I kept it to myself. My years of training at the Sisterhood with Katrina had taught me respect. Anne had her reasons, and they weren’t going to be nefarious like Katrina’s had been.

  Milo put his arm around her. “Respecting their privacy?” His eyes turned white. He could control the changes. It really was amazing to witness the ease with which they did that.

  Anne elbowed him, and he laughed. “Too much sharing will make them uncomfortable. You’re not friends yet. That’s why I suggested you figure out how to do so.”

  Bryant groaned. “That’s not how these things work. We can’t just decide to be friends, and poof, we’re friends.”

  We reached the closed doors that housed the two Sisters I hadn’t met yet. “Has Daniella seen them since they arrived?”

  Anne shook her head. “No. Everyone has their strengths, and dealing with weakness is not one of Daniella’s. She was great when I was trapped, joining me in dreams, helping me. But if I ever stumbled into despair—or I should say when I did—she got frustrated. These women don’t need to be reminded that they should be
strong right now.”

  “She stopped coming to me after a while. When it was clear I wasn’t going to be rescued and the spirits wouldn’t show her where I was. At some point, she left me to my fate.” To the darkness.

  Anne nodded to me. “We love her. But she’s not patient. You are.”

  “You were also in the mines, Sister Anne?” Brody stepped in front of me to check the hallway. I let him, without complaint. They wanted to keep me safe. I had to get used to someone wanting to do that again.

  Bryant answered him. “She spent a year in a cage being forced by a madman and his family to take care of demons. We found her there. Killed them. She was still possessed at that point. That’s how we ended up finding and freeing Teagan.”

  Noah spoke before either Brody or I could. “We’ll always be grateful. Thank you.” He extended his hand. Bryant stared at the offering for a second before he quickly shook it.

  “No problem.”

  “Can we shelve more of this discussion until after we see Mika and Krystal?”

  I stopped. “I know Mika. We came up through schooling together. She’s a year younger than me.”

  “And I knew Krystal,” Anne added. “I have no reason to think they ever knew each other before they showed up at the gates a few weeks ago.”

  That was true. I hadn’t known Anne. As had been pointed out to me, the original Sisterhood was a lot more spread out, divided, and segregated than we were led to think when we were there. “Did they both come because of the scene you made at the Sisterhood?”