The Princess Rules

by Philippa Gregory

  ‘I think I can see my glasses!’ he said as quietly as he could manage. ‘On a big cart. Are they really going to make me see everything clearly?’

  ‘Yes!’ Florizella said, with her fingers crossed behind her back for luck.

  ‘And then you can go home and plant your own food,’ Bennett reminded him.

  ‘And no one will ever call you stupid again,’ Florizella said encouragingly.

  The wagon drew to a halt at the giant’s feet. Simon bent down very carefully, putting Cecilia on the ground beside Florizella and Bennett. Then he picked up the spectacles by the frames and looked at them.

  ‘Put them carefully on your nose,’ Florizella urged.

  There was a long exciting silence while the giant settled them on his nose, pushed the arms of the spectacles into his curly fair hair and tucked them behind his huge ears.

  He gazed out across the Plain Green Plains. ‘I can see!’ he said softly. ‘I can see properly at last. It’s lovely. I can see the hills and the mountains behind them. I can see the trees.’

  He turned his big face to look downwards. ‘And I can see my friends,’ he began …

  Then he screamed in absolute terror – so loudly that Florizella, Bennett, Cecilia and all the royal court were blown over and over by the blast.

  ‘Humans! Humans! Ugh! Humans! I hate humans! I thought you were mice!’

  ‘Stand still! Stand still!’ Florizella and Bennett yelled as the giant clumsily tried to jump away from the royal camp while the king and queen and the royal surveyor and the whole court clung to bushes and trees as the whole world shook around them. ‘You’ll hurt us! Stand still!’

  The plough horses threw up their heads and bolted in ten different directions. Their driver leaped clear of the wagon, which overturned and was dragged zigzagging wildly away. People ran screaming with terror as the mighty boots crashed down first in one spot and then another like great unpredictable thunderbolts. High, high above them, above the tops of the trees, they could hear the roaring complaints of the frightened giant.

  ‘I hate humans! I hate humans! They’re ’orrible! ’Orrible! I hate them. They’re dangerous! They’re nasty! They’re sneaky! They come after you when you ain’t done nothing! ’Orrible! ’Orrible!’

  ‘Stand still!’ Florizella yelled. ‘Stand still and listen for a moment!’

  The giant forced himself to stand still, quivering all over with fright.

  ‘We’re not ’orrible,’ Florizella said. ‘I mean horrible. We’ve been kind to you – remember? We’ve made you these spectacles and it took all the glass from our windows and all the iron in the kingdom! We’ve fed you every day! We’re not sneaky and nasty!’

  The giant shook his head. He was hopelessly confused.

  ‘Cecilia is a human,’ Florizella gabbled at the top of her voice. ‘And you like her. She tells you wonderful stories. And you like Bennett – he brought you lemonade when you were thirsty. And you like me – and all of us here. We’ve fed you for a week. We’ve cared for you.’

  The giant shook his head. ‘I don’t believe you! I’ve heard all about your sort! It was one of your tricks – being nice to me. I know all about humans! You’d have tied me up when I was asleep or something sneaky like that! You’d have come climbing up beanstalks after me! You’d steal my gold or set other giants on me! Well, you watch out, Princess Florizella! Fee-fi-fo-fum, you know! I am a giant after all! I can grind your bones, don’t forget!

  Fee-fi-fo-fum!

  Fee-fi-fo-fum!

  I can’t remember how the rest of it goes … Umpty, umpty, umpty um!’

  He finished the last Umpty, umpty, umpty um! with a great roar, trying very hard to hide his own fear and to frighten everyone else.

  ‘What are we going to do?’ Florizella asked Bennett in an urgent whisper. ‘If he goes on about grinding bones, the royal guard won’t like it at all! And then we’ll have a little war on our hands.’

  ‘A giant war, you mean,’ Bennett said. ‘And we’ve given him spectacles so he can see us. We won’t have a chance if he attacks!’

  Florizella looked behind her. Already people were getting up and looking for weapons, and mustering around the king and queen. They all looked angry and frightened. The royal guard gathered at the royal standard with their hands on their swords. The captain of the royal guard was setting out a battle plan. The drummer girls were looking for their drumsticks in a hurry in case anyone wanted to sound the retreat – or even advance. The queen beckoned urgently to Florizella to come to her. Florizella smiled pleasantly and waved back, pretending not to understand.

  Suddenly, little Cecilia pushed between Florizella and Bennett.

  ‘Lift me up!’ she demanded. ‘Lift me up on your thoulder.’

  Bennett picked her up. She was still only as high as the giant’s laces on his monstrous boots.

  ‘Thimon!’ she yelled. ‘Giant Thimon! Can you hear me?’

  The giant stopped still at her commanding little squeak.

  ‘Yes,’ he said a little more softly. ‘I can hear you, Thethilia.’

  ‘You are a big thilly to thpeak to Florithella like that,’ she said severely. ‘She hath been ath nithe ath she could be. And then you thtart up with thith fee-fi-fo-fum nonthenth. You thould be athamed of yourthelf. You are a great big naughty thing.’

  ‘I …’ the giant began, but it was no use. Cecilia was quite unstoppable.

  ‘Now, you thay thorry,’ she said firmly. ‘Or no one ith going to talk to you.’

  There was a long silence.

  ‘THAY THORRY!’ Cecilia shouted with infinite threat.

  ‘Thorry,’ the giant said. ‘Thorry. I was startled. I’ve never talked to humans before. I thought you were all horrid little vermin. A race of burglars and killers. Beansprout climbers. I thought you were all called Jack.’

  ‘That’s just a fairy story,’ Florizella said. ‘You don’t want to believe everything you read in fairy stories.’

  ‘Sorry,’ the giant said more softly. ‘I thought it was true. I thought we were natural enemies.’

  Bennett shook his head. ‘There are no natural enemies,’ he said. ‘You can always be friends if you choose to be. We’d like to be friends with you.’

  The giant shuffled his feet rather dangerously.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said again very humbly. ‘I want to be friends. I was very frightened for a moment, that was all.’

  ‘That’th better,’ Cecilia said firmly.

  The giant bent down and put out his big warm hand. The three children climbed into it. He lifted them up and up and up, past the tree trunks, past the high branches of the trees, past the birds’ nests and the tops of the trees, up to his face.

  His big blue eyes were huge behind his new glasses, as big as two blue harvest moons. The effect was quite startling: Florizella found she was gazing and gazing into his deep, enormous eyes.

  ‘I am sorry,’ he said again. ‘I know you’re nice now. But I was always taught that humans were dreadful.’

  ‘There are good and bad,’ Cecilia ruled. ‘Jutht like giantth, jutht like all people. Good and bad.’

  Florizella and Bennett exchanged an amazed look.

  ‘This Cecilia is one smart little girl,’ Bennett whispered to Florizella. Aloud he said, ‘If you are ready to leave, Giant Simon, then we have seeds and plants for you.’ He pointed towards the horizon where there was a long train of carts loaded with sacks of tomato seeds, lettuce seeds, carrot seeds, potato seeds, marrow seeds, cucumber seeds, corn on the cob seeds and parsnip seeds. Behind them were more wagons piled high with little fruit trees, their branches tossing with the rolling of the carts along the road.

  The giant gave a little sigh of pleasure. The three children grabbed on to his thumb and no one was blown away.

  ‘That’s a wonderful sight,’ he said. ‘It’s very kind of you all. I shall take them home and plant them, and my garden will be the best of all gardens. And then I shall have friends who will come rou
nd to see it. They won’t call me stupid then! They’ll be pleased to know me!’

  He bent down and put the children softly on the ground. With delicate fingers, he picked the tiny vegetables out of the carts and looked at them carefully. He could see them properly at last.

  ‘These are grand!’ he said. ‘Grand. I’m very, very grateful to you all.’

  ‘It’s our pleasure,’ the king said graciously. ‘And now I think it is probably time for you to go, Giant Simon.’

  It was a little unfortunate that everyone nodded very enthusiastically at the prospect of the giant leaving.

  ‘We will be sorry to lose you,’ the queen said tactfully, ‘but I expect you will want to be getting back to your garden. Autumn is coming. You will want to be getting the ground ready for your crops.’

  ‘We’ll point you in the direction of your home,’ Bennett said. ‘You came from the west, from over the mountains.’

  The giant had gone very quiet.

  ‘We’ll send the wagons along behind you,’ Florizella said cheerfully. ‘They can follow you until they reach our borders, and then you can carry the seeds and trees the rest of the way.’

  The giant said nothing. He sighed deeply. All the flags at the royal camp streamed out in the wind of his sigh. A few tents blew over.

  ‘Watch out,’ Bennett said to Florizella. ‘I think he’s off again!’

  A fat solitary tear crashed down into the bushes beside the two children, like a single massive wave on a beach.

  ‘Don’t cry!’ Florizella yelled desperately. ‘What’s the matter?’

  ‘Hold the horses!’ Bennett shouted to the royal camp.

  ‘Fasten down the tents!’ The captain of the guard turned to her force. ‘Prepare for a storm!’

  ‘Unh-hunh!’

  The ground rocked with the giant’s sob.

  ‘Unh-hunh! Unh-hunh!’

  ‘What is it?’ Florizella shouted upwards.

  ‘I’m going to miss you!’

  The giant was bawling like a baby.

  ‘I’m going to have to go back to my own country all by myself, and no one will tell me stories there.’

  Tears cascaded down upon the children and the royal camp like a hurricane, like a typhoon. The giant’s sobs uprooted great trees, a tent was washed away, several flagpoles were snapped off and the banners flew off in the gale of his cries.

  ‘Take cover!’ the captain commanded and the guard took up the brace position for hurricanes.

  High above the noise, a little voice was raised. ‘Thtop it!’ said Cecilia indignantly. ‘A great big giant like you! You should be athamed of yourthelf!’

  Abruptly the giant stopped crying.

  ‘You are too big to be thquealing and thnivelling all the time,’ Cecilia said firmly. ‘Bethideth, there ith no need for it. I am coming back with you to your country. I have athked my mum and she thayth I can. We can plant your garden together. I will thtay with you till the end of the thummer holidayth. And Florithella and Bennett will vithit you when you are thettled again.’

  ‘Will you?’ the giant asked. ‘Will you come with me, Thethilia? Stay with me until the end of the summer? And will you visit me, Florizella and Bennett?’

  The children shouted, ‘Yes, of course! Of course we will!’ and watched anxiously as the giant carefully lifted his new glasses and wiped the last tears from his eyes with the back of his hand.

  ‘I tell you what! We’ll have a party to see you off!’ the king shouted up. ‘I expect you’d like some fireworks, wouldn’t you? A nice jolly farewell party?’

  ‘With hats?’ Giant Simon asked eagerly. ‘And things that you blow that squeal? And streamers? And games?’

  Florizella and Bennett looked at the king.

  ‘Oh, Daddy, look what you’ve done,’ Florizella said reproachfully. ‘How on earth are we going to make him a party hat? Or a blower?’

  ‘Sorry,’ the king said. ‘I was just thinking of the royal enchanter’s spectacular show.’

  ‘Oh yes!’ Florizella said delightedly. ‘It’s not like any party you’ve ever seen before!’ she yelled up at the giant. ‘No hats, but the most wonderful things! You just wait till you see it!’

  The royal enchanter stepped forward. His magic blue coat billowed around him, and his tall pointy hat was slightly askew. ‘An amusing little something?’ he asked the king with a smile.

  ‘Something for the children,’ the king said. ‘They’ve been so good!’

  The royal enchanter produced a long silvery wand from his drooping sleeve and tapped it lightly on the ground. At once a white marble fountain sprang out of the ground, bubbling and flowing with raspberry soda. Fireworks leaped out of the grass and whizzed up into the evening sky, popping and twinkling in a million different colours. The showboat, which had caught the king’s fancy earlier, came pounding up the road with its paddles turning and very loud music, and dancing on the top deck.

  A dozen incredibly fast, incredibly slippery water-slides appeared from nowhere and the children from Great Valley Lake School (never had they had such a summer!) dashed for them and flung themselves, still fully dressed, up the steps and then screaming, round and round, head over heels, down the water-slides.

  A little steam engine with carriages came chuffing up the road and high-kicking dancers wrapped in feather boas sprang out of every door and danced up and down. A thousand parachutes opened in the sky above them and a regimental brass band floated down playing ragtime jazz, never missing a note, even when they dropped to the ground and rolled.

  High on the crest of a billowing blue wave, a dozen world-class surfers came dipping and wheeling, riding the high plumes of sea spray through the little forest.

  ‘Now that’s what I call a spectacle!’ the royal enchanter said to the royal surveyor with a superior sort of smile.

  But Florizella had something on her mind. She looked around the crowd of delighted faces until she saw Cecilia’s mother. She was laughing and pointing at a circus that had just arrived. There were unicorns doing a water ballet in rainbow-coloured water, with flying horses dipping and wheeling around rose-pink fountains.

  ‘I say,’ Florizella asked her. ‘Is it really all right for Cecilia to go with the giant?’

  ‘Oh yes,’ the girl’s mother said with a smile. ‘She’s always been a great one for pets, has Cecilia. She’ll stay till he’s settled in and then she’ll come home again. I let her go away for the holidays as long as she is back in time for school.’

  ‘Pets?’ Florizella asked. ‘Does Cecilia call Giant Simon a pet?’

  ‘Oh yes,’ the woman said. ‘Now all my children want one.’

  Florizella shook her head. ‘I just hope it doesn’t become a craze.’

  ‘Let them go, Florizella,’ Bennett said. ‘If she has decided that Giant Simon is her pet, then she’ll insist on keeping him. I’d rather she went with him than kept him here. That is one little girl who always gets her own way!’ He cupped his hands round his mouth and shouted upwards. ‘Well, goodbye, Giant Simon. We’ll come and see you in the autumn.’

  ‘Goodbye!’ the giant boomed down at them. Fireworks exploded behind his head and he laughed delightedly. ‘Goodbye, everyone, and thank you for everything, especially the party!’

  ‘Tho long!’ Cecilia called from high up in the giant’s pocket. ‘I’ll be home in time for thchool in the autumn!’

  The huge giant and the little girl in his pocket waved to the royal court and to Princess Florizella and Prince Bennett. Then, with the wagons of seeds and trees following behind him, the giant turned westward into the pale apricot evening sunlight. Carefully he made his way home, treading on nobody, stumbling into nothing, watching where he put his huge feet and looking with pleasure all around him. As he walked, everyone could hear the piping voice of Cecilia going on and on and on with her unending stories.

  They all watched him until he was a long way off, stepping carefully along the white track of the road as if it were a chalk line dra
wn for a game. The fireworks and the rockets, the parachuting band and the showboat and the train and the circus followed him into the distance and then faded from sight as a dream trickles away when you wake. When the giant was nothing more than a small moving dot on the horizon, everyone breathed a sigh of relief and started packing up the royal camp.

  ‘I really liked that giant,’ Florizella said. ‘I’m glad we were able to make spectacles for him.’

  ‘And give him seeds for his plants,’ Bennett said. ‘We could ride over to fetch Cecilia at the end of the summer holidays and see how his garden is getting on.’

  ‘It’s been a good adventure,’ Florizella said.

  ‘Yes,’ Prince Bennett replied. ‘Well done, Florithella.’

  ‘Thuper,’ she said with a grin.

  About the Author

  PHILIPPA GREGORY says that the most interesting fact about her is that she has a barn owl for a neighbour. An owl-rescue centre gave him to her after he was found injured. She looked after him and then released him to fly free, but he has stayed on and lives in her barn. She calls him George.

  Philippa has read thousands of books ever since she was a little girl – many of them at libraries. Her favourite colour is yellow, and her favourite food is cheese on toast.

  About the Publisher

  Australia

  HarperCollins Publishers Australia Pty. Ltd.

  Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street

  Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia

  www.harpercollins.com.au

  Canada

  HarperCollins Canada

  Bay Adelaide Centre, East Tower

  22 Adelaide Street West, 41st Floor

  Toronto, Ontario M5H 4E3, Canada

  www.harpercollins.ca

  India

  HarperCollins India

  A 75, Sector 57

  Noida, Uttar Pradesh 201 301, India

  www.harpercollins.co.in

  New Zealand

  HarperCollins Publishers New Zealand

  Unit D1, 63 Apollo Drive

  Rosedale 0632