The Man I Thought I Knew

by E. L. Todd

He kept eating like her name didn’t make him feel anything.

  I tried not to talk about their relationship because he clearly wasn’t in that place anymore. But we were all friends, which made everything complicated. I’d warned both of them at least ten times not to get together—but no, no one ever listened to me.

  “How’s Boy Toy #2?”

  “I don’t know. Haven’t talked to him.” It’d been almost a week since we’d last seen each other, but he’d stuck it to me good enough that the satisfaction was long-lasting. I didn’t need another hit yet.

  “So, you’re just fuck buddies?”

  “Hmm…more like a part-time lover.”

  “Then you’re juggling two guys?”

  I didn’t want to make an assumption, but the tone in his voice felt full of accusation. I turned away from my laptop and looked at him. “I’m not juggling anything. I have two guys that I like to hook up with. What’s the big deal?”

  He looked away and never answered.

  “Wow, did not peg you as a misogynistic asshole.”

  “I’m not,” he snapped.

  “You can hook up with all the girls you want, but when I do it—”

  “It’s not the same, and you know it.”

  “Ohh…” My temper had flared, and I was a bull out of a cage with a red flag in front of my face. I slowly shut my laptop. “Because I’m a woman and you’re a man.”

  “No, that’s not what I meant—”

  “Then you better be clear in the next few seconds because you know how I feel about sexist jackasses. I rip them to shreds, and I’ll do the same to you, Charlie.” He’d never given me that impression, never made a sexist comment. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, hoping this was a misunderstanding.

  He paused for a long time to gather his thoughts. “I wasn’t going to say anything because people grieve in different ways. But it’s been a year, and you aren’t improving. In fact, you’re getting worse.”

  “What are you talking about? I’m working, I go out on the town all the time, I’m a delight to be around…I’m not grieving. Charlie, I’m just living my life and thoroughly enjoying it.”

  “That’s not what I see. I see someone so shattered that they refuse to feel anything at all. You’re going through guys like cards in a deck to fill that void, but they’re just a distraction from what you actually need to do—which is move on with your life.”

  “Oh god…” I rolled my eyes.

  “I’m serious, Carson.” He pushed his food away and leaned closer to me, arms on the table. “You approach everything with sanitizer. You want it to be as meaningless as possible because you’re too scared to—”

  “Did you ever think that maybe I’m just playing the field…like millions of other people do? I’m young and I’m single. I haven’t been single in a long time. It’s my time to enjoy it.”

  “That would be fine, but you haven’t been on a single date. You cut right to the chase and don’t even give the guy a chance.”

  “Maybe because I know I don’t want to date them,” I snapped.

  “You don’t want to date some hunk?” he asked incredulously. “Some tall, dark, handsome guy you can’t stop talking about?”

  “I don’t know him—”

  “That’s my fucking point, Carson. You purposely avoid getting to know them. Where does Dax work?”

  I shut my mouth tightly, my nostrils flaring.

  “His last name?”

  “Charlie—”

  “Where does he live?”

  “This is stupid—”

  “You literally know nothing about him. And you like it that way.”

  I pushed my chair back and stormed off.

  “Run away, Carson. But you’ve been running a long time…and you’re gonna tire out.”

  I stormed down the hallway and headed to my bedroom.

  “Carson.”

  I slammed my door and locked it.

  Five

  Carson

  Charlie and I didn’t talk for days.

  Which was pretty difficult since we lived together and worked together.

  Sometimes I had the urge to talk to him about my article or something that happened that day, but then I remembered we weren’t talking, and then I grew too stubborn to say anything because he needed to apologize.

  But I wasn’t sure if he was going to.

  I was just about to leave the office when a text message popped up on my phone, from Boy Toy #2.

  Want to get a drink?

  I hadn’t thought about him much, especially after my fight with Charlie. Our falling-out had consumed me every non-work hour of the day. I didn’t have time to think about anything else. Where?

  The place where we met.

  I’ll meet you in twenty minutes. I could use a drink right now. And sex would definitely help.

  I left the office and arrived at the bar ten minutes later. I wasn’t in a black dress like last time, but rather a tight pencil skirt and a blouse, with heels. Even though we were just at our cubicles all day, it was still important for us to look professional since our articles were so respected by everyone in the country. But if I had it my way, I’d be in jeans and a top.

  I found him sitting alone in a booth, drinking a scotch even though it was barely five. He was in jeans and a t-shirt, his muscular arms propped on the table. His beard had grown in, and now he had a beautiful shadow along his jawline. His eyes were the same color as the booze in his glass.

  I smiled as I approached the table. The glass of wine was in front of my spot because he remembered what I’d had last time. “I was taught not to accept an open glass from a man.” I grabbed it by the stem and brought it to my lips so I could take a deep drink. “But you can ravish me all you want.”

  He smiled slightly, but just the subtle rise of his lips was sexy. “I don’t need drugs for that.”

  I smiled before I swirled my glass and took a drink.

  “Finished with that article?”

  “Not quite. I have a few more interviews this week.”

  “In back alleyways or by the docks?” he asked playfully.

  “I prefer public places, like bars and restaurants. Best way not to get killed.”

  “You’re probably right.” He rested his fingers on the top of his glass, shifting it slightly.

  “I like a man who drinks.”

  “Really?” He stared down into his glass for a while, his handsome face so cut and chiseled he had the angles to be a movie star. “I’ve been told I drink too much.”

  “As long as you aren’t driving or hitting the ER for blood poisoning, what does it matter?” I took another drink, my lipstick smearing against the rim.

  “How are you?”

  I shrugged. “It’s been a tough week. What about you?”

  He brought the glass to his mouth, took a drink, and then licked his lips. “It’s been alright. Why has yours been tough?”

  I didn’t want to go into the details, especially when it shone a light on my personal problems. “Charlie and I got into a fight. We haven’t talked in a few days.”

  He stared at me, his elbows on the table and his back straight. He looked so much better naked, but he didn’t look half bad in that t-shirt. It hugged his arms just right, molded to his chest perfectly. When he brushed his fingers across his jawline absentmindedly, his sexual magnetism was only heightened. “That must be difficult since you live together.”

  “Yeah…a bit.”

  “I was surprised to see him there last week.” He didn’t elaborate on that statement, just put it on the table.

  “I’ll never be able to afford to live in Manhattan on my own. Thankfully, our salaries are enough to get us a nice place just a few blocks from the office. But I like living with him, he’s a good roommate.” I released the breath I was holding, suddenly missing him. “And a great friend.”

  Dax studied me with those observant eyes, shifting back and forth slightly, catching every hint of emotion on my fa
ce. “Close friends are hard to find.”

  “I know.”

  “Whatever your problem is, you should try to work it out.”

  The turmoil was slowly increasing in my chest, making me feel pain for the first time…in a long time. The doors were slightly cracked, and just a bit of emotional baggage peeked through. “You know…I should go talk to him right now.” I slid out of the booth and left my glass behind. “I’m sorry to take off on you.”

  He got to his feet, towering over me, his hands slipping into his front pockets. “I understand.”

  “Want to come over later tonight? Around eight?” I was usually in bed by ten because I had to get to the office early every morning.

  He was quiet as he considered it, looking into my face like the question was surprising to him. He pulled his hand out of his pocket before he rubbed his fingers across his stubble. “Sure.”

  “Great.” I stepped closer to him and gave him a soft kiss on the mouth. “And thank you for the drink.”

  When I got home, Charlie had just gotten out of the shower. With a towel around his waist, he saw me in the hallway on the way to his bedroom then pretended like I didn’t exist. He shut his bedroom door a little harder than necessary.

  I took a deep breath before I followed him. “Charlie—”

  “Whoa.” He quickly pulled up his sweatpants, covering his junk. “Jesus Christ, knock.”

  “I’ve already seen it, so whatever. It’s nice, but I’m not interested, alright?” I crossed my arms over my chest.

  He grabbed the towel off the floor and rubbed it over his hair, giving it a quick dry before he tossed it back on the floor.

  “You’ve seen me at least twice.”

  “Not on purpose.”

  “Well, this wasn’t on purpose.”

  “You saw me walk into my bedroom in nothing but a towel. What did you think was going to happen?”

  “I wasn’t really thinking about that, alright? You’re like a woman to me.”

  Both of his eyebrows jumped up on his face.

  “You know what I mean. There’s zero attraction here.”

  He sat on the edge of the bed, shirtless and in his sweatpants. He had a muscular body, a hardness that Kat had described countless times. He had a handsome face, a fit body, and a good job…so he was a very desirable bachelor. “What do you want, Carson?”

  “I-I wanted to talk about our conversation.”

  He bowed his head and stared at the floor for a while.

  “I miss you. I miss my friend.”

  He closed his eyes for a second. “I miss you too. I’m sorry I attacked you like that.”

  I’d been hoping for an apology, but it wasn’t required for me to forgive him.

  “I just worry about you. That’s all.”

  “I know you do, and I appreciate it.”

  “I’m concerned you’re so afraid of getting hurt that you’ll never have a meaningful relationship again, and you’re gonna keep doing this for years…until it’s too late.”

  “Too late for what?”

  “To have kids. To have a husband.”

  “That’s not really a priority for me anymore, Charlie. Who says I need those things anyway?”

  “I know you want them, Carson. You’re just…emotionally stunted.”

  I came closer to the bed, staring into his face. “My future is an open book. I don’t know what’s going to happen. And right now, no, I’m not interested in having a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  “I never said there was. It’s just…you’re going through guys like sticks of gum. You’re clearly trying to make yourself—”

  “Please don’t analyze me.”

  He shut his mouth.

  “I’m not emotionally stunted. I have deep connections with you…my friends. I show and receive love all the time. I trust you with my life. I have everything I need from you guys—except some good D.”

  He chuckled quietly.

  “So, your assessment is wrong. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m fine.”

  He stared at me.

  “I appreciate your concern, but really, I’m fine. I’m only interested in a physical relationship right now, and like lots of other men in their twenties, there’s nothing wrong with that. So, don’t worry about it.”

  He nodded. “I’m always here if you need to talk…because you’ve never talked about it.”

  And I never would. “There’s nothing to say, Charlie. I’ve moved on with my life. I’m in a good place. I’m one of the top journalists at the fucking New York Press, I’ve got great friends in my life, and I’m banging some ridiculously hot piece of ass. I’m good, alright?”

  He smiled. “Alright.”

  “By the way, he’s coming over tonight. Might want to get out your headphones.”

  He issued a quiet laugh along with a cringe. “Thanks for the heads-up.”

  Six

  Carson

  Shortly after eight, a knock sounded on the door.

  “Ooh, special delivery for me.”

  Charlie had his feet up on the table as he watched TV, wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants. A beer was on the table beside him, and he was texting on his phone. “Is it a pizza?” he teased.

  “What if it’s Dax holding a pizza? Man, that would be the hottest thing ever.” I walked to the front door and opened it, revealing him standing there in the same clothes he’d been wearing at the bar.

  His dark eyes looked into mine like he hadn’t just seen me a few hours ago, taking in my appearance with obvious desire, as if he liked the way I did my hair and makeup or he liked the tightness of my shirt.

  I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him into me, bringing our mouths close together for a hot kiss right in the entryway. My hands moved up his chest and then around his neck, kissing him with long and deep kisses, grateful to be reunited with that incredible mouth.

  Man, he was such a good kisser.

  Both of his hands slid into my hair, pulling it from my face, handling me delicately and possessively at the same time.

  I spoke against his lips. “I can’t wait to get on that dick…”

  He looked down at my mouth, as if he couldn’t believe those words had left my mouth.

  I grabbed his hand and interlocked our fingers as I pulled him through the living room and to the hallway.

  Dax noticed Charlie on the couch and turned to him. “Hey.”

  Charlie raised his hand. “Hey, man.”

  He looked at Charlie for a few more seconds before he turned back to me.

  I took him into my bedroom and undressed him, getting every piece of clothing off until he was just a naked hunk. “You’re so fucking hot. Oh my god.” My hands glided up his chest until I cupped his face and kissed him again.

  His big hands moved to my body, and he undid my jeans before he pushed them over my ass. His fingers slipped between my legs, sliding underneath my panties, and he rubbed my clit as he kissed me, his big fingers making my knees shake.

  My fingers dug into his hair as I kissed him harder, pausing to pant, moaning when I felt his fingers become coated with my moisture. I pulled my shirt over my head and unclasped my bra as I pulled him to my bed. “Babe, I’m wet for you the second you walk in the door.”

  He moaned against my lips, like the dirty thing I’d said really got him hot.

  I guided him onto my bed, climbing on top of him as he lay back. His head hit my pillow, and his hands gripped my hips.

  I grabbed the condom on my nightstand and rolled it down to his base, loving the way his fat dick stretched the latex to capacity. Then I straddled his hips, sank down his length as I bit my bottom lip, and started to ride.

  His entire body tightened in pleasure, his muscles flexing instinctively. He clenched his jaw as he suppressed the loud moan that came from his throat. Redness tinted his face, and he looked so sexy just lying there, his fingers digging into my hips as he guided me up and down.

  I arched m
y spine, pushed my shoulders back and stuck out my chest, bouncing my tits up and down as I moved, knowing he would like it.

  When he moaned, it was obvious he did.

  I was in dick heaven, enjoying his body, using it to give myself the sex I craved. Good sex and orgasms didn’t have to be a myth. You just had to hunt for the right man to give them to you. Dax found me in the bar, but I was the one who sank my claws into him and made him mine. I turned him into exactly what I wanted, a sex god who came to my call, a man who knew his place in my life.

  “Fuck…” He thrust his hips and fucked me back, driving his dick deep inside me, working up a sweat when he could just lie there and take it. But he wasn’t a lazy fuck. He liked to put in the time, energy, and work to make it good.

  “Slow down.” My hands planted against his chest, and I leaned forward, rocking my hips dramatically, grinding my clit against his hard body, right over the veins that rose up his body from his dick. “Yes…” I flipped my hair to one shoulder and rolled my hips over and over, my eyes locked on his, watching him watch me, watching him breathe hard as I got myself off. It only took a few seconds to make my hips buck uncontrollably, for my moans to fill my bedroom and the hallway, for a wave of heat to cover my body with a new layer of sweat. “God…yes.” I ground into him harder, my pussy squeezing him as I came, covering that condom with my cream.

  When I finished, I straightened, his hands gripping my ass cheeks and pulling them apart, and I bounced again, going hard, making my tits bob up and down, my lips parted because I was still moaning from the high that hadn’t quite faded yet.

  “Jesus fucking Christ.” He squeezed my hips hard and yanked me up and down, his hips thrusting up to meet me every time I slammed down. All the features of his face tightened as he came, making him so masculine with that shadow on his chin, those dark eyes, that clenched jaw…and that sweat. “Fuck yes.” He came with a groan, tugging me down so he could shove his entire dick inside me, releasing into the tip of the condom like he was actually releasing inside me.

  I loved watching him come. He looked so sexy every time. I rolled my hips slightly as he caught his breath, feeling his dick slowly start to soften. I leaned over and kissed him, tasting his sweat as well as mine.