“You,” I whisper. “It guides me to you every time.”
Without looking, I shoot the ball toward the hoop, but neither of us watches to see if it goes in.
It doesn’t matter, because as he wraps me in his arms and steals my breath with a kiss, I know I’ve already scored the game winning point.
54
Rush
I look around at the mostly empty house. Most of the furniture has been picked up by whoever bought it from Craigslist or is being donated. The pictures are gone from the walls, but the memories are forever.
“There’s one stop I have to make before we start home,” I tell Kira as she walks up beside me.
She leans against me and I instantly feel more at peace. She’s like a balm, soothing my soul.
“Wherever you need to go.”
We support each other and I didn’t understand how valuable it is to have someone in your life who does that until now.
After one more moment to soak everything in we head out and I give her a boost into the truck. The back has three boxes of stuff I decided to keep and the rest is gone.
It’s not easy giving it all up, a part of me would be content to hold on to it forever, but I know that’s just fucking stupid. I have to let it go and move on. As long as the house sits here, full of their stuff, a piece of me will always be trapped.
I’m free now.
I start the truck and back out, driving away. I glance back in the rearview mirror, getting one last look at the house I called home practically my whole life.
It doesn’t hurt as badly as I expected seeing it grow smaller and smaller behind us. I think it’s because I know my future is planted firmly at my side, her fingers curled into mine.
It doesn’t take long to get where I want to go and I park the truck against the curb.
“Do you want me to sit here?” Kira asks, eyeing the cemetery.
I shake my head. “Come with me. Please.” I tack on the last word softly, a whispered plea to not have to face this alone.
She nods once and I hop out to give her a hand.
I’ve only been here once, on the day they were buried, but I still remember exactly where their graves are. I think I could find it with my eyes closed. It’s one of those things you can’t seem to forget, no matter how much you wish you could.
I stop in front of their headstones.
“It feels like I’m standing on them,” I mutter to Kira.
She squeezes my hand. “You’re not, but we can move.”
“No.” I shake my head. “This is fine.” I work my mouth back and forth, trying not to fucking cry. I feel like I’ve cried more in the last few months than my entire life, but I guess that’s what happens when you finally deal with shit. “I shouldn’t have waited so long to come here.” I don’t know whether the whispered words are for my parents or Kira.
She squeezes my hand. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”
I exhale the breath I was holding.
I’ve never noticed how eerily quiet a cemetery is—but it isn’t like I’ve spent a lot of time in one.
I can hear every rustle of the leaves, chirping birds, a lawn mower a couple of streets over, and even dogs barking.
In the middle of chaos exists this place.
Swallowing past the lump, I say out loud, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for abandoning everything you both instilled in me. I’m sorry for turning my back on you and everything. I’m sorry for not being the man I should’ve been. I’m sorry for letting my grief dictate everything in my life. I’m sorry for everything. Sorry seems hardly near good enough when you both are here, but even though you left me behind I’m glad you went together. I can’t imagine one of you ever living without the other. Now that I’m experiencing the same kind of love, I can say I don’t know how I would live without this girl.” I tilt my head down to look at Kira. Her dark hair stirs against her shoulders from the breeze and her eyes are warm in the early morning sunlight. To her I say, “Thank you for giving me a reason to find my way back.”
“You had a reason all along,” she speaks softly. “It existed inside you, but you couldn’t see it.”
“Until you,” I add, and she smiles.
God, I fucking love this woman. I never believed I’d feel anything this powerful in my entire life, but I do. I’m a lucky bastard. I don’t deserve her, but I’m going to spend the rest of my days trying to prove I do.
Kira stands on her tiptoes and kisses me. Backing away she slips something in my hand.
“I found this in the trunk in the house, and I … you should read it.”
She takes more steps away and my brows furrow. “Where are you going?”
“I’ll wait by the truck,” is all she tells me.
I look down at the piece of paper folded into a tiny square in my hand. Looking over my shoulder and finding Kira to be a tiny speck in the distance I unfold the paper carefully.
I nearly choke on my own saliva when I see my mom’s handwriting.
Bracing myself, I begin to read.
My dear, sweet, brilliant Rush,
It’s your fifth birthday and I watched you blow out your candles on your dinosaur cake with a smile on your face. You ran around the yard laughing with your friends, having the time of your life. I’ve just tucked you into bed and you placed your tiny precious hand against my cheek and said, “I love you, Ma.”
For years I believed I would never have a child. All I ever wanted from the time I was a little girl was to be a mom.
Years of infertility took a toll on our marriage and we’d given up hope when you came along.
You were unexpected, but our greatest dream realized.
All the years of hoping, praying, dreaming of a miracle were finally worth it.
We’d finally decided to adopt, and were lucky it didn’t take us long to get you when we believed it would be years.
Your parents were young, teenagers, just kids themselves and they knew they couldn’t raise a child. They selflessly gave you up and entrusted you to us.
It’s been the greatest gift I’ve ever been given.
I love you so much. You’re my little boy. Even if you didn’t come from my womb, you came from my heart, and it’s the same difference in my book.
It terrifies me to think about telling you you’re adopted. I don’t want you to look at us differently and I’m afraid it might crush me if you want to find your birth parents, even though I can understand.
I can’t tell you enough how much I love you, how much we both love you. You complete our world.
You’re a beautiful soul, my boy, and while you might be small, I know you’re going to do amazing things. Your spirit is that of a fighter and I know you’re going to take on the world and make it yours.
One day, I don’t know when, we’ll tell you the truth and I can only hope you’ll understand. For now, I have to write my thoughts here and tuck them away, because for a little bit longer I want you to be completely ours.
I love you, Rush. With all my heart.
Always,
Mama
A tear falls onto the letter and I quickly blot it with my shirt, careful to let the liquid soak into the cotton and not smear the writing. I fold the letter up and tuck it into my jeans.
“I love you too, Ma. And you too, Pops.”
My dad hated when I called him Pops, but I can’t help doing it for old time’s sake.
I don’t know what might’ve happened if they’d told me when I was younger, but like now, I don’t think it would’ve made any difference to me.
They raised me. They loved me. They tucked me into bed every night.
They were there every step of the way and the best fucking parents imaginable. I can only hope I can be half as good for my son, but I’ll try my hardest to be the best possible.
Finding out they adopted me truly changes nothing for me. I have no desire to find my birth parents. They’re less than strangers to me. I don’t hate them for giving
me up, I think it’s damn admirable, but I don’t feel like I’m missing a connection.
My parents showed me all the love in the world, and now I have my own family in my friends, in Kira, in our son.
Bending down, I kiss my fingers and touch them to each headstone.
“I’m sorry I’m not around much, but you guys are always with me. Always.”
I touch those same fingers to my heart and stand up. Tilting my head toward the sun I inhale a breath and then take the first step into my future.
55
Kira
“Wow, you weren’t lying about the cat,” I remark, entering Rush’s hotel suite. As soon as he opens the main door a cat comes rushing from God knows where and meows at his feet, weaving between his legs.
“Patch, come on, I’ve got to close the door before someone sees you.”
“I cannot believe you snuck a cat into a hotel.” I shake my head, stifling laughter.
“The things we do for love.” He presses a hand dramatically to his heart and sways. Setting his bag down he picks up the cat and scratches under his chin.
I wasn’t ready for him to take me home, and I kind of wanted to see if he actually had a cat, so we ended up here. It’s early afternoon since we spent last night in a hotel.
We shared a bed this time.
“Kira,” Fox says in surprise, setting a magazine or something down on the coffee table.
I notice Cannon’s sister draped in the chair by the couch, her dark hair piled in a messy bun, with a cup of coffee or possibly tea clasped in her hands. She’s in her pajamas, clearly comfy and at home. I met her briefly at my baby shower and she seems nice and I was amused the entire time by how she pokes fun at all the guys.
Cannon comes from his room, I assume, and looks at Rush and me, a slow half-smile curving his lips. “’Bout time,” he mutters, and his tattooed hands reach for the refrigerator door, pulling out a bottle of water.
Calista stands up and walks over. “Since these assholes are fucking rude, welcome home. Things went well I take it?”
Cannon closes the refrigerator door and crosses his arms over his chest. “Language, Callie.”
“He thinks I’m twelve,” she says to me with a conspiratorial wink. “I’ve seen a penis, you know,” she hollers at Cannon, like he’s not standing a few feet away.
He slaps his hands over his ears. “Shut up.”
“Boys.” She shrugs with a roll of her eyes. “So predictable.”
Over her shoulder Fox is hiding his face behind a pillow and I’m not sure whether he’s trying to hide his laughter or disappear.
Cannon lowers his hands. “Am I good now?”
“Cock, balls, penis, shaft—”
“Fuck, I’m leaving.” Cannon hauls ass back to his room.
I bury my head against Rush’s side, laughing.
“So, I’m glad to see Rush can say goodbye to his pining emo stage. You’ve forgiven him I assume, or you wouldn’t be here?” she probes persistently.
I stifle a snort. “Um … yeah, I have. I’m … his …” I look up at Rush and finish with, “person.”
He rolls his eyes. “She’s more than my person, she’s my heart.”
“Oh my God, I think that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.” She looks up at Rush with serious, but kind eyes. “I’m happy for you. You’re like a brother, and you deserve this.”
“Thank you,” he says, and bends to kiss her cheek.
“Are you guys hanging out here for a while?” she asks, sashaying back to the chair and flopping into it. “We can put a movie on or something.”
“I’d like that,” I admit. Tilting my head back to fully see Rush I ask, “Do you think Mia and Hollis would come over?”
“I think they would.”
In less than an hour Mia and Hollis arrive, bringing pizza, drinks, and cupcakes with them.
“This is not good for my ass,” Calista says, picking up a slice of ooey-gooey pizza. “But I’m thoroughly going to enjoy eating it.”
Fox clears his throat and his eyes shift to her every few seconds.
I give Rush a questioning look and he nods back in silent answer.
Those two have so boned and it’s pretty obvious Cannon is oblivious.
Calista picked the movie and as The Princess Diaries starts the guys all groan, but I know they secretly don’t care as much as they protest.
Looking around at my friends—no, my family—I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.
I finally found my place in this world and as Rush wraps his arm around me, I know I’m not going anywhere. Acceptance and love … it’s a beautifully underrated thing.
56
Rush
“I have to get to the studio,” I tell Kira, stuffing the last bite of toast in my mouth. “I’m going to be late.”
I sit up and grab my wallet, depositing some bills on the table.
“Wait.” She grabs my wrist to halt me from sliding out of the booth at our favorite breakfast spot. I never thought I’d be sitting here with her again, but I’m fucking glad for it. “It’s your birthday, can’t you be a few minutes late?” Her brown eyes are wide and begging. I’m a fucking sucker, because I give in.
“Fine,” I agree. “We can grab coffee and then I’ll head over.”
She smiles widely. “Thank you.”
She slides out from the booth and I do the same, placing a hand on the small of her back as I guide her outside. Griffin’s is a short walk from the diner and we stand in the long line to order our coffee.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything for your birthday.” She frowns, a wrinkle furrowing the skin between her eyes.
I smooth it out with my thumb. “You gave me you. That’s all I need. Besides, it makes us even.”
She twines our arms together and leans her head against me. I don’t think she has any idea what her affection does for my heart. All those months she avoided willingly touching me, unless we were having sex, have all led to this—an openness between us.
I tilt my head down, kissing the top of her head as we move forward in line. Her hair smells like peaches, or something else equally as sweet. I think it’s my new favorite scent, and I don’t have a fucking care to give if that makes me sound like a pussy.
It’s our turn to order and Kira gets some kind of caffeine-free iced coffee. I get an iced coffee too, but one with lots of flavoring.
When we head out with our coffees clasped in our hands she laughs and points to my drink. “I still can’t get over your girly drinks.”
I roll my eyes. “It tastes fucking better this way. Why am I going to drink black coffee just to seem more manly? That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard of.”
She gives a small laugh, wrapping her lips around her straw. I stifle a groan, because I woke up in her bed this morning to those same lips wrapped around my cock.
“Are you headed to work?” I ask her. “Or back home?”
Her job’s not far from here, since I’m already late I could walk her there before heading to the studio.
She shakes her head. “Not until later. I’ll go with you to the studio. I need to pick up something from Mia.”
I raise a brow as we pause, waiting to cross the street. “What could that be?”
She slaps my arm lightly—the sting of a mosquito. “Get your head out of the gutter.”
I laugh as we cross the street and head to our right in the direction of the studio.
I don’t know what I’m going to do heading back to L.A. in a matter of weeks. All I know is I want Kira to come with me. I can’t imagine being parted from her or the baby. She can transfer and go to school there if she wants or—
“What are you thinking about?” she asks, interrupting my thoughts.
“You,” I admit. “The future.”
“What about it?” The straw of her coffee rests against her lips as she waits for my reply.
“We have a lot to talk about,” I reply with a shrug.
“Yeah, we do—but it’s your birthday. You’re twenty-seven today. Let’s celebrate and save the serious stuff for another day.”
“As long as we will talk about it.” I narrow my gaze on her as we stop in front of the studio.
“Of course,” she scoffs.
I open the door to the studio, and before I say what the fuck because it’s dark as hell inside, the lights shoot on in a blinding manner and my friends, Hayes, his wife Arden, Mia, and the other members of Willow Creek and their wives jump up yelling, “Surprise!”
“Surprise.” Kira stands on her tiptoes, kissing my cheek and clasping our hands together.
She drags me into the studio, the door closing behind us, and I stare around in shock at everyone gathered. It’s unexpected and I stupidly find my throat closing up.
There’s a cake on a table in the corner, a couple of presents too, but I don’t care about those things.
It’s these people here in front of me that I find to be the greatest gift of all. I feel my once empty heart, that’s recently begun beating again for Kira, swell with happiness and love.
I’m not alone in this world. I have these people. This family I’ve made for myself—even if Mathias Wade sulks in the corner looking like he’d rather be anywhere else, everyone knows he’s a secret softy or else he wouldn’t be here.
I swallow past the lump in my throat as I think about all the bad shit I’ve done, but how far I’ve come.
Anyone deserves redemption if they choose to walk the path back into the light.
My path brought me here, back to my friends, to Hayes and his band mates, but most importantly back to my girl.
“Happy birthday, man.” Hollis claps me on the shoulder and pulls me into a hug.
Cannon grabs me next and says in a whisper, “I’m so fucking proud of you.”
His words make my chest expand. They mean more than he knows. Cannon has always been there for me, and he’s also been the only one to tell me like it is, even when I didn’t want to hear it.
Wild Flame (The Wild: A Rock Star Romance Book 2) Page 43
