Cats vs. Robots #2

by Margaret Stohl

  Max laid down and stared at the ceiling. He felt terrible and wanted to find a way to redeem himself. “Think, think, think . . . What would Javi say?”

  Max thought about their visit to the teachers march, and the other protests they talked about. He saw large crowds in his mind, listening to someone inspire them. Suddenly, he saw himself behind a microphone, speaking to a huge audience of cats that listened and cheered as he rallied them.

  Max sat up, excited.

  “I have an idea! Pounce, Beeps, you organize the fleets, right?”

  “Yes,” they both answered, unsure where Max was going.

  “So you must have a way of talking to the entire fleet at the same time?”

  “I do,” Meow said.

  “Yes,” Beeps responded, still confused. “These are questions, human, not ideas.”

  “I know, I know,” Max said. “I just realized that we were thinking about this wrong. We should be talking to the people—I mean, the Binars and the Felines, not the leaders.”

  “Oh,” Min said. “I see what you’re saying. We don’t need to talk to SLAYAR and Meow. If we can talk to the fleets and convince them, Meow and SLAYAR will have to go along.”

  “This idea sounds dangerously close to treason,” Beeps said.

  “It is like a revolution, I guess,” Max said. “But it would be a peaceful one. Why go to war if nobody wants to?”

  “Right!” Min agreed. “Maybe nobody wants to fight? Pounce, I know you don’t want to. Beeps, do you?”

  “No,” Beeps admitted. “It makes little logical sense. We have many differences with the Felines, but upon even cursory analysis, our disagreements do not require full-scale war, let alone the potential destruction of an innocent planet.”

  “I think it’s fair to say,” Pounce added, “that our leaders are not doing what is best for the well-being of their citizens.”

  “Your idea makes a great deal of sense, Max,” Obi said. “Are you and Min prepared to deliver this message?”

  “Actually,” Min said, “I think it should be more than just Max and me. The fleets know and trust you two. We should do it together, all four of us. What do you think?”

  “I don’t know,” Beeps started, sounding skeptical, but was quickly interrupted by Pounce.

  “I will be happy to participate,” Pounce said with a wink to Max, knowing that Beeps would not refuse once he had agreed. Max returned with a thumbs-up.

  “As I was saying,” Beeps started over, “I don’t know . . . about Pounce, but I will be more than happy to speak to the fleets.”

  “I recommend that we communicate directly to both fleets at the same time,” Obi said. “This ensures that our message will go out to everyone at the same time, and that both fleets hear from all sides of the conflict.”

  After deciding on the order, they prepared the communications devices. Beeps had one final suggestion. “Make sure to lock out controls so that Meow or SLAYAR won’t be able to shut down our communication. I also recommend securing your chambers to guarantee we won’t be interrupted.”

  As Pounce and Beeps made final arrangements for the message, Max had another idea. “Hey, Min,” he said, “do you think we could get extra credit for this?”

  30

  The Dream

  On the Heavy Metal and the Tasty Treat, Beeps and Pounce prepared communication channels to their fleets and locked out any outside controls so their message wouldn’t be blocked.

  “All set on our side,” Beeps announced.

  “Same here,” Pounce said. “To confirm the order: the twins will speak first, starting with Max. Beeps will follow Min, and I will conclude.”

  “Why do I have to go first?” Max said, feeling nervous. “Isn’t that gender bias or something?”

  Min scoffed through the medallion.

  “Seriously, can I, uh, plead the Fifth?” Max was ready to try anything. “Wait, I’m pretty sure my appendix just burst!”

  “Ready?” Pounce asked, ignoring Max’s pleas.

  Max shook his head no.

  Pounce ignored him.

  “We begin in three, two, one,” Pounce said, and he and Beeps both pressed buttons, beginning an emergency broadcast that went to every ship in both fleets. The message began with a high-priority, code-red alert that played on every speaker and displayed on every screen:

  Alert. Alert. Highest-Priority Message incoming. Message intended for All Members of the Feline and Binar Fleets. Repeat, Message intended for All Members of the Feline and Binar Fleets. Stop everything and listen. This means you. Message will commence in 3, 2, 1, now.

  “You’re on,” Pounce whispered to Max.

  Max picked up his notes and took a deep breath.

  “Hello, and greetings to the Binar and Feline Fleets. My name is Max Wengrod. I am a human from Earth with an important message for every Feline and Binar, on every ship, big or small, and every color, shape, and job description. This means leaders as well as followers, pilots and janitors, cooks and captains. . . .”

  “Do you even have janitors?” Max whispered to Pounce, who shook his head sternly, pointing at his notes. “Oh sorry.”

  Max took another breath. “My message is, you are wrong about each other.

  “Felines, you believe that all Binars are bossy, hate fun, and want to destroy you.

  “Binars, you believe that Felines are annoying, only cause trouble, and will ruin everything you care about.

  “Both of you believe that fighting each other is the only way to make the other side listen.

  “Here’s the problem. This is dumb. I mean, most of you have never even met someone from the other side. So how do you even know? I am begging you all to stop and think. Ask yourselves these questions . . . Do I really want to fight? I say no. Do I need to fight? For the second time, no. Do I know for sure that the other side is my enemy? For the third time, no!

  “Just because someone thinks differently, doesn’t make them an enemy. Sometimes an enemy is just a friend we haven’t met.

  “I have a secret I want to tell all of you. You don’t have to fight. If you decide together, you can say no. You can refuse to fight. Every one of you has the power to say no.

  “Thanks for listening.”

  Max let out a big sigh. “How did I do?” Max asked Pounce.

  Pounce shook his head as he reached out and muted the medallion.

  “Oops, sorry again,” Max said.

  “You did well, boy,” Pounce said. “Now it’s your sister’s turn.”

  “Greetings, citizens of Binar and Felinus. My name is Min Wengrod, human from Earth.

  “My message is that Binars and Felines can get along, and even make each other better, stronger, faster, more efficient, and even more comfortable. You have a lot you can learn from each other, if you just give it a chance.

  “You’re missing out! I used to only think that robots were cool. I didn’t like cats at all, so I avoided them, even though I never spent time with one before. I thought cats would be bad for my robots, and only break things.

  “One day, my brother, Max, brought two cats home and I was so mad, but after a while, I realized cats weren’t so bad. Sure, they caused some problems, and peed on things, but they also made everything more fun. They taught me things that I couldn’t find in any programming or instruction set.

  “It was like adding . . . a new . . . dimension . . . to my existence. Going from flat to 3D. I saw the world differently. I became more advanced. Binars, if you shut out Felines, you will miss a chance to get smarter and more complex. Felines, Binars can help you be more efficient, which will give you way more time to nap.

  “I have seen in my own home how cats and robots can live together. You have a lot of the same problems and can help each other. You work better together. I also want to tell Binars that we humans have great respect for our robotic companions. We dedicate countless hours to repairing, improving, and integrating them into our lives.

  “Personally, I think Binars
are awesome and I believe humans could learn a lot from Binars. We have flaws that Binars could help. For example, we could learn from your dedication to order and discipline. Maybe it would help us save our planet from ecological disaster.

  “To the Felines, I can promise you that I also appreciate the good things you bring to the galaxy. Even the most devoted supporter of robots can enjoy Feline antics, and many two-leggers prefer the company of Felines to any other creature, including other two-leggers. We invite you to come visit and see for yourselves. Free scratches!

  “Thank you for listening. I hope we all get to hang out sometime soon.”

  “Whew,” Min said, sitting down. “Okay, Beeps, your turn.”

  Beeps took a breath. “Felicitations to the Binar and Feline Fleets. I am Robot BP-4707, Sir Beeps-a-Lot, second-in-command to the supreme leader of the Robot Federation. I have the following messages.

  “To all, I say that Humans are not that bad.

  “To the Binars, I say this. Felines are not as bad as I thought. I have successfully worked with my counterpart on the Feline side and found them to be much more reasonable than I imagined possible.

  “I have also seen, in the Obi creature, a potential for Feline and Binar to coexist.

  “I can also say that Felines are not . . . intentionally . . . evil. We differ greatly, but I have seen how a Feline approach can offer new and innovative solutions to problems. Occasionally, a solution that appears on first analysis to be optimal is not.

  “To the Felines, I say this. Not long ago, I was completely dedicated to the overthrow and destruction of your empire. I admit it. I also admit that I was wrong. The humans are correct. Binars can learn from Felines, and we don’t need to blow each other up.

  “Peace is optimal. Coexistence can be productive. Choose peace. Refuse to fight.

  “That is all.” Beeps shut off his mic.

  “Come on, Pounce,” Max said. “Bring it home.”

  “Greetings, warriors all. This is Pounce De Leon, second-in-command and Major Meow-Domo of the Great Feline Empire.

  “I can confirm the truth of the words of the human boy and girl, and even my Binar counterpart. I have seen how Felines, or ‘cats’ as they call them on Earth, enjoy a revered place in human society. I can also confirm humans have respect for robots. Some even fear them.

  “I have also spent much time working with my Binar counterpart, who was until not long ago my most feared enemy. Yes, we disagree on many things. We think differently. We value different things.

  “However, these are not good reasons to destroy each other. These are not reasons to be hostile and constantly fight. I have learned to appreciate the Binar way of thinking.

  “One thing I need both fleets to understand—we are sending this message without the permission of our leaders, SLAYAR and Chairman Meow. It was not an easy decision, but we wanted to set an example and show you that resistance is possible.

  “We accept any punishment and consequences for our actions. If we can gain peace, it will all be worth it. With this, fleets of Binar and Felinus, we say to you that the future is in your graspers. Your paws. Each one of you has the power to say no to war and yes to cooperation.

  “Thank you for your attention.”

  Alert. Alert. Highest Priority Message now concluded. All Members of the Feline and Binar Fleets may resume regular duties.

  “We did it!” Max said. “What do we do now?” He felt exhilarated and oddly hopeful—but it was too soon to tell if they had succeeded in changing the fate of the universe.

  “We’ll have to wait and see how the fleets respond,” Pounce said. “For now, we should get you back to Earth before Meow comes for us.”

  “Excellent point,” Beeps said through the medallion. “SLAYAR will not be pleased—”

  BAM BAM BAM BAM!

  “What was that?” Max asked.

  “That,” Obi said, “sounds like SLAYAR’s Royal—”

  BZZZZT BZZZZT BZZZZZT!

  “Oh no, that’s our door,” Max said.

  “Looks like they’ve already found us. Be careful, and good luck,” Pounce said, and ended the connection.

  Pounce opened the door and saw the head of the chairman’s personal guard sitting in the hall. “Meow wants to talk to you,” she told Pounce, but stared at Max. “The human,” she said. “Which one are you, human? Max or Min?”

  “I’m Max,” he said, and came forward to extend his hand, which the guard cautiously sniffed.

  “Strange smell,” she said, face scrunched, “but I liked your message.”

  She rubbed her ears on Max’s fingers, inviting a scratch. “Wow, thanks!” Max turned to Pounce. “Did you hear that?”

  “Let’s go, Max,” Pounce said. “Best not to keep Meow waiting.”

  Max picked up the kittens and his backpack and followed Pounce to see Chairman Meow.

  31

  Double Trouble

  On the Heavy Metal, the door to Beeps’s quarters opened, and Min saw one of SLAYAR’s Royal Guard. “SLAYAR demands you report immediately,” she said. The guard looked at Min and saw Elmer behind her.

  “What’s that?” the guard asked, gesturing at Elmer.

  “You mean who’s that,” Min said. “This is Elmer. Say hello, Elmer.”

  “MAY ALL BE FREE FROM SORROW,” Elmer said, with a slight nod.

  “Freaky,” the guard said. “Let’s go.”

  Min put Elmer into follow mode and hurried to catch up with Beeps and Obi. She was nervous but couldn’t help being excited to finally get to see SLAYAR.

  As they passed through the hallways, Min saw Binars peeking out of different doorways trying to get a glimpse of the human.

  Min loved seeing the different kinds of Binars and just smiled and waved at them. “Hi,” she said to a passing navigation Binar that reminded her of a spindly walking stick. “I’m Min. This is Elmer. We’re from Earth.”

  “Bzeeprrr. Krrkkkkttz, grallltttxx,” the Binar responded as she walked past.

  “It just invited you to hang out after its shift,” Beeps interpreted, looking surprised. “Highly irregular.”

  “Oh!” Min turned and walked backward to answer. “Okay! I have to ask my parents first!” she shouted back.

  A couple turns later, Beeps stopped. “We’re here,” he said, turning to Min. “Stay behind me and stay quiet. Please.”

  Min looked at Obi, worried. He walked up to her and gave a friendly nudge. “We’ll be fine. SLAYAR is all bluster and no bite.”

  “Oh dear,” Beeps said when he rolled through the door and into the Throne Room.

  “What?” Min whispered.

  Ahead of them, SLAYAR sat on the throne with an expression Beeps had never seen, and Beeps had seen them all. “I’ve never seen him look this upset.”

  The moment he saw Beeps, SLAYAR flipped out.

  Literally.

  He compressed his wheels so tightly that when he released them, he launched himself off the throne, did a full somersault, and slammed down directly in front of Beeps.

  Elmer sensed the threat, and a blue light emerged from him as the Infinity Engine activated. He dashed forward to put himself between SLAYAR and Beeps. “IF WE DESTROY SOMETHING AROUND US, WE DESTROY OURSELVES,” Elmer said with a surprising authority.

  SLAYAR jumped back, startled, as did Beeps.

  “Whoa!” Min said. She raised her hands and waved toward herself. “Elmer, come back here please!”

  Elmer spun and quickly bounded back.

  “Sorry, Mr. SLAYAR, sir!” Min apologized.

  SLAYAR paused for a moment, unsure of who to yell at first.

  A Royal Guard broke the tension, shouting from a nearby communications console. “Supreme Leader! Urgent message from the fleet commander.”

  SLAYAR turned and growled. “What is it?”

  A wall screen came alive and a vicious-looking Binar appeared, covered with spikes and scorch marks, red eyes glowing under an armored helmet. “Supreme Leader! Fleet C
ommander Deadly CRUSHR here!” The commander was quite intense and spoke almost exclusively by exclamation.

  “I know!” SLAYAR exclaimed, matching his commander’s intensity.

  “Sir! I regret to inform you that the Binar Fleet has unanimously decided that combat with the Felines is highly illogical! Simulations show large losses on both sides! Orders have been evaluated and determined inefficient! Binar Fleet remains loyal but will not follow any attack orders at this time!”

  “Uhhhggghhhh!!” SLAYAR shouted. “Don’t you see? It’s a trick! The Felines will attack us first and we will LOSE!”

  “Negative, Supreme Leader,” CRUSHR replied. “I received confirmation from the Feline Fleet Commander Gustav Mauler that they are also under strict cease-fire orders. Nobody is shooting anybody, sir!”

  Min’s eyes grew wide as she took in what was happening. “Beeps, Obi! We did it! They listened to us!” Min whooped and gave Beeps a hug, nearly tipping him over.

  On-screen, CRUSHR turned and noticed the celebration. “Human Min! This is Fleet Commander CRUSHR.”

  “We know,” Min said with a grin. “Hi! I love your spikes, by the way.”

  “Thank you!” CRUSHR barked. “I wish to express the gratitude of the Binar Fleet for the courage you and Human Max demonstrated in coming here and delivering your message of reason and peace.”

  “CRUSHR!” SLAYAR interrupted. “That’s enough!” The screen went dark, and SLAYAR slowly turned to glare at Beeps. “Beeps,” he said, his voice a low rumble, “I am so ANGRY!”

  “Supreme Leader!” the Royal Guard shouted.

  “WHAT?!” SLAYAR threw his graspers up in frustration.

  “Incoming message from”—the guard paused and checked his controls again—“the Tasty Treat?”

  SLAYAR shook his head and tensed his arms in disgust. Out of ideas of what to shout, he gave up and let his limbs drop and dangle at his side.

  “Whatever,” he said to himself. “Fine. Sure. Perfect. Why not talk to the fur balls?” he muttered.

  The guard looked around confused but hit the button anyway. The screen lit up, and Chairman Meow’s orange face filled the screen.