Home on the Ranch: Rodeo Legend

by Pamela Britton

  “He sent me a text message saying he couldn’t give me a lesson this weekend. He’s competing on the coast.” She straightened. “Hey. Can we go?”

  So that was it then. He wasn’t going to listen to her.

  She wanted to get up and call Carson right then. She wanted to give him a list of the terrible things that could happen if he didn’t rest his elbow. To remind him what could happen if he fell. Or had to take meds for the rest of his life.

  “What day is the rodeo?”

  “Saturday.” Bella looked up from her homework. She cocked her head sideways. “What’s wrong?”

  Ava shook her head. Just terribly disappointed. And sad. And hurt.

  “Nothing.”

  Bella set her pencil down. “There’s something wrong.”

  Her need to vent outweighed her need to keep things between her and Carson. “He shouldn’t compete. His elbow... There’s been a complication.”

  “You mean, you didn’t fix it?”

  That stung. “I did my part. But there’s scar tissue. I have nothing to do with that. Some people get it and some people don’t. Carson’s body makes it and it’s encroaching on the elbow joint. If he’s not careful, it could lead to permanent damage, but he refuses to listen to me about it and, damn it, Bella, I’m upset.”

  Her daughter’s eyes widened at her swear word. Bella’s brown eyes seemed to search every line on her face before her gaze met Ava’s. “Is that why you’ve been so uptight this week?”

  “I haven’t been uptight.”

  “Mom. You yelled at me when Balto and I were playing outside.”

  She was about to deny it—not the yelling part—but suddenly her shoulders slumped because Bella was right. She’d been a mess all week.

  “I’m sorry,” she said instead.

  She felt fingers land on her hand, wanted to cry when she saw sympathy in Bella’s eyes. “Do you love him, Momma?”

  She drew back, a denial on the tip of her tongue. Bella didn’t know they were a couple...did she?

  Brown eyes peered up at her own. She did. Oh, damn. And suddenly Ava wanted to cry because she realized she did love him, a truth she could no longer deny. There had always been complete honesty between them even when that honesty was inconvenient.

  “I think I do,” she said softly.

  She had no idea she’d closed her eyes until she heard Bella stand. In the next moment her daughter’s arms wrapped around her shoulders.

  “Don’t cry, Mommy,” she said softly. “It’s okay. Carson will come around.”

  How many times had they stood like this over the years? The days when Ava had worked full-time and come home from school exhausted to the point that she’d broken down. The times Bella had woken up in the middle of the night, crying, missing her dad even though she’d never really known him. The days when both of them had been frustrated about never seeing each other and never going out or doing anything fun. They’d gotten through it all. And now a man had entered their lives and look how it all was ending up.

  “How did you know?” she asked her daughter. She drew back. “I thought I’d kept my relationship with Carson a secret.”

  Bella smiled a little. “Mom, I’m not a baby anymore. I knew something was going on.”

  Ava sighed. She’d ended up with a pretty amazing daughter, one who was better than her in some ways. How, she had no idea. She’d been gone so much when Bella was little it was a miracle she’d turned out normal at all.

  “Go see him, Momma.” Bella pulled back. “Talk to him.”

  “I don’t think he’ll listen, honey.”

  “Make him.”

  If only it was that simple. Bella might seem grown-up in a lot of ways, but when it came to men, she was still naive. Lord willing, it would stay that way for a while.

  “I’ll try calling him again.”

  “Good,” Bella said, pronouncing the word with a nod. “I’ll go get your phone.”

  He called her back, but it didn’t do any good. Ava didn’t know what hurt more, the fact that Carson ignored her warnings or the disappointment in Bella’s eyes—not in Ava, but in a man she idolized.

  “I still want to go watch him compete,” Bella said. “Maybe you can talk him out of it.”

  Ava shook her head. “I’m not going to show up someplace uninvited.”

  “But we are invited. He asked me before he left. When he told me he couldn’t give me a lesson this weekend.”

  “Bella—”

  “Please, Mom? I’ve never been to a rodeo. I want to go. I think you should try and talk to him there. You have to at least try. You’re his doctor.”

  She didn’t owe him anything. Over the week her anger had turned to acceptance, and then to sadness and then a simmering bitterness that it had come to this. For the first time since Paul, she’d fallen in love, and he’d ended up disappointing her in a way that Paul had never done. Worse, he’d let Bella down, too.

  “Okay, fine.” Because she’d never been one to take things lying down. “We’ll go.”

  She regretted her decision at least a dozen times by the time they left for the fairgrounds where Carson would compete. But Bella was the real reason why she made the long drive. She would not let her daughter down like Carson had. Even if she suspected Bella’s reason for wanting to watch Carson compete had less to do with worrying about his health and more to do with some kind of romantic notion that the two of them would take one look at each other and all would be well. In that, too, she’d be doomed to disappointment.

  When they finally found Carson at the rodeo grounds on a cold and overcast morning, he greeted her daughter like a long-lost friend. Her, not so much.

  “Hey,” he said after releasing Bella from a hug. “You came.”

  The smile he gave Ava was forced at best. Hers was, too. “We came.”

  “How’s your elbow?” Bella asked.

  “Feeling okay,” he said, straightening his arm and then flexing it again. “Cold doesn’t help.”

  Neither would throwing a rope, Ava almost said. Or falling off. Instead she held her tongue. Her daughter turned, motioned her eyes toward Carson before saying, “I’m going to find a place for us to sit,” and then darted off like a bank robber.

  Damn that kid.

  “Sorry I haven’t been able to see you,” he said, patting the horse he stood next to. “Dad’s been keeping me pretty busy.”

  She kept her distance. “It’s okay.”

  No, it isn’t.

  She tipped her chin up. “I said what I had to say over the phone.” Several times. “Your call.”

  “Ava—”

  She stood there, heart beating fast, palms sweating. Couldn’t he see how she felt? How his not listening to her advice felt like a slap in the face? How she fought not to cry?

  “I need to do this.”

  “Why?” she heard herself ask, stuffing her hands into the pockets of the jacket she’d worn, afraid he might see her trembling. “I told you the risks. So did Dr. Eastman. You might end up with irreparable damage. All the stuff you do—riding, building furniture, roping—you won’t be able to do it, at least not like before. You risk permanent and debilitating damage. Chronic pain. Loss of function. No rodeo is worth that.”

  “It is to me.”

  “Why?” she asked again.

  He lifted is chin. “Because I need to prove myself.”

  “To who? The world? Nobody cares if you rope today. Me? I do care. I care a lot.”

  “Ava, I haven’t been riding,” he said earnestly. “I’ve been resting my arm. And it’s better now. It hasn’t been hurting at all.”

  Typical man. Just ignore the problem. Everything will be all right.

  “So you’re going to compete today and you haven’t even been practicing?”

  “Well, yeah.
I thought you’d be happy about that.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut. Stupid, stupid man. Like his not riding was supposed to make her feel better. He shouldn’t even be there.

  She felt his hands begin to slip around her. She stepped back, opened her eyes. She hoped he saw the anger within them, and the disappointment.

  “Good luck today.”

  And then she turned and walked away.

  * * *

  He’d blown it.

  It’d been the perfect opportunity to tell her he loved her. To confess to her that he didn’t want to be Dr. Ava Moore’s gigolo. He wanted, needed, to be her equal, at least in some small way. Carson Gillian, rodeo star.

  “You ready for this?”

  Carson looked up from checking Rooster’s bridle. Next to him, Hotrod, his brother’s horse, pricked his ears.

  “As I’ll ever be,” Carson muttered.

  “You been practicing?” Shane asked, looking like his twin in a pink shirt. Breast cancer awareness day at the rodeo. Everyone would be sporting the color.

  “Not really.”

  Shane had no clue Carson had been grounded. Thank goodness he hadn’t been around when Ava was talking to him. He had a feeling his brother would take Ava’s side and he didn’t need any more pressure on him than there already was.

  “I thought you were going to get more serious about roping,” Shane said, untying his horse so he could slip on Hotrod’s bridle. Carson’s hands had shaken when he’d done the same thing a few moments ago.

  “I am.”

  “Don’t sound like it.”

  Hard to practice when you weren’t riding. He couldn’t tell Shane that, though. It would lead to other questions. Questions he didn’t want to answer.

  “You worry about your own roping.”

  “Hey, don’t get defensive.”

  Carson just turned away. “I’m going to check in with the rodeo secretary. Hold Rooster for me.”

  The grounds were nestled in a small valley, the place seeming to crop up out of nowhere, at least in Carson’s mind. Trailers and vehicles, mostly trucks, dotted a pasture that’d been converted into rodeo grounds. The San Selmo Rodeo wasn’t a PRCA event and Shane and Carson had gotten a lot of sideways looks when they’d pulled in; he felt even more stares when he checked in with the rodeo secretary. They didn’t usually compete at this level and he had a feeling the natives were restless...or resentful. But they needed the practice, and it was an open show, as he’d pointed out to his brother. Fair was fair.

  He came back with their numbers, handing one to Shane. They pinned them to their backs and all too quickly, Shane headed to his horse.

  “Let’s go,” he said, swinging up on Hotrod.

  * * *

  “There he is.”

  Bella pointed to where Carson and Shane were walking, Shane on his horse, Carson leading Rooster toward the arena.

  “And he’s not riding,” Bella said.

  Ava’s heart leaped into her throat. Not riding. Carson was on the ground. He was speaking to his brother and the conversation looked to be a little heated.

  “What’s he doing?” Bella asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  Shane turned, called another roper over. She saw the man nod at something Shane said, and Carson waved before he turned and headed back to the trailers.

  “Wait. I think he’s pulling out.”

  Ava wanted to cry. “You think?”

  “Yeah, he’s walking to the trailer area again.”

  Maybe they were jumping to conclusions. Maybe Carson had forgotten something at the trailer.

  “If he’s not pulling out, he better hurry back.” Ava glanced at Shane and then back at Carson. “They’re supposed to go fifth and there’re only two teams ahead of them now.”

  “He won’t come back. He decided to listen to you, Mom.”

  She was right. Bella’s look was triumphant when Shane entered the roping pen with another partner, the announcer clarifying for spectators that there’d been a change on the heeling end.

  Ava covered her face with her hands. He’d decided not to ride. She wanted to cry.

  “Stay here,” she told Bella.

  Her daughter knew what she was going to do. Ava spotted the look of hope in her eyes. She felt it, too, her heart lifting with every step she took.

  He wasn’t at the trailer. Rooster was, the horse’s halter on, his ears pricking forward when he spotted the human walking toward him. She found Carson in the truck, passenger side, staring straight ahead. He didn’t look up when she approached.

  She knocked on the window.

  He glanced at her, nodded. She tried the door, swung it open. “You didn’t ride.”

  Sharp shake of the head. “Nope.”

  The hope in her heart had begun to fizzle at the look on his face. “And you’re mad at me.”

  He finally looked her in the eye. “Not at you.”

  That buoyed her spirits a little. “Thank you.”

  “You’re the doctor.”

  What was that supposed mean? “It was the right thing to do, Carson. The smart thing.”

  He stared straight ahead again, folded his leg up so he could rest his damaged arm on his knee, his foot against the glove box, pink shirt wrinkling around the elbow.

  “You want to know what I thought when we met?” He took a deep breath. “I thought, man, she sure is pretty, but what the hell would she ever see in a guy like me?”

  Oh, Carson. Her throat tightened but she kept quiet, sensing he needed to talk.

  “Rodeo’s been my life. I didn’t realize just how big a part until it was gone.” He glanced down at his arm. “Or maybe gone.”

  “It’s not over, Carson. Dr. Eastman thinks arthroscopic surgery will work on your elbow. It’d be in and out, and with some therapy, you could be back in the saddle in a month or two.”

  “Too late for qualifying for the NFR.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  He turned to face her again, shaking his head. “Do you know what it takes to qualify?”

  No, she didn’t know. She didn’t know anything about rodeo. “I imagine quite lot.”

  “I wanted it, Ava. I wanted it bad.” In his eyes was a look she’d never seen before. “I wanted to do it for you and for Bella. I’m in love with you.”

  She felt her lips begin to tremble and her eyes got warm. He loved her.

  “But I can’t do this.” He shook his head. “I can’t see this working out between you and me, especially after what just happened. You don’t understand. You clearly do not get how important this is to me.”

  Her voice shook with unshed tears when she said, “But I do.”

  “We’re just too different. You put broken people back together. I break horses for a living. You come from the city. I’m a country boy at heart. You have your whole future ahead of you. I have no idea what the future holds for me.”

  “We could find out.” She had to swallow a lump in her throat. “Together.”

  “You think?”

  Did she? Did she love him enough to take the chance? To put it all on the line? Her breath hitched because she just didn’t know.

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

  “No. I mean yes. I mean, I don’t know.” She inhaled, tried to gather control. “Carson, I love you, too.”

  He slipped out of the truck, swung toward her in shock.

  “I know I do because the thought of you riding again, knowing what was at risk, it killed me. I love you. I don’t want to lose you.”

  Why did it sound like she was pleading with him? It wasn’t over between them. Was it?

  But the answer was there in his eyes. She might love him. He might love her, but it wasn’t enough. Not for him. Maybe not for her, either.

 
Fear.

  It held them both back.

  “I don’t know what to do.” She realized she’d started to cry.

  “Don’t you?” he asked gently.

  She didn’t want to say goodbye. It seemed stupid to do that. They had so much potential. Didn’t they?

  “I’m going to switch doctors. I hope that’s okay with you. I’ll do my surgery and therapy with whoever I pick.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “Yes, I do.” His eyes were filled with sadness. “It’d be too hard to see you.”

  Her breath hitched again. “So that’s it? You’re saying goodbye?”

  She waited for him to deny it, told herself that she wouldn’t let him go, but when he moved toward her, she knew it was over. He pulled her into his arms, one last time.

  “Oh, Carson,” she cried. “Don’t. We don’t have to do this. Bella...”

  “She can take lessons with Flynn. She’ll be all right. You will be, too. This is for the best. You know it is, too,” he murmured in her ear. “We’re too different, you and I. Just too damn different.”

  She inhaled the scent of him, tried not to break down right there in the middle of the rodeo grounds. When he pulled back, she stared into his eyes, eyes filled with unshed tears, too.

  “Tell Bella I’ll see her at the ranch.”

  He jumped in the truck again, pulled at the door. She stepped back as he closed it. When he didn’t look at her again, she had to turn away. She didn’t want him to see her eyes fill with tears, refused to let him know how much this hurt her. She headed back to the grandstand. Bella met her halfway.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “He just broke up with me.”

  Bella’s eyes widened. “I’ll go talk to him.”

  “No, Bella, don’t.” Ava inhaled, her words thick with unshed tears. “Maybe we just need a break.”

  “Mom.”

  “No. I’m all right.”

  But she wasn’t. Not even a little bit. But she hid it from Bella...and cried herself to sleep that night.