Omnibus: The Know-It-All, The Year of Living Biblically, My Life as an Experiment
Page 90
shift away from extreme individualism in
transparency tried in
walloping as H-bomb of
parents, honoring of
by ancient Israelites
with biblical year in mind
guilt feelings about
Pascal, Blaise
Pascal’s wager
Passover
Passover seder, Jacobs family
AJ’s grandmother’s childhood memories read at
AJ’s raiment at
doorposts painted with lamb’s blood at
ex-uncle’s maniacal charisma needed at
past secular versions of
Paul, Apostle:
celibacy recommended by
“Circumcise the heart” advised by
paganism, not homosexuality, seen as target of
on short hair for men
as talking robot
see also specific epistles
Paul (friend)
Pay It Forward
payot (side locks)
cute Israeli blond’s fetish for fondling of
peace, striving for
Penuel, Jacob’s divine wrestle at
People magazine
people who look or act like:
Garth Brooks
Gary Busey (if Gary Busey had his hair parted in the middle)
George Burns
Jack Nicholson (after electroshock therapy in Cuckoo’s Nest)
Janis Joplin (thirty-five years later)
Joe Torre
Kaczynski, Lincoln, or Moses
Laurel and Hardy
Nick Nolte (after a couple of vodka tonics)
Oscar de la Hoya
Paul Reubens
Ray Liotta (in Goodfellas)
Sean Penn (in I Am Sam)
Steve Buscemi
a strapping Jackie Mason
they’ve just been circumcised
Thomas Jefferson
an ultrareligious Donald Trump
Perelman, Ron
Perez and Zerah
perjury, penalty for
Perkins, Bill
Peter, First Epistle of:
on the end being at hand
on obedience to the emperor
Peters, Bill
Pharisees
sanctimonious legalism of
Philistines, Isaac’s strategem against
Phillips, Kevin
pigeons, kosher, for mandated mother and egg separation
“pigskin,” overliteralization of
pig’s valves, life trumps all with
Pirkei Avot: Ethics of the Fathers,
Playboy, Magic Marker censorship of
playing cards, avoiding contact with
polygamy
ancient Israelite practice of
Bible study helpful in arranging for
how to get the point across to wives in
persecution against
telling prospective second wife about the present wife in
polytheism
pop culture:
creationist monitoring of
famed landmarks of
population boom, twins a contribution to
Portnoy, Eddy
AJ told of animal sacrifice venue over lunch with
poverty, the poor
global
Red-letter Christian views on
sleep-induced
prayer
appealing repetitions of
in bathroom Sabbath
cognitive dissonance demonstrated in
without conviction
decompression effect of
“God willing,”
of grace, before or after meals
intercessory
for Jasper
mojo at work by
prefabricated
punctual attendance at
as sacrifice of time
scheduling of
for serpent handlers
the Shema
for spiritual guidance
study indicating potentially poor effects of
thanksgiving
when introducing one’s first wife to polygamy
pregnancy:
long-awaited, good things resulting from
as Lot’s surprise
real, undisputed, and multiple
in Tamar’s tale
Previn, Soon-Yi
prodigal son, parable of
profanity
see also forbidden speech
Promised Land
prophets:
as ancient David Blaines with orders from God
false, with loincloths on their heads
reading of
Prosperity Gospel, The
prostitution, in Tamar’s tale
Protestantism, sola scriptura in
Protestant Old Testament
Protestant Reformation
Proverbs, Book of:
on avoiding knowledge displays
on avoiding wine and strong drink
on being slow to anger
on child rearing
on frankness trumping flattery
on he who is glad at calamity
on how lust can undo one
on how to come to a well-rested poverty
King Solomon’s practical guidance in
on the Lord’s keeping watch
on not boasting about tomorrow
on not despising one’s neighbor
Proverbs, Book of (cont.) on the purposefulness of everything
on the rewards of righteousness
on truth telling
on walking with a forward gaze
on weights and measures
winking decried in
on the wisdom of the humble
Psalms, Book of: on avoiding gossip
evidence against global warming found in
geocentricism also found in
on God being with the righteous
interactive deity in
King David’s authorship of
“The Lord is all that” (hip-hop version)
on the Lord’s life-giving precepts
on monthly blowing the trumpet
on playing the harp of ten strings
on praise for the glory of the Lord
on praying to God
righteous urged to rejoice in
on rising at midnight
on thanking and glorifying the Lord
“The Lord is my shepherd” (standard version)
on unbelievers
on unborn child
on understanding God’s precepts
on wine gladdening the heart
puns, winking with (antibiblical)
Purim, unobserved
Puritans, Puritanism
AJ’s antisex streak in line with
Epicureanism in biblical conflict with
neo-
Sabbath taken seriously by
purity laws
fascinating but complex history of, in eight lines
home life challenged by
Judaic fixation with
male haircutter required for
Orthodox take on
Samaritan (superstrict)
Purpose-Driven Life, The (Warren)
Putnam, Robert, on “bowling alone,”
Qohelet, see Ecclesiastes
rabbis, Sabbath “rest” explicated by
rabbits: inspire lively treatise on profanity
Wascally Wabbit now in cross hairs of creationists
what they eat is their own business
Rachel (Julie’s friend), reassurances of purity from
racial intermarriage, creationist view of
racism, a lesson from Jesus on
Radical Honesty (Blanton)
ram’s horn, see shofar
Reading the Bible Again for the First Time (Borg)
Rebecca, as Isaac’s pretended sister
RECAP (Recover A Penis)
reconstructionism, extremist views of
red heifer
biblical description and ritual of
end times and/or Jewish Messiah heralded by
sticky issues in breeding of
Red-letter Christians
Black-letter backlash to
literalism of
naming of
political and social orientation of
Prosperity Gospel seen as heresy by
Reiner, Rob, Meathead role of
religion(s): absolute statements mocked by
bowling alone or belonging in
classifying OCD traits in
compassionate, at their best
dining with a spokesman for the arrogant side of
losing control seen as slippery slope in
picking and choosing in
see cafeteria religion
role of choice and responsibility in
science separate from
unexpectedly mundane aspects of
religious right: homosexuality a cultural obsession of
political links of
radical teachings of Jesus ignored by
religious study, relentless growth of reading list for
Republican Party, religious right’s ties to
Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism (Spong)
Reuben, Jacob’s anger with
Revelation, Book of, futurist vs. past-historical view of
Richards, Elton (“pastor out to pasture”)
on Bible as divine snapshot
on Falwell’s Christianity vs. Jesus’ message
on four types of prayer (ACTS)
on how tithing should feel
on inadequacy of Pascal’s wager
majestic food metaphors of
on obedience to human vs. “higher” authority
on verbal pollution
Richman, Chaim
Rick (cousin)
righteous idiocy
ritual bath
rituals: bird’s nest
dovetailing of AJ’s OCD with
foot washing
kaparot
of obsessive gratitude
off-the-rack vs. concocting your own
of red heifer
on starting the day
tefillin wearing
weird and little, AJ as prone to
Rivka (cousin), Sabbath freezer rules observed by
robe, biblical
as embarrassing, polarizing, and ego rattling
Robertson, Gordon
Robertson, Pat
Romans, Epistle to: on the holy kiss
on how God punished the sins of the Gentiles
Rome, ancient: apocalyptic literature on
book about an atheist arena carnage cleaner in
Roose, Kevin, as AJ’s biblical slave, by agreement
Roosevelt, Eleanor
Rosh Hashanah
regretted solo observance of
Rubin, Jordan
rules, biblical: AJ’s OCD comfortable with
in Amish Ordnung
as benignly choice-restricting
for building a sukkah
choice-restricting, how to choose among
ends-justifying-means outlook vs.
forty-five on idolatry alone
4,649 needed for creating a certified mezuzah
learning to take joy in
oft-neglected
picking and choosing of
see cafeteria religion
reasons for discontinued observance of
revising original rule for obedience to
Sabbath
for sacrifice
sanity loss risked by wholesale pursuit of
for slaveholding
on tassels
as time consuming
as time saving
see also laws, biblical; Most Perplexing Rules; Most Violated Rules
Rules of a Godly Life (Amish book)
Russell, Bertrand
Ruth, Book of, Ruth’s gathering of gleanings and Boaz in
Sabbath
Christian debate over
Karaite disengagement from electric company on
obeying traffic laws as urban version of
Pharasaic legalism about
punishment for breaking of
syncopated list of those banned from working on
two-hour headache caused by paradoxical thought on
unusual bathroom simulation of, see bathroom Sabbath
weekdays, Saturday, or Sunday: now everyone works
week oriented around
Sabbath year
sacrifice: in Abraham and Isaac story
crucifixion as
of time
tithing as
Samaria, ancient
Samaritan Bible
Samaritan calendar
Samaritans
AJ/CJ reference as icebreaker for
biblical literalism of
in Jesus’ parable
lesson in Jesus’ embrace of
menstruation separation as practiced by
as one of Israel’s lost tribes
in “what if” scenario
Sammy’s Roumanian Steak House, dining trauma at
Samson, Delilah’s doing and undoing of
Samuel, mother’s prayer answered with birth of
Samuel, Second Book of: on Absalom’s death
on David dancing
Sank, Lew, peritectomies performed by
Sara (cousin), wedding of
Sarah (biblical): eventual pregnancy of
Pharaoh understandably put out about
Saul, increasing paranoia of
Save Darfur
Scalia, Antonin, “originalism” of
scapechickens, see kaparot, ritual of scapegoats
Schlessinger, Dr. Laura
schmaltz hazards
Schneerson, Menachem Mendel, proclaimed as the Messiah
Schoenberg, Doug
gossip (technically) about
Schoenberg, Eric: as AJ’s polymathic tormentor
circumcision jest of
on jam buyer experiment
on miracles and science
Schoenberg, Larry and Barbara (Julie’s dad and stepmom)
Schulze, Reverend
sciatica, risk factors for
Scrabble, when not to play
Seagal, Steven, beardlessness of
Sea of Galilee, oceanographic conditions met for Jesus walking on
Second Commandment
on AJ’s Most Violated List
as writers’ rallying cry
Second Temple, Roman destruction of (70 CE)
see also forbidden images; idols, idolatry
secular humanism: AJ’s alter ego on
lure of
seders
see also Passover seder, Jacobs family
serpent handling
origin and spread of
see also Church of God with Signs Following; Morrow, Jimmy
Set Table, The (Shulchan Aruch)
700 Club, The,
Seventeen magazine, Bible camouflaged as
Seventh Commandment
see also adulterers, adultery
Seventh-day Adventists
sex, sexual activity: AJ’s G-rated history of
bathing (individually) required after
celibacy or marriage as biblically approved alternatives to
contraceptive, Onan’s fatal recourse to
monthly abstention from
taking your mind off
see lust avoidance when it’s a capital offense
see capital punishment, biblical
Shake Rabbis and Roll (SR2)
shaking hands, purity laws supportive of germaphobe’s views on
shatnez (mixed fibers)
testing for
Shayna (Jasper’s friend), enviable vocabulary of
sheep, shepherding
as ideal entry-level job for patriarchs
an invitation to Samaritan sacrifice
of
surprising noisiness of
“Shema, the”
shmata trade
shoes, enigmatic rules for putting on
shofar (ram’s horn)
a couple of clear notes produced with
forgetting to take it to New Jersey
instructions for monthly blowing of
Shulevitz, Judith
side locks, see payot
sign of the cross
Simchas Torah
sins, chickens as vicarious atoners of
sitting shiva, for potential life
Slate magazine
slave/intern
slavery
benefits seen in
cursed by inability to sell oneself into
slavery (cont.) forcing kidnap victims into
unpaid internship as closest we have to
sleeping: problems bearded people have in
vulnerability in
sleeping around, biblical restrictions on
Slifkin, Natan “the Zoo Rabbi
Smucker, Amos
enviable monosyllables of
guests entertained with jokes of
harmonica playing by
Smucker, Anna
Smucker, Christian
Smuckers, the strawberry-jam people
snow, estimating Eskimo words for
Sodom: God’s destruction of
Lot’s family in ill-starred flight from
negotiating with the Lord about
Sojourners magazine
Solomon, King
Book of Proverbs attributed to
seven hundred wives and adultery concerns of
Song of Solomon: on being sick with love
B-word in
as paean to erotic love
soup kitchen (Holy Apostles Soup Kitchen in Chelsea--incredible place)
AJ asked, impolitely, to go away from
AJ as victim of power play at
AJ demoted to garbage duty at
church youth groups often at
hot female volunteers near front door of
speaking in tongues
speed limits
Spicoli, Jeff, on the totally bogus
Spinoza, Baruch
spiritual advisory board
advice and context expected from
on original menstruation laws
Spong, John Shelby, on overliteralizing God’s words
Starbucks: AJ in meeting with delusional other self at
guy who for forty-five minutes monopolized the bathroom at (same person?)
kindness to strangers in
lying about internet costs at
stealing straws debated in
Star Trek
status quo theology
stealing
of neighbor’s wireless signal
rationalizing about
unprincipled niceties spurned in
stem cells, religious controversy on
Stone, Oliver
street corners, how you can observe a lot by just watching on
street juggler, mid-act cell phone call taken by
strychnine, drinking of
subway, subway riders
Bible reader as viewed by
Hasidim as
homeless ignored expertly by
Mr. Kindness to Strangers flees from merry mendicant on