Lawfully Admired

by Ginny Sterling

  “That’s enough, you two,” Pastor Smith announced, interrupting them gently. “Maybe next week’s service will be a discussion on compromise and what it entails.” They were all dismissed and Melissa found herself dawdling around to avoid heading outside to talk with everyone.

  “Melissa, are you coming?” Her mother asked, interrupting her thoughts. “Gideon has offered to take us home. His wagon is out front.”

  “I’m not feeling well,” she fibbed. “I think I shall walk. Please make my excuses and give my thanks.”

  “Of course,” she heard her mother say, and flinched. The tone indicated that she wasn’t fooling anyone with her lie. Shame on her for actually telling a lie in a church too! Horrified, she knelt down and said a quick prayer for forgiveness.

  “You know,” Pastor Smith’s voice boomed. “If you need guidance, you can ask for it too. Maybe next week instead of talking about compromise, we can discuss lying.”

  “I know,” she breathed, mortified as he came and sat nearby. “I shouldn’t have said it.”

  “Why did you then?” he asked kindly, dropping his voice.

  She couldn’t answer. Instead she looked up at him, torn, as she searched for the words. How do you tell someone on the outside that you want more from your love interest than they seem to be willing to give? Was it him or was it something she did? “I think I just need a minute alone,” she finally whispered.

  “You know,” he began, “sometimes when you struggle the most you find that something happens to make you realize what path you should take. Miss Miller, take all the time you need. The doors are always open here.”

  “Thank you.”

  “No, thank you,” he replied, causing Melissa to glance back up from her clasped hands in surprise. “You just gave me my next sermon idea.” Pastor Smith nodded with a half-smile and left her alone.

  She sat on the pew for a long time silently, just staring ahead at the podium. The church had always been a place of comfort for her, even when she felt like she had done wrong. When she lost her way, she found peace and drew solace from the stillness.

  Now, she was confused and there was no easy answer. Her options were to talk with Gideon or to move past him. The idea of never seeing his smile pained her physically, but how did you move on when the next step to be had wasn’t wanted?

  Eventually, Melissa stood and stretched. She turned to see her mother sitting there waiting silently. Her face stoic, her eyes closed in prayer.

  “Mother, I thought you left?”

  “How could I? You might be able to lie to me but I will not lie to your young man for you.”

  “What did you say?” she asked, feeling ashamed.

  “Exactly what you told me: that you claimed to not be feeling well and that you’d rather walk.”

  “Well that sounds terrible!” she exclaimed.

  “I know it does!” her mother snapped in return. “Don’t you dare to raise your voice at me, young lady. It was your words and your avoidance.”

  “I’m not avoiding him,” she whispered weakly.

  “And you aren’t sick either.”

  “No! But…” she began and sat down next to her mother in the pew. All energy seemed to be sapped from her as she felt hopelessly confused. “Didn’t you ever want something so badly that when it didn’t happen you felt lost?”

  “Of course, I did! How do you think I felt when your father didn’t come home right away and was gone for years?”

  “You waited patiently like the other women.”

  “Honey,” she began, patting her hand at the naivety. “It wasn’t patiently. I hated every moment of it and was filled with rage at the fact that we were at war with our brothers. How could things have gotten so out of hand when love, communication and belief would have helped so much? I truly believe that if there had been more talks, more love for our distant brothers and belief that things could have been mended over time? That maybe we could have avoided so much loss, grief and pain,” her mother told her softly, with a sad smile. “But then again? I’m a widowed woman who doesn’t fight in battles and doesn’t understand the complications of war.”

  “It sounds like you understand quite a bit.”

  “Yes and no, but the things that tear us asunder? Are simply the things we hold dearest and closest to our hearts. It’s scary to have faith in others when you are afraid yourself. That is where you have to be strong and find belief in yourself. The rest comes easy then.”

  “Have I told you how much I love you?”

  “Oh yes, several times dear. I think however you should tell your Mr. Ashton that you care for him too.”

  “Maybe you are right.”

  “I know I am. It used to frustrate your father to no end,” she admitted, smiling. She wrapped her arm around Melissa’s shoulders just like she had when she was little. It was comforting and she missed it so much.

  “Well that tells me why he used to always say, “go ask your mother” when I would press him on something.” Her voice was thick with unshed tears. She’d missed this part of her mother, this part of her life, and now longed to have that security with Gideon.

  “Exactly.”

  “Let’s go home” she invited, standing and shaking out the creases in her skirt. They stood together and walked outside. The bright sun caused Melissa to raise her hand up in order to shade her eyes. Feeling much better, she saw the town ahead of her and realized that whatever she had going on in her heart, was only affecting her. The townsfolk kept going, life kept moving, and she was just going to have to get past it in her own time.

  Much to her chagrin, Gideon seemed to be avoiding her. Several days had passed and she had not seen hide nor hair of him. After almost two weeks, she began to fall into a sad rut. Each day fell into routine. She would rise, walk to the shop alone. The day would drag by so slowly and then in the evening, she found herself holding her breath and praying that Gideon would show up to walk her home.

  He did not.

  Melissa idly wondered aloud at how Gideon was feeling or if he had another spell, and she said as much over dinner one night to her mother.

  “I believe he has had a few. He did, however, pick up the quinine a few days ago and brought the rabbit we are having tonight.” Her mother picked at her plate with a fork and was avoiding her gaze.

  “He came by?”

  “Oh yes! He sat for a while, had tea with me and brought a fresh rabbit for us.”

  “Why didn’t you say something?”

  “I thought you knew.”

  “No! I had no idea! I have been looking for him and I thought that he’s been avoiding me all this time,” she said peevishly, staring at her mother’s composed, cool expression.

  “I think he is giving you time to decide what you want”

  “It’s not me. I know what I want; it’s him.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Well he…” Melissa stammered, embarrassed. “He… well, ah, I can’t tell you mother. It’s personal.”

  “He told me that he wanted you to take all the time in the world before you became his wife.” Her mother set her fork down and clasped her hands in her lap. The knowing expression on her face made Melissa’s temper flare. She felt like the two of them were in cahoots and toying with her.

  “He’s not said a word of marriage other than haphazardly in conversation!” she exclaimed, annoyed. “Wait! When did he tell you this?”

  “Today when he brought you that,” she answered simply, pointing at the box in the distance.

  “Today? He was here today?”

  “Melissa, he comes by every day and asks how you are. Did you know he has been actively rounding up hooligans and delivering them to the jail? It’s plum full of awful men that will await sentencing next time the circuit judge makes his way here.”

  “You never said a word!”

  “You never asked!”

  Melissa stared at her in shock and disbelief. She had not asked if he had come by the hou
se; rather she had assumed he was avoiding her. It never dawned on her that he’d been cleaning up the town on his own silently. Unspoken hero. She’d noticed that the riffraff had decreased and it felt safe to walk alone once more. That was all due to Gideon’s influence on the town. He said he’d protect her and was doing so the best way he knew how. Staring at the large box, she saw a folded note on top. Opening it, she found herself smiling at the elegant scrawled lettering.

  You’ll need something pretty to wear for Mr. Ellington’s wedding to Mrs. Buchannan on Friday. You look beautiful in pink – Gideon

  “Have we received an invitation to the Ellington-Buchannan wedding?”

  “No, I heard they were having a private ceremony. Are you invited?”

  “I am not sure,” Melissa whispered, reading the card again. “I think so?”

  “That is wonderful, dear. You should go! What is in the box?”

  “I’m getting to that,” she said with a smile. Melissa pulled off the lid. Inside, the box was filled with tissue paper and material. Holding it up, she felt herself beaming. Inside was a beautiful pink calico dress with tiny pink flowers sewn between the pearl buttons of the bodice. It was delicate yet serviceable. Not like a ball gown or anything quite that fancy, but lovely in its own way, with several pleats and darts to make it fitted. Pretty, but not outlandishly so. It suited her and she couldn’t wait to try it on!

  “Gideon said he wanted you to feel proud. For some reason, he is under the impression that you might think that Ava Buchannan is prettier than you are? I think not! Your young man thinks that the sun rises and sets on you, child. He is more and more like your father every day,” she said happily. “Your father used to tell me that I could make a potato sack look lovely. That is pink, though?”

  “Yes, it’s a very pretty shade.”

  “Your young man doesn’t realize that your eyes are hazel in color?”

  “Yes, he does.”

  “He told me that the color was perfect for your eyes over tea today. Strange.”

  “Gideon said that the pink brought out the color in my eyes” she sighed happily. “He knows that they are hazel but keeps insisting that I look wonderful in pink.”

  “You look wonderful when you are happy,” she countered, patting Melissa on the back. “It doesn’t matter what color you are wearing when your heart shines in your eyes, sweet girl.”

  12

  While Melissa felt like the next few days dragged by, she found herself anxiously waiting for Friday. She was unsure of any time and had not seen a peep from Gideon, Mr. Ellington, or Mrs. Buchannan. Frankly, she was quite surprised to see how slow it was at the shop. It was a bit disheartening and if she wasn’t so thrilled about the prospect of seeing Gideon at some point? She might have been quite depressed at the lack of income. Jumping at the sound of the bell, she leaped out of the leather barber chair to see Mr. Ellington walk in.

  “Good afternoon, Miss Miller,” he said easily with a large smile.

  “Hello Mr. Ellington!” she stammered happily and looked around for any sign of Gideon’s blond head. Seeing none, she glanced back at him, “What can I do for you today?”

  “I will be needing a shave and haircut, if you please. I want to look nice for my bride.” he said proudly. “I understand you’ll be joining us?”

  “If you’d like,” she hedged, surprised by the invitation. She was pretty sure that Ava and she were not close at all. Mr. Ellington was virtually a stranger. It was surprising to have an invitation to the private wedding. “Congratulations.”

  “Of course! Shall we?” he asked happily, flopping down in the seat. “Nothing too outlandish, just clean and neat.”

  “Certainly,” Melissa agreed and put a large cloth over his clothing. He was wearing a suit, gray in color. It didn’t look like some of the dress uniforms or black formals she had seen in the past. “Do you still need to change? It’s today, is it not?”

  “Do you?” he asked, with a knowing smile.

  “Well yes,” she replied surprised. “How did you know?”

  “Mr. Ashton told me that you’d be the ‘something blue’ at our wedding. And that is a yellow gown,” he pointed out.

  “My gown is pink, why would he say that? I couldn’t wear the pink gown here. I might muss it up!” she countered, clipping away at his hairline. “I brought it in and will change just before its time. Speaking of, what time do I need to be at the church?”

  “Ava has been ill all morning, so I have asked the Pastor to join us at her home. I hope you don’t mind?”

  That’s odd, Melissa thought. “Why has Ava been ill?”

  “I believe she is worrying herself over all the small details, so as soon as we finish here? I will be heading over to pick up the Pastor. The sooner that the wedding is over, then the quicker she can stop making herself sick.”

  “And Mr. Ashton will meet us there?”

  “He’ll actually be here shortly. I asked him to pick up something for me.”

  “I see,” she repeated dully, almost certain that he was avoiding her. Melissa quickly shaved Jeremiah’s face and declined to take payment.

  “Consider it a wedding gift and my thanks for helping me out,”

  “That is what neighbors and friends do. We shall see you soon! Don’t tarry; my girl is ill,” he quickly reminded and darted out the door. Melissa turned the lock and pulled the shades to signify that the shop was closed. She quickly drained the water and tossed it out the back door. Latching the back door, she pulled the curtain to for the bath area and changed into her new gown.

  Grabbing a mirror, she spun around and straightened a few creases from where it lay in the box. The calico material was smooth and looked perfect. Patting her hair, she washed her face and grabbed her bag. As she stepped out onto the stoop, she locked the door behind her. At hearing a noise, she spun around to see Gideon standing there in a dark suit.

  “Hello,” he said simply, his eyes shining.

  “Gideon,” Melissa breathed, missing the very sight of him. He quickly looked away from her, causing her heart to drop. “I appreciate the invitation, but I am certain that Ava Buchannan would rather that I not be there today. Thank you for my dress though, its lovely.”

  “It’s not the dress,” she heard him mumble and would have commented or smiled, except that he was staring away from her. Reaching out, she placed her hand on his arm and felt him jump. “Sorry.”

  Gideon was silent the short walk across the street. There looked to be quite a commotion going on at Ava’s house. Stepping inside, the first thing that hit her was the sour smell of sickness along with the smell of burning sage to mask it.

  “She’s really sick, isn’t she?” Melissa whispered towards Gideon.

  “Making herself so over something imagined, I’m sure.”

  “Perception becomes reality to a lot of people,” she defended, removing her hand from his arm.

  “Misconceived notions are best laid to rest when they are talked about,” he bit out in a hushed whisper.

  “Misconceived? Are we talking about them or us now?” Melissa whispered hotly and pinched his arm, frustrated.

  “We’ll talk later,” he ordered, and Melissa quickly nodded as Trudy Smith stared at them, entering the room with an empty pail.

  “Is there anything I can do to help Mrs. Buchannan?” she offered apologetically and flinched as she heard crying in the background.

  “You brought everyone here? When I have been crying and ill?” Ava wailed thickly and reached for a glass of water.

  “You look beautiful to me.” Jeremiah Ellington kneeled by Ava’s side. He only had eyes for his red-faced bride who had obviously been quite ill recently. His boots were covered in vomit, yet he looked like he had not a care in the world other than making sure Ava was alright. The smell was quite pungent and found Melissa’s stomach turning as the scent of sage failed to cover it.

  “Now if that isn’t love, I don’t know what is?” Melissa’s voice interrupte
d Ava’s solitude. She felt instantly contrite, when both sets of eyes focused directly on her.

  “She’s obviously not feeling well,” Jeremiah announced.

  “Why are you here?” Ava asked bluntly, causing Melissa to blush heatedly in embarrassment.

  “Because Mr. Ashton asked me to stand up for you both. You needed a witness since you aren’t at the church and we were nearby. I told him you didn’t like me,” Melissa answered honestly.

  “I thought you disliked me?” Ava told her, with one perfectly arched eyebrow. The eyebrow was currently the only thing perfect on Ava. It made Melissa feel a bit better to see that when the prim and proper Ava Buchannan cried, she looked no better than her. Great splotches of red appeared under her eyes and on her forehead, instantly reminding Melissa of herself. Perhaps she would suggest a cool rag? That always seemed to take care of her own discoloration when she cried.

  “No, I’m infinitely jealous that you are now being married twice and I have yet to –” Melissa bit out harshly and stopped. “Nothing. Never mind. I don’t hate you Ava. I never have.”

  “You know, Ms. Miller,” Gideon Ashton drawled. “You say the word? And I am game.”

  “Silence! We are here to marry Ava and Jeremiah. You two, are almost as bad as these two are,” the pastor interrupted loudly.

  Ava looked over at Jeremiah, perched beside her as she lay on the settee. His warm, caring eyes and his smile, reminded Melissa of how Gideon once looked at her. “I am so sorry about your boots.”

  “The boots are nothing compared to you. I can always clean the boots or get new ones. But you? There is no replacing you, my Ava. Marry me, darling?”

  At Ava’s nod, Jeremiah gently helped her stand and excused himself momentarily. Ava also excused herself, heading towards the back of her house where the kitchen sat. Jeremiah cocked his head towards the doorway and headed quickly outside, yanking off his boots. Everyone followed except Trudy, who had followed Ava towards the kitchen to help her.

  “I won’t be marrying Ava like this nor will I have her feeling bad about it. Everyone remove your shoes right now,” he asked. “Please.”