The Hungry Dragon Cookie Company

by L. G. Estrella

  Spot’s requests were more straightforward. If the little dragon could eat it, he wanted to try it. Given that Spot was part corruption dragon and therefore impervious to almost every poison in existence, there was very little he couldn’t eat. Timmy had seen Spot devour flesh soaked in hydra venom without developing so much as a case of indigestion. On another occasion, he’d caught Spot munching on the remains of a rusty bear trap. The old trap had been no match for Spot’s fire and teeth although the dragon had grumbled about the quality of the metal. Apparently, metal tasted best when it was either finely forged or fresh out of a mine.

  Yet even with all of the unusual requests he’d handled in the past, what Amanda was asking for was definitely something new – and not necessarily in a nice way.

  “I’m sorry.” Timmy shook his head in disbelief. “But I think I misheard you. Would you mind repeating that?”

  Amanda accepted his apology with an elegant wave of her hand. She was wearing gloves today, and the blood-red fabric made for a perfect contrast to her pale skin and blue eyes. “Certainly. I would very much appreciate it if you could help me to procure several comely, young virgins to see to my needs.”

  Timmy twitched. She had to know how her request sounded. “And by your needs, you mean…?”

  Amanda gave him a flat look, and slivers of crimson bled into the brilliant blue of her eyes. James often gave Timmy that look, but it was much more imposing coming from an ancient vampire who was older than Everton. “I am a vampire. What needs do you think I am referring to?”

  Timmy decided that it would be better if he didn’t mention some of the things he’d heard about vampires. Not only were ancients usually more eccentric than their younger kin but they were also far more powerful. “Do you have any idea how weird your request sounds? Think about it from an outsider’s point of view.”

  “I thought it best to be as specific as possible.”

  Timmy ran one hand through his hair. “I’m not sure you understand how helping you would make me look. I’m already a Grand Necromancer who lives in a big, scary castle atop what might as well be a mountain. Oh, and did I mention my army of nightmarish zombies and the things underneath the castle? People already think I’m strange and probably evil. If I start asking comely, young virgins if they want to come to my castle, they’re going to assume the worst. I’ll have to deal with a band of angry villagers waving torches, stakes, and pitchforks – again. I’m trying to earn a pardon. I don’t need to make my reputation any worse. I’d also like to avoid too many people finding out what you are.”

  “Oh?” Amanda raised one eyebrow in truly aristocratic fashion before giving him a look of exquisitely regal disdain. “Are vampires illegal in Everton now?”

  “Actually…” Timmy paused.

  As an expert in no less than fifteen different forms of villainy, he was also something of an expert when it came to the law. In fact, he had taken and passed a correspondence course in law two years ago after Katie had bet three months of her allowance that he would fail. The look on her face when he’d passed had been more than worth it although he wasn’t quite evil enough to take his apprentice’s money. Instead, he’d given it back after she’d agreed to do his paperwork for three months. As clever as she was, Katie had needed a stern lesson in not underestimating her opponents, and he’d needed a way to reduce his paperwork. It was a win-win situation. Alas, he’d been forced to complete the course under an alias. His real name had become far too well known after he’d become a Grand Necromancer, so he wasn’t actually qualified to practice law.

  “Vampires aren’t currently illegal in Everton. They never have been. What are illegal are certain kinds of feeding, especially unsanctioned and unwanted feeding. Provided that any feeding is legally sanctioned and conducted in accordance with all relevant laws, it is not illegal to feed. Furthermore, as strict as the law is concerning feeding from humans and other species of similar legal standing, it is somewhat laxer when it comes to feeding from livestock.”

  “How very amusing,” Amanda drawled. Her dress was every bit as fashionable as her gloves. Like all of her clothing, it was designed to convey both beauty and sophistication. She’d most likely chosen red because it would be harder to notice any bloodstains, and he’d noticed she had a tendency to get a little messy when she fought. Ancient vampire or not, there was hardly a vampire alive who wouldn’t get a little bit excited at the sight and smell of fresh blood. “I happen to know a bit about the law myself. As a citizen of Everton in good standing, not to mention a former member of the Council, I should have no trouble whatsoever in securing the necessary permits.” She tossed some of her long, dark hair over her shoulder, and Timmy bit back a grin. No wonder Katie wanted to know how Amanda looked after her hair. Vampire or not, her hair was in incredibly good condition. “You can rest assured that there shall be no legal issues.”

  “Okay. But we’ve got to come up with a less creepy way of phrasing your request. I am not going to put up help-wanted posters for comely, young virgins.”

  Amanda frowned again. She was normally more easy-going, but she’d most likely been limiting her blood intake since she’d arrived. As an ancient vampire, she didn’t need a lot of blood to survive, but there was a difference between merely surviving and enjoying life. It was like the difference between eating gruel each day and sitting down to a hearty, home-cooked dinner each evening. He had paid some of the villagers to obtain blood, but their blood was merely acceptable. Amanda wanted more than acceptable.

  In a way, it was a good thing that she’d brought her request to him and not one of the others. Avraniel would use Amanda’s request as an excuse to go out and set something on fire. Spot would eat something – or someone. Old Man would smile gently and then offer Amanda some tea and possibly a chance to watch him prune one of his bonsai trees. Gerald would panic and file an emergency assistance request. And Katie? Katie would undoubtedly start imagining any number of bizarre scenarios.

  “I suppose I can talk to some friends of mine, see if they know anyone who might be interested. I can also put up some posters and maybe even take out some help-wanted ads in local publications. There are always people interested in work that pays well even if that work is a bit odd. But if you don’t mind my asking, I do have a few questions since you’re the first ancient vampire I’ve met who hasn’t tried to kill me.” Timmy chuckled. “Although to be fair, most of the ancient vampires I’ve met, I’ve met while robbing their tombs or covens. Do you really need comely, young virgins, or is it just tradition?”

  Amanda folded her gloved hands together in her lap. “I am certain you have some ideas of your own about that particular issue.”

  “I’d rather not assume too much since making a lot of assumptions usually ends with me running for my life. Vampirism is basically magical in nature, and although magic follows some rules, those rules aren’t always obvious or sensible. Apart from being incredibly powerful, ancient vampires are often the custodians of vampire history.”

  Amanda gave a deep sigh. He wondered if she’d done that deliberately. Vampires didn’t need to breathe, so could they even sigh without planning to? “You must be extremely hard to kill. Few can say they have faced even a single angry ancient vampire and lived. From what you’ve said, you’ve managed to escape several.”

  “You can thank my master,” Timmy replied. “He had a very… pragmatic approach to training. I could either get better, or I could get dead.”

  “I can imagine. He sounds like quite a pleasant fellow.” Amanda’s expression grew thoughtful, and she glanced over at the window on the other side of the room. As a courtesy, Timmy had drawn all of the curtains. In place of sunlight, several magical crystals built into the walls and ceiling lit the room. As an ancient vampire, sunlight was scarcely more than an annoyance, but it was the thought that counted. “I shall answer your question as best I can, but even I cannot be sure of how much is truth and how much is mere legend. We vampires live a very long time, but
I doubt that even a single one of the First Bloods is still alive. They would be so old as to make me look like nothing more than a child and so evil and twisted as to make your master look like a saint.”

  “Thank you.” Timmy prepared to take notes. He had a good memory, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Ancient vampires rarely spoke of the true history of their kind, so he needed to make the most of this opportunity. “And consider yourself lucky. Katie has pages and pages of questions for you, but you have a knack for escaping whenever she starts throwing questions your way.”

  “Katie is an incredibly intelligent and curious child.” Amanda chuckled. “But I am not a history book. I am not about to reveal everything I know about vampires. Tell her to select ten questions, and I may consider answering them.”

  Amanda had to try very hard not to smile. Katie reminded her of some of the more clever and inquisitive children she’d met over the long years of her life. She had always had a soft spot for children, perhaps because of how fiercely she’d loved her own. She leaned back in her chair. No matter how many years passed, she still missed her children. It would have been so easy to turn them, but once she’d realised what vampires truly were – and fate had conspired to teach her in the most brutal way possible – she hadn’t been able to bring herself to inflict that burden on any of her children.

  The vampire forced herself to focus on Timmy’s question. There was no point in dwelling in the past. It was what drove so many of her kind insane. “As you know, vampires must consume blood to survive. In general, the younger a vampire is, the less efficient they are at making use of the blood they consume. That is why fledglings have a reputation for being voracious, reckless, little monsters who must be watched closely at all times lest their appetites draw unnecessary attention to the coven.”

  Timmy winced. The growing scowl on Amanda’s regal features hinted at some serious unpleasantness in the past. Combined with her disdain at the mere thought of starting her own coven now that she’d returned to Everton, and it was obvious there was a story there, presumably, one full of blood, corpses, and a lot of dead vampires. It was rare for ancients to turn against their own covens. Timmy had only heard of it happening three times. In all three cases, the ancient had emerged victorious, leaving burned out ruins and piles of ash in their wake.

  “Some fledglings need to feed several times a day although most only need to feed once a night. Ancients are the opposite. So long as I do not exhaust myself through combat, regeneration, or the use of my magic and powers, I can go years without feeding. It would not be pleasant, and I might even go a touch insane, but I could do it. And if enough time passed without me feeding, I would fall into a… coma of sorts. However, ancients still generally try to feed at least once a week if only to ensure our powers are at full strength.” Amanda’s lips curled, and Timmy caught a glimpse of elongated canines. “Ancients rarely engage in real combat. For a coven, it would be a mark of incredible weakness if they had to rely on the strength of one of their ancients. The only time an ancient usually fights is when another ancient has been sighted upon the battlefield. You can imagine how destructive a conflict between two ancients would be. Only a fool would enter such a battle at anything less than their full strength.”

  Timmy shuddered. One of the most infamous battles in necromancer history had been waged between two ancient vampires with necromantic magic. The battle between Lord Ulric of the Ebony Tower and Lord Jarvis of the Broken Quay had involved tens of thousands of zombies, hundreds of vampires, and had resulted in the complete annihilation of the kingdom they’d been fighting over. Oops. It had taken two centuries for anything except strange, misshapen weeds to grow there. Both had been ancient vampires of considerable power. Neither had been as old as Amanda was now.

  “That would explain why the ancients whose tombs I’ve robbed were so cranky. Not only was I robbing them but they had also been down there for years, possibly centuries or millennia.” Timmy snickered. “No wonder they chased after me. They must have been dying for something to drink.”

  “Indeed. But unless they took the appropriate measures before entering their sleep, they were most likely insane. Only the consumption of large quantities of blood would have restored their sanity, and I can hardly blame you for failing to volunteer.” Amanda’s eyes gleamed crimson. “We ancients have a tendency to appear less… human when we allow our vampiric heritage to manifest more openly, and extreme hunger has a way of bringing such unpleasantness to the fore.”

  “How does consuming blood work?” Timmy asked. “I’ve studied vampire corpses before. It took some quick thinking to keep them from turning to ash, but the process seems to be magical as opposed to mundane.”

  “Impressive. A truly dead vampire will almost always turn to ash within moments although older vampires will linger for longer, especially if they were in their true forms when they died.”

  “I was curious,” Timmy said. “And after you’ve had a vampire attempt to kill you and feed off you for the fiftieth time, you start looking for more efficient ways to deal with them. I found myself up against a coven once. This was before Katie became my apprentice. When I took over after my master died, a lot of people thought they could march in here and take the castle from me. I showed them, all of them, how wrong they were.”

  “An entire coven? You continue to surprise and impress me. Shall I assume that you have dealt with all of them… permanently?”

  “Fire was quite handy.” Timmy smiled faintly at the memory. Horrible screaming aside, it had been so therapeutic to watch the coven go up in flames after all of their attempts to murder him. “And it works even better when you combine it with dozens of barrels of explosive, flammable acid and plenty of sunlight.”

  “How thorough. You’ll have to share the story with me someday.” Amanda had a wistful expression on her face. “Not even something like that would kill me although it would sting.” Her voice grew sombre. “Blood contains power. As a necromancer, you understand that better than most. Vampires are not what most people think they are. We come from… somewhere else, or at least, what makes us vampires comes from somewhere else. I imagine it – the source of vampirism – comes from a place not dissimilar to the place your friend, Sam, calls home. Blood binds us to the here and now and to our human bodies. Without it, the parts of us from somewhere else begin to turn on the human parts. It is why blood-starved vampires act and look so inhuman. Ancient vampires have a true form, which better reflects what we truly are. I hope you never see mine. I usually only show it to people I either intend to capture or kill, and I would hate for us to become enemies. You have been a most gracious host thus far, and you and Katie are the nicest necromancers I have ever met.”

  Timmy nodded. “Thank you. We do try to avoid going overboard when it comes to our villainy. It’s one thing to make a horrifying composite zombie. It’s quite another to simply go around murdering innocent people.”

  “Indeed. As for my true form, I will say this: Sam would find it most nostalgic.”

  Timmy poured himself a glass of water. He wasn’t averse to the occasional glass of wine, but his master’s frequent drunkenness – and increased nastiness and incompetence – had shown him the dangers of overindulging. He offered some to Amanda, but the vampire merely smiled and shook her head. Wine was one of the few things she drank other than blood. However, she preferred older vintages, and Timmy’s wine budget wasn’t close to big enough to accommodate her tastes. As he drank, he considered Amanda’s words. He’d long suspected a lot of what she’d said, but it was nice to have his suspicions confirmed by one of the oldest and most powerful vampires in the world. Was there any chance she would agree to a few experiments? Maybe, but he shouldn’t get ahead of himself. If her true form were anything like Sam, he would need to take a lot of precautions first.

  “So… about the comely, young virgins…?”

  “The blood of comely, young virgins is best because the person who became the very first vampi
re used it as a catalyst in his rituals. As a result, the blood of comely, young virgins has always been more potent for vampires.” Amanda made a face, her brows furrowing in aggravation. “If only he’d had the decency to use criminals in his rituals, he’d have saved us all a lot of trouble. I doubt vampires would have developed such a poor reputation if criminals were our prey of choice.”

  “You’re probably right. If vampires went around eating criminals instead of comely, young virgins, you guys would be heroes instead of villains. It’d be way less creepy too.”

  Amanda frowned. “Vampires do not eat people. We drink their blood.”

  “I’m not sure the distinction matters to the people whose blood you’re drinking.” Timmy wrote down a few more ideas he wanted to follow up on in the future before he spoke again. “Don’t worry. I’ll help you.” He paused, and his eyes narrowed as a troubling thought occurred to him. His magic bled into the surrounding area, not a lot but enough to let Amanda know he was serious. “You haven’t been… sampling any of my servants without asking first, have you?”