The Hungry Dragon Cookie Company

by L. G. Estrella

  Indeed, the Secondary Bank prided itself on maintaining the same excellent and exacting standards as the original bank, and Timmy had been banking with them for years. They’d even let him stay on as a customer after his master had attempted to assassinate a member of the Council. Timmy had kept that little bit of leniency to himself. If his master had known, he would undoubtedly have tried to access the bank’s services through Timmy. Now, to be fair, Timmy had, on more than one occasion, attempted to assassinate James, but everyone knew those weren’t serious attempts. They were more like pranks. As if a hydra could actually kill James. It would take several hydras to even get him to break a sweat. His master, though, had not been messing around. He’d tried to tear the soul out of one of the Councillors before levelling the man’s estate when the attempt had failed. This was not something the Secondary Bank could ignore, which had led to them instituting a permanent ban on his master. As a result, Timmy’s master had been forced to rely almost entirely on the necromancers’ guild for additional funding, which had made him even more unpleasant to be around than usual.

  Despite having access to the Secondary Bank, Timmy had always done his best to avoid taking out any unnecessary loans. The bank’s terms were fair, but interest was interest. Whenever possible, he liked to pay his bills up front and in full using his own funds. It was better in the long run, and he’d seen more than one necromancer meet their financial downfall after relying too heavily on credit and succumbing to the horrors of high interest rates. Admittedly, raiding tombs and robbing other villains could be risky, but the risks were relatively straightforward to deal with. Taking out a large loan and falling behind on the repayments could end with the bank taking possession of the castle, and Timmy had no intention of losing the castle he’d worked so hard to repair and renovate. However, he was happy to make use of the bank’s other services, and he’d long maintained a number of interest-accruing savings accounts, as well as a well-stocked vault of valuables.

  Timmy had made a habit of visiting the closest major branch of the Secondary Bank regularly to maintain a good relationship with its staff and to check on his investments and other accounts, many of which the bank handled. Today, he had other business to attend to. He had recently acquired an apprentice, and the suitably cunning and fiendish little girl needed a bank account of her own. Unlike his master, he intended to ensure that she was financially prepared for a life of what would hopefully be minor to semi-major villainy of the non-apocalyptic variety. Given all the effort he would be putting into training her, it would not do for her to end up in prison or worse after trying something crazy like attempting to assassinate a member of the Council.

  “Why are we here, master?” Katie asked.

  She was fiddling with her glasses again, a nervous habit he hoped to wean her off in the future. Hmm… he should probably book an appointment with an optometrist for her. Being an apprentice involved a lot of reading, and he didn’t want his favourite apprentice to suffer any eye problems. Admittedly, she was his only apprentice, but that was just a matter of semantics.

  “Master, are you listening?” Katie pouted. “Why are we here?”

  Timmy fought the urge to ruffle her blonde hair before giving in and ruffling it while ignoring the vicious glare she sent his way. His apprentice was truly the most adorable apprentice in the world. Other necromancers would have scoffed at the thought of having an adorable apprentice. They would have wanted someone stern, evil, and menacing. But deep within her adorable exterior beat the intelligent, cunning, and creative heart of a true necromancer. She’d already shown a wonderful grasp of the basics of zombie construction, and he didn’t even have to force her to read up on all of the various subjects related to necromancy. On the contrary, she’d devoured every book, scroll, or ancient tablet she could get her hands on. And those shadows of hers were truly menacing. Once she really learned how to use her magic – shadows and necromancy – she would a pint-sized force of necromantic devastation.

  His young apprentice had already displayed a distinct talent for numbers and other academic pursuits. She could already write more neatly than him. Her cursive was a thing of beauty, and she’d started budgeting her monthly allowance in a way that children twice her age wouldn’t even have considered, never mind actually managed to do. Katie also liked Sam, which made her close to perfect as an apprentice in Timmy’s eyes. The protoplasmic horror was one of his oldest friends, and he wouldn’t have kept an apprentice who couldn’t at least get along with him. The only thing missing was her ability to do his taxes, but at the rate she was learning, and with the books about tax law he might have accidentally left near her chambers, it wouldn’t be long before she could handle those too and achieved the status of perfect apprentice.

  “You need a bank account,” Timmy said. “It’s all well and good to keep your savings in the secret compartment under the floor beneath your bed, but you need something more reliable, especially if you plan to carry out business transactions with reputable and semi-reputable merchants in the future.”

  Katie gave him another one of those glares of hers. Had she been two decades older and twice as tall, he might have been worried. As it was, her surprise amused him. The chambers he’d given her had been his when he’d been an apprentice. He’d hidden his meagre savings in the same spot until he’d found somewhere better. His master had also placed a bevvy of traps and other nasty surprises in his chambers, but he’d opted not to follow that approach. Katie would need to learn how to deal with traps and ambushes, but there was a time and place for everything. Timmy had not been his master’s first apprentice. Sam and the older servants had told him about some of the others, but the others had died, gone insane, or fled the castle. It was such a wasteful way of doing things, and Timmy had no intention of repeating his master’s mistakes. Katie was his first apprentice, and he had no intention of getting another one until she’d become a skilled, powerful, and successful necromancer in her own right. Plus, what were the odds he would get two good apprentices in a row? She’d also begun to show some talent for scheming, so giving her a co-conspirator might not be the best idea.

  “Oh.” Katie frowned and tugged at the sleeves of her robe. Despite her tender years, she’d already shown herself to be a traditionalist, forgoing his more practical attire in favour of the voluminous black robes preferred by most necromancers. “What kind of bank would work with people like us?”

  Timmy chuckled. He would have ruffled her hair again, but her shadows had formed into spectral jaws, all but daring him to try again. Clever girl. The jaws weren’t as sharp and distinct as they could be, but the training exercises he’d given her had already begun to pay off. He’d have to wait until she was distracted, which would be good awareness training for her. “Where there is money, Katie, there is a way. There are also conditions, so if we don’t follow the rules, they won’t do business with us.”

  “I see.” Katie followed him down the street, and he slowed his pace to allow her to keep up. Her family had not reacted well to her necromancy after she’d used it for the first time to reanimate her dog, Patches. They’d left the zombie dog back at the castle, but he wouldn’t be lonely. He was incredibly friendly for a zombie dog, and many of the castle’s servants had taken a shine to him. Indeed, Patches was every bit as cheerful and happy in death as he had been in life. Timmy had met a lot of zombies over the years. None of them had been as cheerful as Patches, and none of them had ever had so much fun chasing their own tail. “Where is the bank?”

  It was a reasonable question. They were currently walking through one of the more dubious parts of the city. Yet that was merely camouflage. The bank situated itself here because the vast majority of its customers felt more at home in a neighbourhood like this than in the more heavily patrolled parts of the city. It also kept their more snobbish customers from the original bank from having to mingle with the customers of the Secondary Bank. It was a wise policy since many of the customers of the Secondary Bank did not
appreciate being looked down on by snobbish nobles and merchants, and unhappy mercenaries, assassins, and independent mages could occasionally get overenthusiastic in expressing their displeasure. And by overenthusiastic, Timmy meant violent. Very violent.

  Timmy led them to a weather-worn building beside a dilapidated garden, and the two of them walked toward the front door under the watchful eyes of several golems and some guards.

  “You’ve got company today,” the leader of the guards remarked.

  Timmy grinned. Paul had worked at the bank for as long as Timmy had been banking there. “Katie here is my apprentice.”

  “Your apprentice? That’s new. Well, she’s a cute, little thing, isn’t she?” Paul chuckled. “She reminds me a lot of my granddaughter.”

  Katie mustered her most impressive scowl, which only made Paul laugh harder. Even the golem beside him gave what was either a snicker or some kind of mechanical fault.

  “Give her another decade or two, and she’ll be terrifying,” Timmy said. “Is Weaver in today? I told him I’d be dropping by around this time.”

  Paul nodded and motioned for one of the other guards to open the doors. “He’s expecting you.”

  Timmy slipped Paul a coin, and he and Katie entered the building. It never hurt to be on good terms with the guards, and veterans like Paul had plenty of useful connections elsewhere too.

  If the outside of the building had been shabby, the inside was the complete opposite. As they passed through a second set of doors, it was like stepping into another world. Lush carpets covered the polished stone floor, and several fireplaces fought off the autumn chill. They could have used magic to provide warmth, but there was something comforting and impressive about the scent and crackle of a real fireplace. Smartly dressed members of staff were on hand with refreshments while others offered to take their coats and guide them to a comfortable chair. Timmy savoured the surprise on Katie’s face. Despite her humble origins, his precocious apprentice was not easily impressed.

  “Appearances matter, Katie. You can’t ask a self-respecting villain to sit on the floor, you know.” Timmy put one hand on her shoulder. “We can spend some time in the foyer later. We have an appointment, and I’d rather we weren’t late.”

  They continued past the foyer and walked through a series of corridors before they stopped at an office Timmy was very familiar with. The guards at the door opened it and ushered Timmy and Katie into the large, square office. There was a big table on one side, along with a fireplace and a whole wall of bookshelves. The man behind the table was skinny and a little on the short side. His balding head only added to his seemingly harmless appearance. He was only in his mid forties and already almost entirely bald, but his eyes were sharp and knowing, and the smile he gave Timmy reminded the necromancer of a very hungry and very intelligent shark. On the upside, this shark was on his side, for the most part, anyway.

  “Lord Bolton,” the man said, rising to his feet and extending one hand in greeting. “As always, it is a pleasure to do business with you.”

  “We’ve talked about this before. Just call me Timmy, Weaver. This young lady is my apprentice, Katie.” Timmy shook Weaver’s hand and then lifted Katie up to let her do the same after she tugged expectantly on his cloak. Weaver chuckled at the display and dutifully shook Katie’s hand too. Timmy set the girl down on the chair beside his. “Lord Bolton makes me sound like some kind of uppity noble.”

  “A little bit, yes,” Weaver agreed. “Which is why I do it.” His piercing green eyes locked onto Katie. He was a sharp one, all right. He knew Timmy well enough to realise that he wouldn’t have agreed to take on an apprentice lightly. If Katie was his apprentice, he must have chosen her or accepted her for a reason. “So… you have an apprentice now. She’s quite young.”

  “She is, but she has a lot of potential,” Timmy replied. “And I’ve been meaning to take on an apprentice ever since I reached my current rank.”

  “Ah, yes. That’s right. Congratulations.” Weaver smiled. Timmy was one of the youngest Grand Necromancers in history, and perhaps the only one to ever achieve that rank without being considered a major villain worthy of being arrested or even executed on sight. “Are you here to open an account for her?”

  “I would like to, yes. For now, keeping her savings in the castle is acceptable, and I will set aside some room in the castle’s treasury for her when she gets older. However, I’d like her to get used to having an account. She won’t always be little, and if she realises her full potential, she’ll have more than enough assets to make having an account worthwhile.”

  “I see.” Weaver nodded at Katie. “Good morning, Katie. Since you’ll be opening an account with us today, I would like to introduce myself properly. My name is Lord Jeffrey Jonathon Weaver, and I am the manager of this branch of the Everton First Kingdom Secondary Bank. On behalf of the Secondary Bank, I would like to offer you my warmest welcome and to congratulate you on choosing to bank with us. Believe me, you will not regret it.”

  Katie replied in a voice far too serious and grave for a girl her age. Timmy barely managed to bite back a chuckle. He’d caught her practicing this voice in her room when she’d been certain no one was listening. She wanted to sound like a proper necromancer, and proper necromancers apparently sounded an awful lot like bankers. “Thank you, Lord Weaver. Allow me to introduce myself as well. I am Katherine Juliet Morrow, and I would be honoured to bank with you.”

  Weaver laughed. “It’s nice to meet you, Katie.” He inclined his head at Timmy. “She’s very polite, Timmy, not like another apprentice whose master brought them here to open an account.”

  “To be fair,” Timmy replied, grimacing at the memory. “My master was a jerk, and he brought me here to open an account not long after throwing me at a pack of starving wolves for fun. Oh, wait. He called it a survival exercise. He also wasn’t pleased that we had to talk to you instead of the manager of the bank at the time.”

  “My father was occupied with another customer, and, to be honest, I don’t think he liked even being in the same room as your master.”

  “He wasn’t the only one,” Timmy muttered.

  Katie gaped at him in disbelief, and both Weaver and Timmy shared a smile.

  “It seems you have yet to learn exactly what sort of person your master’s master was, Katie. You should ask your master about it. I’m sure he has plenty of stories, all of them thoroughly unpleasant. Now, before we open an account for you, I would like to go over some of the most important rules. I will, of course, provide you with full documentation that covers all the rules in great depth, but the rules I am about to cover are the most important ones. If you break them, we may have to cease doing business with you. If you have any questions at all, feel free to ask. As your banker, I’m here to help.”

  The most important rules were fairly straightforward, so Timmy had no doubt that his apprentice would be able to understand and abide by them. Essentially, the bank would look the other way when it came to acts of villainy, provided Katie avoided certain especially heinous crimes like slavery, unnecessary murder of innocents, attempting to overthrow Everton, and so on. The bank also expected Katie to be honest when it came to reporting any dangerous items that she wished to store with the bank. They did not want to find out that they were holding an artefact of apocalyptic power in one of their vaults after it had already triggered the apocalypse. Likewise, the bank expected prompt payment on any fees or interest they were owed. In the event that such payment could not be made on time, Katie would need to contact them in advance to come to an arrangement. Conversely, the bank promised to fulfil all of its obligations, such as the paying of any interest earned by Katie’s accounts, in a prompt and timely manner and to do their utmost to ensure the safety of her valuables.

  “It might seem like a lot to take in,” Timmy said once Weaver had finished. “But most of it is common sense. Consider the rule about not trying to overthrow Everton. Sure, a lot of people talk about trying it, b
ut what happens if they succeed? It’ll be chaos, and it won’t be long before someone, probably the Eternal Empire, conquers us. It’s better for everyone, both the bank and its customers, if Everton has a stable government that is largely amenable to ignoring or at least tolerating certain levels of villainy. If people like us leave the Council alone, the odds are good that they’ll leave us alone too. Oh, some of them might threaten us and talk about starting a necromancer purge, but that’s all it will be – talk. The way things are right now, everybody wins.”

  “Exactly.” Weaver smiled thinly and folded his hands together on the table. “The status quo is profitable for all parties, which is why we support it.” He unlocked a drawer and took out a crystal. It was glowing faintly, and a host of runes and seals flickered across its surface. “Are you familiar with this kind of crystal, Katie?”

  Katie’s brows furrowed. “I can feel magic in it.” She peered at the crystal and sharpened her magical senses as much as she could. “Is it… a key?”

  Weaver’s eyes widened. “Well, well, well. Impressive. I can see why your master is happy to have you as his apprentice.” He put the crystal down on the table. “How is she with numbers, Timmy?”

  “She’s already learning how to balance a budget, but you are not going to steal her.” Timmy put one arm around Katie. “Find your own apprentice, Weaver.”

  “Well, it was worth a try.” Weaver grinned good-naturedly. He and Timmy had known each other for years. He could still remember the boy Timmy had been, all knees, elbows, and tenacity. They were friends of a sort now, as well as business associates. “This crystal is similar to a key. It’s a magical resonance crystal. Once you run your magic through it, we’ll have a record of your magic, which we can use to make locks that only your magic can open. It’s similar to the process used to create runes or seals that can only be activated by certain people.”