by Bella Jewel
My mouth quirks again, and her eyes light up. “Sorry about that, but you gotta understand I don’t know you, and I don’t need any more shit in my life, especially when it comes to dad.”
“Noted,” she tells me. “And I’d never speak about other people’s business, not when my own is something I myself hate being shared with the world. Believe me when I say I know how it feels, try being the new foster girl at school, everyone wants to know my story.”
I see she has chicken chopped in a bowl and a heap of pasta set to the side, taking a guess that she’s making some sort of chicken pasta bake, with vegetables on the side, I grab the bowl and pull out a pan, putting it on the stove to start browning it.
“What is your story?”
She stops chopping, and contemplates it for a moment, before speaking softly, “My parents both died when I was younger. Car accident. I got put into the system because nobody wanted me. My dad only had a brother, and he was a drunk. My mother had no siblings. I had no choice.”
“How old were you?”
“Five.”
“You’ve been in the system since you were five?”
She nods.
“Fuckin’ sucks.”
She nods again.
“You got no siblings, then?”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s just me. I can’t complain, I’ve been mostly lucky. The families I’ve lived with have all been nice. I hope this will be my last home, and then I’ll go off and create my own life.”
“Takes a lot of courage to do that.”
“Everyone does it, Slater Knight. We all have to create our own lives eventually.”
I stare at her. “You don’t have to say my whole name.”
She stares back at me. “I like it.”
Fuck me.
And I like her.
A little too much.
She’s too young for me.
~*~*~*~
NOW – ELLIE
I’m so stupid.
By the time I got home from my visit with Lincoln, my state of mind was so bad I couldn’t breathe, then I began to panic even more that, if I didn’t get their help, I’d end up back where I was and that thought terrified me so much I made myself sick. I shouldn’t have gone to them alone, I should have told Erin, she could have come with me, so I would have been prepared.
As I said, I’m so damned stupid.
“Knock knock.”
I look up from my spot on the bed and am surprised to see Erin standing at my door. She’s not due to finish work yet. A hard lump forms in my throat, last time she came home early, she gave me bad news, news that put my slowly calming nature, back into a terrified spiral that I’ve fought so hard to escape from.
“You’re home early,” I say, and my voice is croaky still from my earlier bout of crying.
“I’m home early. Is there anything you want to share with me?”
She knows.
I can see it written all over her face.
My first question, is how does she know?
But I know she wants answers more than me so I simply nod, and look down at my hands.
“Firstly, why didn’t you come to me?”
I look up at her. “I don’t know, I guess I wanted to do it myself, and I also figured you’d tell me it wasn’t a good idea, which I can see now.”
“You’re wrong,” she says, walking in and sitting on the edge of the bed. “I would have told you it was actually a good idea, and that I’d come with you. You don’t have to do anything alone, you know this by now.”
I feel even more stupid now, because of course I know this.
“I know, and I’m sorry. I thought I could handle it, but not remembering…and then Damon came in and…I just got so overwhelmed. I feel so embarrassed, I ran out of there so fast.”
“Don’t be embarrassed, it’s a big deal, all of this is a lot to take in, let alone adding the impending danger. You’re quite within your right to be afraid, any person would find all this over the top, and would probably react in the same way.”
I smile, weakly, but it’s a smile. “Yeah, I know, you’re right. I’m sorry. I should have come to you.”
“That’s not all, honey. You have a visitor who got wind of what happened today and apparently isn’t leaving until we tell him what’s going on.”
“Slater?” I whisper, my chest clenching with nerves and confusion.
“Yeah, Lincoln told him what happened today and why you were there. Understandably, he’s not leaving now because he wants to help. And, as much as I want to bop him right in the nose because of the way he talks, I think you’re right, I think we do need help outside of the police. They don’t have enough to go on, and we’re not priority, and you need to be. So, I can tell him to leave and you can tell me everything and I’ll organize the help, or you can go on out and talk to him. It’s up to you. No matter what you choose, I’ll have your back.”
I nod, and take a deep shaky breath.
I don’t know if I really want to talk to Slater, but I’m the only person who knows every awful detail of my story, and because of that, it needs to be me that gives the information.
“I’ll talk to him.”
Erin raises her brows, and then smiles softly. “I know you think that you’re this weak, broken girl, but I hope you see that, even though you don’t realize it, your courage has grown so much. It took a lot of guts to go there today, and it takes even more to go out and talk to Slater. So, whenever you think you’re not coming out of this stronger, know that you are, honey. Every single day.”
My heart explodes with gratitude for this amazing woman, and I shuffle off the bed and stand, hugging her. She hugs me back, and then keeps her hands on my shoulders when she says, “I’ll be right in the living room, if he so much as upsets you even in the slightest, I’ll be there. And, I don’t care how big he is, I’ll right hook him, right in the face.”
I laugh. “I’m sure you will, but I’ll be okay. I don’t remember anything, but I must admit, after talking to Lincoln and seeing Damon, there is something genuine in their eyes, when they look at me, it really makes me feel like I am…”
“Family,” Erin finishes for me. “That’s because you are, to them. Even if you don’t remember.”
“So you think we can trust them?”
Erin shrugs. “I don’t know what I think, but I do know that they’re protective of you, you matter to them, anyone with a set of eyes can see that, and so I guess we’re going to have to trust in that, at the very least.”
I nod, and then take a deep breath and walk out of the room and towards the front door. With each step that takes me closer, my heart begins to race just a little more. I don’t know what I’m going to say, or do, or if I’m even willing to share any parts of my story with Slater, hell, I don’t even know if I’ll have the courage to open my mouth and speak.
But I’ll try.
Even though Slater’s very presence terrifies me.
The way he looks at me is so intense it makes my skin all prickly.
But he’ll help me.
And right now, I don’t have many other options.
I hesitate when I reach the front door. I can smell smoke wafting through, and I know he’s sitting right there, smoking, waiting for me. That big, terrifying man, that looks at me like I’m the very reason for his existence.
“You can come out, Ellie,” he murmurs, so low I almost miss it. “Can hear you breathin’.”
God.
He can?
My hand hesitates on the door knob.
“You know,” he continues, voice low and gruff. “First time you snuck into my room when you were havin’ a sleep over with Damon and his friends, you hesitated. Just like this. I was awake, but I could hear you stop at my door, and I knew your hand was on the handle, just like it is right now. Know what you said to me, when I told you that I knew you were there?”
I swallow, but my voice comes out before I can even think, because curiosity burns
. Like he knows more about me than I know about myself. And I want to know. I almost need to know. “What?” I whisper through the screen door.
“You said to me,” he goes on, “You know I shouldn’t be here, Slater Knight.”
My lips twitch, just a little.
“Know what I thought, Ellie?”
“No,” I whisper.
“I thought fuck, you’re right, you shouldn’t be there. Because you were younger than me, and you were so damned beautiful I found it hard to stay away, and there you were, at my fuckin’ door, knowin’ I couldn’t stay away. You knew what I wanted. You always knew what I wanted.”
My heart races, and I twist the door handle, pushing the door open and stepping outside. I look to my left where Slater is sitting on the front porch swing, cigarette in hand, watching me. He’s so big. So terrifyingly big, and yet I’m not really afraid of him. I’m afraid of what he knows. I’m afraid of trusting him.
But I’m not afraid of him.
His eyes travel over me, slowly, and pause on my wrists. I quickly cover one with my hand, rubbing at the purplish scars there. I didn’t do them on purpose, but I did get desperate a few times, and twisted so hard the binds tore my skin open. I bled so much once, I nearly died. He stopped binding my wrists after that, and instead used other methods to make sure I did as I was told.
“What happened to you?” his voice is rough, and broken, and god damn it almost aches as it comes out.
“I don’t really…” I say softly. I’m going to say, I don’t really want to talk about it, but if I want their help, I have to talk about it. “I don’t really know where to start.”
“Start by tellin’ me who the fuck had you, and why he’s still huntin’ you down.”
I hesitate, not really sure where I should sit, or what I should do. Slater studies me, and then moves over, creating a space right next to him. I don’t know if I should sit there, hell, I’m not even sure I want to. He’s so overpowering, and I’m overwhelmed simply being in his presence, let alone sitting beside him.
“I’ll…I’m okay. Thanks.”
“I won’t hurt you, Ellie,” he says, his voice rough, just like him. “With time, you’ll see that.”
I think I already see it.
I don’t feel threatened by him, and I’ve spent a long time learning to trust my gut.
“I know that,” I say softly.
He looks up at me, almost startled by that.
Like he expected me to say I didn’t trust him.
“You went to my brother, want to tell me exactly why?”
I rub my arms, looking anywhere but at him, because when I look into his eyes, I feel something deep inside. Something that doesn’t make sense to me. Something confusing. Something…beautiful.
“Erin said a man came into her bakery with the missing picture of me, asking if she’d seen me. She told him no, but it made her uneasy. When she described him, it wasn’t anyone from the club, or your family. She said the man gave her a really bad feeling. The moment she told me, I knew it was him looking for me.”
“Who is he?”
His voice comes out like a hiss, a deadly tone that tells me the very subject makes something inside of him come alive with anger.
With broken anger.
“I don’t know his name,” I say, and I realize how bad that sounds.
“How can you not know his name?”
“He made sure I never knew it, or him, or where I was. He was always just…master…to me. I didn’t even know my own name, until…you.”
I can see his jaw flex with the rage he’s holding inside.
He wants blood.
And if I matter as much as he says I do, then I guess I understand why.
I lived ten years in hell, but, if what he’s saying is true, so did he.
“What do you know, Ellie? Gotta have something to go off. Something.”
“When I escaped, there was someone who helped me. His name was Riley. I don’t know if that was his real name, but he helped me get free. He might be the only person who would know his name.”
“That’s somethin’. How does he know where to look?”
“He knows where I come from. I guess he assumed I’d come back. He guessed right. It won’t take him long to find me…”
I trail off, and a shiver runs up my spine at the very thought of him finding me.
“He’s not goin’ to find you, Ellie,” Slater says, standing up and stalking towards me so fast I don’t have time to move. His big hand curls around my shoulder and I try to pull back, flinching. “I swear to you,” he goes on, “He will not find you.”
“P-p-p-please let me go.”
He immediately removes his hand, stepping back. “You don’t trust me.”
Now he’s hurt.
This is exactly what I didn’t want.
My mind spins for an answer that makes sense, something to make him feel better, but I have nothing.
“Okay,” Erin says, stepping outside.
She must have been listening.
I can’t say I blame her.
“She’s given you what you need for now, we’ll be in contact if she has anything else.”
Slater stares at her, well, more glares, and then looks to me. “Got a watch on your house, on your bakery. If you see anyone with an Iron Fury patch, they’re safe. They’re good. Until we know more, that’s the best we can do. If you remember anything, fuckin’ anything at all, you can find me at the clubhouse.”
I nod, swallowing.
He walks towards the darkness of the front yard, stopping and turning just before he does. “And Ellie?”
I meet his eyes.
“Don’t go to my brother again. I’m the one who searched. I’m the one who broke. I’m the one who lived in fuckin’ agony for ten years. So, I’m the one who will end this for you. Who will fix it. At the very least, give me that.”
Then he disappears.
Leaving me speechless.
~*~*~*~
THEN – SLATER
“Slater!”
My father roars from the bathroom, and a ragged groan leaves my throat. He’s sick. Getting worse with every passing second. I don’t want to help him anymore. Hell, there are days I’ve wished he would just die. But the moment that thought enters my head, I feel fuckin’ awful. He’s my father. He’s like this because we lost mom. I have to remind myself of that.
Even on the days I just wish the world would rid me of him.
I angrily toss my phone down and walk up the stairs to the bathroom where he’s bellowing from. I step in, and come to a complete pause. There’s blood everywhere. All over the floor, and smeared around his mouth. I know even before he looks at me with horror striken eyes, that he’s vomiting blood. I also know, that is not good.
I move quickly, grabbing a towel and throwing it down onto the vomit. I grab another one and grab hold of his head, wiping at his mouth. He makes a gargling sound, and starts vomiting again. Sprays of it spew out across the floor and all over me. He needs an ambulance. He needs a hospital.
“Damon!” I bellow.
Nothing.
Fuck.
“Damon!” I roar.
Still nothing.
Dad starts shaking.
I have to call for help, but I can’t do that if he’s going to choke on his own vomit while I go and get my phone.
Suddenly, Ellie is beside me.
I don’t even know where she came from.
Or what the hell she’s doing in my house.
But she’s here, towel in hand, gently cradling my dad’s head and pressing the towel over his mouth, before her beautiful eyes meet mine. “Go and call for help. I’ve got him.”
I stare at her.
She stares at me.
Then I stand and run. I find my phone, and call for help, before returning back to Ellie. She’s whispering to my father, soft words of comfort. She doesn’t care that she’s probably going to get covered in blood if he spews again, she
doesn’t care that he’s so drunk he’s crying in her arms, she just hangs onto him, offering the kind of comfort none of us boys could ever give him.
And maybe that’s exactly what he needs.
“Help is coming,” I say, staring at my father, and truly feeling at a loss as to what is best for him now.
He needs help.
We’ve all ignored it long enough.
Not long later, help arrives and my father is whisked away to the hospital. I tell the paramedics I’ll clean up, and be right there. When they’re gone, I turn to Ellie, who has filled the bathroom sink with warm water. She turns, squeezing out a wash cloth, and walks over to me. “Take your shirt off and sit on the edge of the tub.”
I blink at her.
“I’ll take a shower. It’s fine.”
“You have blood all over you, stuck in your hair, and on your face. Let me wipe it off, and then you’ll be able to get the rest with a shower.”
I stare at her, and I know full fuckin’ well I should walk out and have a damned shower, but instead I find myself reaching for the hem of my shirt and lifting it up and over my head. Then, I sit on the edge of the tub. Ellie stares at me, and for a moment, neither of us speaks. Her eyes roam over my body, and she bites her bottom lip. Fuck me, I wish she wouldn’t do that.
Get she’s a girl, and I know I’m appealing to girls.
But she’s also too young.
Too fuckin’ young.
She walks over, and places the warm cloth against my forehead and starts wiping the blood off. Her breasts are right in my face, and I have to close my eyes and clench my jaw to stop myself jerking her into my arms and taking her right here, mess or no mess.
“Your dad is going to be okay,” she says, busily cleaning me.
“Don’t give a fuck anymore, Ellie. He’s doing this to himself.”
“He’s broken.”
I jerk back and look up at her. “He’s an alcoholic.”
“He’s an alcoholic, because he’s broken.”
“You’ve known my family for how long?” I growl. “What makes you think you know the ins and outs of it all?”
She stops and stares at me. “I don’t need to know you at all, to know what broken looks like. I’ve seen it all. I’ve seen the emptiness in people’s eyes. Your dad is empty, because he lost the only thing that gave him life. One day you might love someone so much, Slater Knight, and one day you might just understand how broken feels.”
