by Bella Jewel
I stare at her, so long her cheeks turn red and she looks away.
“Okay, Ellie,” I murmur. “What do you suggest I do about my broken father?”
“I suggest you get him help,” she says, rinsing the cloth and refreshing it before continuing to clean me up. “He needs to get past his addiction, and when he does, he might be able to deal with what lead him there. If he doesn’t get help, he will die. I guess it’s up to you to decide what you can live with.”
I exhale, but I know she’s right.
He does need help.
“What the hell?”
We both turn to see Finn and Damon standing in the door, their eyes on the blood splattered across the floor.
“What the fuck happened?” Finn whispers, eyes scanning Ellie and I.
“Dad made that mess,” I mutter, standing and snatching the cloth from Ellie’s hand. “Ellie came over just in time to help. He’s on his way to the hospital. We need to go, too.”
“Dad did this?” Damon whispers, eyes wide.
“Yeah,” I mutter, walking past Ellie and towards the door. “Goin’ to shower, then we’re leaving. Be ready.”
I exit the room, and do just that.
By the time I’m showered and return to the bathroom, Finn, Damon and Ellie have it cleaned up.
“Let’s go,” I say, avoiding Ellie’s eyes.
“I’ll stay and finish cleaning the floor,” she says, her tone soft. “Damon, let me know how your dad is.”
Damon nods, glares at me, and then exits the room.
“Thanks,” I mutter before turning to walk out.
“You’re welcome, Slater Knight,” she whispers, her voice almost so soft I don’t hear it.
Fuck.
I’m an asshole.
~5~
NOW – ELLIE
“There’s a few girls out front, they want to introduce themselves,” Erin says, walking out to the back of the bakery where I’m rolling some dough on the large surface.
That’s my job, rolling dough.
And I’m totally okay with it.
“Girls?” I say, stopping and narrowing my eyes. “I don’t know anyone.”
“Don’t worry, they check out. They’re from the club. They know all about you, I guess with Slater being part of it. They want to say hello, introduce themselves. I guess more than anything, they’re curious.”
I nod, placing the rolling pin down. I undo my apron and then wash my hands. I’m not going to turn anyone away from the club, not when they’re the only protection I have. Besides, Erin is the only person I know, it might be nice to talk to other people. To get to know them.
Still, I’m nervous.
I stare at Erin, and she smiles. “They’re a hoot, and I know you wouldn’t know, but one of them is Scarlett Belle. Which, holy shit, I fan girled so hard I nearly scared her off.”
Scarlett Belle. I have heard that name. She’s a country singer. A really, really good one.
“That’s…wow.”
Erin nods, clapping her hands together. “You better make friends with them, so she can come over. Can you imagine? Eeek.”
I smile and laugh softly. “I’ll do my best.”
I walk out and into the shop part of the bakery. There are a group of girls standing together, staring at all the baked goods in the glass display cabinet. There are five of them, and they’re all so incredibly beautiful it causes me to stop and just stare for a moment. The first one to turn and notice me, is the gorgeous blond with brown eyes.
By the way she’s dressed, I’m guessing she’s Scarlett Belle.
Also, everyone in the shop is staring. A heap of the have their phones out.
“Hi!”
I stop and smile, feeling the nerves tickle at my belly.
The girls all walk over. Smiling. Friendly.
“Wow, you must be Ellie,” Scarlett says, extending a hand. “You’re so beautiful. I’m Scarlett.”
“I know,” I smile. “Erin is having a fit in the back room.”
Scarlett laughs.
“Hi,” a gorgeous, dark haired woman says. She’s incredibly beautiful. Breathtakingly so. “I’m Amalie.”
“I’m Saskia, and this is Chantelle,” A pretty, bubbly woman and her equally bubbly friend say, smiling big at me.
I wave, a little shy.
Then I glance at the last one, a beautiful red head, who is staring at me in a way I can’t quite explain. I meet her eyes, and jerk backwards, just a little. Flashes of something dance across my mind. I’ve seen her before, only I can’t pinpoint where. Or why. Or who she is. I blink a few times, and study her. She’s familiar, achingly so.
“Ellie,” she whispers, her voice low but gentle. “Hey. I’m Charlie.”
Charlie.
Charlie.
Why does that seem so…familiar.
“My…father was Shanks.”
Shanks.
I flinch at the name. Because Shanks is a name I’ve heard before. And I know, from overhearing conversations, that he had something to do with me being sold. Maybe he helped with it, maybe he was the one who sold me. I’m not sure. I just know he is part of it.
And this woman standing in front of him, is his daughter.
Did she help him?
Did she…
My eyes twitch as a memory flashes across my mind. Hazy, but a memory all the same. I recall her face. Younger. Brief. But definitely her.
The memory is such a haze, it is one of the only ones I have brief flashes of. Everything else after is a cluster of nightmares that I can’t tell if they’re real, or fake. And everything before is…basically non-existent. Anything I do remember, like flashes from foster homes, and a few other scattered memories, are all so hazy I don’t see them clearly. Which is frustrating, because it’s like my own mind isn’t letting me in.
“You…you saw me,” I say, blinking, trying to get the memory to become clear, but it isn’t. Hell, I don’t even know where I was, all I know is someone had me, and this girl, this girl standing in front of me…she saw me. I don’t know when. I don’t know how. I don’t know how long I had been gone. I just remember her face. I don’t even know what I said to her.
But, she saw me.
And she left me there.
My mind starts spinning, and I grip the sides of my head, trying to fight it all back. I’m confused, all these memories, all these things are just spinning around in my head like a jumbled mess. I’m trying to piece them all together, I’m trying to sort fact from fiction, and all it does is make me so incredibly frustrated that I let out an exhausted whine.
I hate that I can’t get my own mind to co-operate.
“Hey,” Erin’s voice penetrates through and she places a hand on my shoulder, squeezing. “Hey, are you okay?”
I take a deep, staggering breath, clenching my eyes shut, and then I open them and stare at Charlie again. “You left me there.”
Charlie’s face shows all the remorse she feels, her eyes are so sad it almost makes me not angry at her. Almost.
But she saw me. She saw me and she didn’t help me.
Maybe she couldn’t, and I’m being unfair.
But… she saw me.
“I’m so sorry, Ellie,” Charlie says, her voice wavering. “I can’t give you a good enough explanation, but I can tell you, that I did try. When I saw you, I did try and get help. But by the time I did, you were gone. You were gone and I didn’t know anything more. I even tried to get help from a police officer, but we couldn’t find answers.”
I swallow.
It’s not her fault.
I’m being unfair. What was she supposed to do?
“It’s okay,” I whisper, staring at her. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I should have taken you with me, then and there.”
Maybe.
Maybe.
God, this is too much.
“Can you tell me…when did you see me? How long ago?”
“It was right at the
beginning, before you got sold. You were in my boyfriend’s uncles house. I was looking for information for my father…Shanks.”
It was at the beginning.
So, if I can vaguely remember seeing her, how come I can’t remember what happened right before? And how come everything after is a blur until I’m sold? Why are my memories such a mess? Such a jumbled mess. Was I drugged so heavily that I can’t differentiate reality from a nightmare? Did they hit me one too many times?
Why. Can’t. I. Remember.
“How can I remember that, but I can’t remember my life before that?”
I close my eyes.
Erin puts her hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay, honey. You’re overwhelmed. It’s normal. Come on, sit down.”
She leads me to a table and I sit, all the girls sit down, too. I stare at them, and they all look so friendly, and yet so concerned. Like they’re all imagining what my life must be like, and how it must feel. I don’t blame them. I supposed I’d be curious, too. After all, it isn’t every day you meet someone like me.
Someone so pathetically broken.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, feeling ashamed that I got so angry.
I don’t know Charlie’s story, hell, I don’t know what she’s been through. And me, out of everyone, should know that sometimes your path leads you in a whole different direction and because of that, you find yourself doing things you really never thought you could. I can’t blame her for what happened to me.
Honestly, I don’t really know who to blame.
“Don’t be sorry,” Charlie says, “I should be sorry. I could have done more back then, but I guess, I don’t know…I guess I was so afraid. I didn’t know what the best thing was back then, hell, I made a lot of mistakes, but know this, Ellie, letting you go without reacting quicker, was my biggest regret.”
“It’s okay,” I say, trying to smile, but my bottom lip trembles.
“Look,” Scarlett says, jumping in, her smile bright and comforting. “We’re having a cookout tonight, at the club. All the families get together, it’s a great way to get to know people, to get to know the club that Slater is part of. Also, so everyone can meet you. You should come along, if you’re comfortable, of course. Please, no pressure if you aren’t. But, we’d love to get to know you better, and I’m sure you’d love some company.”
I look to Erin, who is smiling at Scarlett, still star struck.
I can’t hide forever, I know that, but the thought of facing an entire club scares me, almost as much as hiding forever. But, I need to move on with my life, I need to try and get out there, to move past the horrors that live inside my head. I promised my therapist I’d spend more time getting out and meeting people. She thinks it’s really important for my social development, but also for my healing.
“Can Erin come?” I ask Scarlett.
“Duh! Of course she can!”
I glance at Erin again. “What do you think?”
Erin smiles at me. “It’s up to you, honey. But I’m there if you want me there, I have nothing on tonight.”
I swallow, and look back to Scarlett. “And Slater?”
“Slater cares a great deal about you, Ellie, but mostly he respects you. He’s not going to do anything you don’t want him to do. I know that much.”
She’s right.
And part of me, just a little part, kind of wants to see him again.
“Okay, we’ll come.”
“Wonderful,” Scarlett claps. “We’ll let you get back to work, but let’s swap numbers and I’ll text you the details.”
“Oh my lord, you’re swapping numbers with Scarlett!!” Erin cries. “Can I swap numbers too?”
Scarlett laughs. “Of course.”
We all swap numbers, and Charlie walks over to me, just before they leave. “If you need anything, anything at all…please…it’s the least I can do.”
I can see it in her eyes, that she’s beating herself up over what happened, and I don’t want that for her. It isn’t her fault. She needs to know that.
“Charlie?” I say, just as she’s turning to walk away.
She stops and looks at me.
“For what it’s worth, it isn’t your fault and I don’t blame you. I hope you know that.”
She smiles. “Thank you, that means a lot.”
“See you tonight.”
When they’re all gone, I turn and face Erin. “Tell me I’m doing the right thing…”
She smiles. “You know how protective I am of you, if I thought they meant you any harm, I’d pull you back. But honestly, if we’re being completely open, I have a feeling they’re exactly what you need. More friends, but also closure. Slater is your closer, and he can give you answers nobody else can. I was skeptical at first, but after listening to him the other night, I’m starting to think he only has your best interest at heart, regardless of the fact that he’s desperate for you to remember, he wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. That much is clear.”
“I feel that, too, but I’m afraid of hurting him. If he loves me the way he says he does, the more time I spend with him, the harder it will be for him, and I don’t want that. I don’t want him to suffer anymore because of me.”
“Slater is a big boy, honey. He has dealt with his pain for this long, I think he’ll be okay. And you never know, you might just remember and this story might just have a happy ending.”
“And if I don’t, and he gets hurt…”
“If you want my honest opinion…”
I nod.
“I think it’s worth the risk.”
I swallow.
Because deep down.
So do I.
~*~*~*~
THEN – SLATER
“He’s goin’, Slater,” Lincoln roars, throwing his hands up in the air. “I’m not fuckin’ dealin’ with this shit. Not again. He’ll kill himself if he doesn’t go, and I won’t have that in this house.”
“We can’t fuckin’ afford rehab, Linc,” I snarl. “You fuckin’ know we can’t.”
“I’ll find a way.”
“By sinking us all!”
“Do not fuckin’ come in here tryin’ to undermine me. I make the fuckin’ rules. I’m the one who makes the money to feed you fuckin’ boys. You don’t think I want to be out there, drinkin’ and partyin’, livin’ the good fuckin’ life? Well?”
“I’m not a fuckin’ boy,” I growl, clenching my fists. “And I work just as hard as you do.”
“Now you do,” he rasps, his voice thick and angry. “But for years, I held this shit on my shoulders. I appreciate everything you do now, you work hard and I fuckin’ know it, but this is my call. I’m the one still footing most of the bills, and dad is sick, and he’s goin’ to get worse. He needs help.”
“I know he does,” I say, because I can’t disagree on that, but I also know getting help is going to sink us. We’ll go down faster than we can swim, and this house is all we have left of mom, I don’t want to lose it.
I want to keep everyone right where they are.
But dad is drinking us into fuckin’ desperation.
“Then unless you can give me another option, he’s goin’ away to get clean.”
“We can’t do it, Lincoln. You know we can’t. You’ll have to work more than you already do, and so will I, and even then, we won’t cover it.”
“I’ll find a way,” he grinds out.
“And if you don’t, we sink just as fuckin’ fast as dad is pushin’ us under.”
“You want to let him die? Is that what you want Slater? Because that’s what’ll happen.”
“No,” I roar. “I do not want him to fuckin’ die, but I also know we can’t afford rehab.”
“Too bad. He’s going and it is not your concern.”
“This family is as much my concern as it is yours…”
He shakes his head. “I make the fuckin’ rules around here. Don’t forget your place, Slater.”
“Fuck you,” I hiss.
Lincoln moves qu
ickly, grabbing me by the shirt and slamming me against the wall. A feral hiss leaves my throat and I reach out, curling my hand around his throat in return, and we stand there, both of us squeezing, both of us panting with rage. I’m the same size as him now, and he knows he doesn’t have it over me like he used to. He also knows I’ll fight back. Respect the hell out of my brother, but I will fuckin’ not be pushed around by him either.
“Back down, Lincoln,” I snarl.
“You back down, Slater.”
“Both of you fuckin’ back down! For god sake!”
We look around to see Finn standing in the doorway, shaking his head. “What the fuck is wrong with you two? Dad is in the hospital, nearly having lost his life, and you two fuckers are in here fightin’ about it.”
“Not your concern, Finn,” Lincoln growls. “Back off.”
“It is my fuckin’ concern, Lincoln, because you’re not my guardian. If anything happens to dad, Damon and I could get taken away. You gotta know that. So, I believe this has to do with all of us.”
Fuck.
Didn’t even consider Damon and Finn.
That changes everything.
“It’s Slater who doesn’t want to front the cost of puttin’ him away, have it out with him,” Lincoln barks, letting me go. “I’m fuckin’ done. I’m goin’ out.”
He turns and charges out the door, furious.
I look to Finn.
“Why wouldn’t you want him to get help, Slater?”
I exhale, running my hand down my face. “I do want him to get help. Gotta understand the cost of that will sink us. Tryin’ to keep us afloat.”
“Then I’ll go to work, Damon too, fuck school. We can help.”
“Know you can help, brother, but also know you shouldn’t have to. We’ll figure it out, but I promise you this, no one will ever fuckin’ take you and Damon away from us. No one. Not ever.”
I walk over, curling my hand around the back of his neck and pressing my forehead to his. Finn is troubled, he’s always been troubled. He got worse when mom died. She was his everything. Lincoln got hard, and Finn broke. We’re all he has left, and I didn’t think about how scared he must get sometimes, knowing if anything happened to dad, they could get taken from us.
