Hold Me

by Alexa Verde

  “Oh. You were talking to your son?”

  The relief in Roman’s voice had her glancing back. “Did you overhear our conversation?”

  “By accident.” His neck pinked. He got the broom and the dustpan from the closet. “I’ll take care of it. I don’t want you to cut your hands on the shards.”

  “Thank you.” She sent a grateful glance his way.

  Huh. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he was jealous, thinking she’d professed her love to somebody else. But she did know better.

  He scooped up the broken pieces and emptied the dustpan in a trash can.

  Jonah sighed. “I can be so clumsy sometimes.”

  She gave her son a quick hug. “Look at the bright side. This time it was just a plate with a cookie, not a bowl with batter. And I love you just the way you are, Jonah. We don’t stop loving someone just because they do something we might not like.”

  Why did you stop loving me? The silent question gleamed in Roman’s deep-brown eyes.

  Should she tell him the truth? Something shifted inside her. No, it wasn’t the time or the place. Probably was too late, anyway.

  He shoved his hands in his pockets. She knew the gesture. He was uncomfortable.

  Should she leave? “Are the streets drivable? I can rent a car.”

  “We’ll go in my truck. I’ll help you with the cleanup.” Now those brown eyes were guarded.

  She sensed the pain behind that curtain. He obviously didn’t want to be around her. She reminded him how much she’d hurt him. Still, not only had he given her and her son a place to stay but he was also going to help with her house and pastry store. Guilt and admiration mixed like egg whites and vanilla inside her.

  “You don’t have to.” She shrugged into a jacket and snatched her purse.

  “I want to.” He paused. “I mean, I want to help.”

  Yeah. Not to be around her, but to help.

  “I’ll go, too.” Jonah grabbed a blazer.

  She thought about it for a moment, then shook her head. “No, it’s best if you stay here. Watch Dawg and make sure you feed him and give him fresh water. You’re welcome to use the tablet if you’d like, too.” She pointed at the dog with her gaze, then at the beautifully carved desk and chairs. It had taken some time before Jonah had admitted why his friend’s stepfather had decided to get rid of poor Dawg. Hopefully, Dawg wouldn’t try using Roman’s furniture for a chew toy while they stayed here.

  Jonah placed the blazer aside, leaned to the pet, and hugged him. “Okay, if you’re sure you don’t need my help.”

  “Thanks. I’m sure.” She ruffled his hair, then followed Roman outside to his truck. “We’ll check the store, and if everything is okay there, we’ll pick you up before going to check on our house. If that’s okay with you, Roman?”

  He nodded. “Sure.”

  A cold wind whipped in unfriendly gusts, slapping at her in cruel reminders of her relationship with Roman now, and she wrapped her jacket tighter.

  Roman clicked on the fob and opened the door for her when they made it to the vehicle. While those gentlemanly gestures had fascinated her when they’d dated, now they made her feel even worse about how she’d treated him.

  She slipped inside, the new-car scent of his air freshener bringing memories again. Things she shouldn’t remember. Things she shouldn’t feel. He’d taken her to so many dates in his old truck, kissed her so many times. Somehow, they’d managed to stop at kissing and never gone further, though it had taken all her willpower. Plus Mrs. MacPherson’s knocks on the window when they’d lingered in her driveway too long.

  She clicked her seatbelt closed, and they took off. Worry squeezed her heart as she stared out the window at the sad scenery they passed.

  While the roads had dried, the lower sides of the streets covered in muddy water looked scary. A tree lay on its side. A few trash cans were overturned.

  He navigated around one abandoned car, then another. At the first traffic stop, the traffic light didn’t work, so it was self-regulated. They passed a field, and had gained a pond. Businesses were still closed, but there was no looting that she could see.

  Would her pastry store be okay? The fist around her heart tightened.

  “You’re worried about your store, aren’t you?” His hand moved in her direction but stopped midair. He returned it to the steering wheel.

  “You guessed right.”

  As he turned to the street leading to Aileen’s Pastries, she leaned as far forward as the seatbelt allowed. Then she shrank back. “I don’t know if I can see this.”

  “How about you close your eyes and I tell you how it is when we drive up?”

  She took a deep breath. “Okay.” She closed her eyes. “That seems easier.”

  They’d done it as kids when she’d been reluctant to see the grade on her reports, especially on her math reports.

  Torturous moments passed.

  “Well?” She stretched the word.

  “Do you want to hear the bad news or the good news first?” Apprehension tightened his voice. The truck moved and stopped as if he just parked.

  “Let’s start with the good news.” Her rib cage squeezed.

  “I don’t think any water got inside the store. It’s elevated well enough that most likely the water didn’t reach the entrance.”

  Air whooshed out of her lungs as relief loosened her shoulders. “Great! But… what’s the bad news then?”

  He turned off the engine, and a pause stretched like her strung-up nerves. “A tree fell on the roof,” he said at last.

  “Whaaaat?” She flung her eyes open.

  Her heart sank. Roman was right.

  No, no, no.

  This couldn’t be happening.

  “I can fix this.” His voice was low. “Or if you don’t want my help, the insurance company will take care of it. The building is insured, correct?”

  “Yes. I mean, yes, it’s insured.” Tears prickled the backs of her eyes. He didn’t need to know the deductible was so high she doubted she could afford it. After paying four loans monthly—for the store, the house, the car, and the kitchen equipment, she’d made ends meet so far, even saved a little for Jonah’s college fund. But what she saved wasn’t enough to cover the deductible. “Did the tree… did it break the roof?”

  Roman’s hand flew to her side, then dropped back on the steering wheel again. “I don’t think it did. I can check. I have a ladder.”

  “Be careful! It might be slippery.” Her gut tightened.

  “Don’t go inside without me. Wait, okay?” He stepped out of the truck.

  How much damage could there be inside if the roof leaked badly? She suppressed a shudder.

  Her imagination did her a disservice, painting a picture of furniture floating in dirty water, expensive equipment damaged beyond repair, dark streaks on the walls and photos.…

  Her heart plummeted further.

  Shouldn’t she have known better than to open her own business? Hadn’t she seen how the beauty parlor her mother had insisted on opening had failed miserably, plunking them in a deeper hole of debt? Hadn’t Aileen’s ex told her many times she’d never succeed with a pastry store?

  Her hard-earned confidence took a hit as heavy as the store’s roof had. She clicked the belt open, wrapped her arms around her middle, and rocked back and forth. She hadn’t just put her own future on the line and her father’s retirement savings, as shocking as it was that he had any savings at all. She’d put Jonah’s future on the line, too. She’d never scrimp to have a college fund for him now.

  Tears threatened to spill.

  For once in her life, she’d truly followed her heart, her desire to give people her delicious desserts, to make their lives sweeter, and yes, maybe to be closer to her first love again, for the crazy chance if…

  She swallowed hard. This was the result.

  She should’ve avoided the risk like she’d always done. For a person who’d worried about everything all the time,
opening her own business wasn’t the wisest decision.

  Time stretched again until he walked back to the truck, carrying the ladder.

  Air leaving her lungs fast, she climbed out of the vehicle and met him halfway. “How… How is it?”

  “It’s okay. Only outside damage, it seems.” He walked past her and thumped the ladder on the roof of the truck.

  She felt lighter. “Thank you. Yes. Yes. Yes! Let’s go inside, please.”

  New dread coiled in the pit of her stomach at what she might find, but she needed to know.

  He gave her a long look as they walked to the store. “Whatever it is, you know you’re not in this alone.”

  The longing inside her intensified while she turned the key in the lock. She’d found some stability in her marriage that had lacked in her parents’ matrimonial union, but none of the compassion, understanding, and togetherness she’d longed for so badly. Things she’d hoped to have with Roman. “I can’t ask you to drop everything for me. I’m sure you have many paying jobs lined up already.”

  “I meant, God is with you. Now and always. And sure, I’ll help. Other people might pitch in. We have a caring community here. I already received a call from Mrs. MacPherson, asking about you.”

  “Oh, of course. It’s very kind of her.” No reason for a stab of disappointment. Kristina had called, too, as well as her neighbors, and many customers.

  She flung the door open and braced herself as she stepped inside.

  Huh.

  She was afraid to believe her eyes.

  The tile floor was dry, and the walls were dry, too, with no streaks of water. Despite the tree landing on it, the roof didn’t leak. Everything held up, exactly the way she’d left it.

  Thank You.

  The prayer of gratitude didn’t appear in her mind. It rose from the depth of her heart.

  This place had looked like a blank slate before Roman’s twin had done remodeling. Together with Aileen and Jonah, Kristina had painted the walls a brighter color of butter yellow and decorated them with white-framed photos showing colorful cookies, cupcakes, scones, brioches, macaroons, apple fritters, and the best of Aileen’s cakes. Kristina had also retiled chipped-off gray tile to sparkling cappuccino and replaced old scratched-up tables and chairs of graying brown to oak furniture painted crisp white. All pro bono, as much as Aileen had tried to make her take payment.

  Something pleasant spread inside Aileen. She’d have to deal with repairing the roof, but it could be much worse. She’d barely had time to pay attention to the interior during the day, but seeing cheery colors and photos after the disaster had struck made her realize how much she loved this place. This was her kind of place. She was truly happy here, especially when it was filled with people and the delicious scents of desserts.

  She stole a glance at Roman as he did a quick walk-through. He’d been her anchor in adolescence, but did she have the right to hold onto him now?

  The answer was no.

  The answer her heart didn’t want to accept.

  She sent a quick text to Jonah, letting him know the good news while waiting for Roman to check wires and the rest of the store.

  “It all seems to be good. Praise God!” He walked up to her, more easiness in his step now than when he’d marched to check the roof with a ladder.

  “Whoever built this place did it well.” She touched the smooth surface of the butter-colored walls.

  As a warm wave of gratitude spread inside, she’d even kiss the walls, but that would be weird. Speaking of kisses…

  Her gaze drew to Roman’s lips.

  Snap out of it!

  “That would be Mr. MacPherson. He built this place. He was my mentor and inspiration. I wanted to be like him when I was growing up, to leave a legacy people would treasure for years to come.” Sadness, admiration, and respect brimmed in Roman’s brown eyes.

  “I, um, have seen the pictures of the work you’ve done on your business website. I think you already accomplished that.” Words slipped from her tongue.

  He stepped toward her, and his eyes warmed a fraction. “You looked at my business website?”

  The scent of his spicy cologne, the gaze of his eyes—okay, everything about him—affected her until breathing became difficult.

  “Yes,” she whispered as she leaned toward him.

  She ached to touch him, to feel his arms around her again, even if for only one more time. She could give him a hug to express her thanks for all he was doing for her, couldn’t she?

  He was so close and so far away.

  As she reminded herself of her obligations and everything separating her from Roman, she found her voice. “Let’s get going. Jonah is waiting, and I’d still like to look at my house, if it’s okay.”

  His dark eyes became guarded. “Of course. Let’s go.”

  Minutes later, they picked up Jonah and were on the way to her tiny cottage. The first place she’d ever owned because her ex had taken care to make her sign an ironclad prenup, clearly stating the mansion would stay with him in case of divorce.

  Her insides shook as Roman turned to the street leading to her little cottage. Again, she expected the worst, and her mind painted a vivid picture of debris instead of a house.

  “Did you call your insurance company?” Roman slowed in her neighborhood to obey speed limits.

  It wasn’t the best neighborhood in Chapel Cove, and she had pangs over putting Jonah here. But it seemed safe enough, and it was all she could afford.

  “Um, no.” She avoided looking at him. Well, she might as well say it. “I have a big deductible, both on my private residence and the business building. I’d rather not call the insurance, if I can avoid it. Unless the damage is huge. Then I’ll have to.”

  Worry wormed inside her as he drove up to her house. What was she going to find? Between repairs on her pastry store and the house, how was she going to afford it? Opening her store had built up her confidence, but now, doubt was corroding it.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t have come back here,” she muttered under her breath.

  “It’s going to be okay, Mom. You’ll see,” Jonah’s comforting words reached her from the back.

  Her marriage might’ve left a lot to be desired, but it had given her a wonderful son.

  “Why did you return?” Roman’s voice was quiet as he pulled up to the cottage.

  Why did she?

  “To have a fresh start, I guess. I wanted to raise Jonah in a caring community, to let him know his extended family. His second cousins were happy to welcome him. Frankly, I didn’t think about reasons.” She grimaced. “I was reeling after my divorce.”

  “That must’ve been difficult for you.” Tension tightened his voice as he stopped at the curb and turned off the engine.

  She lingered in her seat, reluctant to know what damage might’ve been done to the house. “A relative called to comfort me and told me her pastry store was failing and she wanted to give up. I love baking. Mrs. MacPherson, who owned the building, offered to sell it to me at a bargain price. My father insisted on giving his retirement savings to help me follow my dream. But was it fair to uproot Jonah’s life? So I discussed it with him—”

  “I talked her into it.” Jonah unlatched the door. “Let’s go see our house.”

  “Let’s do it.” Roman clicked his seatbelt open.

  She got out of the truck without waiting for Roman to open the door. “I have an amazing son, don’t I?”

  His expression unreadable, Roman fell into step beside her. “You do.”

  Why had a great guy like him never married and had children? Judging by the way he was with Jonah, he’d make a fantastic father. He’d already spent more time with her son than her ex had spent in years. Her cousins said Roman dated a lot. Their stories sent daggers into her heart.

  Probably he couldn’t trust anyone after she’d betrayed him. She was about to say something, to explain what had really happened. But then he stepped aside for her to open the front door.
<
br />   Not the right time to talk about the past.

  Hmmm, the roof and the exterior seemed okay, but was she going to find everything floating inside?

  Roman handed her and Jonah masks and gloves. “This is a precaution, to be on the safe side.”

  She pulled on the mask and gloves and helped Jonah do the same.

  Her hands shook, so she missed the keyhole the first time.

  Roman placed his hands around hers as if to steady them. “Would you like me to do it?”

  His gesture steadied her hands all right, but it made her heart race. She shook her head. “It’s okay. I’m okay.” Maybe if she repeated it enough times, she’d believe it.

  “Mom, we’ll figure it out. Whatever it is inside, we’ll survive.”

  “I second your son. Please don’t worry.”

  He’d told her those words—don’t worry or, more often, God will take care of this—so many times when she’d been a teen and something had gone wrong or she’d expected it to go wrong soon.

  Just like then, those words, spoken in his quiet strength, lifted something heavy from her shoulders.

  Chapter Six

  BREATHING IN deeply, Aileen turned the key, pressed on the handle, and stepped inside. Then her heart plummeted. There was standing water. Dirty, muddy water.

  The flood waters outside had receded, so she’d hoped… Oh well.

  “Did you turn off the electricity before you left?” Roman’s question brought her out of her sad thoughts.

  “I did.” Her shoulders slumped forward.

  “Good. Let’s take lots of pictures of the damage in case you do decide to call your insurance.” He pulled out his cell phone from his jeans back pocket.

  “Oh yes. I’ll take pictures, too.” Jonah followed suit. “I’ll forward them to your phone, Mom.”

  “Stand back, though. Floodwater can often be contaminated.” Roman placed his hand on her son’s shoulder as if to stop him from moving forward.

  She winced. The last thing she needed was for Jonah to get sick. “Please, Jonah.”