Hold Me

by Alexa Verde

  “Mom, you haven’t dated in ages!” Twenty-two years probably were a lifetime to a teen. “I needed an expert.”

  “Not that I ever claimed to be an expert.” Roman coughed a little. He pulled up to the townhouse, turned off the engine, and glanced at Aileen. “I hope I didn’t overstep my boundaries.”

  “No.” She placed her hand on the truck door handle. “You didn’t. That’s amazing. You don’t just help me. You help my son, too.”

  “Mr. Roman cleaned Speedy’s tank, too. I, um, forgot.” Jonah dashed out of the vehicle.

  “Here we go. You helped our pets, too. I owe you a debt of gratitude.” She stepped outside.

  “You don’t owe me anything,” Roman muttered as he hurried outside and clicked on the fob to lock the truck.

  “Oh, I have an idea.” Jonah slowed his step. “Mom, how about you volunteering for the kissing booth?”

  Life around Jonah was anything but boring. But kissing booth? Roman stifled a jealousy flare.

  “No thank you. I’m too old for that.” Aileen stepped aside for Roman to unlock the front door.

  “You’re still young and beautiful,” Jonah pressed.

  “I concur.” Roman turned the key in the lock.

  Aileen’s eyebrows shot up. “You concur on me being too old for volunteering for the kissing booth?”

  “On you being young and beautiful.” He stepped inside.

  He wished he didn’t notice the graceful line of her neck when she wore her red hair up. Or the vulnerability in her blue eyes that always tugged at him. Or her shapely legs in high black boots. Or the sweet and painfully familiar flowers-vanilla-orange-spice scent of her perfume.

  But he did, and he was falling for her once again. Not the young girl she’d been then, but the woman she’d become, a hardworking business owner, a caring single mother, a person who’d gone through a lot but never became bitter or jaded.

  Roman had enough experience to distinguish attraction in her eyes. But if he couldn’t keep her then, how could he believe he could keep her now?

  And was it ridiculous even to want to?

  Hours later, after feeding the pets and walking Dawg, then eating a yummy dinner and helping put the dishes in the dishwasher, Roman turned the dishwasher on as Jonah retired to his room to do his homework—probably between rounds of video games.

  “How about going to your house again, and I’ll do one final check it’s all okay for you to move back into.” His rib cage squeezed as he spoke.

  She’d stayed here for such a short period of time, but already this place would feel empty without her, Jonah, and the pets.

  “Oh, I was about to ask you if we could move back in yet. Thanks. But first, let’s have some cupcakes.” She threw her shoulders back as if she’d made a decision. “Then we need to talk on the way to my place.”

  Since Aileen had discovered her love for baking, she’d seemed to believe a lot of things could be solved or sweetened with desserts. And true, his outlook on issues had often changed after tasting her scrumptious pastries. But even more things changed after tasting her sweet lips.… He gave himself a mental headshake.

  Don’t even go there, man.

  “As much as I love your cupcakes, I don’t think I can fit any.” He patted his stomach, then reached for his blazer. He’d have to exercise extra in the gym to work those off.

  Aileen told Jonah she was leaving for some time, and soon they were on their way.

  What was she going to tell him?

  Tension built in the pit of his stomach as he navigated the quiet streets. Did she catch on that he was attracted to her again and want to tell him she liked someone else, keep things straight between them this time?

  His stomach clenched as he made a turn.

  “I know this conversation is twenty-two years overdue.” Aileen sighed in the passenger seat. “But here it goes. When in Portland, my father became friends with Dr. Gary Krasinski. I’m not sure how they met because, obviously, we have different social statuses. Dr. Krasinski was forty-one and already an accomplished surgeon. After some lunch meetings in different Portland restaurants, Dad invited him for a family dinner. Soon Dr. Krasinski started showing up for many family dinners and barbecues and sort of became a close family friend.” She took a breath sharply and paused as if reluctant to continue.

  “The past is in the past. We can leave it there. You don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to.” His fingers tightened around the steering wheel.

  He didn’t want to hear the story of how she fell in love with this man. Okay, she said she didn’t love him, but she must’ve felt something. Aileen wouldn’t marry for the status.

  Or would she?

  Maybe not the status, but she’d always wanted the stability she’d lacked growing up.

  “I noticed he looked strangely at me sometimes, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. He was nearly twice my age and a family friend. It didn’t occur to me he could be interested in me romantically. I was excited about going to study culinary arts. Even more, I couldn’t wait for the break for summer to visit Chapel Cove and you, of course. I counted the days until I could see you again.”

  “I counted the days until I’d see you, too.”

  “Then Dad fell sick. He needed surgery, an expensive one we couldn’t afford, and even then, the chances were…”

  It all clicked into place. Roman nearly missed the red light and slammed on the brake. The truck halted abruptly. “Sorry. I think I can guess what happened next.”

  “Dr. Krasinski was extremely supportive during that difficult time. I thought he was so kind. Then he offered to perform the surgery. Pro bono. While the result wasn’t guaranteed, there was hope. My parents finally stopped bickering. We were all light with relief and hopeful. So grateful to Dr. Krasinski for his generosity.”

  Okay, this wasn’t exactly what he’d anticipated. He moved forward on the green light. “You fell in love with his generosity?”

  “No.” Her voice became so low he struggled to hear it over the motor. Then it picked up as if gaining strength. “He called me suddenly, invited me for lunch, said it was about my father. I said yes to the invitation. It was about my father, after all. Right after the appetizer, Dr. Krasinski made me an offer. He’d only perform the surgery if I married him.”

  Roman gnashed his teeth as he made a turn. He could find a few “nice” words to describe the man. “I see. You felt you didn’t have a choice. But you did. Why didn’t you come to me? I would’ve done anything to help you.”

  “Precisely because of that. You would’ve asked everybody you knew for a loan or even stolen the money if you didn’t have enough. I didn’t want you to do it.” Something trembled in her voice that he couldn’t determine. Compassion? Maybe even love?

  He made a resolute gesture with his hand. “I could’ve gathered funds. I have enough family and friends, and I could’ve taken out loans.” He glanced at her.

  Suffering reflected in her lovely features, and she grew so pale her freckles became more pronounced. “I grew up hearing so much bickering because debt was constantly piling up. It wouldn’t have been a good start for a family. Besides, I did my research, and Dr. Krasinski was the best candidate to perform the surgery.”

  As compassion stirred his heart, he wanted to reach out to her, but he forced himself to return his attention to the road. “And your parents allowed you to marry a man you didn’t love?”

  “They never knew. One of Gary’s conditions was that I had to keep silent, never tell about his offer to anyone.”

  He’d spent years hating her, and the situation was totally different from what he’d thought. “But there’s divorce. I know you believe in marriage for life, but you were forced into that marriage. Or… did your feelings toward him change?”

  Another deep sigh, as if coming from within her soul, reached him. “They didn’t. If anything, they became worse. He treated me as nothing more than a trophy wife, to be on his arm when he needed
to show me off, ignoring me the rest of the time. But I had to sign an ironclad prenup that if I ever divorced him, I’d have to pay a giant restitution. Besides, once Jonah was born, my husband used it to his advantage, saying that if I ever left him, he’d do everything to take my son away from me. Not that Gary really loved me. But he liked me as a decoration to the house, and his friends were impressed by me and dinners at our house.”

  He held back a couple more “nice” words about her former husband. “So how did you…?”

  “Finally divorce? He traded me in for a new trophy wife. In Guatemala, of all places. Besides, I left him everything. I was tired of being treated like a piece of furniture.”

  Roman pulled up to her house and parked. His head was spinning as if his world was turned upside down. “I hate that this happened to you.”

  “Please don’t feel sorry for me.” She reached for his hand, but then jerked hers back, and he wished she hadn’t. “My marriage was far from horrible. Gary was mostly absent from my and Jonah’s lives, but he provided well for us. I’ve seen much worse. Kristina’s ex nearly emotionally destroyed her. I’ve met women whose husbands verbally or physically abused them. My marriage was okay compared to that.”

  Okay? She deserved so much better than okay.

  He pushed down the heat of anger as he clicked the seatbelt open. She deserved to be loved, respected, admired, and held as somebody so precious. Not as a piece of furniture!

  “There was no love in it.” His voice came out gruffer than he’d intended.

  She unclicked her seatbelt and opened her door, just enough that the light came on, but then lingered in the truck. They were building bridges between them, but would she dare to step on that bridge? In all the time he’d known her, she’d always been risk averse.

  “I made my choice and lived with it. And then it seemed simpler to go on as it was instead of trying to take Jonah, risking a ruthless custody battle.” She sighed again. “I couldn’t even think of the possibility of losing Jonah. And I knew his life with Gary would be miserable. Gary didn’t care for Jonah, never wanted children. I wanted children so badly that… Well, I deceived him by saying I was using contraception. Still, while we were married, Gary provided for Jonah’s needs. I wanted my son to have everything he deserved. Besides, it’s not in my nature to make waves.”

  “You’re as sweet as your cherry turnovers, but sometimes you have to step out in faith.” How could he get through to her? He said a silent prayer.

  “I did when I came back to Chapel Cove and opened my business. I’d wanted to open a pastry store for long time, but Gary was against it. So I dedicated myself to contributing to different charities, and it gave my life some meaning. He was fine with it because it helped his status, and he often invited his friends to our mansion for dinners. My food and especially my desserts were super popular among his friends and acquaintances.”

  “Were you… happy?” He peered at her, eager to know the answer.

  No matter their past, she remained the most important woman in his life. Though he put his hand on the truck door handle, the surface smooth under his fingertips, he didn’t want to leave.

  Her eyes took on a faraway look as if she examined her past. Her hand rested on the handle of her part-opened door, as well, but she seemed as reluctant to step out of the vehicle as he was.

  Finally, she said, “No, I wasn’t. I tried to make the best out of the situation. I just… felt so guilty.”

  “Guilty?” He nearly choked on the word. Dr. Krasinski should’ve felt guilty for forcing her into marriage. “Why?”

  “Because I cheated on him.” Her lower lip trembled.

  He flinched. “What?”

  Okay, he didn’t have the right to judge her—and she obviously never loved her husband—but cheating would be the last thing he’d expect from her.

  “I just couldn’t do anything with myself. That was one of the reasons I distanced myself from the Lord. I became a liar and a cheater.” She visibly swallowed. “I didn’t cheat physically. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Couldn’t forget how… things were between us. I thought I’d be able to do it when the time passed. I couldn’t. I heard it’s called emotional cheating.”

  “Then I’m guilty of that, too, because no matter how many dates I went out on, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, either.” He’d asked God for forgiveness. “I do my best to surrender this to the Lord. Maybe you could try to do the same?”

  She looked away. “Maybe. Either way, after I divorced, I decided romance wasn’t for me. I’d concentrate on raising Jonah and getting my business off the ground. No dating after marriage.”

  He frowned. That didn’t sound too promising for him. “So… where do we go from here?”

  “We take it one day at a time. Or sometimes, one hour, even one minute at a time.” With that, she slipped out of his truck.

  His thoughts in turmoil, he caught up with her, and they reached the house.

  Lord, should I let Aileen go? Or should I try again?

  Chapter Ten

  THREE DAYS later, Aileen eyed her son skeptically after they finished breakfast at their place.

  Dressed in torn jeans and an old, worn-out T-shirt, he made sure Speedy had enough food. “Mom, I’m ready to go.”

  “Where exactly are you going, young man?” She resisted the urge to plant her hands on her hips.

  “The same place you are. To help clean the town after the flood.”

  That explained the outfit. She glanced at her overalls and put on the cap. “But I really don’t want you near debris. There could be… toxins. Or you could cut or prick your finger on a sharp object.”

  “You worry too much.” Jonah rolled his eyes. He’d been doing that entirely too much lately. “If it were up to you, I’d probably never leave the house.”

  “Don’t give me any ideas,” she grumbled.

  “Mom, I let you and Mr. Roman do the cleanup of our place because you needed privacy, but I’m not missing this one. I want to help.”

  When Jonah was little, she’d worried sometimes he’d grow up as self-absorbed as his father. She shouldn’t have. “That’s nice of you.” She matched his eye roll.

  “Um, plus, Shannon will be there.” Jonah studied the tiled floor.

  She hid a smile. “Is this the real reason for you being eager to help out so much?”

  “Well, maybe part of it.” He grinned up at her. “And it doesn’t hurt that we’re starting from our backyard.”

  The sounds of cars pulling up outside her house made her head snap up. “I–I didn’t know that.”

  “Yeah. Mrs. MacPherson wanted it to be a surprise.” Jonah spread his arms as if to signify he hadn’t had a hand in this.

  A doorbell made her rush to the front door. As she glanced out the peephole, her eyes widened. She looked back. “And Mr. Roman on my doorstep is another surprise, right?”

  “Right.” Jonah stepped forward, smiling sheepishly. “Mrs. MacPherson wanted us to work in pairs. I, um, suggested you be paired with Mr. Roman.”

  “What am I going to do with you?” She shook her head as she flung the door open.

  “What you always do, love me and feed me delicious desserts. Oh, and healthy food, too.” Jonah marched outside. “Hello, Mr. Roman.”

  They shook hands.

  Her pulse spiking in Roman’s presence, Aileen followed her son to the porch. “Hi, Roman.”

  Now the secret she’d kept for so long didn’t stand between them anymore, she felt even more awkward in his presence. She was drawn to him beyond measure, but something stopped her from admitting her growing—or returning—feelings for him.

  “Hello, Aileen.” His black boots, worn-out jeans, and steel-colored sweater hugged his muscles nicely. Very nicely.

  Not that she should be noticing such details.

  He looked like he wanted to say something else, but a small crowd already gathered on her front lawn picking up debris
she hadn’t had a chance to take care of.

  The warmth of embarrassment rose as she took the can liner and a long stick designed to pick up trash from his hands. “I should’ve done it all myself.” Then she marched to open the gate to the backyard.

  “You were busy with the store. Why don’t you accept help and say thank you?” Roman’s voice was soft as he walked beside her.

  She opened the gate, then glanced back, searching for her son. He was talking to a blonde, slim, teenage girl, rather pretty.

  “That’s Shannon,” Roman whispered.

  Great. Roman had met her before Aileen did.

  The girl waved and ran to them. “Hello, Mr. Roman. And you must be Jonah’s mom. I’m Shannon.” She stuck out her hand. Her iris-colored fingernails would’ve made Violet proud, who loved all things purple.

  “Great to meet you.” Aileen studied the girl. “I’ll be happy to make the chocolate cake for your birthday like you requested. Jonah told me a lot about you.”

  Shannon wore bleached-out jeans with a few rips and tall purple boots matching her fingernails. Pink streaks wove through her blonde braids.

  Aileen’s heart squeezed from compassion toward her son. She’d lived among the upper crust of Portland long enough to know those jeans and boots were designer-made and expensive. Totally unsuitable for a clean-up day.

  Not that Aileen had anything against rich girls, but she remembered all too well how her ex-husband had treated her like property, often reminding her how poor she’d been before she married him. They had that in common with Kristina. Hopefully, Jonah wouldn’t encounter that issue.

  Aileen’s gaze switched to Shannon’s denim designer-brand blazer and the multicolored T-shirt underneath.

  Shannon tipped her head, and her eggplant-hued earrings in the shape of flowers moved, too. “I made the T-shirt myself. Earrings, as well. I’m into art.”

  Jonah gazed affectionately at Shannon. “She’s awesome, isn’t she?”

  “Yes.” Aileen better answer affirmative and not upset Jonah, though she already worried about this relationship. The idea of making him wait until twenty-five before he started dating looked more and more appealing. But maybe she should stop expecting the worst?