Riverstone Ridge

by Mandy Magro

  CHAPTER

  21

  Resembling a river of gold, sunlight poured through the parted curtains of the bedroom, lighting up the dust particles like floating jewels. Rolling onto her side, Nina squinted into the brightness before spotting a note on the pillow beside her. She picked it up, blinking until her vision came into focus.

  Morning, gorgeousness, you looked so peaceful I didn’t want to wake you – especially after keeping you awake for half the night!;) I’ve got a few things to do at home, and then I’m all yours. Call me when you wake up. Can’t wait to hear your voice. I love you. Logan Xx

  Nina held the note to her chest, sighing. She was both relieved and disappointed to see he was already gone. He clearly wasn’t waiting around to hear what she wanted to say, but avoidance wasn’t going to help either of them. She traced the dent in the pillow where his head had been, imagining what it would be like to wake up to his handsome face every day. What a dream come true that would be. So much about him appealed to her, far beyond his bulky frame, strong hands and sexy tattoos. The way he laughed, his teasing ways, his kind heart, his depth, the way he kissed her, the passionate way he made love to her, all of it made her feel free and wild, and unconditionally loved.

  Groaning, she tried to sit up. Her head instantaneously throbbed. The bedroom wavered around her, and she momentarily considered running for the toilet before she threw up in bed. But then the wave eased and thankfully passed. She shouldn’t have tried to drown her concerns and nerves with alcohol – hindsight was a bitch. She eased the sheets off. Nursing a hangover, slow movements were imperative, as was a strong cup of coffee and some bacon and eggs. Then she would call Logan and tell him to get his arse back over here so they could have the chat they should have had last night.

  Her mobile rang, shrill and head-splitting. Leaning over the side of the bed, dizziness overcame her. Fumbling, she grabbed it from the pocket of her denim shorts just before it went to voicemail, unable to stop the smile spreading across her face – or the backflip of nerves in her belly – when she spotted the caller ID.

  She eased back up to sitting. ‘Hey.’

  ‘Hey there, yourself, how’s the head?’

  ‘It’s been better.’ She flopped back onto the pillows. She wasn’t ready for this, but would she ever be? ‘We really need to talk.’

  ‘Yeah, I know. I’ll be back over in a couple of hours. I just need to duck into town to grab a few things, and I’ll make sure to stop off and grab us some yummy treats from the bakery. You need anything while I’m in there?’

  ‘No thanks.’ She heaved a sigh. ‘Please hurry, I really need to talk to you.’

  ‘So you’re still hell-bent on telling me it’s over then? Even after last night?’ He sounded a little pissed off.

  Nina squeezed her eyes shut. ‘It’s not like that.’

  ‘Okay then, what is it like, Nina?’

  ‘There’s a lot more to it than just telling you we can’t be together.’

  ‘So you are about to give me the it’s-not-you-it’s-me spiel?’

  Nina blinked back hot tears – he was hurting, and she was the one hurting him. ‘Logan, please.’ She hated herself.

  ‘Sorry, Nina, but if what we have isn’t enough for you, I don’t know how you’re ever going to settle down and be at peace.’

  ‘When you get here, I’ll tell you everything and then you might understand.’

  ‘Righto, I’ll be back there in ten, then.’

  ‘Okay, I’ll see you soon.’

  ‘Yup, you will.’ And the phone went dead.

  Frustrated, Nina tossed hers across the bed. She couldn’t be mad with him – he had every right to be feeling like he was. Little did he know the magnitude of what she was about to tell him. Even the thought of saying it out loud, to his face, panicked her. There was a very big chance he was never going to want to have anything to do with her ever again.

  * * *

  Logan was at her place in less than ten minutes, looking fraught with worry. He’d knocked back her offer of a cuppa, and they now sat side by side on the back steps, although it felt like there was a cavernous divide between them. His dark and stormy mood was the polar opposite to how close she’d felt to him throughout the night. Nina tried to reassure him she loved him by placing her hand on his thigh. His leg tensed, muscular and strong, beneath her touch, as his gaze remained away from her and towards the paddocks, the toe of his boot tapping the wooden step in a staccato rhythm.

  ‘I don’t know where to start,’ she said softly, her heart now lurching up her throat.

  ‘How about from the beginning, and then we can take it from there?’ Turning, his unsettled gaze found hers. ‘And try not to skirt around the inevitable. I just want this over with.’

  Nina took her hand from him, her instincts telling her in no uncertain terms he didn’t want her touching him right now. ‘Okay then, here goes.’ She hugged her knees and rested her chin upon them. Gathering every shred of courage she could, she breathed in sharply, about to drop the bombshell, but fear stopped her in her tracks.

  A few long, silent moments passed. Logan groaned, then shook his head. ‘I’m sorry …’ Heaving a sigh, he placed a hand on her back, encouraging her onwards. ‘I know this is tough for you, too, so take your time – I’m not going anywhere.’

  Nina didn’t want to take any more time. She knew she had to get it out, right now. ‘You … I mean, we, have a daughter.’ Every single one of her words felt like bullets fired from her mouth.

  And Logan looked as if he’d been shot straight through the heart. The truth sat between them, thick and heavy. His mouth opened and then closed again. He cast her a reluctant look as he lifted his hat and ran his hands through his mop of dark hair. ‘Is this some sort of sick joke?’

  ‘No, Logan, it’s the god’s honest truth.’ She let go of the breath she’d been holding. ‘Why would I go and do something so cruel, after everything you’ve been through, losing your wife and daughter the way you did?’

  ‘If this is true, this is just as cruel, Nina.’ He stood as if he’d been sitting on a nail, and taking the steps two at a time, put some distance between them. He began to pace the back lawn, his jaw clenching, his hands fisting and unfisting, and his breathing laboured.

  Not knowing what to say, Nina allowed him the time to let it sink in while trying to slow her own racing, aching heart. She fumbled with the threads on her shorts, anything but sit here, stone still.

  With a huff, he stopped mid-step, thumbs hooked through his belt loops. He tipped his head to the side and stared at her for a few piercing moments. ‘So that night at the paddock party, you fell pregnant?’

  Sucking in a shaky breath, she nodded.

  ‘Is that why you left Huntingvale while I was back at uni?’

  Biting her bottom lip, she nodded again.

  ‘Why in the hell wouldn’t you tell me something like that, Nina?’ His expression pained, he shook his head. ‘I would’ve been there for you, for our baby, a hundred and ten percent, without question.’

  ‘I didn’t know if you were the father.’ Nina felt cheap just saying it.

  ‘What do you mean?’ It came out in a whoosh.

  Remaining on the steps, Nina shoved her trembling hands between her knees. ‘I’d been dating Josh until the day before, remember?’

  ‘Oh, yeah, right.’ He squatted down on his heels and hung his head in his hands. ‘So that’s why you need to go back to Brisbane so desperately, because our daughter is there?’ His voice was muffled, but deep enough for her to understand every word.

  ‘No, I …’ She verbally stumbled, choked back a sob. ‘… I adopted her out.’

  He shot to his feet now, anger written all across his grief-stricken face. ‘You what?’

  ‘You heard me, Logan.’ Her tone was laced with irritation. She knew he was in his own world of heartache right now, that she shouldn’t be the one getting annoyed here, but after what she’d been through since Brianna
was taken from her arms, she couldn’t help but be a little defensive.

  ‘How dare you go and do something like that without discussing it with me.’

  ‘Like I said, I didn’t know if you were the father.’

  His eyes narrowed. ‘For god’s sake, Nina, haven’t you ever heard of paternity testing?’

  A dagger shot through her already pained heart. ‘Yes, but that would have meant I had to get both you and Josh involved, and I was scared of how that would look.’

  ‘To who?’

  ‘Everyone.’ She glanced down at where she was wringing her hands in her lap. ‘I was young and terrified, Logan. You have to try and understand it wasn’t an easy time for me, and nor have the last twenty years been, having to live day in day out with the guilt of giving up my child.’

  ‘Our child,’ he said brusquely. ‘And, believe me, I’m trying to stand in your shoes, Nina, but it’s proving pretty damn difficult right now.’ He shook his head as though utterly disappointed in her.

  Biting her tongue, she swallowed down the hurt – he was entitled to be angry.

  He heaved an almighty breath. ‘There’s so much I want to know, but for now, can I at least know our daughter’s name and where she’s living?’

  ‘Her name’s Brianna Rose, and she lives at Campfire Creek.’

  Logan rubbed the dark stubble on his face. ‘She’s been that close to me all these years? This just keeps getting worse and worse.’ He looked to the sky and closed his eyes, as if praying for answers. ‘Does she even know she’s adopted? Have you met her? Does she want to meet me?’ His questions fired thick and fast, and yet he didn’t dare glance in her direction.

  ‘Yes, she knows, yes, I kind of met her, and no I don’t know if she wants to officially meet either of us yet.’

  ‘What do you mean, you kind of met her?’

  ‘In Bea’s letter, which for the record I only got last night, Bea told me all about our girl. She said Brianna works at the little Italian restaurant in Campfire Creek, so I drove there last night and ordered cannelloni.’

  ‘You went and lied to her face about who you were?’ He dropped his head, shook it. ‘Oh, Nina, bloody hell – this isn’t good.’

  ‘I didn’t lie.’ Nina rubbed her throbbing temples. ‘I just wanted to see her for myself, to see who she looked like so I could finally know who her father is.’ Her smile was reflexive. ‘And no matter what happens between us, I’m so happy it’s you, Logan.’

  ‘Mmhhmm.’ He didn’t look the least bit impressed with her compliment as he quirked a brow. ‘Should we still do a paternity test, to make sure before she meets us?’

  ‘We can talk to her adoptive parents about it, I suppose, but I honestly don’t think we need to. You’ll see what I mean when you meet her – she’s the spitting image of you.’

  Logan sucked in a breath. ‘Who are her adoptive parents?’

  ‘Ruby and Ron Shields.’

  ‘I’ve never heard of them, which is probably a good thing because it means they’ve kept out of trouble.’ He glanced down the driveway, drew in a deep breath, and when he came to look at her again, his expression was so sad, so desolate, it almost tore what was still held together of her heart to shreds. ‘When I lost my wife and little girl, I wanted to die, Nina. Nothing mattered to me anymore. I didn’t want to eat, I couldn’t sleep – it was absolute hell. But, by the grace of god, I hung in there, and my life was just starting to feel as if I was somehow stitching all the pieces back together, but then, this …’ He stared off into space again.

  Nina choked back a sob. ‘I’m so sorry, Logan. I really, truly, am.’

  ‘You might well be, but it doesn’t fix the fact you’ve kept my daughter from me for all these years – and that goes for you, too, Bea,’ he said, looking up to the heavens before bringing his stormy gaze back to Nina. ‘And to top it all off, you’ve made love to me, fooled me into thinking I could have a life with you, that I could find peace and love with you.’ His eyes flashed darker. ‘A relationship needs trust to survive, and you’ve gone and ruined that from the get-go.’

  ‘So you’re the one telling me it’s over,’ she said softly.

  He shrugged, as if nonchalant, but the heartache was written all over his handsome face. ‘Looks like it.’

  ‘Fair enough, Logan. I deserve it.’ Her heart breaking beyond belief, she stood and started towards the front door. She didn’t want to break in front of him, didn’t want to make him feel as if he had to comfort her – he had enough to deal with.

  ‘Where are you going?’ Logan’s deep, demanding voice stopped her, but she didn’t turn around to face him, couldn’t bring herself to.

  Devastating emotions choking her, she didn’t answer him.

  ‘Here we go again, bloody history repeating itself. You always run away when the going gets tough, Nina Jones, so for once in your life, be a goddamn adult, have some guts, and stay and sort stuff out.’

  The dagger through her heart twisted and stabbed deeper still. Red rage stole her ability to think straight. She spun to face him, her hands fisted at her sides and teeth clenched. ‘How dare you try and tell me what I should and shouldn’t be doing right now. You have no idea of the torment I’ve put myself through these past twenty years, or the crushing guilt that has weighed me down every single day. I understand you’re shocked and hurt and angry, but I don’t need this. I’m not going to allow either of us to say anything more that we may regret later, so I’m going inside, and you’re going home, and once we’ve both calmed down, we can talk it out.’ Blinking back tears, she turned away from him. She knew he had a very good point in needing to sort this out right now, but she wasn’t about to hang around and listen to him say everything she didn’t want to hear. Because lo and behold, the truth hurt like hell.

  ‘Fine, have it your way,’ he snapped. Heavy footfalls stomped away from her and a car door slammed.

  Without looking back, she stepped inside and closed the door behind her, listening, with utter agony, as Logan revved his four-wheel drive to life, then took off down the driveway like a cannonball.

  * * *

  Almost nine hours had passed since Logan had left, a broken man, and Nina felt as if she were splitting more and more in two as each minute ticked on. With Maxwell’s head on her lap, and Tom purring beside her as she massaged him, endless tears were pouring down her cheeks when the crunch of gravel grabbed her attention.

  Maybe Logan was back, and she had no idea what she was going to say.

  She stood and peeked out the curtain. Relief flooded her when she spotted Cassie marching towards the front gate, bags in hand. She’d forgotten they were meant to be catching up tonight for a movie and some dinner – crumbed lamb chops that she hadn’t remembered to take out of the freezer.

  ‘Yoo-hoo,’ Cassie called as she approached the front door.

  With a tear-stained face, Nina swung the door open. ‘Hey, you.’

  ‘Oh my god, babe, what’s happened?’ Cassie dropped the bags she was holding and pulled Nina into a tight hug. ‘You should’ve called me, told me to come sooner.’

  ‘I’ve gone and stuffed everything up, Cassie.’ Nina sobbed into her dear friend’s shoulder. ‘And to top it all off, I forgot to defrost the meat for dinner.’

  ‘Oh, hun …’ Cassie rubbed her back. ‘Let’s go and pour ourselves a glass of wine and you can tell me all about it, okay?’

  Half an hour later, after they’d rounded up some snacks, Nina had filled Cassie in on everything from Bea’s baby boy, her mother’s suicide and her feelings of being watched to learning of Brianna’s whereabouts and Logan’s warranted anger when he’d learnt of his daughter. Now squashed up together on the couch, with Tom sprawled out on the opposite chair and Maxwell at their feet on the floor, Cassie tossed a consoling arm over Nina’s shoulder. ‘So what did you say when he told you to stay and sort it out?’ Cassie shoved a mouthful of popcorn in as she waited for what was a delayed response from Nina.

 
Morosely, Nina followed suit and grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl, the minestrone she’d found buried in the freezer now heating in the microwave. ‘I told him to go home, so we didn’t say anything more we might regret.’ She began throwing the buttery morsels into her mouth, one by one – a distraction of sorts.

  ‘Ouch, Nina, that’s a bit harsh.’ Cassie offered her a grim smile. ‘I know you’ve been going through hell for years, but the poor bloke has just been told he has a twenty-year-old daughter who he never knew about, who was adopted out at birth, and lives just down the road. And instead of comforting him somehow, you sent him on his way, to deal with it on his own. And all when he’s done nothing but be here for you, throughout the rest of it.’

  ‘But he was having a go at me.’

  ‘Of course he was – what did you expect? It’s not a small thing, finding all of this out, babes, especially not after what he’s been through.’

  ‘Very true.’ Nina grimaced. ‘I’m a bitch, aren’t I?’

  Cassie gave her a wretched smile. ‘Yes, my friend, I’m afraid to say you’re maybe a little on the bitchy side of all of this right now.’

  ‘Wow, okay then.’ Blinking back tears, Nina half-heartedly slapped Cassie. ‘You should be saying, “No, you’re not – you’re just hurting and lashing out.”’

  ‘I’m being a good friend and being honest with you.’

  Nina’s brows rose. ‘Brutally so.’

  ‘Of course, that’s how I do things, I never sugar-coat anything.’ Cassie gave Nina’s shoulder a squeeze. ‘You really do love him, don’t you?’

  Nina nodded, hard and fast. ‘I most certainly do.’

  ‘In that case, you need to go right on over there and fix this. Now. Before it’s too late.’

  ‘I do, don’t I?’ Nina disentangled her legs from beneath her and stepped from the couch.

  ‘Yes, this isn’t going to just blow over, Nina. Logan is the father of your child. And now you know the truth, and there’s a possibility of him having a woman who loves him deeply by his side as he gets to know his daughter, who are you to take a happily ever after away from him, especially after everything he’s lost?’ She smiled warmly now, tears in her eyes. ‘And you, my most gorgeous of friends, deserve a happily ever after too.’